Fic: Put the Heartbeat Back Inside (Part Five)
Jared isn’t quiet when he closes the door to their room behind him but it’s clear that he startles Jensen when he does. Jared can’t help the loud gasp he makes when his eyes find Jensen sitting shirtless on the bed.
He’s seen Jensen without a shirt before over the last two days but apparently not from this angle. He’s also been aware of the fact that Jensen mentioned he’d been shot - twice - but seeing his back for the first time now…
There are two red, misshapen, almost-circular scars. One is high, just under Jensen’s right shoulder blade, and the other is farther down his back and closer to his spine. They’re rough and ugly looking, dark and contrasting to the rest of Jensen’s smooth, creamy skin, the sprinkle of freckles the only other markings.
“Jensen, Jesus…” Jared breathes, dropping his towel and toothbrush on their duffle before crawling across the bed to him on his knees.
Jensen sits mostly still under Jared’s scrutiny, his hands holding the edge of the bed, and he looks back over his shoulder just in time to see Jared tentatively reach out and then withdraw his hand.
“It- it’s okay, Jay. They’re just a little sore if I move hard, is all. You can touch them. I know you’ll be gentle.” Jensen’s voice is hushed as he turns away again, exposing his back to Jared all the more, baring it to him, and Jared is struck by the gesture of trust. He swallows hard and reaches out again, barely brushing the first mark with his fingertip.
The skin feels strangely smooth as scar tissue does, somehow hard under his hand, and he traces the lines of it being mindful of how they’re still only a couple weeks fresh whatever Jensen says about them, and he doesn’t miss how Jensen’s skin pebbles with goosebumps as he draws his finger down his spine towards the other one.
Jared traces the second point of entry and not for the first time today it hits him, hard, just how very real this is: Jensen, the danger, the possibility that-
He sighs, shaky, and makes himself stop thinking about it. It scares him - it does - but not enough to change his mind or make him want Jensen any less. He can sense that Jensen is just sitting, waiting, letting him do whatever, and Jared leans forward to place a trembling kiss to the higher of the scars. He can hear the way Jensen sucks in a breath at the barely-there contact, and it makes Jared shivery, too.
“Jared…” Jensen seems to exhale his name and Jared swallows again, thick for the quick intimacy of the moment they’re in.
Jensen turns to look at him, taking inventory of Jared’s lips and finally his eyes, but his own narrow as he twists and reaches out for Jared’s arm.
“Jared, are you okay? You- you’re shaking,” Jensen asks, voice steeped in concern.
Jared lets out a shaky laugh, leaning into Jensen’s touch.
“Yeah, Jen. I’m not the one who was shot, you know,” he tosses back, joking, but Jensen still looks serious.
“I mean it, Jen. I really am good. I mean-” Jared rests his forearms on Jensen’s shoulders now that Jensen is on his knees in front of him, too. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m scared. I was terrified in your apartment like I’ve never been before in my entire life. I was scared when you smashed my phone up because it hadn’t occurred to me that having it could be dangerous, and I’m scared now looking at the bullet holes in your back. Actual, real bullet holes because you were actually, really shot and- how is this my life, you know? It got crazy, really fast, but Jensen…”
Jared fixes Jensen with a serious stare. Jensen has looked increasingly apologetic and guilty with Jared’s words but Jared waits for Jensen to meet his eyes before he continues.
“None of that - you hear me? None of it - is enough to make me want to leave you. I still- God help me, Jensen, I just want to be with you. I- I’m crazy about you - this is crazy - and I don’t care. I don’t care about any of it - just you.”
Jensen lets out a wet, nearly-relieved laugh under his breath at the force of Jared’s words.
“Jared, I don’t-” Jensen starts with a sniffle. “What about when it is enough? What if what we learn about me, my past… what about when that’s enough? I don’t deserve you, Jared.”
It’s just a whisper and Jensen’s eyes are glistening in the low lamplight of their room and Jared knows that it’s possible what Jensen says but he still doesn’t care. He’s crazy about the Jensen that’s pressed up against him right now, the one with his arms around his waist and the crinkles at his eyes when he laughs, the richness of his voice, and the callouses on his fingers.
“Shut up, Jensen,” Jared laughs. “Stop trying to talk me out of you. You’re stuck with me remember?”
Jensen smiles up at him.
“Yeah, but-” Jensen starts, and Jared can tell he’s playing now. Jared rolls his eyes dramatically and makes him shut up with a kiss. He loves the way Jensen’s smiling lips feel against his own, the perfect plush of them, and he wastes no time teasing them open with his tongue. He loves the taste of Jensen, might already be addicted to it, and he moans, quiet and happy, when their tongues brush together in Jensen’s mouth.
Jensen hugs him close with arms that tighten around him so they’re flush together from knee to chest, his one hand coming up to hold the back of Jared’s head, threading his fingers through his hair. His other hand slides lower, wrapped around Jared’s ass, and they’re both already half-hard trapped between them.
Panting, Jensen pulls back and nips at Jared’s lips.
“Lie down, Jay,” he says, breathless, and Jared is happy to do as he says. He scrambles backwards up the bed, dropping down so his head is on a pillow and he keeps his eyes on Jensen the whole time, watches Jensen stalk up his body on his hands and knees. Jensen’s posture is predatory and it makes Jared tremble but Jensen’s eyes and expression are soft and fond, gentle in a way that undoes him in a completely different way. He’s not sure how Jensen can manage to be both at once but Jared isn’t complaining, and he’s happy to give Jensen whatever he could want; it’s what Jared wants, too.
Jensen drops his hips so they’re lined up and they both gasp and groan at the feeling, the friction. Jensen kisses him again, deeply, and starts to move his body like a wave on top of him. Jared arches into it, and when Jensen lets go of his lips to graze his teeth along his jaw and soothe the skin there with gentle sucks of his mouth, Jared clings to him tightly, pulls him closer and digs his fingers into Jensen’s sides.
“ Jensen ,” Jared keens under him, feels himself coming apart. He lets his knees fall apart in wordless invitation, begging Jensen for more. “Please.”
Jensen smiles darkly when he pulls back.
“Jay, are you sure?”
“I’m sure, Jen,” Jared says, and to prove his point he squirms underneath Jensen, who backs off, understanding, so that Jared can take off his boxers. He tosses them aside and lays back down, biting his lip as he looks back at Jensen, putting himself on display. His dick is achingly hard and settles against his stomach, leaving a drop of glistening precome on his skin, and he feels the heat from Jensen’s appreciative gaze like an actual touch. It makes him shiver.
“God, look at you. Fucking beautiful, Jared,” Jensen says and it’s almost reverent, his voice. Jared feels himself blush. Jensen is the most beautiful man he’s ever seen; it feels all kinds of wrong for Jensen to say that to him, especially like that.
“I mean it, Jay. You’re incredible. Every bit of you,” Jensen adds like he can read Jared’s mind. Jared can’t help but smile at the praise, even if it doesn’t feel deserved.
Jensen shimmies back and strips off his underwear, too, adding them to Jared’s somewhere on the floor. He sits back on his heels in the open spread of Jared’s legs to let Jared look. His own cock is hard and dripping like Jared’s; it’s a little shorter but it’s thicker and the sight makes Jared sigh and shift wantonly, hitching his legs up a little and making more space between them. He can only imagine what he looks like, desperate, but it’s not untrue. It really has been a long time and Jared’s never seen a prettier dick than the one in front of him now.
When he swallows, his mouth watering, and finally tears his eyes off all of Jensen's exquisite, exposed body to look at his face, Jensen is grinning and wags his eyebrows at him lewdly. Jared can’t help but laugh.
“Get down here,” he begs around his laughter and Jensen, still grinning, complies. He kisses Jared again, teases him, and then he’s petting Jared’s abused lower lip with one rough finger. He pulls back enough to make space for his hand, slipping the finger into Jared’s mouth and laying it on his tongue.
“Suck,” Jensen purrs and when Jared closes his mouth around Jensen’s finger to do as he was asked, they both moan.
“That’s it, Jay. Get it nice and wet,” Jensen encourages and Jared hollows his cheeks, sucks hard and wiggles the tip of his tongue around the knuckle.
He whimpers when Jensen takes his finger back but he knows it’s only about to get better. Jensen doesn’t disappoint, reaching down and slipping the spit-slick digit past Jared’s balls to find his hole. Jared startles at the first cool touch of Jensen’s finger against his skin and feels himself clench even as he carelessly spreads his legs as far as they’ll go.
“Shh, relax, Jay. I’ll take it slow, okay? That’s it…” Jensen’s voice is as soft as the pressure of his finger where it circles and strokes at his hole, and Jared starts to relax under him. He lets out a long, shaky breath and moans when Jensen’s finger finally pushes in, slow and steady all the way to the knuckle.
The intrusion is welcome even with the first hint of burn that quickly recedes and leaves Jared to shudder and bear down on Jensen’s hand, already wanting more. He opens his eyes and searches for Jensen’s face, finds him looking as strung out and blissed out as Jared feels. Jensen sees Jared looking at him and grins lasciviously. He slowly takes his finger back and Jared whines at the empty feeling it leaves him with, his body clenching around nothing, seeking that fullness again.
In the next moment though, Jensen is putting the finger that was just inside Jared along with another, into his own mouth. Want spikes through Jared hot and fast and when Jensen moans around his mouthful, his eyes fluttering shut like it’s best damn thing he’s tasted all day, Jared can only curse under his breath and feel his dick twitch and leak onto his stomach.
“Fucking Christ, Jensen,” Jared breathes, disbelieving.
It looks like it takes an effort for Jensen to take the fingers out of his mouth.
“Taste so good, Jay,” he sighs and reaches back down between them, this time pushing both fingers into Jared’s body, slower but just as steady as before. Jared keens as he slides them all the way in, tilts his chin up and Jensen understands, leaning forward to meet his mouth in a sloppy kiss. It only gets sloppier as Jensen starts petting at his insides, stretching him out and teasing at his prostate.
“ Jensen! ” Jared cries out at the first touch to the sensitive spot, his hips jerking and precome beading up at the tip of his cock.
“Yeah, Jared, fuck, look so pretty right now,” Jensen mumbles against his mouth and keeps at it, relentless. Jared thrashes under him on each stroke, his knees spread and quivering on either side of Jensen’s hips.
“God, Jared, please-” Jensen leans back but doesn’t take away the hand he has buried in Jared’s body. With his free hand he pushes at Jared’s leg. “H-hold ‘em, Jared. I gotta- yeah …” he sighs as Jared’s shaky hands grab under his knees and he pulls them up, completely exposing himself. Jared has been with other guys before but no one has done to him what he knows Jensen is about to do and he tries to say something - anything - because he’s about to shake right out of his skin, but he can’t find any words as Jensen scoots down the bed and gets his hand on Jared’s cheeks, spreading him open. He hooks his thumbs in Jared’s hole - Jared can feel how it’s open and fuck the air passing over - through - him makes him feel fucking filthy but Jensen just moans and leans in. The first wiggle of Jensen’s tongue between his fingers, inside him, makes Jared shudder and elicits a sound he’s never made before.
“Oh- oh, God, Jen- Jensen, fuck-” Jared babbles mindlessly as Jensen goes at him with his tongue and teases of his teeth. He laps at Jared’s hole, drags his tongue, flat, up and down Jared’s crack and sucks at Jared’s opening and it feels so dirtygoodwrongsofuckinggood that Jared can’t help that he’s not sure he knows up from down by the time Jensen is placing surprisingly gentle, chaste kisses around his fingers as he slowly takes them away.
“Jen- Jen, Jen, Jen, ” Jared whines when he’s empty and Jensen has let him go. He’s so, so desperate to be filled.
“I know, Jay. I know. Me, too, baby. Almost there,” Jensen mumbles reassurances and Jared hears the tear of a foil packet. Jared blinks and forces himself to focus, watching as Jensen rolls a condom down the angry-hard length of himself and then reaches for a small container of lube and flicks the cap open.
“Where- when did you get those?” Jared pants out.
Despite the fact they’re both naked and Jensen just had his tongue in Jared’s ass, he still somehow manages to flush a deeper red in his face and look sheepish.
“I- um, got them when I- before I booked our room here. While you were sleeping in the car,” he mutters by way of explanation, his hand still moving on his dick, slicking it up.
Jared manages to find enough air to huff out a laugh.
“I’m glad you did,” he smiles, eyeing Jensen’s hand where it’s still jacking his dick. “Now, please. Need you inside me, Jensen.”
“Oh, fuck, yes,” Jensen groans and shimmies forward. Jared is still holding his legs back and Jensen guides himself to Jared’s hole. Jared can feel how Jensen has worked him open and he just gives when Jensen pushes in and Jared burns a little at the added stretch of him, thicker than his fingers, but it’s so good . Jared sighs and Jensen grunts as he slides in all the way to the base.
“God, you’re so tight, Jared. Fuck, feels so good.”
Jared moans his agreement and, having waited a minute to adjust, starts to experiment with rocking his hips under Jensen’s weight.
“ Yes, ” Jensen hisses out, long and breathy, and he starts to move, too.
They’ve been at this long enough now that slow and easy isn’t really an option. Jensen finds a fast, steady pace, pulling back and slamming back in hard, and Jared rocks to meet him in time. Jensen is punching soft grunts out of Jared on every thrust and Jensen isn’t faring much better, gasping and moaning as he carves into the welcoming heat of Jared’s body. Jensen is supporting himself above Jared with a hand on either side of his head and as he leans down to kiss him, his weight pressing Jared’s folded legs between them, he talks against Jared’s mouth.
“Jay- Jay I’m not gonna last long. C’mon, touch yourself. Make yourself come. Wanna feel you around my cock, please baby, please.”
Jared moans and reaches to take his cock in his hand. The leg he has to let go of trembles all the more as he keeps it up but he’s not going to last long either. Jensen is brushing his prostate with most of his thrusts and Jensen had already gotten him so close with his fingers and his tongue- fuck . He’s only given himself a handful of tugs before he’s crying out Jensen’s name and coming, spilling over his fist and up his stomach.
“Fuck yeah, Jay, oh fuck-” Jensen’s rhythm breaks and Jared can feel the way his dick stiffens inside him before he comes, too, filling the condom and stilling above him altogether.
They’re frozen like that a moment, their bodies getting heavy in the after-glow. They’re both trying to catch their breath but Jensen kisses at him lazily, just a brush of lips and tease of tongue, and they’re both smiling. Jared’s legs shudder and Jensen immediately moves so he can put them down, reaching to hold the base of the condom and pull out as carefully as he can.
They both wince as he leaves Jared empty, but Jensen is quick to help Jared ease his legs back down to the bed, at which point Jared melts into the mattress and isn’t sure he’ll be able to move again for the near future.
“You okay, Jay?” Jensen asks, one hand rubbing up and down his leg, the other still holding the condom on his softening dick.
Jared chuckles and grins.
“Yeah, Jensen. That was- it was amazing. You’re amazing.”
Jensen beams and then leans down to kiss Jared again for real, unhurried. Finally, he sits back so he can take off the condom and tie it off, tossing it in the waste basket in the corner. He reaches over to grab a pair of their boxers from the floor and cleans them both up - Jared first - even though Jared fidgets under his hands and flushes, embarrassed now that the sex-fog has kind of lifted.
Jensen seems to sense his discomfort and smiles at him kindly, then leans down and kisses his hip.
“It’s fine, Jay. Let me take care of you,” his voice is soft and Jared relaxes into it despite himself.
Jared watches him through half-lidded eyes and when Jensen is satisfied he tosses the underwear-turned-cloth into the garbage before crawling back up the bed and laying down at Jared’s side.
“No shower tonight?” Jared slurs tiredly as he settles back against Jensen’s chest, pushing his hips back into his lap.
“Nah, too tired now,” Jensen mumbles against his shoulder, equally sleepy. “Besides, I figured I’d try to sneak into yours.”
Jared can feel Jensen’s smile against his skin and it makes him smile, too.
“G’night, Jay,” Jensen whispers.
“Night, Jen,” Jared whispers back. He leans forward to turn off the light, Jensen rolling forward with him. They waste no time getting settled back on the bed and falling asleep.
---
“Tell me again. I need you to be sure,” Jensen asks, again, and Jared rolls his eyes. “Please, Jared.”
Jared levels him with an exasperated look. They have spent all morning going over this but Jensen isn’t comfortable so he can’t help himself from asking for this last confirmation.
“The number for the payphone is 305-421-3894. There are three exits - service at the back, and the side one that goes out to the street and past the shops - but the front is best. If I think I’m being followed, come out with the bag over my right shoulder.”
“And?” Jensen prompts and Jared huffs.
“And don’t look back until you make contact.”
“Good. So one last time: when you get in there, I need distances. You walk in, you pick a spot - some midpoint in the lobby. I want you to count your steps to that spot and then remember that number because after I call you, I can get you moving. You understand?” Jared humours him by nodding seriously even though Jensen can tell he’s fighting the impulse to roll his eyes again.
“You also need a head count from the time I walk in until I get to the desk - how many hotel employees and obviously security. You'll call me so I can give you the layout and then we'll take it from there.” Jared looks smug when he finishes speaking, having successfully parroted Jensen’s earlier instructions, and Jensen finally lets himself huff out a small laugh.
“Jensen, I got this. We need this information, right? It’s going to be fine,” he leans in and gives Jensen a quick kiss. “Okay?”
Jensen smiles despite his nerves at having to send Jared in to do this legwork. They couldn’t risk someone recognizing Jensen and their alternatives are limited but Jensen doesn’t have to like it, and he doesn’t.
“Okay, Jay.” Jensen finally accepts, and gives Jared a nod. Jared turns around and heads for the hotel, leaving Jensen standing by possibly one of the only payphones left in Miami, coincidentally within eyesight of the Hotel Beaux Arts, and Jensen fidgets on the spot, resisting the urge to pace.
He watches as Jared disappears in the front door and then checks his watch. He keeps track, giving Jared time to look around, tapping his foot as he waits. The phone doesn’t ring and Jensen is antsy so after two and half minutes he goes into the payphone booth and dials the number for the phone in the hotel lobby. It rings, and rings and… it keeps ringing. By the sixth ring, Jensen’s stomach has flipped uncomfortably and he’s about to hang up, reaching to check the gun tucked into the waistband of his jeans when-
There’s a knock on the glass of the booth and Jensen startles, turning around immediately only to be face-to-face with Jared. Surprised and concerned, he wiggles his way out of the booth and grabs Jared’s shoulders.
“Jared, what happened? Did something go wrong?” Jensen demands, his voice laced with panic.
“Nothing happened, Jen. I got the records,” Jared grins at him and holds up a handful of papers.
“What?” Jensen is confused.
“I walked in and the guy behind the desk - he was smiling at me, and he looked really nice so,” Jared shrugs. “I thought - all this trouble - why not just ask?”
“So you have the bill?” Jensen blinks.
“Yeah. He printed me a copy. Not just that, Jensen. He told me what happened.” Jared looks serious and Jensen’s stomach flips again.
“What happened?”
“Dean Winchester died. Two weeks ago. Apparently it was some big crash on the freeway and he was pronounced at the scene. His brother showed up the next day in a rush to collect his things. The guy said ‘Mr. Winchester was really nice. He’d stayed here a few times in the last couple months and was always friendly.’ He seemed sad about it.”
Jensen is quiet a moment while he tries to process it all.
“And he volunteered all this? Just handed over the bill?” he finally repeats, incredulous.
Jared shrugs again, wearing a small smile. “Well, I said I was sent by Mr. Winchester’s boss. I didn’t know what had happened but I was supposed to collect the bill for company records.”
“Huh,” Jensen huffs out a laugh, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck while Jared looks at him expectantly, offering him the bill. “Well, good job, Jay.”
Jensen takes the papers and smiles at him appreciatively. Jared grins all the more and his cheeks flush that pretty pink again that Jensen finds so endearing.
Jensen scans the bill for any outgoing calls. There’s only three but they’re all to the same number.
“Give me a second,” Jensen mumbles and goes back inside the booth, popping in a quarter and dialling the number. It picks up on the second ring.
“ Good afternoon, Miami Beach Yacht Charters and Sales, Lisa speaking, how may I help you? ”
Jensen hangs up the phone and hums, contemplative. Like everything else, it doesn’t ring a bell, but at least it’s something.
“Listen, Jay,” he starts as he exits the booth again. “I’m going to Miami Beach. I’m going to follow up this next lead. I want you to go back to the hostel and lay low.”
Jared looks surprised.
“Are you sure? I could go with you?” he gives Jensen these big puppy eyes and Jensen almost says yes.
“Nah, it could be nothing. I don’t know how - or if - they’ll know me at this place, and I don’t want you out there and attached to me more than you have to be, okay? Grab lunch if you want. I’ll catch up with you after, back at the room.”
“Okay,” Jared agrees easily. He looks disappointed but also like he understands: Jensen is trying to look out for him.
Jensen flags down a cab for Jared and gives him a quick kiss before he gets in the back, closing the door and watching after him as the taxi drives away. Jensen grabs another cab for himself, giving the driver the name of the business and trying to hold onto some hope.
It’s not difficult walking around like he’s supposed to be there - it’s one of the things he seems implicitly capable of doing - but Jensen is pleased when he noses around the showroom for only a minute before a receptionist comes over.
“Mr. Winchester?” she asks tentatively, leaning into his field of view.
He turns towards her, feigning recognition.
“Yes, hello again!” he smiles and she smiles right back.
“It’s been so long, we were afraid you’d lost interest,” she explains cheerfully, then playfully frowns. “Or gone somewhere else, perhaps.”
“Not at all, actually. Just tied up with work. I’d love it if we could go over everything again, maybe look at finally drawing up some paperwork..?”
What he says seems to do just the trick because her smile brightens even further.
“Absolutely, Mr. Winchester. Right this way, please,” she motions for him to follow her towards the row of offices at the back and he does.
--
Jared doesn’t go directly back to the hostel. Maybe Jensen doesn’t want him showing his face somewhere else connected to him, but Jared thinks there is still more he can do to help.
There’s a little internet cafe just down the street from where they’re staying and Jared settles in there to do some research of his own.
There was definitely an accident on the freeway two weeks ago, just like the concierge at the hotel had said. They don’t know for sure how long Jensen had been floating in the Gulf but the accident occurred the day Jensen says he woke up on Jeff’s boat. Dean Winchester, 32, had been pronounced dead at the scene after being extricated from the totalled vehicle.
Jared makes some phone calls to the paper that wrote the article and then the Miami police using the phone at the cafe’s desk and a fake name. He manages to track down Dean Winchester’s body at a local morgue. If that doesn't give them some answers, he doesn’t know what will. He writes the address of the place on a piece of scrap paper, tucking it into his back pocket before heading out.
Satisfied with his sleuthing, he grabs a dozen fresh donuts from a mom ‘n pop bake shop around the corner and brings them back to the room to snack on and wait for Jensen to get back.
He doesn’t have to wait long. He’s still licking his fingers after polishing off his third donut when Jensen comes through the door, sighing audibly and in obvious frustration. He’s tossing a bunch of glossy brochures and some papers on the bed and going off before Jared can even ask how it went.
“So I just had a meeting as Dean Winchester. They knew me as Winchester. So I’m Ackles but I’m Winchester, too?” Jensen paces the room looking angry and Jared can tell his head is hurting him by the way he winces and rubs at his temple.
“Jensen-” Jared starts, but Jensen interrupts him.
“And this?” he gestures to the pile of papers. “Is all boat stuff. Useless. It- it’s specs and blueprints for a particular yacht, which tells me exactly nothing. So I’m Jensen Ackles, or I’m Dean Winchester, or somehow both, I’m out of leads, and-”
“ Jensen !” Jared says more forcefully, catching his attention finally. Jensen’s eyes snap to his and he’s still pressing at the side of his head with two fingers.
“Sorry. I’m sorry, Jared.” He takes a deep breath and bites his bottom lip. “What?”
“I found Dean Winchester’s body. It’s still here, in a morgue in Miami.” Jared leans forward to dig the scrap of paper out of his pocket. “So if you’re Dean Winchester, then whose body do they have?”
Jared tries not to look too pleased with himself because Jensen is clearly not in a good mood, but Jensen’s grim expression breaks as he looks back and forth between Jared’s face and the scribbled address. Finally, he grabs it from Jared’s hand, huffs out a laugh and shimmies toward Jared on the bed.
“Jared, you- you’re the fucking best,” he takes Jared’s face in both hands and kisses him hard. Jared’s face is ready to split in two he’s smiling so big against Jensen’s mouth, beside himself that he could be helpful to Jensen in any way. He gives back as good as he gets, and when Jensen pushes past his lips with his tongue he hums happily and licks in deeper.
“Jay, you taste so good. So sweet, baby,” Jensen mumbles through their kisses.
“Oh!” Jared starts, leaning back for the box beside him. “I forgot! I got us these.”
Jared is grinning again when he hands the box to Jensen, who can only laugh.
“Donuts? Why am I not surprised?” He kisses Jared quick before picking a double chocolate one from the box and taking a bite. When he moans around the mouthful Jared adds it to his win column for the day.
“Good right?” he asks anyway.
“So good,” Jensen agrees enthusiastically.
“Well, eat up. Can’t go to the morgue on an empty stomach, you know.” Jared jokes but when Jensen smiles back at him, he’s serious and fond - that softness in his eyes like he seems to only get when he looks at Jared - and suddenly Jared’s insides feel similar to those of a jelly donut. He clears his throat and watches as Jensen finishes the bite of his treat and licks his lips, getting closer to him all the while.
“Seriously, thank you,” Jensen says, brushing their noses together. “For everything.”
He kisses Jared again and this time he tastes sweet, too.
---
They take a cab to the morgue and Jensen leads Jared in, with his hand in his. They get to the desk and there’s a young guy behind it with a nametag on his lab coat that reads Tyler .
“Can I help you?” he asks as they approach, his eyes lingering on their hands a moment before giving Jensen a skeptical look. Jared moves in closely behind him.
“Yes, actually you can,” Jensen starts, aiming for polite. “I need to see Dean Winchester’s body.”
The man blinks at him.
“You can’t- it doesn’t work like that. I can’t just let anyone in there.”
Jensen sighs and Jared squeezes his hand, looking back and forth between him and the person standing between them and Jensen’s next clue.
“Maybe just this once, you could make it work like that?” Jensen reaches into his pocket and pulls out a crisp hundred dollar bill.
Jared can see the gears turning in the guy’s head as he eyes up the bill, swallowing hard and checking his watch.
“Yeah, alright,” Tyler says, snatching the bill out of Jensen’s fingers. “But my boss will be back soon so we have to be quick. What was the name again?”
“Dean Winchester,” Jensen repeats and they both watch as Tyler opens up a book on the desk and scrolls through it.
“Okay, this way,” Tyler motions for them to follow and they do, through the double doors behind his desk and into the morgue itself. He scans the row of freezers and finally reaches for number thirteen.
He opens the drawer and it’s empty.
“What the hell is this?” Jensen says, terse. “Where is he?”
“I don’t- I don’t know?” Tyler sounds genuinely unsure. “He- he was here yesterday. Someone- I think someone came last night? But the records said he was still here, I swear.”
Jensen opens his mouth to argue but someone comes through the double doors. It startles Jared and he jumps, holding on to Jensen’s hand a little more tightly as they turn to face him, a smaller, rounder man with silver in his short, curly hair.
“Who are you?” the newcomer demands, casting an accusing glare at Jared and Jensen as well as his employee. “Tyler, these people are not signed in? What are their credentials? This is not a peep show. What is going on?”
“Where is this body? Dean Winchester - where is he?” Jensen ignores the older man’s questions and points to the empty tray while Tyler stutters nervously behind him.
The man - his name tag says Curtis - looks at him incredulously.
“That is not your concern,” he says sternly. “I don’t know what you’re doing in here but there are protocols. This is a serious place. People cannot just come and go - you sign in, sign out, and- where are you going?”
Jensen has started to walk past them, pulling Jared behind him. Jared is not comfortable with the active confrontation and all too happy to stay quiet and let Jensen lead.
“We didn’t sign in. I’m just going to do that now.”
Jensen walks right to the desk and grabs the book off it that has a label on the front Sign-In , throwing it open to the last page that’s been written on and starts scanning it quickly. Tyler’s boss is right behind them, trying to breath down Jensen’s neck despite being so much smaller.
“Excuse me! You can’t just-”
“You’re right,” Jensen cuts him off. “We’ll just be out of your hair, then.”
Jensen tears the sheet of paper right out of the book and walks away with Jared still in tow. Jared is confused to say the least and can’t help but give an apologetic shrug to Tyler and Curtis who stand at their desk looking shocked. Curtis yells after them but makes no move to follow, instead reaching for the phone on his desk. Jared figures he’ll be calling security or the police but either way they need to make their way away from the morgue as quickly as possible and based on the speed at which Jensen is tugging him through the hallways to the first available exit, Jensen has the same thought.
They deke down another hallway and out a side exit into an alley. Jensen doesn’t slow down, just keeps speed walking with Jared’s hand tight in his.
“Keep moving, Jay. We can’t slow down,” he says without looking back.
Jared huffs under his breath because he’s been keeping up so far; he’s not about to stop.
“Jensen, what the hell was that?” Jared asks. “Why did you take that? What are you looking for?”
They’ve made it to a main street and Jensen flags down a cab. He throws open the back door.
“Get in.” He ignores Jared’s question and points inside the taxi. Jared huffs again but does as directed, glad that Jensen slides in beside him. He gives the driver the address for the hostel.
“Jensen, talk to me, please,” Jared gets close to Jensen on the seat, pressing their sides together from knee to shoulder, and holds Jensen’s hand in his lap.
Jensen sighs, checking over his shoulder, and finally seems to relax somewhat.
“I can’t run out of leads, Jared. This can’t be it. That Tyler kid said someone came to the morgue last night - if they signed in, I wanted to know who. Turns out there’s a name on the list I’ve seen before.”
Jared is shocked.
“How? How is that possible? You mean, that you remember from before?”
“No. That I’ve seen since. Yesterday. In the paperwork from the yacht company.”
At Jared’s disbelieving expression, Jensen continues.
“That’s why we’re going back to the room. I’ll show you. There’s no way it’s coincidence. I need to figure out the connection.”
Jensen is completely resolved, his focus somewhere else, ahead, looking for answers. Jared finally sighs and slumps against him, letting his head rest on Jensen’s shoulder. The rest of the ride is quiet and Jensen’s thumb strokes absentmindedly over the back of Jared’s hand the whole way.
---
“Here, see? This guy - Benito Martinez - his name was on the register at the morgue. He went to see Winchester but,” Jensen digs through the pile of papers he’d left scattered on their bed looking for the one for the security company, waving it triumphantly when he finds it. “He’s here, too. He gives a glowing endorsement of this Alliance Security firm, the one he uses for his yacht - this yacht. The same one I was looking at.”
Jared follows along, see the guy’s picture next to his review on the brochure, but still isn’t sure what that means for Jensen.
“So?” Jared finally asks outright when Jensen doesn’t offer more, just keeps pouring over the paper.
“So he knows, Jared. This guy - he’s involved. He knows Winchester - me - somehow. He’s going to tell me who I am, I know it. We have to look him up.”
“Okay, well, there’s that Internet cafe just around the corner. It’s where I tracked down the body in the first place. Come with me,” Jared takes the lead this time, hiking their bag up onto his shoulder, and takes Jensen’s hand in his. Jensen falls into step behind him.
It’s quiet again between them as they go, zigzagging around slow-moving people on the sidewalk. Jared is pretty sure he understands why; there’s a kind of tension in the air, he’s almost buzzing and would bet Jensen is, too. Somehow, he knows they’re getting close to something. The morgue was supposed to have answers and it didn’t but now he’s feeling strung out, edged on, and antsy.
They get inside and Jared gestures for Jensen to get settled at the open desktop in the corner and he goes off to get them coffees, because the Internet might be free but they can’t exactly just loiter. Jared keeps his eyes on Jensen as much as he can, watches him start typing on the keyboard. He’s clearly distracted while the person behind the counter serves him, barely participating in the conversation and having to ask the girl to repeat herself nearly every time she speaks.
“Hey!” Jared startles as her voice catches his attention. She’s holding out his change and shaking her head a little, laughing.
“I’m so sorry,” Jared grimaces apologetically. “I’m not trying to ignore you I just…” he doesn’t even realize he’s trailed off again, his eyes back on Jensen, until she gently grabs his hand and puts the coins in his palm. She leans past him and follows his gaze.
“Honey, I don’t even blame you,” she grins approvingly when she folds his fingers closed around the coins and Jared feels his cheeks burn hot.
“T-thanks,” he stutters out, a little embarrassed, and she just smiles kindly and gestures to the end of the bar.
“You’re coffees will be right up over there.”
Jared gives her another awkward smile and wave of his fingers as he walks in that direction, dropping the coins in the tip jar that’s sitting on the counter while he waits.
When he finally has the coffees in hand, he turns around and as his eyes find Jensen again, he almost stops in his tracks. Instead, he starts walking towards him all the more quickly, a sinking feeling growing fast in his stomach.
Jensen looks pale and crestfallen. The sheet of paper in his hand is crumpled in his fist and he’s dropped his chin to chest, his shoulders drooping.
“Jen, what- what is it?” Jared speaks softly and puts the coffees down so he can reach for Jensen’s arm with a gentle, reassuring hand.
Jensen takes a deep breath before answering and doesn’t lift his gaze. When he speaks, his voice is rough and tense.
“Benito Martinez was a high ranking member of the Cuban military under Castro. He defected to the United States but has caused a lot of political distress ever since. He’s dead now - assassinated yesterday in his Miami home by a sniper - but the article says that two weeks ago, he told police that a man tried to kill him. It says someone came aboard his yacht five miles off the coast of Miami and put a gun to his head, but his security chased him off the boat and shot the man twice in the back.”
There’s a brief but heavily pregnant pause before Jensen speaks again, where Jared can only stand next to him, struck, frozen, and try to remember to breathe.
“It says I’m an assassin.” It’s barely above a whisper - they haven’t forgotten there is a scattering of other people at other tables and computers around the cafe - but Jared can still hear how Jensen’s voice breaks on the word assassin. He sees how Jensen’s fist clenches more tightly around the brochure that’s ruined in his hand.
Jared’s own heart is beating hard and loud in his ears; he swears he can feel it hammering in his chest and his throat is so dry it’s difficult to swallow. His instinct is to panic. A part of him is itching to turn on his heel and run - that same part is making his chest start to heave with quick, panted breaths - but Jared looks at the man in front of him and sees the anguish on his face, the beautiful face he has turned away from Jared, the face that Jared sees when he closes his eyes, when he dreams at night. He was gone for Jensen long before he understood what he was getting into but this doesn’t change how he feels about him, how it feels when Jensen kisses him, when he takes him apart with that mouth and those hands.
Jared forces himself to take a deep breath, makes himself exhale slowly and calm himself down. So Jensen was a- a whatever, assassin . Jared knows he wouldn’t hurt him . So, he’s not going anywhere. As Jared relaxes, he uses the hand he still has resting on Jensen’s arm to give him a gentle squeeze but Jensen flinches.
“Jared, don’t…” Jensen starts and stands up, moving away from him. He closes the browser on the screen, tosses the crumpled brochure in the waste basket under the desk and brushes past Jared on his way to the door.
“Jensen, wait! Stop!” Jared calls after him and follows; the panic is coming back but now it’s all for Jensen, not for him.
---
“Jensen, please!”
Jensen can hear Jared pleading, knows he’s following him, but he needs to get away - to protect him, to breathe, to think. The pounding in his head is suddenly so fierce he can barely see straight. There’s a burning behind his eyes and a tightness in his chest….
A part of him already knew. Or figured, anyway. He has a mind for this sort of thing - apparently - and with his skill set his options were fairly limited. He just kept hoping against hope it was something else. It doesn’t feel right, doesn’t sit well. It isn’t what he wanted.
He grabs at his head and hunches over a little with the pain. He stumbles forward and turns the corner into an alley between the shops so he’s not making a spectacle of himself. He knows Jared is close behind. Jared .
A sob catches in Jensen’s throat. He doesn’t deserve Jared. Jared doesn’t deserve him , the life he led, the kind of person he was, the things he must’ve done… Jensen’s been wandering through this life for the last two weeks with nothing and the only thing he’s genuinely wanted is Jared. He never should have kept looking.
“I never should have kept looking!” he cries out when Jared is finally in front of him. Jensen is leaning back against the brick of the building, one hand holding his head and the other extended to keep Jared at arm’s length.
“Jensen,” Jared is quiet as he approaches him, carefully putting down their bag at his feet. He looks kind in a way Jensen can’t bear right now, moving slowly like he’s afraid he’s going to scare Jensen off with any sudden movements. “They’re after you. You didn’t have a choice. You still don’t.”
Jensen sucks in a breath and stubbornly looks away, bites his lip and tries to keep the tears from falling.
“I don’t want this,” he admits brokenly.
Jared takes a step closer, his chest pressing against Jensen’s outstretched palm.
“I know,” he whispers.
“It’s not- not who I want to be, Jared. I want to be a good guy. I want-” he chokes on a sob, wipes his eyes on the back of his hand. “I want to be good. For you, Jay.”
Jensen sniffles and makes himself look over at Jared. Jared’s hands are reaching for him, for his arm, and as Jensen starts to give in, Jared folds his arm and tucks it between them, keeping Jensen’s hand open on his chest. Jared’s eyes are glassy, too, and it makes Jensen’s heart break to think that he does this to Jared; he’s the cause of this and so much more danger in Jared’s life, so much more danger than he imagined, but Jared is wrapping him up in his arms anyway.
“I’m so sorry, Jared,” Jensen feels his resolve crack as Jared brings him in close, Jensen’s face at his chest and one of Jared’s giant hands cradling the back of his head. Jensen shamelessly lets himself go, burrowing into the solid and reassuring comfort of Jared’s body. Jared just lets him let it out, holding him and saying it’s going to be okay.
A part of Jensen wonders if - had he not met Jared - this would have gone differently. Maybe… maybe it wouldn’t have occurred to him to be anything else. Maybe it would have made sense. Not that it matters, because he did meet Jared, and more than that, he- he loves him. He does, he can’t call it anything else. For better or worse Jared is all that matters to him - not the person he was before, not anything he did, just who he can be now.
“Jared,” Jensen begins, his voice muffled by Jared’s chest until he looks up and stands a little straighter. “Jared, that’s not who I want to be. I don’t care who I was. I wish I’d never found out. I like who I am with you. My head hurts less when we’re together. It feels good to be with you. I just… want to be with you.”
Jared looks down at him with those big eyes and those dimples and Jensen is in complete awe of him.
“I just want to be with you, too. I don’t care who you were. I like who you are,” he leans down and kisses Jensen’s forehead. Jensen closes his eyes and leans into the touch. Jared replaces his lips with his forehead, pressing them together. “I’m scared, Jensen.”
“Jared, as long as I’m breathing I swear - nothing bad will ever happen to you. I won’t let it, okay?” Jensen pulls back so Jared is looking at him - seeing him - when he says it. “There’s so much I don’t know, Jared, so much, but I know that. I promise to keep you safe.”
Jared nods, smiling, and kisses him quick.
“I know, Jensen. I believe you. I believe you,” he breathes the words against Jensen’s mouth and they let themselves get lost in another kiss. Jensen finds Jared stabilizing. As he eases his way between Jared’s lips and licks into his mouth, the fierce ache in his head starts to slip away.
Jared is pressing him up against the brick wall and the stone is rough in places, digging into his back, but it feels good to have Jared trying to get them closer together, the light pain of it a contrast to the soft, warm slide of their tongues twisting together. Jared puts more pressure in his hips where he’s pinning Jensen to the wall and Jensen whimpers, gets a hand in Jared’s hair and just holds on. Jared gets a hand on Jensen’s jaw and Jensen is content to let himself be heavy and loose under Jared’s touch, to let Jared control the moment.
Jensen’s whole life is out of control, he’s searching - fighting - for the ability to take over his own life again, lead the one he wants, but he’d give it all to Jared if he’d ever ask; he wants it to be for him, anyway. It feels good to let Jared take the wheel now, especially after Jensen was so derailed by his latest discovery. Jensen feels like Jared can get him back on track, back where he needs to be, just like this.
Jared finally breaks the kiss and they’re both breathing hard, holding on tight, and trying to get their bearings. Jensen drops his forehead to Jared’s shoulder and takes a deep, steadying breath.
“What’s next, Jen? What do we do now?” Jared whispers, a little scared but sure, against the shell of Jensen’s ear. It makes it easier, somehow, when Jared asks. Jared gives him something outside of himself and it puts everything into sharper focus.
Jensen tilts his head in towards Jared’s and drags the tip of his nose lightly along Jared’s cheek, leaning up until he can reach to kiss at Jared’s temple and then finally pull back and look him in the eyes. “I’m not sure, Jay. Martinez was my last lead. I’m going to have to do some thinking. More research maybe. Let’s go back to the hostel for a bit, okay?”
“Okay,” Jared agrees, sliding his hand down Jensen’s arm to weave their fingers together. He steps back and Jensen uses his free hand to smooth the front of his shirt. Jensen smiles at him and walks them back towards the street.
They turn the corner from the alley onto the main road and Jensen immediately stops.
“Jensen, what-?” Jared startles and bumps into his shoulder when he stops as well.
Their hostel is on the same street just two blocks down and Jensen can see multiple cop cars - as well as a black, unmarked SUV that no doubt belongs to a higher-up government agency - parked in front with their lights on.
“We can’t go back to the hostel, Jay.” Jensen turns them around and starts walking the other direction.
“What? Jensen how do you know-?”
“I just do, Jared. It’s not a coincidence. Somehow, they tracked us down.”
Jensen walks quickly and Jared keeps up, even if he’s confused. He holds onto Jensen’s hand tightly and Jensen takes comfort in the connection, as he looks ahead, scanning in front of them for more cops or whoever might be looking for them. He casts a quick glance over his shoulder to make sure Jared still has their bag thrown over his shoulder - he does - and tries to think about their options.
He turns them down another side street and stops, pulling Jared in front of him so he can look at him seriously.
“Jared, you-”
“Jensen, I said no. I’m not leaving you, okay? It’s not happening.” Jared’s voice is firm and determined but Jensen can still read the underlying fear in his eyes, the subtle shake in his hand. Jensen lets his face soften as Jared looks at him. He reaches out to cup Jared’s face in his palm.
“Jared, listen to me. I don’t mean leave me forever. I am not saying goodbye to you. Not like that. But this is getting beyond my control. I don’t know who or what I’m up against and I don’t know what I’m going to have to do to find out. You need to be safe. I need you to be safe. So, please. For me. Is there somewhere I can take you, somewhere you can lay low while I sort this shit out?”
Jared looks like he’s going to argue for a moment, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, and then a siren sounds in the distance and Jared jumps. It makes Jensen’s heart ache and he knows his eyes are pleading when he tilts Jared’s face to make him catch his gaze. Finally, Jared relents.
“Actually, my aunt. She and her wife have a summer house on Lake Hart outside Orlando. They’re both cops in New York. It should be empty this time of year. I could hang out there.”
Jared sounds a little hesitant but Jensen smiles wide with genuine relief. He gently pulls on Jared’s chin and leans in to meet his mouth in kiss.
“That’s perfect, Jay. Let’s go.”
They walk to the first parking garage they find and Jensen hotwires another car. Jensen drives and Jared navigates. The three hour drive is mostly quiet. Jensen knows there are a million things going through his head and he can only imagine the same is true for Jared. There’s a lot he wants to say but nothing sticks when he opens his mouth to try, so instead he keeps his fingers laced with Jared’s and their hands on his thigh while they make their way, doing his best not to think about what it will mean to walk away from Jared after they get there.
| Part Four | Masterpost | Part Six |