There is a lot of talk in the community about punishment. People even seem to have it codified... if I do X, Master gives me 3 smacks with a wooden paddle
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I don't punish. I tried in a bygone relationship, because the people around me insisted that the dominant one doesn't have authority unless she does. I hated it, it made me uncomfortable and unhappy, and my "submissive"'s irresponsible behavior did not change.
I haven't gone back to it since. The problem in that relationship wasn't my lack of authority, it was a combination of my partner's irresponsibility in matters that were deal-breaking to me and general incompatibility. I've got no reason to think that a relationship without those two problems would ever be one in which I'd "need" to punish... and a relationship with those problems is not one that it's nourishing for me (or the other person) to be in anyway.
It also really messed with my mind. I didn't yet know that many people who do use punishment don't do corporal, and that's what we tried. Heavy paddling that he couldn't eroticize. That part I think we actually managed, despite the warning that people may come to like whatever you do corporal punishment with. I really don't think he liked it. (Maybe over time he might have
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What you describe is really a core area of interest for me... is it play? is it punishment? does the sub sometimes behave badly to receive punishment for pleasure? how does one differentiate?
I could definitely see the whole thing turning into a downward spiral. That's one instance in which scening really makes sense to me, as everyone gets their needs met openly, with no emotional manipulation, conscious or otherwise. Is that how you get your sadistic needs met now?
I don't think punishment will ever work as a motivator for me. Knowing I have not done what I ought, ahd have disappointed Master, is the worst punishment I can think of, and a very powerful motivator. I could be wrong, I don't know, and Master isn't telling me a THING about where he intends to take us. *growl* He does this on purpose, of course, to inure me to giving up control. I really suck at that part, even though I want it desperately.
What you describe is really a core area of interest for me... is it play? is it punishment? does the sub sometimes behave badly to receive punishment for pleasure? how does one differentiate?
I really don't actually know how it works when it does, since mine didn't. :) But from what I hear from other friends of mine it only happens rarely because the submissives/slaves deeply dislike disappointing their Masters/Mistresses.
That's one instance in which scening really makes sense to me, as everyone gets their needs met openly, with no emotional manipulation, conscious or otherwise. Is that how you get your sadistic needs met now?
Yes. It's much better when it's fun. :)
Sometimes I use it as a stress reliever, but only when everyone knows that's what's happening. And I'd never do that if I were specifically angry at my partner. That's just... a recipe for bad emotional dynamics.
I've never played with a punishment dynamic and don't expect ever to.
I've heard a few things about it, though. First is the play punishment thing, and I think a lot of people do that. "Oh you're such a bad girl." "Tee-hee."
Another dynamic is to use the punishment to limit the sub's guilt at screwing up. A lot of subs get into a huge guilt headspace when they screw up, and sometimes that'll be an endless cycle of doom. The punishment manages that - the sub gets punished and then at the end of that, it's over, and they can move on without the guilt.
Others do it for simple pavlovian training or because it's part of their daddy dynamic or whatever.
I see a lot of things described like un-fun corporal punishment, or writing essays (WTF, ok), or kneeling in the corner or on rice or in a stress position.
my relationship with my Master is in constant and rapid evolution. He lives halfway across the country, so we see each other a few days every month and then go off and talk constantly via phone and email. I think this is allowing our dynamic to evolve organically, as we don't have time to develop established patterns. I expect it will all slow down when we are 24/7. For now, it is quite a ride, and things change by the moment.
I've only been punished twice other than acting up. I have come to realize, and Sir agreed with me when I said it, that instead of acting up I should just ask to be spanked.
One was for getting the wrong color container Sir sent me to get. The other was for not doing something quick enough.
All having been spankings with various instruments.
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I haven't gone back to it since. The problem in that relationship wasn't my lack of authority, it was a combination of my partner's irresponsibility in matters that were deal-breaking to me and general incompatibility. I've got no reason to think that a relationship without those two problems would ever be one in which I'd "need" to punish... and a relationship with those problems is not one that it's nourishing for me (or the other person) to be in anyway.
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I could definitely see the whole thing turning into a downward spiral. That's one instance in which scening really makes sense to me, as everyone gets their needs met openly, with no emotional manipulation, conscious or otherwise. Is that how you get your sadistic needs met now?
I don't think punishment will ever work as a motivator for me. Knowing I have not done what I ought, ahd have disappointed Master, is the worst punishment I can think of, and a very powerful motivator. I could be wrong, I don't know, and Master isn't telling me a THING about where he intends to take us. *growl* He does this on purpose, of course, to inure me to giving up control. I really suck at that part, even though I want it desperately.
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I really don't actually know how it works when it does, since mine didn't. :) But from what I hear from other friends of mine it only happens rarely because the submissives/slaves deeply dislike disappointing their Masters/Mistresses.
That's one instance in which scening really makes sense to me, as everyone gets their needs met openly, with no emotional manipulation, conscious or otherwise. Is that how you get your sadistic needs met now?
Yes. It's much better when it's fun. :)
Sometimes I use it as a stress reliever, but only when everyone knows that's what's happening. And I'd never do that if I were specifically angry at my partner. That's just... a recipe for bad emotional dynamics.
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I've heard a few things about it, though. First is the play punishment thing, and I think a lot of people do that. "Oh you're such a bad girl." "Tee-hee."
Another dynamic is to use the punishment to limit the sub's guilt at screwing up. A lot of subs get into a huge guilt headspace when they screw up, and sometimes that'll be an endless cycle of doom. The punishment manages that - the sub gets punished and then at the end of that, it's over, and they can move on without the guilt.
Others do it for simple pavlovian training or because it's part of their daddy dynamic or whatever.
I see a lot of things described like un-fun corporal punishment, or writing essays (WTF, ok), or kneeling in the corner or on rice or in a stress position.
again, none of this is my personal experience.
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Thanks for your thoughts.
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*lol* ~bestest disclaimer ever!
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One was for getting the wrong color container Sir sent me to get. The other was for not doing something quick enough.
All having been spankings with various instruments.
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