One minute I'm downing four shots of tequila in a row while glancing warily at several female ex-friends. The next thing I know, it's five in the morning and I'm in a hospital gown, and the nurse just asked me to piss in a cup.

My friends had better watch out: It's interrogation time.

It's incredible. Dernon keeps on inhaling the bong hit, minute after minute. The other Slytherins watch with horror and fascination ( Read more... )

My pointy troll ears detect the distinctive pitter-patter of a maiden's feet crossing my bridge. I grab my club and scamper forth to collect my toll...

Crossposted to my FF.net acount. This is the definitive version, with corrected errors and some small enhancements.

( A/N: I don't know if J.K. Rowling was drunk, high, or both when she wrote the epilogue to Deathly Hallows... )

I've always had a fascination for the European aristocracy, the nobles with their vast estates and manor houses. While the serfs worked the fields, your nobleman would sip tea with his pinky out, attend grand balls at the Archduke's palace, get his rocks off with his mistress, one of the adolescent kitchen-maids or (failing that) the wife. I love ( Read more... )

Finished Potter 7 a few days ago (my internet was out).

( Cut for mild spoilers )

I've just finished typing up the first post for my reborn GAFF account. It's so large I may have to break it in two. It's going to be a new type of posting style, one I don't think has ever been done there. Consequently, it could get me into what the village policeman in Enid Blyton's Famous Five would call "very serious trouble ( Read more... )

“Victory is mine!” crowed Voldemort as Harry toppled to the floor of the Dark Lord’s palace. Voldemort cackled with satisfaction as he watched his rival lie facedown on the throne room‘s red silk carpet. “It’s over, Harry. With your failure, everyone that you have ever loved shall perish. Indeed. Today is the first day of the 10,000 year rule of ( Read more... )

So what's of Scab these days ( Read more... )

I need summer reading material. I'm especially interested in black, mean-spirited humour. My favourite work of fiction ever is Filth by Irvine Welsh. It concerns the misadventures of a bigoted, corrupt Edinburgh policemen as he schemes against friends and coworkers while avoiding work, as well as the thoughts of the tapeworm in his guts. Worth a ( Read more... )

Loved it ( Read more... )