SPN/Heroes Fic: Share Of Bitterness - Peter/Sam (R)
Title: Share of Bitterness
Author: nu_breed
Pairing: Peter/Sam
Rating: R
Word count: 479
Summary: Peter wants to be saved.
Spoilers: Heroes 1x11
Notes: Set in the same 'verse as In A State and More You Understand.
For coolwhipdiva who wanted Sam and Peter with snow. My enormous gratitude to enoughoflove for betaing as always. ::smooch::
When Peter dreams, he sees snow. Tiny flakes that cover the ground, that dissolve when they fall on his skin, his hair. He reaches out to touch them, but as soon as he does they’re gone and all that’s left is powder. He can feel it everywhere, sticking under his fingernails, coating his skin.
Snow isn’t black like charcoal. Snow isn’t death and it doesn’t make things dirty and impure. Snow isn’t what’s left after he’s killed himself and everyone he ever loved.
Snow isn’t ash.
It’s innocence. It’s fun and laughter. It’s Nathan and he in happier times. Back when the only thing they had to worry about was how to pelt the other with snowballs without Mom seeing, or whose snowman looked the most real. Peter always lost. He always gave in, because Nathan was an absolute nightmare to be around when he thought that Peter had managed to do anything better than him. Even when they were kids. Especially then.
Sam understands, because he has a brother too. Dean isn’t a lot like Nathan, but in some ways he’s exactly the same.
Peter knows Sam understands so much more than that, too.
They don’t talk about it. Ever. The first time Peter shows up unannounced, weak and pale with dark circles under his eyes, Sam just holds his face in his hands and kisses him; slow and deliberate. Peter tries to open his mouth to say… something. But nothing comes out.
“I know.” It’s all Sam says before he’s dropping to his knees and pulling Peter down with him onto the filthy motel carpet which scratches and burns Peter’s skin.
Sam knows. And there’s nothing that either of them can say, nothing that’ll make it better. Nothing that’ll stop it.
It’s not about that. It’s about forgetting, about Peter losing himself. It’s about Sam spread out under him, naked and golden.
Sam is warm and tight and perfect and as Peter thrusts into him, Sam’s head rolls back and his neck is long and taut and beautiful. Peter kisses him there, mouths the skin. He can feel Sam’s pulse under his lips, a steady beat that reminds Peter that they’re both alive.
When they’re like this, when Peter’s inside Sam; fucking him long and slow and lazy, Peter can convince himself, even for a minute, that this is all there is. That the future doesn’t exist and he can lose himself in Sam. Pretend to himself that everything isn’t completely screwed.
Pretend he’s not responsible.
When Peter comes, he sees Sam in his head. Sam and his brother saving a woman and her kids from a burning building and he wonders if there’s any way they could save him. Peter wasn’t supposed to be the one that needed saving. He was supposed to be the one that saved the world.
Not the one that destroyed it.
the end
Followed by The Special Ones
Author: nu_breed
Pairing: Peter/Sam
Rating: R
Word count: 479
Summary: Peter wants to be saved.
Spoilers: Heroes 1x11
Notes: Set in the same 'verse as In A State and More You Understand.
For coolwhipdiva who wanted Sam and Peter with snow. My enormous gratitude to enoughoflove for betaing as always. ::smooch::
When Peter dreams, he sees snow. Tiny flakes that cover the ground, that dissolve when they fall on his skin, his hair. He reaches out to touch them, but as soon as he does they’re gone and all that’s left is powder. He can feel it everywhere, sticking under his fingernails, coating his skin.
Snow isn’t black like charcoal. Snow isn’t death and it doesn’t make things dirty and impure. Snow isn’t what’s left after he’s killed himself and everyone he ever loved.
Snow isn’t ash.
It’s innocence. It’s fun and laughter. It’s Nathan and he in happier times. Back when the only thing they had to worry about was how to pelt the other with snowballs without Mom seeing, or whose snowman looked the most real. Peter always lost. He always gave in, because Nathan was an absolute nightmare to be around when he thought that Peter had managed to do anything better than him. Even when they were kids. Especially then.
Sam understands, because he has a brother too. Dean isn’t a lot like Nathan, but in some ways he’s exactly the same.
Peter knows Sam understands so much more than that, too.
They don’t talk about it. Ever. The first time Peter shows up unannounced, weak and pale with dark circles under his eyes, Sam just holds his face in his hands and kisses him; slow and deliberate. Peter tries to open his mouth to say… something. But nothing comes out.
“I know.” It’s all Sam says before he’s dropping to his knees and pulling Peter down with him onto the filthy motel carpet which scratches and burns Peter’s skin.
Sam knows. And there’s nothing that either of them can say, nothing that’ll make it better. Nothing that’ll stop it.
It’s not about that. It’s about forgetting, about Peter losing himself. It’s about Sam spread out under him, naked and golden.
Sam is warm and tight and perfect and as Peter thrusts into him, Sam’s head rolls back and his neck is long and taut and beautiful. Peter kisses him there, mouths the skin. He can feel Sam’s pulse under his lips, a steady beat that reminds Peter that they’re both alive.
When they’re like this, when Peter’s inside Sam; fucking him long and slow and lazy, Peter can convince himself, even for a minute, that this is all there is. That the future doesn’t exist and he can lose himself in Sam. Pretend to himself that everything isn’t completely screwed.
Pretend he’s not responsible.
When Peter comes, he sees Sam in his head. Sam and his brother saving a woman and her kids from a burning building and he wonders if there’s any way they could save him. Peter wasn’t supposed to be the one that needed saving. He was supposed to be the one that saved the world.
Not the one that destroyed it.
the end
Followed by The Special Ones