I don't know why I even bother

[exina]

Hello, I'm an off and on lurker for a few months now. This is my "Hello" post, and a warning to you. I will probably piss folks off. It seems to be my super-power, according to some folks of a druid grove, and 3 different wiccan covens that I have since left behind me in disgust and/or rage over the last decade. I may not stay white-hot angry

Comments

and . . .

[ladyteal]

I supposed to jump up and try to impress you now?

[redbadger]

While I definately agree with you, it really is not worth getting hung up about. Look at is more as a learning experience. It seems you are finding that these covens, etc are a joke, so why continue becoming a part of them. Just avoid them. Why not work on your own. There a some magickal orders that are completely solitary and that way there is no danger of running into that crap anymore.

You can't blame them or hold a grudge against them for being that way. There is more information out there now than there has ever been and if those people continue to live in lala land, they are just not ready for anything higher than that.

We should not judge another if we have not been in their shoes, and if we have been, we shouldn't judge them for being as uneducated or having lower aspirations. Each to their own in their time.

Do I see the same thing you see? Yup, but I tend to worry about my own advancement and do not concern myself with theirs.

Good luck

[exina]

Thanks! I needed to hear that. I have gone through long solitary spells each time because I have a hard time getting over the "last" groups hurtful ways. I'm still licking my wounds from the last "betrayal", and am still angry.
I don't know how to forgive without forgetting, so I do hold on to the hurt. Every time I forgive, forget and try again, I get hurt.
It's really discouraging.

If you heard the reasons

[exina]

If you want the dish, I'll serve it. Just one string of bad experiences after the other. Most folks who hear the litany of woe and sorrow and dissapointment ;) wonder why in the world am I still trying after all this time? Most say, "Yeah, that's one reason why I stopped trying to socialize with pagans." And there are a lot of solitaries out there who are burned beyond all hope of trying again.
Maybe I'm just hardheaded and want to believe inspite of all the hurts?
Maybe I'm hoping some folks to say, yeah, that happened to me too...Or maybe I'm just masochistic and like the pain? ;)

[power_puffs_lab]

This sounds like a rant I wrote a while ago. Except I posted it to my own journal, and I think it was friends only. And I never leave groups angry. I don't invest that much energy in them, just go don't get anything out of it leave, go home bitch to my boyfriend for 10 minutes about stupidity and move on. You really seem to need to get to the moving on point. So if you need to bitch first do so but do move on. Obviously you are looking for something if you are here, and you keep going back to pagan groups. You could be a perfectly quiet solitary and no one would ever know, what do you want?

[exina]

It is a rant. I am so tired of going back into the shark-tank. Every time it looks calm and *sane*, somebody draws blood, and it's like being in a blender. I tend to speak my mind, in case you haven't noticed. Unstable folks kinda get riled up when that happens, had you noticed? ;)

[power_puffs_lab]

Speaking your mind and going out of your way to piss people off are totally different. I speak my mind all the time. I piss of pagans, christians, jews, non-profits, government people, corprate, individuals, groups....and on and on. I don't go out of my way to do it. I say what needs to be said when it needs to be said. I don't introduce myself to people with "I FUCKING know I'm going to hate you so just forget it." That's rude. I don't put people on notice until I need to. And I know when it is appropraite to bite my tounge. (I wouldn't say this is the place to do that. I'm not going to lose my job, my family or my apartment if I speak my mind here...) Unstable folks get riled up unless you work to placate. Stable people do get riled up when they are attacked. And that's fine you are obviouslly trying to rile people. You did what you set out to do. Nothing wrong with that. Just know what you are doing.

[exina]

I kinda thought folks would be hip to bad-pagan-experience stories, and have thicker skins being that it's all Non-fluffy around here. (but look at all the fur that's ruffled, how boring) We're supposed to speak out and be frank, right? I wasn't setting out to rile anyone. But if it happens, then I will respond to what needs to be responded to. And I didn't say I f'ing knew I was going to hate you all...(Just statistically speaking, only a few of you will probably get on my sh*t list, lol.) I said I have issues with certain Pagans. And I was hoping that this group would be different.
If you use quotes, try cutting and pasting next time to make sure to get it right. Otherwise that's kinda sorta like lying, one of those things I mentioned about some Pagans I've encountered. ;)

[ursus77]

Look into Reconstructionism.

Many Recons are smartasses, but we're certainly not dumbasses.

Thanks!

[exina]

I do feel better. I remember once getting a shock to my system when a teacher (for over 2 years) of mine, and the hps of the coven, just went into this x-tian bashing and gay-bashing in response to something on the news- within the space of a few heartbeats. It was like a splash of cold water, and I felt like her viewpoints were hidden from me until that moment. I finished out my dedicants class with that group, and refused to go any further, for other reasons along with that moment of clarity. So dissappointing. I am more wary now, no matter how nice and knowledgeable a person seems, it could be a veneer, without spiritual depth beneath it.

Re: Thanks!

[c_korone]

Whoa. Exina, I've had some bad experiences too. And I know just how it feels to have a hps who is all love and wisdom one day, all coldness and egotism the next. Been there! I even got an actual t-shirt, but I digress... In my case, I also found that I was not satisfied with many of the covens I looked at. The reason turned out to be that I was much happier as a reconstructionist. Now this may not be the answer for you, but I just wanted to put that out there in case you hadn't thought of it before - it took me a while to find it. Wicca and the Recon faiths may all fall under the 'pagan umbrella', but they are very different, and even have somewhat different cultures. It's almost like speaking different languages at times, although we can get along. :) Just some extra food for thought.
It may take some time to get over the bad experiences. But you're not alone, if that's any comfort.

Reconstructionist (was Re: Thanks!)

[exina]

I will have to look into reconstructionist theories, thank you. I have met an adf reconstructionist in the adf lists. Kinda made me run the other way for the experience of being told that my college education was wrong, because they were still holding to the india to europe migration theory back when I was in school. I didn't think I was a dinosaur yet. ;)