(no subject)
Elizabeth continued to spend her evenings with James, though he clearly was not in need of constant medical attention anymore. More often than not, they talked for hours until they fell asleep, and woke together as sun streamed through the portholes and Elizabeth realized once again that she had not departed for her quarters after he fell asleep. Once again she had spent the night by his side.
“What an impossible little brat I must have seemed to you”, Elizabeth said, pleased that she and James had settled into a comfortable conversation.
“On the contrary, Elizabeth, at first I was not happy about your presence on the ship, but soon came to find you were brighter, stronger, and more curious than most of my men. And of course old Captain Thompson wouldn’t have given up the fare to transport you and your father to Port Royal. He grievously overpaid, by the way”, James answered.
“We both know how generous my father was”, she said and he nodded in agreement, sorry to cause her pain. “Remember, when I begged you to show me how the cannons worked when I was 14?” she asked with her trilling laugh.
“And of course”, she added, “it was you reminding me it was not proper to fire off a loud cannon for no reason and frighten the townspeople to death.”
“I think I cared a little bit too much about what was proper in my life”, he said with a sad edge, “Perhaps I would have behaved differently”, he said.
She knew what he was alluding to. Will had won her heart with declarations of true love and gallant feats. James had been quiet, responsible, and always proper with her.
Her fingers moved against her own will and lifted his chin up so she could look in his eyes. He swallowed.
His dark hair fell over one eye. God, he looked young. Those awful white and gray wigs that were supposed to make men look distinguished also made them look old.
She had been reading to him for several nights, but there was no legitimate reason to continue. He was walking. He could fetch his own books.
Before she could bid him a pleasant good night and finally return to her chamber, he picked an atlas up off the floor and spread it wide over the bed. “Would you like to know where I’ve sailed?”
He knew her weakness.
“So where have you traveled?” she asked.
“Almost everywhere except the Americas. I want to see them.”
“So do I”, she said.
He kept her entertained for the rest of the night regaling her with stories of Indian incense, African ivory, of storms and sailors lost at sea, of nights when the moon was so large, it looked like it would crush the ship, of foreign food, and the smell of real sandalwood until she fell fast asleep.
As Elizabeth made her morning rounds on deck, she noticed she was receiving more than one dark glance. Jinx sidled up along side her.
“What’s wrong with them now?” she asked. She didn’t know how much more of this she could take.
“They are confused. I told them directly from you that the man was not your lover, that he would never give them orders. And yet you spend every night, the pair of you, alone in that chamber, doing God knows what.”
She nearly struck him. But she calmed herself; the fact was the man said nothing worse than her own conscience did.
“We’re old friends”, she answered, and “We enjoy each other’s company.”
“Listen to me carefully, Captain, you are on delicate footing with them as it is”, he said.
“The man is wounded!” she bellowed.
“And he fares better by the day; the Doctor says he can be up and around”, he said, “The Sea Wolf doesn’t need a wet nurse.”
She walked away. But the dark looks followed her.
She came to see James that night, for a brief visit. She came to tell him she was going back to her own quarters; he didn’t need her anymore.
“I’ve come to say good-night”, she said. “If you need anything, just yell out and Jinx will attend you.”
She looked longingly at the bed and at the man. She tossed and turned and worried in her own quarters. What if her Crew didn’t trust her? What if they refused to obey? What if, God forbid, they mutinied? But beside James she fell asleep in moments. She just missed a man, she told herself, she missed Will.
James watched her thoughtfully. He never knew exactly what was going on in that head of hers. But he could see she was reluctant to leave.
He patted his shoulder then, which she had been using as a pillow for the last week, an open invitation to stay. Her stomach did a little flip of happiness.
“Since when do you and I need a timeline?” he asked. “It took six weeks to catch enough caterpillars for your science class when you were 11, do you remember?”
“Yes”, she said smiling.
“If you would like to stay, I would like you to”, he added
She snuggled down beside him, smiling like a child.
But James was not smiling. He was no fool. She wanted comfort, she wanted her old friend when she needed him and he would soon be forgotten the moment she saw Mr. Turner again. It was becoming painful to sleep next to her every night and not touch her. It was against the laws of nature, he thought. But here he was…doing whatever she wanted simply for a smile. Again.
James was 12 years old. He stood before his father’s desk, a man he loved and feared by turns. Since his mother had died, his father hadn’t much time for any of his children, though he spent the most with his namesake, Thomas Norrington, the eldest son who would inherit the estate and the title of Lord.
James tried not to shiver. There was no fire in the fireplace. There were no tapestries on the walls. His father had cleared the room of anything warm or inviting after his wife had died, and now he preferred the biting chill, as if he could only be happy in a room that was as desolate on the outside as he was on the inside.
“I have called you here James because I do not know what to do with you”, his father began. James grew nervous and without thinking, began to gnaw at a thumb nail.
“Stop that! How many times have I told you!” his father boomed and James lowered his hand in an instant. “A man does not betray his feelings, James, a man does not display his troubles, or ugly hands that show he is a nervous sort.”
“Yes, Father”, James answered.
“Now back to the subject of you. Thomas is my heir as you know; he will inherit all; there is nothing for you here. Richard went to the Church, as is customary for the second son. Anne and Margaret will have the best marriages I can buy for them.” he said. “Though it would have been easier had I been blessed with beauties”, he added cruelly.
“But what to do with you…I think you must join the military. You don’t seem the type to enjoy Church life.” James wondered vaguely how his father would know what he liked since this was the first audience he’d been granted in 3 months.
“Does the Army or the Navy appeal to you more?” his father asked and suddenly James was on the spot.
“Answer boy!” his father boomed.
James remembered sitting on the shore, watching the sun dip below the horizon on their infrequent vacations. He wanted the horizon; he wanted to be anywhere but here.
“I think the Navy, sir”, James said.
“Foolish boy”, his father said, “Is it a hard life for a man at sea, but your choice is made. The Navy likes to start boys out young. I think in six months to a year, you should be on a ship.”
James never imagined it would be so soon. What about his schoolwork? He couldn’t imagine leaving his sisters whom he loved dearly. But arguing with his father was not a possibility.
“I have connections with my old friend Captain Eggard; I’ll get you on a good ship. You will be summoned again when I know more. Remember, James, there is nothing for you here. You will need to be a self made man. You’re dismissed”, his father said.
James turned and walk out of his father’s study. A tear ran down his cheek, but he wiped it away. It wouldn’t do for a man to betray his emotions.
James jerked awake and for a moment was confused. He found himself in a cabin on a ship. And then he remembered, a dull ache still lingering in his abdomen, and Elizabeth lying beside him.
What had made him remember that? Why had he dreamed of his father? He had sworn upon leaving Essex that he would never be a man like his father, and yet, he considered, that was exactly what he’d become. A man cold to all outward appearances, keeping every emotion in check, and losing them entirely when he lost the woman he loved. He couldn’t help but wonder just how lost she was though, lying there beside him, sleeping like an angel.
He sighed as he thought of all the mistakes he had made. He and Elizabeth had been close all of her childhood, but he had hidden his admiration from her until she’d moved on. He’d handed her over to Turner with a few pretty words, rather than standing up for his rights. He’d tried to chase down the Sparrow creature, losing the finest ship ever made, his commission, and most of his Crew along with it rather than bear to see Elizabeth marry Will in front of his eyes. He’d turned into a drunken fool rather than admit he still loved her. He’d given the heart to Beckett to regain his former life, but also to hurt her, for having the audacity to be happy without him.
He’d never said he loved her, and he’d never made his feelings known when she used and hurt and lied to him over and over.
He pondered how much easier his life would have been had he forsaken all his father’s advice. He probably wouldn’t be the most feared Naval officer in history, but he would probably be much happier. He sighed again. Perhaps his feelings were not completely lost to him after all. Perhaps it was time to start ignoring his long dead father.
He’d spent the past 34 years pleasing other people. Now he would please himself.
Daylight streamed through the porthole, but something was different. Lips were pressed against hers. She knew before she opened her eyes that the Admiral was kissing her.
Her eyes opened and she found him looking at her.
“I apologize, Elizabeth…” he started. Old habits.
“No”, he said, “I do not apologize. You are in MY bed after all.”
Elizabeth could not have been more surprised if he had grown wings and started to fly about the cabin. James was a gentleman. James’s affection for her meant he would never do anything untoward. It meant that…she found her own thoughts ugly. It meant that she could treat him any way she wanted to and he would take it.
But this man was different, this man who kissed like an angel and was more tempting than the devil himself. This man let her get away with nothing, as he held her arms behind her back. Their lips met. She meant to pull away, but he deepened the kiss so slowly she didn’t notice. Then his tongue languidly moved past her teeth and tickled her own tongue. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer. At her reaction, he lost control, pulling her into his arms and kissing her deeply. Within moments, they were both out of control. She sucked on his bottom lip until it was swollen. He plundered her mouth more thoroughly than any pirate.
His shirt was pulled over his head, her own was gone as well. When had all this happened? She lay down beside him, kissing and kissing, never wanting him to let her go.
He repositioned himself on top of her, amazed that this far from Port Royal, she still smelled of the gardenia and vanilla orchid that grew rampantly there.
Father in Heaven, he was handsome. His face was more traditionally English than hers, with a prominent nose, thin lips, and fiery green eyes. Somehow the combination was….arresting. So was his size! Will had lain on top of her before, but James was much heavier and her body quickly adjusted to accommodate him. He was so tall as well, at a height of 6’2, towering over the majority of men. Will was closer to her own height.
Will. She suddenly broke away and gasped for breath. What was she doing?
“Your wound”, she said, backing away.
“Healing nicely”, he said, watching her discomfort.
“I have my duties”, she said quickly and ran from the room.
Where the hell was Will?
When she was gone, a wicked and slippery smile spread across his face. You’d better run, he thought.