Midnight land 2
Title: Midnight land (2/5)
Author:
alles_luege
Pairing: Gerard/Ryan, Panic GSF (heavy on the Ryan/Brendon)
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Everything starts with ‘there is too much Panic in this town’ and Frank, but it’s not Frank’s fault. Gerard is to blame for this mess he finds himself in, because Gerard’s obsessions are his own. And that Panic kid, that guitar player. That Ross kid.
Warning(s): Vampires, blood play, Panic GSF, angst, violence, sex, emotional waycest (that totally is a valuable warning!) and threesome, also not a 16 candles AU.
Author’s Notes: I blame tygermine for this because she encourages me to write,
schoko_dei because she watched vampire movies with me before I started this and EMPIRES for writing, recording and releasing their album ‘Howl’ where I stole the title and the quotes from. (Go, download now!) Also, this might be not your typical vampire story I hope you will enjoy it nevertheless.
Word Count: 12.232
Beta: tygermine (She made this make sense.)
Disclaimer: Don’t know, don’t own, not real.
I see my bones.
To say seeing Ryan Ross standing at the edge of the stage is a shock is the understatement of the year. Gerard nudges Frank during ‘Prison’ and Frank follows his gaze for a second before he focuses on Gerard again. Grinning. Gerard frowns, but not for long, because then Frank is on him and the crowd goes nuts.
He can’t forget Ryan’s light frame though. He glances in Ryan’s direction every so often. Whose eyes follow his every move. Face blank.
“You think he’s planning revenge?” Frank asks laughing.
“He could be.” Bob muses.
“Should we be afraid?” Frank likes to be on the same emotional level as his bandmates. It would suck to be the only one pissing their pants laughing when everyone else is freaking the fuck out. Not that this hasn’t happened before. But he’s not allowed to speak about it. So instead, he decides to suss out the Ross situation and where they stand.
“You’re not now…but maybe you should look out for spiders in your bed, or coffee, or vegan cupcakes.” Bob answers, just to freak Frank out. It works.
“He wouldn’t, would he?”
“Wouldn’t put it past him, but give the kid some credit, his revenge will have flair.” Mikey states, holding no sympathy here.
“Yeah…” Frank admits. He totally would. Frank begins to giggle. “You said flair…”
“So?”
“You sound like their publicist.” Frank says still giggling. “Revenge best served with flair.”
Mikey rolls his eyes.
“Lets ignore the flair for a moment. What do you think he has planned?” asked Bob, ignoring Frank crawling over him making funny hand gestures and describing everything as flairy.
“He’s from Vegas. Mob connections?” ventures Mikey
Frank scoffs. “Puh-leese. Like the mob would get involved with a Mormon schoolboy.”
“Doesn’t mean anything. You went to catholic school.” Bob throws in.
“All catholic schools are a hotbed for evil and guilt trips. Everyone knows that.” Gerard says with a dismissive wave of his hand.
“You’re worried.” Mikey says later that night, it’s not a question at all. Gerard exhales smoke, closes his sketchbook and looks at his brother.
“Yeah, is it...you know…crazy to be worried about a bunch of Vegas kids getting back at us for Frank running his mouth off?”
“No. You were as much an ass as Frank and that last thing? Too far. And not funny at all.” Mikey answers sitting down on the floor, back against the couch, next to Gerard.
“I thought Spencer was gonna rip Frank’s throat out. He looked murderous.”
“He looked like you do when someone is harassing me.” Mikey says.
“True, I guess…”
“Frank went too far. You know he did.”
“I know. You think I should have apologized.”
“Yeah…too late now, Frank is lucky if he just finds spiders in his coffee and not his underwear.” Mikey answers with a smile.
“I don’t think they are that violent.”
“You don’t know them…just because they look harmless…it doesn’t mean anything. And besides Ryan has enough issues to cover for all of them…and a temper.”
“Huh.” Is all Gerard can answer.
~+~
“You stalked My Chem again?”
“No, I let them see me.” Ryan answers sitting down next to Brendon, burying his head in the crook of Brendon’s neck, just inhaling.
“So, they can fear you now?”
“Exactly.” Ryan answers, running his tongue over Brendon’s skin Not realising how ridiculous he sounds. Brendon shivers a bit but stays calm, even his heartbeat is the same.
“And that is stage one of your plan?”
“No, that was stage two. Stage one was the whole stalking thing,” Jon says from the door. He’s eating something and Ryan’s stomach growls as it suddenly remembers being hungry.
“Didn’t you eat?” Brendon asks worried.
“I was busy.” Ryan shrugs.
“Stalking My Chem?” asks Jon.
“He let them see him today, so they can live in fear of his wrath,” Brendon answers.
“You sure you want to do that?” Jon asks, ever the voice of reason.
“I do, they deserve whatever they get. Spencer is on my side.” Ryan says, kissing Brendon’s neck.
“Spencer always sides with you,” Jon says.
“Not true.” Ryan mumbles. He is honestly distracted now. Brendon smells really fucking good.
“Wanna take this somewhere else?” Brendon asks.
“No…I… no.” Ryan says, licking one last time over Brendon’s skin and sinking down, so his head rests in Brendon’s lap. “I’m good.”
“You’re not.” Jon says.
“I will eat later…this evening. I think, yeah. I don’t want…I’m not that hungry at all.”
“Liar,” Brendon whispers.
“You’re a bit addicted to it, aren’t you?” Ryan asks, his eyes are closed, he is hungry and he feels tired. He just wants to sleep for some time, with Brendon’s body heat surrounding him.
“Nah…”
“Who’s the liar now?” He yawns, Jon laughs.
“You should take a nap and later…”
“Yeah…with Spencer.” Ryan says, getting comfortable in Brendon’s lap.
“Do we need to wake you?”
“No, I will know.”
“Of course.” Jon says and that’s the last thing Ryan hears.
~+~
It’s just a bit irritating, that is all. Ryan Ross standing on the edge of the stage. Sometimes just for a song or two, face always blank. Careful.
“Maybe he’s just…”
“Stalking us?” Frank supplies.
“Looks like it.” Bob says. Mikey says nothing. Ray nods his head.
“It’s irritating at best.” Gerard inhales smoke and keeps it in his lungs until they protest.
“Don’t do that…” Mikey says softly and Gerard exhales.
“He’s just a kid. Just a kid in the crowd.” Bob says.
He’s not. Not to Gerard.
“They aren’t just kids to Gerard,” Frank says, Gerard turns from Mikey to look at Frank. “What?” Frank hunches his shoulders at Gerard before pointing a finger at him. “You never think of them just as kids…you’re seeing lives, dreams, possibilities.”
“Yeah…” It’s true after all.
“But they have everything,” Frank goes on.
“They don’t,” Mikey sounds firm, even if his voice is quiet.
“Maybe…you can’t always have everything. Get everything, but they have music, they have fans, each other….what else could they possibly want?” Frank asks, Gerard isn’t sure he really wants an answer to that.
Mikey keeps stubbornly quiet.
~+~
“Respect.” It’s not a question.
“Yeah…” Mikey answers, he leans against his brother, so his head rests on Gerard’s shoulder.
“Our respect.”
“Yes, maybe not even ours, maybe just your’s…he was one of those kids. And now he isn’t, but he believes and he fights for this. And they get a lot of shit from a lot of people…”
“Like us.”
“Yes, but…”
Gerard takes a drag of his cigarette and flips the butt in to a puddle, it rained earlier that day. Mikey’s breath feels warm, moist and comforting on his skin. “I’m not saying, go and make up with him. Kiss it better…”
“I would.” Gerard jokes self deprecatingly.
Mikey laughs. “You’re being an ass. Just go talk to them.”
“I try.” He looks at his brother carefully. “Why are you so invested in this all of a sudden?”
Mikey shrugs. “Maybe I don’t want to wake up with spiders up my ass. That’s good enough for me.”
“It shouldn’t be,” Gerard answers, leaning into Mikey.
“Just go talk to them. Ok?” Mikey insists.
Gerard nods. Sure, what harm could it do?
~+~
Despite all the years, Spencer never really got comfortable with this…situation. This thing. This survival. He doesn’t like to think about it, he doesn’t really like to be here with Ryan when he gets like this - caught up in the situation. But that’s why it’s Spencer for Ryan, to hold him back. To be the voice of reason, to hurry the process up. To take Ryan home afterwards, when he’s sluggish and exhausted. And high. So fucking high. Nothing Spencer could ever possibly take could/would make him feel like this. Like Ryan is feeling in these short hours. Spencer doesn’t hate it, doesn’t hate Ryan.
“I’m sorry…” Ryan says when they’re lying on the couch in the lounge. Curled around each other like a pair of lost kids.
“Don’t.”
“Brendon offered.” Ryan explains.
“He always does.”
“I’m sorry Spencer.”
“It’s not your fault.”
Ryan keeps quite. He knows it isn’t his fault, but he can’t not feel responsible for the whole mess anyway. Because he could have let it go, the band thing. Could have finished it for good after Brent, but he didn’t.
“Do you ever want a normal life?”
“Sometimes.” Spencer says, because this is Ryan.
“Without…you know?” He can’t bring himself to say it.
“No, never.” Spencer says sharply, tightening his hold on Ryan.
“Never?”
“Never.”
Ryan sometimes thinks about how his life could have been. How their lives could have been, if he hadn’t told Spencer. But there really was no way he could not tell Spencer. Spencer knows everything about Ryan and that’s why he told him. He was confused and scared and Spencer was there for him. Told him, it wasn’t his fault, and Ryan knew it wasn’t but he blames himself nevertheless.
There was no way of keeping this from the band, he needed them to know. It wasn’t fair to demand anything, he didn’t demand anything, he just told them, let them know. He just needed Spencer to ground him, and Brendon… And he feels guilty for Brendon. He really does, even if Brendon doesn’t seem to mind.
“It’s…he seems addicted to it. Like he wants it too much,” Ryan says. “I shouldn’t…I never should have let him allow me to...”
“It’s not. It’s not that I want it too much.” Brendon says and Ryan’s head snaps in that direction, how could he sneak up on Ryan? “You’re always distracted by Spencer’s heartbeat when you’re together.” Brendon says, as if reading Ryan’s thoughts.
“What is it then?”
“It’s you. I want…you too much.” Brendon says.
“Oh…”
And then Brent left, couldn’t take it anymore and he could have stopped, should have stopped. Ryan didn’t. Didn’t stop, didn’t give them their lives back.
“We never wanted them back.” Spencer says. What he doesn’t say is ‘you never took anything away from us.’.
And then, they found Jon, or Jon found them.
~+~
“What is wrong with you?!” Mikey wants to know.
“This will not turn into a stupid vendetta, I will not let that happen.” Bob says.
“It irritates the shit out of me when he’s staring at us,” Frank answers.
“And that’s why do you have to provoke them?” Mikey asks. He’s pissed, Gerard can tell.
“It’s just a quote…”
“Yeah…because ‘you better back your shit up’ is just a quote here.” Mikey replies.
“Relax, they aren’t going to murder us.”
“This is so fucking stupid!” Bob throws in.
Gerard secretly asks himself if the Panic boys are like them with this. Or if they all back Ryan up in his revenge. He thinks they are. They seem like that. It’s not that he thinks his band isn’t loyal and shit, but they have different ideas about a lot of things and this shit Gerard and Frank started, well, Mikey wasn’t too happy about it and Bob backs Mikey up. Bob usually backs up the voice of reason.
“He needs to control himself,” Mikey huffs.
“It’s Frank,” Gerard answers.
“This shit will blow up if he doesn’t stop. Or if you don’t stop him.”
“There isn’t much I can do…”
“You’re the leader,” Mikey says firmly. Gerard stretches so he can grab the packet of cigarettes that is lying on the table.
“I’m not the leader…I’m just the singer.” Gerard invented denial.
“Yeah, right. Talk to him.”
“Mikey,” he says inhaling smoke, it calms him down a bit. He doesn’t want to be the one who will stop Frank. God.
“Talk to him.”
“I…”
“Talk to him. This shit has to stop.” Mikey says. It’s not that Gerard doesn’t know that. He knows, he just doesn’t know how to go about following Mikey’s orders.
“Okay, I will.”
“Good.” Mikey says, leaning against the back of the couch, Gerard can feel his body heat. It’s nice.
“About Ryan…” he begins, Mikey shifts to look at his brother.
“Yeah?”
“Nothing.”
“Right.”
Gerard knows that voice, but he really doesn’t know how to ask. Not yet.
three
Author:
alles_luege
Pairing: Gerard/Ryan, Panic GSF (heavy on the Ryan/Brendon)
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Everything starts with ‘there is too much Panic in this town’ and Frank, but it’s not Frank’s fault. Gerard is to blame for this mess he finds himself in, because Gerard’s obsessions are his own. And that Panic kid, that guitar player. That Ross kid.
Warning(s): Vampires, blood play, Panic GSF, angst, violence, sex, emotional waycest (that totally is a valuable warning!) and threesome, also not a 16 candles AU.
Author’s Notes: I blame tygermine for this because she encourages me to write,
schoko_dei because she watched vampire movies with me before I started this and EMPIRES for writing, recording and releasing their album ‘Howl’ where I stole the title and the quotes from. (Go, download now!) Also, this might be not your typical vampire story I hope you will enjoy it nevertheless.
Word Count: 12.232
Beta: tygermine (She made this make sense.)
Disclaimer: Don’t know, don’t own, not real.
I see my bones.
To say seeing Ryan Ross standing at the edge of the stage is a shock is the understatement of the year. Gerard nudges Frank during ‘Prison’ and Frank follows his gaze for a second before he focuses on Gerard again. Grinning. Gerard frowns, but not for long, because then Frank is on him and the crowd goes nuts.
He can’t forget Ryan’s light frame though. He glances in Ryan’s direction every so often. Whose eyes follow his every move. Face blank.
“You think he’s planning revenge?” Frank asks laughing.
“He could be.” Bob muses.
“Should we be afraid?” Frank likes to be on the same emotional level as his bandmates. It would suck to be the only one pissing their pants laughing when everyone else is freaking the fuck out. Not that this hasn’t happened before. But he’s not allowed to speak about it. So instead, he decides to suss out the Ross situation and where they stand.
“You’re not now…but maybe you should look out for spiders in your bed, or coffee, or vegan cupcakes.” Bob answers, just to freak Frank out. It works.
“He wouldn’t, would he?”
“Wouldn’t put it past him, but give the kid some credit, his revenge will have flair.” Mikey states, holding no sympathy here.
“Yeah…” Frank admits. He totally would. Frank begins to giggle. “You said flair…”
“So?”
“You sound like their publicist.” Frank says still giggling. “Revenge best served with flair.”
Mikey rolls his eyes.
“Lets ignore the flair for a moment. What do you think he has planned?” asked Bob, ignoring Frank crawling over him making funny hand gestures and describing everything as flairy.
“He’s from Vegas. Mob connections?” ventures Mikey
Frank scoffs. “Puh-leese. Like the mob would get involved with a Mormon schoolboy.”
“Doesn’t mean anything. You went to catholic school.” Bob throws in.
“All catholic schools are a hotbed for evil and guilt trips. Everyone knows that.” Gerard says with a dismissive wave of his hand.
“You’re worried.” Mikey says later that night, it’s not a question at all. Gerard exhales smoke, closes his sketchbook and looks at his brother.
“Yeah, is it...you know…crazy to be worried about a bunch of Vegas kids getting back at us for Frank running his mouth off?”
“No. You were as much an ass as Frank and that last thing? Too far. And not funny at all.” Mikey answers sitting down on the floor, back against the couch, next to Gerard.
“I thought Spencer was gonna rip Frank’s throat out. He looked murderous.”
“He looked like you do when someone is harassing me.” Mikey says.
“True, I guess…”
“Frank went too far. You know he did.”
“I know. You think I should have apologized.”
“Yeah…too late now, Frank is lucky if he just finds spiders in his coffee and not his underwear.” Mikey answers with a smile.
“I don’t think they are that violent.”
“You don’t know them…just because they look harmless…it doesn’t mean anything. And besides Ryan has enough issues to cover for all of them…and a temper.”
“Huh.” Is all Gerard can answer.
~+~
“You stalked My Chem again?”
“No, I let them see me.” Ryan answers sitting down next to Brendon, burying his head in the crook of Brendon’s neck, just inhaling.
“So, they can fear you now?”
“Exactly.” Ryan answers, running his tongue over Brendon’s skin Not realising how ridiculous he sounds. Brendon shivers a bit but stays calm, even his heartbeat is the same.
“And that is stage one of your plan?”
“No, that was stage two. Stage one was the whole stalking thing,” Jon says from the door. He’s eating something and Ryan’s stomach growls as it suddenly remembers being hungry.
“Didn’t you eat?” Brendon asks worried.
“I was busy.” Ryan shrugs.
“Stalking My Chem?” asks Jon.
“He let them see him today, so they can live in fear of his wrath,” Brendon answers.
“You sure you want to do that?” Jon asks, ever the voice of reason.
“I do, they deserve whatever they get. Spencer is on my side.” Ryan says, kissing Brendon’s neck.
“Spencer always sides with you,” Jon says.
“Not true.” Ryan mumbles. He is honestly distracted now. Brendon smells really fucking good.
“Wanna take this somewhere else?” Brendon asks.
“No…I… no.” Ryan says, licking one last time over Brendon’s skin and sinking down, so his head rests in Brendon’s lap. “I’m good.”
“You’re not.” Jon says.
“I will eat later…this evening. I think, yeah. I don’t want…I’m not that hungry at all.”
“Liar,” Brendon whispers.
“You’re a bit addicted to it, aren’t you?” Ryan asks, his eyes are closed, he is hungry and he feels tired. He just wants to sleep for some time, with Brendon’s body heat surrounding him.
“Nah…”
“Who’s the liar now?” He yawns, Jon laughs.
“You should take a nap and later…”
“Yeah…with Spencer.” Ryan says, getting comfortable in Brendon’s lap.
“Do we need to wake you?”
“No, I will know.”
“Of course.” Jon says and that’s the last thing Ryan hears.
~+~
It’s just a bit irritating, that is all. Ryan Ross standing on the edge of the stage. Sometimes just for a song or two, face always blank. Careful.
“Maybe he’s just…”
“Stalking us?” Frank supplies.
“Looks like it.” Bob says. Mikey says nothing. Ray nods his head.
“It’s irritating at best.” Gerard inhales smoke and keeps it in his lungs until they protest.
“Don’t do that…” Mikey says softly and Gerard exhales.
“He’s just a kid. Just a kid in the crowd.” Bob says.
He’s not. Not to Gerard.
“They aren’t just kids to Gerard,” Frank says, Gerard turns from Mikey to look at Frank. “What?” Frank hunches his shoulders at Gerard before pointing a finger at him. “You never think of them just as kids…you’re seeing lives, dreams, possibilities.”
“Yeah…” It’s true after all.
“But they have everything,” Frank goes on.
“They don’t,” Mikey sounds firm, even if his voice is quiet.
“Maybe…you can’t always have everything. Get everything, but they have music, they have fans, each other….what else could they possibly want?” Frank asks, Gerard isn’t sure he really wants an answer to that.
Mikey keeps stubbornly quiet.
~+~
“Respect.” It’s not a question.
“Yeah…” Mikey answers, he leans against his brother, so his head rests on Gerard’s shoulder.
“Our respect.”
“Yes, maybe not even ours, maybe just your’s…he was one of those kids. And now he isn’t, but he believes and he fights for this. And they get a lot of shit from a lot of people…”
“Like us.”
“Yes, but…”
Gerard takes a drag of his cigarette and flips the butt in to a puddle, it rained earlier that day. Mikey’s breath feels warm, moist and comforting on his skin. “I’m not saying, go and make up with him. Kiss it better…”
“I would.” Gerard jokes self deprecatingly.
Mikey laughs. “You’re being an ass. Just go talk to them.”
“I try.” He looks at his brother carefully. “Why are you so invested in this all of a sudden?”
Mikey shrugs. “Maybe I don’t want to wake up with spiders up my ass. That’s good enough for me.”
“It shouldn’t be,” Gerard answers, leaning into Mikey.
“Just go talk to them. Ok?” Mikey insists.
Gerard nods. Sure, what harm could it do?
~+~
Despite all the years, Spencer never really got comfortable with this…situation. This thing. This survival. He doesn’t like to think about it, he doesn’t really like to be here with Ryan when he gets like this - caught up in the situation. But that’s why it’s Spencer for Ryan, to hold him back. To be the voice of reason, to hurry the process up. To take Ryan home afterwards, when he’s sluggish and exhausted. And high. So fucking high. Nothing Spencer could ever possibly take could/would make him feel like this. Like Ryan is feeling in these short hours. Spencer doesn’t hate it, doesn’t hate Ryan.
“I’m sorry…” Ryan says when they’re lying on the couch in the lounge. Curled around each other like a pair of lost kids.
“Don’t.”
“Brendon offered.” Ryan explains.
“He always does.”
“I’m sorry Spencer.”
“It’s not your fault.”
Ryan keeps quite. He knows it isn’t his fault, but he can’t not feel responsible for the whole mess anyway. Because he could have let it go, the band thing. Could have finished it for good after Brent, but he didn’t.
“Do you ever want a normal life?”
“Sometimes.” Spencer says, because this is Ryan.
“Without…you know?” He can’t bring himself to say it.
“No, never.” Spencer says sharply, tightening his hold on Ryan.
“Never?”
“Never.”
Ryan sometimes thinks about how his life could have been. How their lives could have been, if he hadn’t told Spencer. But there really was no way he could not tell Spencer. Spencer knows everything about Ryan and that’s why he told him. He was confused and scared and Spencer was there for him. Told him, it wasn’t his fault, and Ryan knew it wasn’t but he blames himself nevertheless.
There was no way of keeping this from the band, he needed them to know. It wasn’t fair to demand anything, he didn’t demand anything, he just told them, let them know. He just needed Spencer to ground him, and Brendon… And he feels guilty for Brendon. He really does, even if Brendon doesn’t seem to mind.
“It’s…he seems addicted to it. Like he wants it too much,” Ryan says. “I shouldn’t…I never should have let him allow me to...”
“It’s not. It’s not that I want it too much.” Brendon says and Ryan’s head snaps in that direction, how could he sneak up on Ryan? “You’re always distracted by Spencer’s heartbeat when you’re together.” Brendon says, as if reading Ryan’s thoughts.
“What is it then?”
“It’s you. I want…you too much.” Brendon says.
“Oh…”
And then Brent left, couldn’t take it anymore and he could have stopped, should have stopped. Ryan didn’t. Didn’t stop, didn’t give them their lives back.
“We never wanted them back.” Spencer says. What he doesn’t say is ‘you never took anything away from us.’.
And then, they found Jon, or Jon found them.
~+~
“What is wrong with you?!” Mikey wants to know.
“This will not turn into a stupid vendetta, I will not let that happen.” Bob says.
“It irritates the shit out of me when he’s staring at us,” Frank answers.
“And that’s why do you have to provoke them?” Mikey asks. He’s pissed, Gerard can tell.
“It’s just a quote…”
“Yeah…because ‘you better back your shit up’ is just a quote here.” Mikey replies.
“Relax, they aren’t going to murder us.”
“This is so fucking stupid!” Bob throws in.
Gerard secretly asks himself if the Panic boys are like them with this. Or if they all back Ryan up in his revenge. He thinks they are. They seem like that. It’s not that he thinks his band isn’t loyal and shit, but they have different ideas about a lot of things and this shit Gerard and Frank started, well, Mikey wasn’t too happy about it and Bob backs Mikey up. Bob usually backs up the voice of reason.
“He needs to control himself,” Mikey huffs.
“It’s Frank,” Gerard answers.
“This shit will blow up if he doesn’t stop. Or if you don’t stop him.”
“There isn’t much I can do…”
“You’re the leader,” Mikey says firmly. Gerard stretches so he can grab the packet of cigarettes that is lying on the table.
“I’m not the leader…I’m just the singer.” Gerard invented denial.
“Yeah, right. Talk to him.”
“Mikey,” he says inhaling smoke, it calms him down a bit. He doesn’t want to be the one who will stop Frank. God.
“Talk to him.”
“I…”
“Talk to him. This shit has to stop.” Mikey says. It’s not that Gerard doesn’t know that. He knows, he just doesn’t know how to go about following Mikey’s orders.
“Okay, I will.”
“Good.” Mikey says, leaning against the back of the couch, Gerard can feel his body heat. It’s nice.
“About Ryan…” he begins, Mikey shifts to look at his brother.
“Yeah?”
“Nothing.”
“Right.”
Gerard knows that voice, but he really doesn’t know how to ask. Not yet.
three