Partial Discectomy #2: L4/L5
Monday, July 12th.
The hospital called at 7:30 in the morning, which seemed particularly out of line considering that they should know damned well that it would have been my last night of proper sleep for some time. I was a little worried because the rushed time frame of everything meant that I was still scrabbling to coordinate everything and get things properly approved right up until Friday. At which point I pretty well had to let go and trust that I'd made all the right calls and had all the paperwork rushing in the right general directions. A phone call on the morning of surgery could well have meant that something got caught in the works.
Instead, the message said that Dr. Pinto was on a roll and wanted to know if we could come in an hour early. The rushed time frame hadn't quite allowed me to finish getting comfortable with everything and finish my preparations, so we delayed the return call.
Doing so, of course, eventually meant we missed our window, so all we got was an extra hour waiting at the hospital.
My mother doesn't understand The Hospital Show and, to be honest, she was kind of cramping our style. The Hospital Show is a hilarious set of improv comedy that dawny_darko, tartqueen and I share with everyone around us. Everything is a joke and the cruder the better. We go for the easy laughs, because when the laughing stops tears threaten.
I found myself incapable of shaking the thought of Hunter, lost and confused, trying to make sense of my funeral.
And so we joked and we laughed and my mother scowled at us the entire time.
They took me away for my final pre-op exam and prep. Alone in a cramped room, naked under a paper hospital gown and fingering a small zip-lock bag of my personal effects, I nearly broke down and cried. I seriously considered gathering my clothes and making a run for it. "I can't let him lose his dad," I whispered to no one. I let out a deep breath and forced the thoughts away. "Then I'll just have to make sure I wake up." Simple.
Finally a nurse came in and gave me someone to crack jokes at and things got better and by the time my entourage was returned to me, I was making with the erection jokes again.
At about 2:00 in the afternoon a team of anesthesiologists started parading through my cubby. All asking the same questions, all making the same assurances. One of them finally had the nerve to cowboy up and put something simply delicious in my arm and began wheeling me away. "I don't mean to alarm anyone, but the walls are bending and twisting," I slurred.
In a bright and clean room full of machines, lights, tables and trays, I tried to explain how terrifying an operating room is. When you're spinning away on morphine, it's the stuff alien abduction reports are made of. Indistinct figures with overly complicated, inexplicable machines converging on your prone form. Straps are attached to my wrists.
My head drifts, my throat aches, and my bleary eyes look around until they find a clock. It's 6:00. "It's so late!" I garble. A nurse takes notice and moves towards me, but she never makes it.
It's 6:15 and I'm desperately trying to keep my eyes open. It's late, it's getting later. I need to see my family. The nurse manages to get to my bedside this time. "My family. Here?"
"They're waiting for you."
"My son? Is he here? He's five."
"I don't know. I'll try to find out."
I drift.
It's 6:30 and I'm fighting to stay awake. I have a neighbor, now. The nurse is dealing with her. I want her to go away so the nurse can tell that I'm ready to see my family. "Ice?"
The nurse comes over with ice and puts two small cubes in my mouth. They taste like mercy. "Is my son here? He's five."
"Your family is in the waiting room."
"Did I already ask about my son?"
"Don't worry about it," she smiles.
I slide.
It's 6:45 and I will not go back to sleep. It's too damned late, how did it get so late? I need to see my family.
I have my own cup of ice which I apply liberally. There is some resistance, but eventually the nurse tells me that they'll take me to my room. They wheel my table down the hall, into an elevator, and down another hallway. The team chases my parents out of my room so they can transfer me into my bed. A nurse presses a button into my hand and tells me that when I press it, the pain will go away. I start riding the button, my thumb spasming on it reflexively every few minutes. The nurse lied.
Once I'm situated, my parents and my sister come back inside, followed closely by Dawny and TartQueen. Once they've verified that I don't look like boiled hell, Hunter is summoned.
I'm trying to keep my eyes open, I'm trying to reassure everyone and speak intelligently, but I keep slipping and sliding between uncomfortable glances. Everything hurts and I keep riding the button, trying to find some relief.
TartQueen comes back with Hunter and I take my hand off the button to receive a delicate and precarious hug. He's uncomfortable with the hospital and he tries not to look at me, but he's here and I smile. I ride the button a little longer, I'm still making some effort at staying awake, but not as much. My parents and my sister leave and I'm alone with my family. Hunter wants to leave, I just want a few more hugs. As much as I would love to be able to sit up and hang out, I know I can't.
Just a few more hugs to fill me up for the long night.
In time, I am alone in this strangely bland room.
I ride the button to sleep.
(Edit: Here's " Tomorrow."
The hospital called at 7:30 in the morning, which seemed particularly out of line considering that they should know damned well that it would have been my last night of proper sleep for some time. I was a little worried because the rushed time frame of everything meant that I was still scrabbling to coordinate everything and get things properly approved right up until Friday. At which point I pretty well had to let go and trust that I'd made all the right calls and had all the paperwork rushing in the right general directions. A phone call on the morning of surgery could well have meant that something got caught in the works.
Instead, the message said that Dr. Pinto was on a roll and wanted to know if we could come in an hour early. The rushed time frame hadn't quite allowed me to finish getting comfortable with everything and finish my preparations, so we delayed the return call.
Doing so, of course, eventually meant we missed our window, so all we got was an extra hour waiting at the hospital.
My mother doesn't understand The Hospital Show and, to be honest, she was kind of cramping our style. The Hospital Show is a hilarious set of improv comedy that dawny_darko, tartqueen and I share with everyone around us. Everything is a joke and the cruder the better. We go for the easy laughs, because when the laughing stops tears threaten.
I found myself incapable of shaking the thought of Hunter, lost and confused, trying to make sense of my funeral.
And so we joked and we laughed and my mother scowled at us the entire time.
They took me away for my final pre-op exam and prep. Alone in a cramped room, naked under a paper hospital gown and fingering a small zip-lock bag of my personal effects, I nearly broke down and cried. I seriously considered gathering my clothes and making a run for it. "I can't let him lose his dad," I whispered to no one. I let out a deep breath and forced the thoughts away. "Then I'll just have to make sure I wake up." Simple.
Finally a nurse came in and gave me someone to crack jokes at and things got better and by the time my entourage was returned to me, I was making with the erection jokes again.
At about 2:00 in the afternoon a team of anesthesiologists started parading through my cubby. All asking the same questions, all making the same assurances. One of them finally had the nerve to cowboy up and put something simply delicious in my arm and began wheeling me away. "I don't mean to alarm anyone, but the walls are bending and twisting," I slurred.
In a bright and clean room full of machines, lights, tables and trays, I tried to explain how terrifying an operating room is. When you're spinning away on morphine, it's the stuff alien abduction reports are made of. Indistinct figures with overly complicated, inexplicable machines converging on your prone form. Straps are attached to my wrists.
My head drifts, my throat aches, and my bleary eyes look around until they find a clock. It's 6:00. "It's so late!" I garble. A nurse takes notice and moves towards me, but she never makes it.
It's 6:15 and I'm desperately trying to keep my eyes open. It's late, it's getting later. I need to see my family. The nurse manages to get to my bedside this time. "My family. Here?"
"They're waiting for you."
"My son? Is he here? He's five."
"I don't know. I'll try to find out."
I drift.
It's 6:30 and I'm fighting to stay awake. I have a neighbor, now. The nurse is dealing with her. I want her to go away so the nurse can tell that I'm ready to see my family. "Ice?"
The nurse comes over with ice and puts two small cubes in my mouth. They taste like mercy. "Is my son here? He's five."
"Your family is in the waiting room."
"Did I already ask about my son?"
"Don't worry about it," she smiles.
I slide.
It's 6:45 and I will not go back to sleep. It's too damned late, how did it get so late? I need to see my family.
I have my own cup of ice which I apply liberally. There is some resistance, but eventually the nurse tells me that they'll take me to my room. They wheel my table down the hall, into an elevator, and down another hallway. The team chases my parents out of my room so they can transfer me into my bed. A nurse presses a button into my hand and tells me that when I press it, the pain will go away. I start riding the button, my thumb spasming on it reflexively every few minutes. The nurse lied.
Once I'm situated, my parents and my sister come back inside, followed closely by Dawny and TartQueen. Once they've verified that I don't look like boiled hell, Hunter is summoned.
I'm trying to keep my eyes open, I'm trying to reassure everyone and speak intelligently, but I keep slipping and sliding between uncomfortable glances. Everything hurts and I keep riding the button, trying to find some relief.
TartQueen comes back with Hunter and I take my hand off the button to receive a delicate and precarious hug. He's uncomfortable with the hospital and he tries not to look at me, but he's here and I smile. I ride the button a little longer, I'm still making some effort at staying awake, but not as much. My parents and my sister leave and I'm alone with my family. Hunter wants to leave, I just want a few more hugs. As much as I would love to be able to sit up and hang out, I know I can't.
Just a few more hugs to fill me up for the long night.
In time, I am alone in this strangely bland room.
I ride the button to sleep.
(Edit: Here's " Tomorrow."