Fic: Well Maybe What You Want is Right Here 4/?
Title: Well Maybe What You Want is Right Here 4/?
Pairing: Arizona/Callie
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Sometimes we don't realize what we want until we just know. Takes place a day or two after the scene in 11x08. Timeline may not be perfectly canon.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Callie
The first few minutes of the car ride are dead silent...not quite awkward, but not quite comfortable either. I don't really know what to say. She looks amazing though -- the minute I saw her at that door so many things came flooding back to me, so many happy memories, so many moments that now seem frozen in time. I know she's not perfect, but I'm remembering why she's such a perfect match for me. I'm remembering why she always takes my breath away.
"So, where are we going?"
I glance over as her voice breaks through the silence, and a warm feeling spreads through me as she smiles.
"I made a reservation at that new Italian place that opened near the harbour...Tosca? I read an article about it and it has some amazing reviews. Have you been?"
She laughs a little, softly.
"No, I haven't really been out much lately. Work...and Sofia and studying and stuff, you know. It's been busy. I had dinner with Laura from Peds last week but we just went to Joe's."
I nod, wracking my brain for a second....who's Laura from Peds?
"I don't remember her."
"Hm?" she turns to look at me, "oh, Dr. Gillis. She's fairly new, fifth year resident who transferred from New York. You probably wouldn't see her that much outside the Peds floor."
I just nod again, turning onto the downtown street by the water, keeping my eyes out for the restaurant. An unexpected wave of jealously washes through my body, and I grip the wheel a little tighter. Had Arizona been dating? I realize I don't even know. But how else would she become friendly with a new resident out of nowhere? And it's not my business, not really, but...I find that I very much dislike the idea nonetheless.
"Here it is," I pull into the small parking lot and find a spot, glancing at the classy little building, all glass windows and Italian architecture.
"Looks nice from the outside, anyway."
She flashes me a quick grin as she reaches to unbuckle.
"Smells good, too."
Grinning to myself at her comment, my jealousy forgotten, I slip out of the car and come around, opening her door out of habit. Except something in my mind clicks and I freeze when I think twice about the action. It's something I always did for years, and she'd liked it until after the plane crash -- she used to tease about what a romantic I was -- but then she'd started hating it. She didn't want any help during her recovery and she'd perceived it as just that.
I glance down hesitantly but she just gives me a surprised look, then smiles and climbs out, smoothing her dress down.
"Thanks."
I divert my eyes quickly from the flash of smooth, creamy thigh I just got, lock up the car, and head into the restaurant with her. When I give my name to the host at the door he leads us to a small table near the back of the restaurant where there are windows that look out over the harbour, something I know Arizona loves. She's always had a thing for water -- whether it's the ocean, the rain, or a bathtub. I'm pretty pleased with myself at just how perfectly this place turned out.
"Oh, this place is gorgeous inside. I'm glad you picked it, Callie."
She slips her jacket off and I take it, pulling out her chair and draping it along the back.
"Me too. Besides, I figured I couldn't go wrong trying to win you over with pasta."
Arizona just shakes her head, amused, settling down as I slip into my chair across from her.
"You know the way to my heart is through food."
She seems almost hesitant after the words leave her mouth, like she's regretting speaking, but she gives me a small smile and casually pulls the wine list over to peruse.
I don't say anything right away either, just watching as she tucks a blonde wave of hair behind her ear, blue eyes flitting over the menu, hand coming to finger the heavy statement necklace resting against her chest. There have been times over the last few months where the realization that I let this go -- let her go, pushed her away -- has come crushing down on me, gripping my heart in a vice. Everything about her is so beautiful, I don't know why I ever stopped fighting for her.
"Okay. Callie," she looks up suddenly like she sensed I was watching her, and I panic that she's somehow read my thoughts, "I have to ask. What exactly are we doing tonight?"
I blink once, tilting my head curiously.
"What do you mean? We're having dinner."
"I mean what are we doing? We're on a date, at a nice restaurant. We got dressed up," she motions to herself and then glances over me appreciatively, "but what is this? We were married for three years but then you divorced me and aside from the other day we've barely spoken since. But now we're dressed up and acting like this is an actual date date. I just need to know what this is."
She has a point. All I know is that I want her back, and I want our family back, and I know I can't just have that automatically -- as much as I wish I could. Asking her on a date just kind of happened, it wasn't something I planned. I didn't really think much past that moment because I was just happy she'd agreed.
"This is..." I start slowly, knowing I need to say something, and I try to make sense of my erratic thoughts, "this is a date date. This is a..." I pause slightly, looking at the woman across the table, studying her, "it's a second first-date, Arizona. I meant what I said about wanting us to start over."
"Ok, but..."
"No, just wait," I reach over and take her hand lightly from where it rests on the table, not missing the look of surprise that flashes across her eyes, "I know we can't just forget our history, or pretend none of it ever happened. A lot happened. I know you already, and you know me...better than any other person out there. But I still want this to be a new start."
I glance at our hands, happy she didn't pull away, and run my thumb lightly along the side of hers to prolong the contact.
"I know at some point if there ends up...being more dates..." I lick my lips nervously, not wanting to get ahead of myself, "that we're going to have to talk about some things. But for now I want to think of this as new. Because I know I sure as hell have made some huge mistakes where you're concerned and let's face it, our past has some pretty rough moments. I'm tired of dwelling on all that."
Arizona lets out a slight breath, and it pains me to see her eyes tinged with such a deep sadness. It kills me knowing a large part of it is there because of me.
"I've made some pretty huge mistakes myself."
"So..." I reply, clearing my throat, "new start then. I mean it. I finally get what you meant, Arizona. That sometimes it's better to start from scratch than to keep adding ingredients and hope it works out.
She'd repeated those words to me more than once when we started going to therapy -- something her mother had told her, she'd said. She'd pleaded them with me, and I'd only rebuffed the phrase as crazy and meaningless, laughed it off bitterly. My own father had taught me to forgive after that fateful night of the storm, but it was my former mother-in-law's words that had been stuck in my mind for weeks now.
I hold her gaze steadily, my heart hammering wildly in my chest, hoping what I've said makes at least some kind of sense to her. That she remembers the saying and still believes it herself. She looks down at our hands too, seeming to consider them for a moment before something in her eyes changes. She pulls her hand back and sits up, giving me a full dimpled smile.
"So. Ortho, right?"
*
Arizona
By the time we've gotten through a glass of wine and appetizers, and are digging into sinfully delicious pasta, the conversation is flowing surprisingly between us. Callie said she wants to make this a fresh start. It's hard, because the history is there -- so much of it -- and I'm still hurt that she decided to give up on us after everything we'd weathered together. It's hard because I have never stopped loving her over the years, and the Arizona Robbins I was before ever meeting and opening up to Callie is grasping at my mind, terrified of being irreparably crushed again. She's the Arizona Robbins who never wanted to become attached in the first place, who always bailed at the first sign of difficult times, who held her heart and her emotions locked up tighter than Alcatraz.
But yet the conversation flows between us easily, and it feels nice. And despite my reservations, I still want to be the Arizona that I became with this woman. I want to hope.
"So you actually yelled at Herman...your boss...in the middle of the hall? You, Arizona Robbins?"
I feel myself blush a little, and I methodically spear a ravioli from my plate.
"I mean it was less yelling and more....speaking loudly."
Callie just grins knowingly as I glance at her, picking up her glass.
"Kinda wish I had been there to see it."
A small smile tugs at my lips before I reply and keep eating.
"She's going through some things...professionally. She's really not as bad as she seems. She's been great."
"I'm glad you're doing so well with the fellowship, Arizona," her tone is genuine, the teasing gone now, "You seem really happy with it."
"I am. It's been insanely hard work so far, but it's been amazing. I do miss working with the tiny humans though -- I mean, I know they're in good hands with Alex, but you don't get to colour, and play checkers, and hear horrible Batman jokes with the fetal crowd, you know? And there's a lot less hugging."
I see Callie look up at my words, her eyes curious.
"Are you going to take back the Peds department when the fellowship is over though? Alex is only interim, right?"
I consider the question for a moment, shrugging lightly.
"I don't know, really. It'll depend."
"Depend on what? That department is your baby. I mean I know you'll also be the only fetal surgeon we have, but.."
"It'll depend on....a lot of things. We'll see how it goes. I'll definitely be able to work more in Peds once the learning part is over though," I smile, continuing softly, "and besides, I'm saving the tiniest humans now. That's even more miraculous."
She gives me a smile too, speaking quietly before picking up what remains of her wine.
"You're miraculous."
I feel a swell of warmth in my chest as I glance away, taking a last bite to finish my plate. It will depend on a lot of things. Being a double board-certified surgeon and one of the few fetal surgeons on the west coast will keep me busy enough, let alone if I kept the position as chief of Paediatrics on top of that. If it's just me then....yeah, it won't matter. As long as I have time for Sofia. But if this actually works out -- and I mentally kick myself for even thinking about that yet -- then maybe our family will still expand. Even if it doesn't, I'll want to be home more.
Pushing my plate away slightly, I reach over and pluck the leather-bound dessert menu from the edge of the table where the waiter had left it, deciding that this conversation was starting to turn a little too serious for a first date.
Callie watches the action and laughs, and I just look over and raise my eyebrows at her.
"Always dessert."
"Dessert is the best part, Callie. And you call yourself a food lover."
I scan the first page of the menu and easily find what I'm looking for. Flipping the menu around so she can see, I tap the item lightly. Tartufo di pizzo. Hand-shaped cake with a melted chocolate centre, covered with sprinkles of cocoa powder and sugar. Absolutely decadent.
Callie's lips twitch into a smile as she reads the description.
"Okay...maybe not a bad idea."
I just grin happily, pleased with both her immediate response and with the knowledge that tonight has gone really well. I was more than a little apprehensive about coming at all tonight, about even daring to think we could enjoy time together again, that she would even make an attempt given how brutally she tore herself away from me months ago. But despite all my reservations, despite the part of my brain screaming to not let this happen, it's been a truly pleasant evening.
I set the menu down, leaving it open between us, and surprising myself I lay my hand in the space as well, palm facing up. Nothing will ever compare to our original first date, that much I know. I'll always carry that memory with me. But as I watch Callie hesitantly slide her fingers over mine and thread them lightly, her dark eyes almost watery with emotion, I do know this -- that as far as second first-dates go? this has been a lot better than expected.
"I'd say it's a great idea."
Pairing: Arizona/Callie
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Sometimes we don't realize what we want until we just know. Takes place a day or two after the scene in 11x08. Timeline may not be perfectly canon.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Callie
The first few minutes of the car ride are dead silent...not quite awkward, but not quite comfortable either. I don't really know what to say. She looks amazing though -- the minute I saw her at that door so many things came flooding back to me, so many happy memories, so many moments that now seem frozen in time. I know she's not perfect, but I'm remembering why she's such a perfect match for me. I'm remembering why she always takes my breath away.
"So, where are we going?"
I glance over as her voice breaks through the silence, and a warm feeling spreads through me as she smiles.
"I made a reservation at that new Italian place that opened near the harbour...Tosca? I read an article about it and it has some amazing reviews. Have you been?"
She laughs a little, softly.
"No, I haven't really been out much lately. Work...and Sofia and studying and stuff, you know. It's been busy. I had dinner with Laura from Peds last week but we just went to Joe's."
I nod, wracking my brain for a second....who's Laura from Peds?
"I don't remember her."
"Hm?" she turns to look at me, "oh, Dr. Gillis. She's fairly new, fifth year resident who transferred from New York. You probably wouldn't see her that much outside the Peds floor."
I just nod again, turning onto the downtown street by the water, keeping my eyes out for the restaurant. An unexpected wave of jealously washes through my body, and I grip the wheel a little tighter. Had Arizona been dating? I realize I don't even know. But how else would she become friendly with a new resident out of nowhere? And it's not my business, not really, but...I find that I very much dislike the idea nonetheless.
"Here it is," I pull into the small parking lot and find a spot, glancing at the classy little building, all glass windows and Italian architecture.
"Looks nice from the outside, anyway."
She flashes me a quick grin as she reaches to unbuckle.
"Smells good, too."
Grinning to myself at her comment, my jealousy forgotten, I slip out of the car and come around, opening her door out of habit. Except something in my mind clicks and I freeze when I think twice about the action. It's something I always did for years, and she'd liked it until after the plane crash -- she used to tease about what a romantic I was -- but then she'd started hating it. She didn't want any help during her recovery and she'd perceived it as just that.
I glance down hesitantly but she just gives me a surprised look, then smiles and climbs out, smoothing her dress down.
"Thanks."
I divert my eyes quickly from the flash of smooth, creamy thigh I just got, lock up the car, and head into the restaurant with her. When I give my name to the host at the door he leads us to a small table near the back of the restaurant where there are windows that look out over the harbour, something I know Arizona loves. She's always had a thing for water -- whether it's the ocean, the rain, or a bathtub. I'm pretty pleased with myself at just how perfectly this place turned out.
"Oh, this place is gorgeous inside. I'm glad you picked it, Callie."
She slips her jacket off and I take it, pulling out her chair and draping it along the back.
"Me too. Besides, I figured I couldn't go wrong trying to win you over with pasta."
Arizona just shakes her head, amused, settling down as I slip into my chair across from her.
"You know the way to my heart is through food."
She seems almost hesitant after the words leave her mouth, like she's regretting speaking, but she gives me a small smile and casually pulls the wine list over to peruse.
I don't say anything right away either, just watching as she tucks a blonde wave of hair behind her ear, blue eyes flitting over the menu, hand coming to finger the heavy statement necklace resting against her chest. There have been times over the last few months where the realization that I let this go -- let her go, pushed her away -- has come crushing down on me, gripping my heart in a vice. Everything about her is so beautiful, I don't know why I ever stopped fighting for her.
"Okay. Callie," she looks up suddenly like she sensed I was watching her, and I panic that she's somehow read my thoughts, "I have to ask. What exactly are we doing tonight?"
I blink once, tilting my head curiously.
"What do you mean? We're having dinner."
"I mean what are we doing? We're on a date, at a nice restaurant. We got dressed up," she motions to herself and then glances over me appreciatively, "but what is this? We were married for three years but then you divorced me and aside from the other day we've barely spoken since. But now we're dressed up and acting like this is an actual date date. I just need to know what this is."
She has a point. All I know is that I want her back, and I want our family back, and I know I can't just have that automatically -- as much as I wish I could. Asking her on a date just kind of happened, it wasn't something I planned. I didn't really think much past that moment because I was just happy she'd agreed.
"This is..." I start slowly, knowing I need to say something, and I try to make sense of my erratic thoughts, "this is a date date. This is a..." I pause slightly, looking at the woman across the table, studying her, "it's a second first-date, Arizona. I meant what I said about wanting us to start over."
"Ok, but..."
"No, just wait," I reach over and take her hand lightly from where it rests on the table, not missing the look of surprise that flashes across her eyes, "I know we can't just forget our history, or pretend none of it ever happened. A lot happened. I know you already, and you know me...better than any other person out there. But I still want this to be a new start."
I glance at our hands, happy she didn't pull away, and run my thumb lightly along the side of hers to prolong the contact.
"I know at some point if there ends up...being more dates..." I lick my lips nervously, not wanting to get ahead of myself, "that we're going to have to talk about some things. But for now I want to think of this as new. Because I know I sure as hell have made some huge mistakes where you're concerned and let's face it, our past has some pretty rough moments. I'm tired of dwelling on all that."
Arizona lets out a slight breath, and it pains me to see her eyes tinged with such a deep sadness. It kills me knowing a large part of it is there because of me.
"I've made some pretty huge mistakes myself."
"So..." I reply, clearing my throat, "new start then. I mean it. I finally get what you meant, Arizona. That sometimes it's better to start from scratch than to keep adding ingredients and hope it works out.
She'd repeated those words to me more than once when we started going to therapy -- something her mother had told her, she'd said. She'd pleaded them with me, and I'd only rebuffed the phrase as crazy and meaningless, laughed it off bitterly. My own father had taught me to forgive after that fateful night of the storm, but it was my former mother-in-law's words that had been stuck in my mind for weeks now.
I hold her gaze steadily, my heart hammering wildly in my chest, hoping what I've said makes at least some kind of sense to her. That she remembers the saying and still believes it herself. She looks down at our hands too, seeming to consider them for a moment before something in her eyes changes. She pulls her hand back and sits up, giving me a full dimpled smile.
"So. Ortho, right?"
*
Arizona
By the time we've gotten through a glass of wine and appetizers, and are digging into sinfully delicious pasta, the conversation is flowing surprisingly between us. Callie said she wants to make this a fresh start. It's hard, because the history is there -- so much of it -- and I'm still hurt that she decided to give up on us after everything we'd weathered together. It's hard because I have never stopped loving her over the years, and the Arizona Robbins I was before ever meeting and opening up to Callie is grasping at my mind, terrified of being irreparably crushed again. She's the Arizona Robbins who never wanted to become attached in the first place, who always bailed at the first sign of difficult times, who held her heart and her emotions locked up tighter than Alcatraz.
But yet the conversation flows between us easily, and it feels nice. And despite my reservations, I still want to be the Arizona that I became with this woman. I want to hope.
"So you actually yelled at Herman...your boss...in the middle of the hall? You, Arizona Robbins?"
I feel myself blush a little, and I methodically spear a ravioli from my plate.
"I mean it was less yelling and more....speaking loudly."
Callie just grins knowingly as I glance at her, picking up her glass.
"Kinda wish I had been there to see it."
A small smile tugs at my lips before I reply and keep eating.
"She's going through some things...professionally. She's really not as bad as she seems. She's been great."
"I'm glad you're doing so well with the fellowship, Arizona," her tone is genuine, the teasing gone now, "You seem really happy with it."
"I am. It's been insanely hard work so far, but it's been amazing. I do miss working with the tiny humans though -- I mean, I know they're in good hands with Alex, but you don't get to colour, and play checkers, and hear horrible Batman jokes with the fetal crowd, you know? And there's a lot less hugging."
I see Callie look up at my words, her eyes curious.
"Are you going to take back the Peds department when the fellowship is over though? Alex is only interim, right?"
I consider the question for a moment, shrugging lightly.
"I don't know, really. It'll depend."
"Depend on what? That department is your baby. I mean I know you'll also be the only fetal surgeon we have, but.."
"It'll depend on....a lot of things. We'll see how it goes. I'll definitely be able to work more in Peds once the learning part is over though," I smile, continuing softly, "and besides, I'm saving the tiniest humans now. That's even more miraculous."
She gives me a smile too, speaking quietly before picking up what remains of her wine.
"You're miraculous."
I feel a swell of warmth in my chest as I glance away, taking a last bite to finish my plate. It will depend on a lot of things. Being a double board-certified surgeon and one of the few fetal surgeons on the west coast will keep me busy enough, let alone if I kept the position as chief of Paediatrics on top of that. If it's just me then....yeah, it won't matter. As long as I have time for Sofia. But if this actually works out -- and I mentally kick myself for even thinking about that yet -- then maybe our family will still expand. Even if it doesn't, I'll want to be home more.
Pushing my plate away slightly, I reach over and pluck the leather-bound dessert menu from the edge of the table where the waiter had left it, deciding that this conversation was starting to turn a little too serious for a first date.
Callie watches the action and laughs, and I just look over and raise my eyebrows at her.
"Always dessert."
"Dessert is the best part, Callie. And you call yourself a food lover."
I scan the first page of the menu and easily find what I'm looking for. Flipping the menu around so she can see, I tap the item lightly. Tartufo di pizzo. Hand-shaped cake with a melted chocolate centre, covered with sprinkles of cocoa powder and sugar. Absolutely decadent.
Callie's lips twitch into a smile as she reads the description.
"Okay...maybe not a bad idea."
I just grin happily, pleased with both her immediate response and with the knowledge that tonight has gone really well. I was more than a little apprehensive about coming at all tonight, about even daring to think we could enjoy time together again, that she would even make an attempt given how brutally she tore herself away from me months ago. But despite all my reservations, despite the part of my brain screaming to not let this happen, it's been a truly pleasant evening.
I set the menu down, leaving it open between us, and surprising myself I lay my hand in the space as well, palm facing up. Nothing will ever compare to our original first date, that much I know. I'll always carry that memory with me. But as I watch Callie hesitantly slide her fingers over mine and thread them lightly, her dark eyes almost watery with emotion, I do know this -- that as far as second first-dates go? this has been a lot better than expected.
"I'd say it's a great idea."