Grieving even when nobody has died

[northlighthero]

Today I heard, in some detail, that one of my favorite people is moving out of my part of the country. We could, of course, promise to stay in touch. It might even be that we do stay in touch.

But it is more likely that we won't ... or that we will continue to think of each other warmly but maintain the connection in a most limited way. Annual '

Comments

[bellamagic]

[northlighthero]

It's lovely to know that you are reading me. I feel so 'received,' so 'heard' by you. Thanks for letting me know you're here.

Loss is loss

[marys_daughter]

I hear you. Reminds me of the old saying about not missing the water till the well runs dry...

I wonder if it is even possible to savor relationships fully until they recede through evolution, illness, growth, healing, and just plain moving on ... which includes both death and folks packing up and moving to new environs in the manifest world ... whatever, it is still a loss.

So yeah, go on ahead and cry. It will do ya good after all. "Can't feel better till you're through the worst." - something I imagine my Nana would say to me while I sobbed as a child ...

I do that sometimes, half remembering old sayings from my elders right when I need them ... This one surfaced as my eyes teared up with you ... so I decided to share it ... from my heart to yours.

Re: Loss is loss

[northlighthero]

Yep. Loss is definitely loss. Your Nana was right -- grieving can't feel better until I'm willing to go into the worst of it. Writing about it has helped enormously. Crying about it has helped, too. I expect I'll do more of both in days to come.

Thanks so much for your welcoming ear, your heartfelt understanding. Reading each other's blogs is the next best thing to being there. *grin*

[redswirl3]

I hear u and understand having been the one that is usually doing the moving away. It is hard on both side. The little deaths of our lives.
Love to you.

[northlighthero]

Love to you, too. I've been left and I've done the leaving -- I like leaving better. But not much better.

Thanks for listening. Thanks for letting me know you're there.

[sisalfish]

Reading this makes me very glad that you and I took time to follow up on the spark I think we both felt, in terms of knowing one another better. And - that is a new relationship, and I imagine nothing like this semi-loss of an old, rich one. I am thinking of you, as you grieve this loss. In my own life, this is the cost of loving deeply and truly, and while I wouldn't choose not to love so as to avoid such grief, still - "the little deaths" as redswirl3 put it, have roots as deep as the relationship itself. Thinking of my own love for you, and holding a good thought that you find the time, and the ways, to sustain this valued relationship, in whatever way that will look now - changed. But still of value

[northlighthero]

There's a lot more to say about this, methinks. In some respects I think I trust myself more to honor the spark of potential new friendship, now, than I did when I was younger. And I think some of that new trust and new willingness is a result of some losses of the kind I was writing about in this post.

(SHeeesh, what convoluted language! ...oh, well.)

I am very glad we were both paying attention. I am very glad we both took the risk of following up. I am so very glad to have your shoulder to cry on, too.

[firedancer_ny]

It is remarkable to me how often your posts reflect my own experience...

I, too, am grieving a "little death" -- that feels huge and painful and bottomless at the moment. In leaving Santa Fe, I have also left a dear, dear friend, a woman I fell passionately and deeply in love with. Although the friendship can continue via phone & email, ours was a very sensual relationship. As in involving the physical senses: food, dancing, cuddling. I almost missed my flight saying goodbye to her...

It is only my first day of this separation and I know it will, eventually, get easier. But just now it hurts like hell...

[northlighthero]

Yeah. That 'hurts like hell' phase. Another @#$! growth experience!

Glad to hear you made your flight. Sorry you're having to miss the physicality of a cuddlesome relationship.

It's lovely to find our experiences reflecting one another. Thanks for saying so.