J said something the other night that made me realise something. No matter what I've gone through, no matter how much I know he hates me, I am still in love with Allen ( Read more... )

He made it obvious tonight that I can't trust him. She twisted the knife a little more. If I wasn't so numb, I might actually respond. But, first, I have to put aside my own issues and help someone else. Because that's what an adult does.

At least this time, I won't have to ask for help to get off the kitchen floor.

I don't care what people say, I love that man.

This past month has been really odd. It's been the most wild, most exciting, most annoying, most ... yeah. I lost my best friend ... only to fins him again. And my life is almost complete. I started working on relationship issues. And the oddest thing is ... I know where I screwed up. I know where I went wrong.

I won't be making that mistake

Friday night, I was sitting on the couch, talking to Amanda about my date that will never happen, when the doorbell rang. It was the cops, with a warrant. I was almost free before they caught me. Wasn't lucky at the moment. I hate jail. It's always cold. Anyways, I stayed the weekend. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep. By the time I got out, I was ready ( Read more... )

I saw June tonight. First time in a while we didn't fight. I miss her, really, really miss her. She's my only link to the past, and that house.

And she's about to pop. I've never been so jealous before in my life.

So, tell me. Does lying to yourself get any easier? Make your 'pain' all better? Does the knowledge you can no longer hurt me bug you? Piss you off? Or will you always be the two year old you are.

That's really a shame, after all. You had such hope at one point.

I believe that men, giddy with self importance and powerful emotions, dash themselves upon the idea of you. They mistake the rocking motion for love, and all the while tear themselves to peices. The supposition that you inherently destroy anything seems rediculous. I've seen you create far too much. I believe it is not you, but the supposition of ( Read more... )

My life has changed over the past 3 years. I've had children, a husband and a wife ... and lost them all. I've lost friends, family and others ... and I'm not really sure why. But I have a good idea ( Read more... )

Last night, MJ invited me out. It was a lot of fun. Just added to the unrealness of this week. And today ... it crashed back down. I keep forgetting about these people.

No wonder he gets pissed when I don't talk about shit. But it's easier on my nerves. And my trigger finger.