Fic: Put the Heartbeat Back Inside (Part Four)
Jensen returns to the hostel just as Jared walks out with three quarters of a chocolate croissant sticking out of his mouth, their bag over his shoulder and hot, sugar-filled, whipped something or other latte-like concoction in his left hand. Jared knows on some level it’s not good that Jensen is pulling up in a car that is clearly not his - a five or six year old, black Toyota Matrix - and on another level he knows it’s worse that he’s been with Jensen less than three full days and already is less phased by this that he should be, but Jensen is such a beautiful distraction as he unfolds himself from the driver’s side that Jared can only take the croissant from his mouth with his free hand and try not to choke on his mouthful.
Jensen smirks at him like he knows how Jared is looking at him, which he probably does, and Jared curses that his cheeks are warm again and clears his throat after managing to successfully swallow the piece of pastry.
“Hop in, handsome,” Jensen says, entirely too chipper for anyone this side of noon as far as Jared’s concerned, tapping the roof of the car before getting back inside.
Jared climbs in the passenger side and shoves their duffel bag on the floor behind his feet.
“Ready, Jay?” Jensen looks over at him as he buckles in. He’s smiling but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Jared can tell he isn’t just asking about the drive to Miami, he’s asking in general. He’s giving Jared another chance to bail. It only makes Jared’s resolve that much firmer.
“Absolutely. Let’s get out of here,” Jared beams back at him and melts a little inside when he can see Jensen’s subtle relief in the way his smile grows and those crinkles at his eyes get that much deeper.
Five hours later they’re approaching Lafayette, Louisiana when they finally pull over at a vacant rest stop to stretch their legs and Jared debates whether or not he should fight Jensen to take over driving for a bit. There’s a copse of trees in the space between the stop and the road, giving the illusion of privacy. The sun is out and the breeze is a welcome relief from the heat as they unfold themselves from the car. It’s a beautiful day and the drive has been quiet and pleasant. When Jared looks over the top of the vehicle at Jensen, they meet each other’s eyes just in time for Jared’s stomach to rumble audibly.
The sound makes Jensen huff out a laugh and Jared does the same while his hand comes to pat his belly.
“I think there’s still some of your quality gummies in the bag,” Jensen suggests, his tone teasing. Jared laughs outright and rolls his eyes, bending down to fish out their duffle.
“You know, I’m not sure I can share them with you if they’re so unappreciated,” Jared teases right back, playing at being offended.
“Well, we’ll be passing through Lafayette in maybe half an hour and we can grab some real food there, okay?”
“Sounds good,” Jared agrees while he opens the duffle on the top of the car. He’s rooting around looking for the remaining candies when he moves his pair of shorts and reveals his cell phone at the bottom of the bag. “Oh my god.”
“What?” Jensen asks, concerned by Jared’s shock.
Jared slides a hand through his hair, tugging at it, and looks back at Jensen clearly panicked.
“It- it’s Gen. She’s called me 27 times since we left Mexico City. I- I completely forgot to- oh, God. I wasn’t even thinking. She must be so worried. She’s going to be fucking pissed-” Jared fumbles with his phone and hits the dial back. Jensen seems to have relaxed at Jared’s news - since it’s nothing life-threatening - and he comes around the car to lean on the rear door and watch as Jared phones her.
Jared feels like a colossal asshat while he listens to the rings and braces himself for what’s coming. She picks up the line.
“I’m okay, Gen. I swear!” He squawks quickly before she has a chance to speak.
“JARED! Jesus Christ- where the hell are you? You can’t pick up your phone? I’ve been going out of my mind here!”
Jared winces as her tiny voice comes through loud and clear on his phone, enough that even Jensen is wincing sympathetically because he can obviously hear her, too.
“Gen, I am so, so sorry. I swear everything is fine. I’m okay, I just…”
“ You just what , Jared? The freakin’ police came by, Jared. THE POLICE. They were asking questions, when I’d seen you last… They think you’ve been abducted. ABDUCTED!”
She stops yelling for a moment to catch her breath and Jared doesn’t say anything, just anxiously bites at his lip.
“Well? So what is it, then? If you’re fine, where are you? What are you doing?”
Jared looks at Jensen, lost as to what to say, and Jensen looks sorry when he shakes his head. He silently mouths the words: “the less she knows the better - to keep her safe.” Jared sighs. He knows Jensen is right. He also knows that Gen isn’t going to buy it, and she’s going to keep being pissed.
“I… I can’t tell you.”
“ You can’t tell me? Are you joking? Jared, the police are looking for you, do you understand that? I’ve had to cover for you to the University. I’ve been worried sick. How can you not tell me? How am I supposed to believe you’re not in some kind of trouble?”
Jared honestly doesn’t know what to say. They’ve been best friends since forever and they’ve never kept secrets - not like this.
“Gen, it- it’s complicated.”
“ Complicated ,” she repeats, sounding unimpressed. Then she gasps. “ Jesus Christ - Jared, you met someone, didn’t you?”
Her tone is absolutely accusatory and Jared’s eyes go wide as he looks to Jensen. Jensen is almost impressed.
“Uh, well- it- no, of course not,” Jared stutters out, and he knows how unconvincing it sounds.
“ Oh. My. God. Jared Tristan Padalecki I cannot believe you! Except that I can. Dammit, you better not end up in a Mexican prison somewhere over some guy! ”
“He’s not just some guy , Gen, he-!” Jared cuts himself off abruptly when he remembers that the guy in question is in fact standing in front of him with his arms folded across his chest and wearing an expression that is definitely curious and vaguely smug. Jared feels his face burn like fire in the next instant and clears his throat to try again.
“I mean, it’s not… it’s not like that, okay? You have to trust me. I- I’ll explain everything later.”
Gen is quiet for a moment on the other end and Jared can practically hear her thinking, can imagine her standing there looking exasperated and serious as she contemplates everything he’s said because he’s been on the receiving end of that look many times before.
“ I just - I’m scared for you, Jay. I don’t know what kind of trouble you’re getting into but… I don’t want you to get your heart broken, either. I know you. This ‘not just some guy’ - you’re obviously falling pretty hard, whatever you’re doing. I know it’s been a long time, but… Please, please be safe, okay?”
Jared groans internally, still blushing because he knows Jensen can hear every word that she says. He can’t make himself look at Jensen right now, too scared of what he might see written on his face.
“I- I am being safe, okay? I promise. And I probably won’t be able to call for a few days or- or whatever but I’ll try to be in touch when I can. Just tell the University I had a- a family emergency. Back in Texas, and I’m not sure when I’ll be back yet.”
Gen sighs.
“ Okay, Jared. Okay. But only because I fucking love you, alright? God. You owe me huge for this, you know,” she laughs a little but also sniffles and Jared knows she’s trying to make light of it, have faith in him, but she’s still really, really worried. “ I demand all the dirty details when you get back, I mean it. ”
Jared does bark out a small laugh at that.
“Okay, Gen. No detail will be spared. And I love you, too. I’ll be in touch when I can,” Jared’s voice is soft by the end. He knows this is getting close to goodbye, at least for now.
“ Okay, Padalecki. Take care of you,” Gen returns, softly, too.
“You, too,” Jared finally hangs up. He closes his eyes and holds the phone to his chest, his head tilted down, and he’s a little surprised that his eyes have welled up a bit. He chose this - still chooses it - would choose it again - but talking to Gen has made the danger seem that much more real. And he knows the plan is that he’ll see her again but suddenly he realizes he really doesn’t know when that will be. And then there’s Jensen, less than a foot away, having heard every word of their conversation. Jared needs a moment.
Jensen gives it to him, waiting quietly beside him while he sniffles, tosses the phone back into their bag and then both in the open passenger window. Jared settles back against the side of the car and wipes the back of one hand across his eyes. He takes a deep breath to steady himself but before he looks up again Jensen is already moving.
Jensen stands in front of him, in the slightly open vee of his legs, and gently reaches for him. He slides his hands up and down Jared’s forearms and then puts one hand under Jared’s chin to make him look him in the eye.
“You okay, Jay?” His eyes are so, so green in the daylight and they’re full of concern.
“Yeah, I just…” Jared sniffles again. “I hadn’t realized how much had happened, how much I was forgetting about, and Gen…” he trails off because he’s not sure what he means to say, but Jensen seems to understand.
He comes closer so that he can wrap Jared in his arms. Jared doesn’t hesitate to burrow his face in Jensen’s shoulder and melt into him, safe and warm in his embrace and the sun overhead while they hug leaning up against the Matrix. They stay like that for several long minutes, with Jensen rubbing his hands up and down Jared’s back.
“I’m sorry I’ve taken you away from all that,” Jensen whispers, his mouth brushing the side of Jared’s face when he speaks. “It’s not too late, you know. Really, and… I’d understand.”
Jared pulls back to look up at him, eyes pleading.
“Jensen, don’t. Please. I meant it when I said I wasn’t going to leave you. I’m not leaving you.”
Jared’s hands fist in the front of Jensen’s shirt, and he hopes the look he’s giving him conveys how serious he is. He wants to make sure Jensen knows he’s not alone in this.
There’s a twitch at the corner of Jensen’s mouth as he tries not to smile.
“‘Cause… you’re falling for me pretty hard, huh?” Jensen is clearly trying to tease him with the ammunition garnered from his conversation with Gen - and it works, of course, Jared’s face is flushing again, embarrassed - but Jared can see past that, too. Jensen is… hopeful, and maybe… nervous. Jared swallows hard. He tries to find his voice and his bravery.
“Yeah,” he finally admits, quietly, into the shrinking space between them and tries to keep his voice from shaking, from giving away everything. “I really am.”
Jensen looks relieved for a split second before he simply looks pleased. He hums happily and tilts Jared’s chin with the hand that’s still under it and leans in to kiss him. It’s only chaste for a moment before Jensen’s tongue is tracing the seam of Jared’s lips and he parts them to let Jensen in.
Jensen kisses with his whole body, pressing in against Jared, grabbing his hip with one hand and sliding the other into Jared’s hair. It’s overwhelming - being surrounded by Jensen like this, Jensen’s tongue moving along his own, the soft pressure of his lips, the squeeze and tug of those hands of his. They’re rough - Jensen’s hands - but Jared isn’t scared of them, even after seeing what they can do yesterday. Right now, with him, they’re firm but they’re gentle, and Jared feels safe in them.
When Jensen pulls at his hair just that little bit, Jared whimpers into the kiss, tries to open for more, wants to give Jensen everything. He subconsciously cants his hips, angling so he can press himself against Jensen’s body. When the hard length of him finds the resistance of Jensen’s hip they both gasp, their lips still brushing.
“Jared…” Jensen sighs, and pushes against him, increasing that pressure so Jared groans again. He kisses up Jared’s jaw while Jared’s hips work in a subtle rhythm under him. “God, you feel so big, Jay.”
Jared shivers at the husky sound of Jensen’s voice right at his ear. Jensen drags his teeth over the soft lobe, bites gently and gives a little tug. Jared’s skin pebbles up despite the heat, completely at Jensen’s mercy. Jensen puts more weight into his hips where he’s pinning Jared, and Jared can feel the hard heat of him straining behind his jeans. He whines brokenly, twisting to try and line them up. Jensen is still teasing his ear with his lips and his teeth and Jared is so fucking turned on he’s ready to bust right out of his too-tight, too-small skin.
“If we weren’t on the side of the road right now, Jared, fuck,” Jensen almost growls and Jared’s stomach flutters, makes him jittery. He finally lets go of Jensen’s shirt and, with shaking hands reaches around, sliding down Jensen’s back to palm his ass and he groans as he pulls them closer.
“But we’re in enough trouble already without…” Jensen goes with Jared’s hands, rolling their hips together and Jared shudders.
“W-what, Jen?” Jared stutters, struggling to find his voice.
“I’d get on my knees,” he whispers, and Jared sucks in a startled breath. “On my knees for you, Jay. Want you in my face, want to breathe you in, know how you taste when you’re worked up and want me…”
Jared is trembling now, all over. Jensen’s rich voice and teasing words are like a shot of the best top shelf liquor, potent and heady. He can barely catch his breath and the way they’re rubbing together even through their pants is getting him close now that Jensen has painted that particular picture. But Jensen isn’t stopping, his mouth still brushing over the shell of Jared’s ear as he keeps talking, and it’s all Jared can do to cling to him.
“Want to feel you stretch my mouth, Jay, feel you at the back of my throat, fill me up and let you use me. Baby, want to swallow you all the way down, want you to make my jaw ache for the size of you…”
“ Jen -,” Jared moans, and he’s frantically pulling at Jensen, his hands unable to settle anywhere for the way he needs to get Jensen impossibly closer.
“Fuck, Jared. I- I don’t- I can’t help myself around you, barely know what I’m saying,” Jensen is almost laughing, seems almost as out of his mind as Jared feels right now; the sight of him like that does nothing to slow the feeling building low in Jared’s gut, the heat at the base of his spine that threatens to boil over with every drag of Jensen’s hips and the words spilling off Jensen’s tongue.
“I can’t remember anything- any one before you but-” Jensen pulls back to look at him, earnest, and then kisses him, hard “-I don’t even want to, Jay. I just- I just want you. All of you, fuck -”
Jared cries out against Jensen’s lethal lips, stilling under him as he comes in his pants like a goddamn teenager.
“Jesus, Jared, ” Jensen moans and the rhythm of his own hips stutters; he rolls them once, again, and then Jared can hardly believe it but he’s pretty sure from the broken noises caught in Jensen’s throat that Jensen is coming, too.
Jared is thankful for the way Jensen’s body is helping him stay upright; his knees are weak and he feels heavy. Jensen sighs and strokes a hand through Jared’s hair before putting their foreheads together. They catch their breaths like that, and then Jensen is kissing him again, slow and lazy like they didn’t just get off while making out in a public - albeit empty - rest stop. When Jensen finally releases his mouth, he’s smiling like Jared hasn’t seem him do before, and Jared is stunned; Jensen is so beautiful and Jared is hopelessly, dangerously gone for him. He’s completely doomed.
“Um,” Jared starts, though he’s not sure where he’s going with it.
“Um?” Jensen echoes. He’s still smiling but there’s that look again, just below the surface, the one that Jared recognizes as how vulnerable Jensen is in all this; they’re both strangers, the trust and leap of faith goes both ways, even if it is Jensen’s life that seems to be the one inherently plagued with danger.
“God, Jensen,” Jared laughs and kisses him quick. He can feel Jensen’s smile against his lips.
“Yeah?” Jensen mumbles, sounding hopeful and pleased.
“Yeah,” Jared answers, reassuring, around more kisses.
“Okay,” Jensen says, pulling back again and looking at Jared with his beautifully flushed face. He reaches past Jared to grab their duffle back through the window. “Do you know Gen’s number by heart? Her email? Other important numbers?”
Jared’s brow knits together as he watches Jensen dig around inside the bag.
“Yeah. Why?”
Jensen pulls out his cell phone, looks apologetic.
“We really shouldn’t have this on us. It… could be tracked.”
Jared blinks, the risks attached to Jensen slamming back to the foreground after their brief, carefree break.
“Oh. Okay. Whatever you think, Jensen,” Jared says, nodding dumbly and watching as Jensen takes the sim card out, cracks it in half, then drops the phone on the ground and slams his heel into it, crushing it beyond repair.
“Also, we uh, might want to change before we leave,” Jensen gestures to the bag where their spare clothes are with a little smirk.
“Smart,” Jared agrees, standing up fully and feeling the uncomfortable, tacky wetness in his shorts as he moves.
They take turns changing while standing mostly hidden behind the Matrix, the other watching for any vehicles joining them at the stop. They luck out; it isn’t until they’re settled inside the car, Jensen behind the wheel again, that a minivan pulls up behind them. They watch the young family pile out of it in the rearview and then share a knowing look that makes Jared’s cheeks pink up again.
Jensen takes his hand in his, resting them on Jared’s thigh, and then they’re pulling out and back on the road to Miami.
---
They get lunch at a drive-thru in Lafayette but Jared makes Jensen pull over so he can eat while he’s not driving, at which point he also makes Jensen let him take over driving altogether. They talk a little as they pick up the road again with Jensen asking for more stories about Jared’s friendship with Gen, but Jared is keenly aware of how the roll of the car on the highway and the soft drone of his voice lull Jensen into that place that lets him sleep, headache free, so he encourages Jensen to do just that.
Jared uses Jensen’s sleep to power through the next seven or so hours, only pulling over once to piss on the side of the road. It’s after dark and Jensen wakes up on his own as they pull into Tallahassee, Florida. It’s as good a time as any to grab something to eat and switch places again, so they do.
Jensen is back in the driver’s seat and Jared is wiped from the day’s worth of quiet driving. It’s not long until he’s passed out himself, curled up small with his hand for a pillow between his head and the window.
---
Jensen drives around Miami until he finds an unobtrusive hostel off the main streets. He was going to wake Jared but when he doesn’t stir even as Jensen parks, he just makes sure the doors are locked before he goes to check them in and gives Jared the extra few minutes. It’s nearly two in the morning - they made excellent time - and Jensen is tired but he’d also be lying if he tried to say he hadn’t spent the last part of the drive replaying their roadside stop from earlier today, the feel of Jared hard against him, the curves of his back and ass, the taste of his mouth… it kept him awake, anyway, which was good, but it also means he’s antsy to get Jared behind a closed door and preferably on a bed.
He gets back to the car and Jared is still dead to the world, mouth open and the fingers of his hand curled up limply in his lap. Jensen taps the window gently and Jared blinks awake, looking up at him through his hair and the glass, his mouth spreading into a slow, lazy smile. Jensen grabs their bag and takes Jared’s hand when he unfolds himself from the car, leading him to their room along the dark, downtown street.
Jensen tries not to hesitate when he finally opens the door of their room for Jared, hoping he hasn’t been too presumptuous and Jared won’t be upset. Jared walks in ahead of him and then stops; Jensen sees his breath catch when his eyes find the bed - the single, large bed in the middle of the otherwise bare-bones room.
“Is it okay? If it’s not okay I can- I just thought, after last night, and then- but just say, and-”
“Jensen,” Jared says, smiling softly and cutting him off. “It’s fine. It’s more than fine - it’s good. We’ll actually fit this time.”
Jared’s easy grin is reassuring and does the trick calming the sudden flurry of nerves in Jensen’s belly. He lets out a shaky laugh and rubs a hand along the back of his neck.
“Yeah,” he sighs, breathy. “Okay.”
The air seems thick between them while they set about making up the bed from the linens that were folded and waiting. Jensen isn’t sure if he’s imagining it because of where his head’s been all night or if it’s really going both ways and Jared is just as anxious to get to bed with him. Jensen takes the first turn in the small, shared bathroom next to their room and then comes back and strips down to his boxer-briefs while Jared takes his turn.
Jensen sits down on the bed facing away from the door and gets a little lost in his thoughts and plans for tomorrow. One of his names - aliases? - as a registered guest at the Hotel Beaux Arts is the only lead he has. He’s not sure what he expects to learn but he hopes it will give him something else to go on. The hotel itself is really ritzy - an expensive, five-star establishment in the fancy part of town - and Jensen isn’t sure what to make of that, either. His own apartment had seemed expensive, despite being completely devoid of anything personal or otherwise revealing, and just as Jensen seems to just know certain things, he’s starting to dread finding out what he thinks he knows about himself based on all the pieces of the puzzle so far. He’s so absorbed he doesn’t realize Jared has returned to the room until he hears the sharp intake of breath behind him.
| Part Three | Masterpost | Part Five |