Being A Reporting By Hotel Security To The Police After A Crime Has Been Committed And Resolved Forwith, Thus Saving Valentine's Day For Lady Sarah Fitzgerald-Milton
So the lady rings us up and she says that the chef has stolen her jewelry so we go down to the kitchens and we say "what's this all about, then?" and he says "I am just making stew" and she says "that's not the man" and he says "must not have been the chef, then" and she says, "he had a chef's hat on" and he says "it's my hat, and you already said it wasn't me, hah!" but then we realised there was fresh ground spice in the stew and so we caught the real chef red handed.
Every house has their own Valentine's Day traditions. The Ravenclaws revive esoteric superstitions, scatter candy snowdrops and poems. Everyone in Hufflepuff gets a card and a kiss from everyone else, which is as fun as it is time consuming. Gryffindor's snog strangers. Slytherins do nothing. But when night comes, those in the know slip down late with blankets and pillows to lay in the common room, looking up through the charmed ceiling to the lake above, to where the mermaids and merboys dance an intricate mating ritual between the floating lights and the gently waving arms of the giant squid.
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Except maybe not having Valentine's dinner. Unless it's in mockery of something. Or something. *rambles*
Hi! I just woke up!
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The hall echoed with crashes. Wooden splinters pinged off the ceiling. A lone shield trundled across the stone floor to a rattling halt on the hearth.
Odin sighed and plonked himself down next to Loki, helping himself to a flagon of mead. "Wassup?"
"Some Midgaard festival the Carpenter's lot started."
"It was a love thing, right?" Loki nodded. Odin rolled his eye. "Yeah, it always is with that one."
The crack of thunder was much quieter than the sound of a hand smacking a meaty, bearded cheek.
"I should have words with Thor," Odin said.
"Eh." Loki shrugged. "Sif happens."
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"Jack." Tosh inched into the office, carrying papers.
"Tosh. What do you need?"
"It's about the photocopier."
"Ah."
"It's out of toner."
"Oh!" Jack smiled. "Call out for--"
"Because it's been used. Continuously." She spread the papers out. "This is your arse?"
"Er."
"And this is your -- well. And these three. And these, uh-- Ianto's."
Jack turned the sheets around, then arranged them end to end. "Yep, that's Ianto's, alright."
"So I'll just be buying myself an entirely new photocopier," Tosh said, "and let us never speak of this again."
"Right," said Jack. "...I'll just keep these."
Tosh hurried away.
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So the lady rings us up and she says that the chef has stolen her jewelry so we go down to the kitchens and we say "what's this all about, then?" and he says "I am just making stew" and she says "that's not the man" and he says "must not have been the chef, then" and she says, "he had a chef's hat on" and he says "it's my hat, and you already said it wasn't me, hah!" but then we realised there was fresh ground spice in the stew and so we caught the real chef red handed.
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(The comment has been removed)
Every house has their own Valentine's Day traditions. The Ravenclaws revive esoteric superstitions, scatter candy snowdrops and poems. Everyone in Hufflepuff gets a card and a kiss from everyone else, which is as fun as it is time consuming. Gryffindor's snog strangers. Slytherins do nothing. But when night comes, those in the know slip down late with blankets and pillows to lay in the common room, looking up through the charmed ceiling to the lake above, to where the mermaids and merboys dance an intricate mating ritual between the floating lights and the gently waving arms of the giant squid.
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"Dinah," said Barbara, wheeling herself in, "I've--"
"Nothing!" said Dinah, tugging at her top. "What? Is there crime?"
"You're wearing fishnets?"
"Justice Society! Retro look is very in."
"You know," said Barbara thoughtfully, "the knit on your ususal fishnets is much coarser than the ones you're wearing."
"Tailors these days."
"And there's greasepaint on your cuff."
"Unexpected Harley Quinn," Dinah explained.
"And a top hat on your bed."
"...The Penguin was with her!"
"Also, your closet just 'dezeens'."
"I've been meaning to get that looked at," Dinah agreed. "Let's go fight crime!"
Barbara sighed and wheeled herself back out again.
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