LJ Idol - Week 28: Salt of the Earth

[notbatman]

LJ Idol - Week 28: Salt of the Earth

"But I wou'd have you Observe what was told to us aboute tak'g Care whom to calle upp... I say to you againe, doe not call up Any that you can not put downe;-- H.P. Lovecraft, The Case of Charles Dexter Ward

Comments

[theafaye]

I have nothing to say except wow.

[notbatman]

I'll take it! Thanks!

[beautyofgrey]

Oh, man, this is intense! I love your language here - it's a raw and wild ride. And this: Reading through the dense manuscript was like allowing electric worms free reign to tunnel in the spaces between your skull and your flesh. - that gave me the hibbie-jibbies and now I will not sleep.

I will now hush and just tell you that I loved this.

[notbatman]

Thank you so much! :)

[gratefuladdict]

This gave me chills. Hands down, my favorite piece from you this season. I think with a few edits, you could easily get it published. LOVED it.

[notbatman]

Wow! High praise indeed, thank you!

Anything specific that you (or anyone reading comments) think needs work or just general polishing?

(Edit: I don't mean to be pushy, if you don't have the time don't worry about it. I always forget to add the disclaimer that I'd love any feedback, so I kind of jumped at the chance...)

[gratefuladdict]

I'd be happy to!!

The two things that jump out at me are just plot elements I'd love to see you flesh out:

1) The grandfather. He wrapped the book in linen and hid it in the attic. Surely he must've had some experience with it; had he gone crazy? Were the circumstances of his death unusual or mysterious? Might be worth even a cryptic allusion to some oddness there, for continuity.

2) The purging ritual. He references elements of the book escaping into him, and it seems like something that will change him, harm him, maybe even empower him. Reading that, I wanted to know more. He seems to change after that because of what happens to Miranda, but I think you could hint at a more pronounced change after they burned the book.

It's fascinating stuff! It hints at a lot and builds suspense. I'd be happy to run through it in a Word doc and add more specific notes, if you'd like. It's a great story!

[notbatman]

I was definitely trying to leave a lot of the specifics out for this round. Partially for the tone, to let the reader interpret and react naturally, but partially for word count. :)

Because of the bulk of the whole, I was afraid to go much farther astray so I didn't get into the grandfather. I absolutely agree for a format that can stand to run a little longer, he could do well with some more attention.

I would be thrilled to receive any additional advice or insight. Thank you so hard!!

[alephz]

IA IA IA!

[notbatman]

:D

I loves me some HPL.

[lawchicky]

Absolutely intense!

[notbatman]

Awesome! Thanks! :)