It's only you...who can turn my wooden heart...
My brain is strange...lol
Title: Tar Baby
Author: Niz4
Email: nimitz4@iinet.net.au
Summary: Wide innocent eyes watch you with a puzzled frown. “But…don’t you like the sex?”
Rating: M (for Mature) look away kiddies…
Characters: River / Jayne
Pairing: Rayne - Het
Timeline: Post-Serenity
Disclaimer: Nope. Not mine...otherwise I would make them dance a pretty dance.
Feedback: Please and thank you…I will love you forever.
Authors note: My brain works in mysterious ways, so consequently this is a Firefly take on the Uncle Remus classic “Br'er Rabbit”, hence the title.
Tar Baby
You’re on the night shift. Again…
And normally you don’t mind. Normally you like this time, when the whole ship is your own and there’s nothing but the slow breathing in and out of sleep, the low purr of the ship…but not tonight.
Tonight you are not alone. Tonight she’s drifting about, all bare feet, pale long arms and legs, crazy hair, haunting the ship in her typical way. Stealing this time from you…
You scowl at your guns.
“What did it do?”
Her voice makes you start - you hadn’t heard her enter the room, and this makes you grumpy, makes your voice sharp in response.
“Huh?!”
She moves towards the table, takes in the weapons spread out across the brown wood, points at the gun in your hand and there’s the hint of a smile in her voice.
“Has it been bad…to earn that face from you?”
You understand her meaning but you choose to be difficult - obstinate. The scowl stays…
“What are you talking about? It’s a gun, it don’t act like people”
Large eyes survey your face and she sighs, deflated - eases herself into the chair opposite…
“It was an attempt at humour - a joke. Forget it.”
A sceptical snort and you shrug. “If you say so….”
You put the gun down, pick up a leather holster, start oiling it…let the room fall quiet. She watches you across the table, and you refuse to talk to her, you pretend that she’s no longer there.
Out of the corner of your eye you see her delicate hands slide across the wood, and you guess that she’s feeling its grain, like she’s discovering each irregularity anew. See her long fingers spread out, flat and wide, as if to gather a handful of table up in each hand.
You glance up at her face, she looks bored. Force yourself to look down at the leather in your hands, at the oiling cloth and your fingers pushing the cloth round, round, round.
Her voice is soft, conversational. “So…every one is sleeping. Dreaming…”
You pretend to ignore her. Focus instead on the small circles you're making, the way the leather gleams under the oil.
She tries again. “Just you…and me…”
You flick your eyes up to hers, and your voice is all shitty attitude and sneer.
“Wow…you really are a genius?! No wonder they want you back…”
A final derogatory snort and then you look back down at your hands, but not before you see her frown, see something hot flash in her eyes, hear her sharp intake of breath…
“You can be really…rude!”
You smirk in return, grin like a wolf. “I aim to please…”
And as she watches you, you catch something else shift in that dark brown, something sharp and calculating, and then it’s gone. She leans back in her chair, stretches, languid like a cat. Starts twirling a strand of long hair between her fingers, occasionally brushes the smooth end of it across her cheek.
She pretends to ignore you…
Which is fine by you, it makes you smile to yourself, and you resume your polishing.
Time passes, and then she speaks again, her voice is light. Casual…
“Jayne - you’re a man, right?”
You roll your eyes, voice dry like dust. “Last time I looked…”
A long pause follows, with more hair twirling, the odd stroke of hair on her cheek, and then:
“Jayne?”
You wish she’d leave you alone - you study the grain of the leather, invest extra time oiling a dry spot - only half listening to her. “Mmmm….?”
“What is sex like?”
It stops you in your tracks - hand raised in mid polish, mouth open, you stare at her.
“Huh?!” Shake your head to clear it - try again. “What?!”
She’s studying the hair between her fingers, mesmerised in the flick, flick, flick as it twirls around - voice dreamy, distracted…
“Sex. You know: the physical act of sexual intercourse, when a man and a woman…”
You cut her off. “I know what it is! Why ya gotta start talking like…like that!?”
She looks at you, confused. “Like what? Are you meaning the sex…?”
You’re casting about wildly to ensure Mal…or Zoe…or anyone that would likely kick your ass for having this conversation, doesn’t enter the room. You wave your hand at her try to bring this discussion to a rapid end.
“Yes, the sex talk!! Why you gotta go asking me about this stuff!? Mal’ll have my hide if he hears this - go ask that gorram doctor brother of yours!!”
She sighs, glances back at the twirling hair.
“Have tried…his face goes funny, and he starts quoting anatomical reference books. The academic she understands. She seeks new information...real case studies…”
Your mind flounders as you desperately grasp about for alternatives.
“Well…ask Kaylee! That girl ain’t new to the saddle, she’d be able to tell you some stories…or what about Nara?! She earns her living on her back…she’s bound to be able to give you some pointers!”
She shakes her head and grimaces. “Can’t ask Kaylee…she dreams as she talks, and some dreams a sister doesn’t want to see…besides, male case studies are what is needed.”
“Well…you’ll have to ask Mal…”
Another shake in the negative, and she pouts.
“Why not Jayne? You’re always talking about it…”
“I ain’t! You make me sound like some crass hillbilly, who don’t have basic manners!”
She gives you a blank stare, arches one eyebrow…and the meaning is clear in that look.
“Hey now!”
Wide innocent eyes watch you with a puzzled frown. “But…don’t you like the sex?”
“No!! I mean yes…I mean - that ain’t the issue!”
“Well…if you like the sex…”
“Shhhh…will you just…stop saying that!”
And you realise you’re not going to win this debate, so you start sweeping your guns together, packing up the oils and cloth, the leather items…
“Awww, gorram it! I’m leaving…!”
She watches this flurry of activity in amazement. “Wait?! Why are you leaving? She didn’t mean to upset you…”
You gather your stuff against your chest, kick your chair back and head for the door.
“Yeah, well…I ain’t talking about this stuff with the likes of you!”
She makes as if to follow you, reaches the end of the table and stops. “Wait - wait!! She is sorry…she apologies to Jayne…”
You stop, one foot on the bottom step, slowly turn back towards her. “Well…so you should! Talking that way…Mal’d be fixing to kick my pi gu if he walked in on that!”
She scoots up to sit on the edge of the table, holds up a hand, bare palm open in apology. “She’s sorry…really she is”
And she really does look sorry. Glum face, bare feet swinging listlessly…
“Well…just don’t let it happen again. And don’t go mentioning this to Mal or anyone else, ok?”
She nods her head in agreement, takes out a small plastic bag from somewhere in that skirt of hers, opens it, puts something brown in her mouth, starts to chew. Tries to speak over the mouthful…
“Mmm’okay…”
And this makes you curious, because it’s been a few weeks since you’ve seen anything but processed soy-tein on the ship. This little package draws your eye…
“What’s that?”
She glances up at you, blinks. “M’huh?”
You nod at the packet in her hands. “That?! Whatcha got there?”
Still chewing, she lifts up the bag - puzzled. “This?”
“Yeah…what is that? You got some kind of food over there?”
She swallows…sighs. “It’s beef jerky…”
Your mouth goes dry…
“Real beef jerky?”
“Uh huh. It’s really good…” She sniffs, starts to roll up the bag, goes to slide off the table.
You make a noise that’s half whimper, half moan…and stride back across to the table, put your stuff down. Grab her arm…
“Well, hang on now! There’s no need to go so quick…”
She stops, looks up at you…eyes all soft and apologetic. “She’d share it with you, but there’s not much left. She had to trade for this little pack…”
And you can’t take your eyes off the packet that she now swings in front of your face, it moves back and forth, back and forth.
You hear your stomach growl…
And the words are out of your mouth before you’ve had a chance to think it through - all impulse and stomach acid. “I’ll trade you for it!”
She shakes her head in the negative. “You don’t want this. It’s nearly gone…”
“Doesn’t matter…”
She squints up at you, unsure. “Nooo…it’s not really a fair trade.”
“C’mon now…let’s talk about this. If I’m the buyer, and I say it’s fair…well then, it’s fair…right?!”
She still looks dubious. “Well, would he even have something she’d want? She has no need for weapons…”
And again the words are spoken without any forethought. “Pick anything!”
There’s a pause, those brown eyes lock with yours, and something shimmers in their depths. “Anything?”
And this makes you uneasy. A small bell starts to ring in the far recesses of your mind, and you choose to ignore it.
What could go wrong…?
“Yep, anything…excepting Vera, of course. You just name it…”
A smile skims across her lips, is gone. “She can pick anything, and then you get this?”
The bag is jiggled before your eyes…
You do your best salesman smile. “Right…that’s the magic of trading. Everybody wins…”
And this is too easy…you can almost taste the savoury tang of the jerky.
She frowns. “Yes…to trade: an exchange of items in a mutually beneficial arrangement. A contract both parties are honour bound to keep…”
“Yeah, yeah - great. So…?”
You smile encouragingly at her, and her face breaks open in a matching grin. She smiles back…
And it’s like looking into a mirror; if your reflection was replaced by a slightly crazy girl, who doesn’t seem to understand what you’re talking about.
In the end you have to prompt her. “So, you gonna pick something already?”
She nods in excitement, like it’s a big surprise - and not something you’ve just been discussing.
“Yes…now?! Okay!” Seconds pass, she squints her eyes, scrunches up her face...makes a good show of thinking. “Let’s see…what would Jayne have that she would want?”
More time passes, and you’re past impatient. You sigh…loudly.
Give into the urge, and hiss at her. ”C’mon!”
“Okay…wait, she’s thinking! Hmmmm? No…” and there’s still much eye rolling, nose scrunching, many small shakes of her head, “…perhaps? No…”
You stare at her, try to make her decide through sheer will power alone. Suddenly a wave of delight crosses her features, she straightens up, leans towards you, legs swinging free under the table, voice breathless with excitement…
“She would like…”
You’re waiting on every word, nodding and smiling with encouragement. “Yes…?”
“…a real kiss.”
“Yea…what!?” You blink…and there is this moment of absolute horror. “What did you say?!”
“A kiss. A proper kiss…like in the vidflicks….”
“Forget it!”
She frowns. “But you said she could pick anything!!”
“Not that!!”
“Why not?!”
You glare at her - growl out the words. “Pick again!”
She glares back…
“No! That’s what she wants…the girl has bargaining power! One real kiss in exchange for delicious real beef jerky!”
You cross your arms, voice cold and unyielding. “Well… I ain’t doing that. So I guess the trade is off!”
And you stomp over to the door, too shitty to go back for your stuff - you figure you can collect it in the morning.
You hear her sigh behind you...her voice now soft and sympathetic. “She understands. He is frightened…”
You pause, one hand holding onto the door frame…your voice grates out. “I ain’t frightened!”
“Scared of Mal…”
And you turn back towards her. “Well, he can be a scary man! See how you like being put outta air locks!?”
“Scared of her brother…”
And you stride back towards her. “Now wait one damn minute!!”
“She understands…”
You stand over her, all bluster and heat. “You understand nothin’! Scared of Simon!??! Chu fei wo si le…”
“He has no need to be frightened - if it’s a secret trade…”
This makes you stop.
You study her heart shaped face...
“A secret trade?”
Large dark eyes lock with yours, and she makes a slow nod. “Uh huh…an exchange of beef jerky, and one real kiss, conducted without the knowledge of others.”
You take a few moments to think about it, and it’s worth considering. It seems possible…
You just gotta kiss the girl, and then you get what you want. It’ll be over in a few seconds, and it ain’t such a bad deal…you’ve had worse jobs, and been paid less. You look back at her, weigh the risks...
“So…no telling your brother?”
She shakes her head in the negative.
“Or Mal…?”
Another slow shake…
You point your finger at her as you think of something. “…or Kaylee?! That girl runs off at the mouth!”
Her nods become more vigorous. “Yes, yes…she agrees. No Kaylee…no Mal…no brother! No telling anyone - ever…”
You squint at her, and then smile. Spit into your hand, hold it out for her to shake - she grimaces at it in disgust, leans as far away as she can.
“Why did you spit on your hand?”
You roll your eyes at her. “To seal the deal, dummy! Well, you gonna shake or not!?”
You see this realisation dawn across her face, as she processes your meaning, and then she spits into her palm, grasps your hand with hers. Grins back at you…
You want to be sure. “Deal?”
She nods in agreement. “Deal…”
So you release her small hand from yours and reach across for the plastic bag in her lap - she snatches it away and holds it behind her back, shakes her head.
“Kiss first…”
You scowl at her…and then lean in and peck her on the cheek.
She frowns in disgust. “What was that?!”
“A kiss…”
The look she gives you could strip paint off a wall. “You kiss like her brother...”
“Hey…take that back!”
“No…the trade was for a real kiss!”
“Now hang on a minute…you wanted a kiss, so I gave you a kiss!”
But she’s getting a head of steam going, her voice is getting louder, more insistent. “A real kiss…like a real girl!” she points at you, “There is spit on our hands…and everything!”
You have to dodge her other hand, which is now jabbing a pointed finger at your chest. It hurts…
“All right, all right…hey! Quit being a brat about this!” You grab the hand, hold it still…hold her at bay.
She fixes dark angry eyes on you. “He means to cheat her!”
“Hey!? No cause for that, I ain’t no cheat…”
“Well…where’s her real kiss? No kiss - no delicious…”
You cut her off, because this is getting repetitive - you keep your voice low, trying to shush her quiet. “Shhh…quit your hollering else you’ll wake everyone up! And how you gonna explain to Mal what we’re fighting over!?”
She goes quiet, but there’s no mistaking the hard glint in her eyes, the determined set of her jaw.
And you realise that there’s no escaping this - it must be done.
A deal is a deal…
“Ok! You’ll get your kiss, but only because that’s the deal. Ain’t no deeper meaning to it than that, dong ma?!? So no going all moon-eyed on me afterwards!”
She snorts derisively, rolls her eyes. “She promises…no moon eyes.”
“Right, long as we’re clear about this?”
A solemn nod from her, and that’s it…there’s nothing left to discuss.
It’s all settled…one small kiss in exchange for food.
You release her hand from yours, reposition yourself so that you’re standing directly in front of her. She takes her cue from your movements, straightens her posture, leans forward slightly, towards you.
Waits…
And now that it’s come to this, you feel uncomfortable…
You don’t know where to put your hands, they suddenly feel too big, too large against her small frame, and it don’t seem right to touch her in this way. She solves the problem by raising her hands up, rests them lightly on your shoulders, so that you have to settle with placing your hands on her hips.
She grows still, and now it’s just you standing there, in front of her. She watches you, wide-eyed with anticipation…
And this is uncomfortable…it’s too quiet.
Makes you want to fill the empty space with sound...
“Um…I don’t do this much, I’m not one for kissing on the mouth. It can be a dangerous business - you seen what happened with Mal and that Saffron…”
She smiles in encouragement. “It’s okay…there are no sedative gels on her lips.”
“Well…that’s a good thing.” And you glance at her mouth, notice the dark arch, the long curve of pink.
You’re mouth goes dry...it makes your voice gruff. “So, any way you want me to do this?”
A small shake of her head - all large eyes and soft voice. “No, but it must be a real kiss…like she’s a real girl.”
And this jars for some reason…it makes you frown.
“Stop saying that - you look real enough to me…” And as you say it, you can’t help thinking that she feels real enough - this round curve of her hips under your fingers.
She stills before you…large eyes fix on yours, her fingers press into your shoulders.
Time seems to hang for moment, it grows quiet around you both…
Too quiet…you clear your throat. “Anyway, why are you all hung up on kissing all of a sudden?”
She looks away, and then those dark eyes dart back up to yours. She hesitates, licks her lips and then:
“Because she might not ever have one…”
You shake your head in disbelief. “Fei hua…course you will!”
She blinks. “She may not…”
“Well, why not?! You ain’t ugly…got no extra limbs or nothin’. Just a bit addle-brained…”
Her voice is bone dry. “Thank you…”
“…and even that’s not so bad as before. Just gotta stop your feng le way of talking - all that ‘…this girl’ and ‘she says’ and such. Then you’d catch yourself plenty of kisses!”
She dips her head, but not before you see a slight pink stain her cheeks…
She looks back up at you and smiles, her voice soft with amusement. “But how will she know if they’re good or not…these kisses?”
And you let a wide smile spread across your face, bare your teeth - grin like a wolf. “Well now, that’s for practicing…”
“This is practice. Jayne is good with woman, yes? He likes the…” she searches about for the right term. “…trim?”
You’re eyes narrow at her using this word. “Hey!?”
“And they like him…she’s seen them swarm at the bars. Like busy little bees - colourful butterflies…”
Your smile goes slick, like oil on water. “I do all right…better than some.”
“He should be able to show her one good, real kiss, and then she will know. So that she can judge all future kisses…”
And it sounds logical when she says it like that…it has a certain sense to it.
“Okay, why not? I’ll give it a shot at least…” You take a deep breath, square your shoulders, tighten your grip on her hips, and glance down. “Open your knees…”
Her eyes go wide with shock…
You catch the look that flashes across her face. “Hey - It ain’t like that!! I gotta stand somewhere…”
Her mouth forms an ‘oh’ shape, and she does as you asked, pushes her skirt down between her now open legs, displaying a long line of pale thigh in the process. And it’s nice to look at, this skin - you have to remind your eyes to return to her face…
You step in close, and her face is just below yours, so close that you notice a scattering of freckles across her skin. These various hues of light brown peppering the cream, like nutmeg on hot milk…
Wide brown eyes watch yours up close, and it’s disturbing…you can’t concentrate.
“Close your eyes.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s how it works!”
“Oh…okay.” And she does, dutifully closing her eyes, dark lashes fanning out.
And somehow this is worse…
You stare at the curve of her mouth wait through several breaths…dip your head towards it, stop…lift back…try again from a new angle. You stop again…frustrated.
In the end you lift one hand up, cup her chin with your thumb, your fingers splaying out across the roundness of her cheek. And it’s soft this skin - soft and smooth under your rough…
She starts at your hand, her eyes flick open. “What are you doing?!”
“Trying to kiss you! Keep still…and shut your damn eyes!”
“Sorry! No need to yell at her…” She takes a deep breath, exhales - and you feel her shiver beneath your fingers. “…you’re making her nervous!”
“Well it ain’t easy for me either!”
Another deep inhalation and she breathes out slow, leans into your hand cradling her cheek, tilts her head at an angle. “Is this better?”
And it is…
“Yeah…thanks, that’s good.”
She smiles, open and sweet, lets her eyes fall shut, and now it’s just up to you.
And this is strange…you feel nervous.
You try to focus, make yourself count down and then you take a deep breath, dip your head…
Brush your lips against hers…
And they’re soft, so soft and it’s the barest touch, you’d almost believe it hadn’t happened at all, except for this heat on your mouth. This tingle on your lips...
You feel her stiffen against your hand, this expectant waiting against your fingertips, and your head dips again - you press your lips against hers.
And it’s like warm morning sun on bare skin…
It’s a sweet kiss, and you hold your lips against hers for several heart beats, and as you release, as your head moves back - she follows you with her own, her lips search for yours.
And time stumbles…there’s the warmth of her skin against your face…a sensation like a flock of birds flapping free, soft feathers brushing against your skin.
A skipping stutter in your chest…
She opens her mouth, exhales a sigh, and now you can taste the warmth of her breath in your mouth, across your tongue, and she tastes sweet.
She tastes good…
Something warm crawls up your spine…
You slide your hand into her hair, hold the back of her head, and this time you lean in and kiss her…really kiss her. Flick your tongue between her lips and it’s all wet, soft heat. And she’s kissing you back, her tongue runs over yours, each touch languid, measured.
It’s a slow burn release…
You make deep kisses. Slow deep kisses that get longer and longer, this ebb and fall of soft lips, hot slick mouth…like a rising tide. Kisses that now outlast each breath, so that you both gasp quick pants of air in between.
Her hands slide off your shoulders, they run down onto your arms, press into your skin through your shirt. And there’s the tingling warmth of hot skin…
Deeper kisses, a silken delving, this velvet heat…and you can hardly draw enough breath to fill your lungs.
She melts against you, boneless…and you dig your fingers into her hip. Enjoy the swelling curve of her under your grip, the give of her skin under your hand.
You breathe in…inhale her…and she smells good. She smells sweet, like fresh rainfall on thick leaves, like musk. Feminine…
She tastes good against your tongue…feels good in your hands….
And something clicks in your brain, something warm tips out low in your belly, spreads across and down. You move forward, forward, slowly leaning in towards her, as your mouth slides faster - harder against hers…
Squeeze this pleasing fullness under your fingers, rub your thumb against the flat of her belly, work your way further between her thighs. And she’s tilting backwards, like a slow falling sapling - her long legs slowly sliding up around your hips, wrapping around you.
You’re consuming her with your mouth - panting breath, hot wet tongue, insistent lips. Hands that squeeze and press, fingers that slide over the long lean curve of her, the sweet arc of her hip, the swelling edge of her breast…
And she’s arching under your fingers, voice thick and low - all need and heat. “Jayne…”
Your eyes open, hazy with kisses, and you tumble into all this liquid warm brown. It’s then that you realise that you can smell it on her, you can see it in her eyes - it makes you stop…
And it’s an effort because your heart is a drum, your blood thick and hot like syrup. You make yourself look away from her face, force yourself not to look at these swollen lips, the hot eyes. Try taking slower breaths…
You release her…
Push yourself upright, edge back from the table, away from her. Exhale…
She rises up on her elbows, surveys you in confusion. “Jayne…?”
There’s no chance of standing up straight, but you do your best. You try to sound casual, normal…
“Well, that’s it. All done…”
She frowns at you, studies your odd posture. “Are you ok?”
“Yep, just got…a cramp. Old fightin’ injury…” You motion at your back, make a half hearted attempt to rub it.
Dark eyes study yours. “Why did you stop? Was the kissing…flawed?”
“Ah…no, it was…” and words fail you, you try to ignore the sensations still playing havoc with your body. “…fine. It’s just the deal was for one real kiss, and well…that was kissin’. A whole lot of kissin’….”
Your voice trails off into nothing…
She smiles at you, stretches back on the wood, arches and her body flows. You try not to stare at the undulating hips, legs, breasts…
Her voice is like warm honey…a cat’s purr. “Yes, it was…she thinks that she likes kissing…very much.”
She sits up and starts to swing those long bare legs, back and forth, back and forth, and you have to look away. You have to think about unpleasant things - painful, ugly things…
She sees you do this, and she smiles, and you can’t help but notice that there’s nothing shy about these eyes now.
They gleam with amusement…
She pushes off the table, swing / sways over to you, takes your hand and places something small and plastic in it. “This is for you…”
And the packet of beef jerky rests in the palm of your hand.
You stare at it…suddenly realise that you have no appetite anymore.
You couldn’t eat a bite…
And you have a distinct feeling that you have been short changed…
She walks past you, stops just outside the door - leans back in.
“And Jayne…?”
And you’re still standing, dazed, near the table. You look up from your hand, to stare at her face.
“Uh…yeah?”
Her eyes are wide, the brown dances before you. “If you need me…I’ll be in my bunk.”
And she grins, bares her teeth like a wolf…and disappears out the door.
Leaving you alone in the room…
Staring at the beef jerky, wondering how this all came about. Trying to figure out how your night went so wrong…
********************************************
Translation:
Dong ma = understand
Pi gu = backside
Chu fei wo si le = over my dead body
Fei hua = nonsense
Title: Tar Baby
Author: Niz4
Email: nimitz4@iinet.net.au
Summary: Wide innocent eyes watch you with a puzzled frown. “But…don’t you like the sex?”
Rating: M (for Mature) look away kiddies…
Characters: River / Jayne
Pairing: Rayne - Het
Timeline: Post-Serenity
Disclaimer: Nope. Not mine...otherwise I would make them dance a pretty dance.
Feedback: Please and thank you…I will love you forever.
Authors note: My brain works in mysterious ways, so consequently this is a Firefly take on the Uncle Remus classic “Br'er Rabbit”, hence the title.
Tar Baby
You’re on the night shift. Again…
And normally you don’t mind. Normally you like this time, when the whole ship is your own and there’s nothing but the slow breathing in and out of sleep, the low purr of the ship…but not tonight.
Tonight you are not alone. Tonight she’s drifting about, all bare feet, pale long arms and legs, crazy hair, haunting the ship in her typical way. Stealing this time from you…
You scowl at your guns.
“What did it do?”
Her voice makes you start - you hadn’t heard her enter the room, and this makes you grumpy, makes your voice sharp in response.
“Huh?!”
She moves towards the table, takes in the weapons spread out across the brown wood, points at the gun in your hand and there’s the hint of a smile in her voice.
“Has it been bad…to earn that face from you?”
You understand her meaning but you choose to be difficult - obstinate. The scowl stays…
“What are you talking about? It’s a gun, it don’t act like people”
Large eyes survey your face and she sighs, deflated - eases herself into the chair opposite…
“It was an attempt at humour - a joke. Forget it.”
A sceptical snort and you shrug. “If you say so….”
You put the gun down, pick up a leather holster, start oiling it…let the room fall quiet. She watches you across the table, and you refuse to talk to her, you pretend that she’s no longer there.
Out of the corner of your eye you see her delicate hands slide across the wood, and you guess that she’s feeling its grain, like she’s discovering each irregularity anew. See her long fingers spread out, flat and wide, as if to gather a handful of table up in each hand.
You glance up at her face, she looks bored. Force yourself to look down at the leather in your hands, at the oiling cloth and your fingers pushing the cloth round, round, round.
Her voice is soft, conversational. “So…every one is sleeping. Dreaming…”
You pretend to ignore her. Focus instead on the small circles you're making, the way the leather gleams under the oil.
She tries again. “Just you…and me…”
You flick your eyes up to hers, and your voice is all shitty attitude and sneer.
“Wow…you really are a genius?! No wonder they want you back…”
A final derogatory snort and then you look back down at your hands, but not before you see her frown, see something hot flash in her eyes, hear her sharp intake of breath…
“You can be really…rude!”
You smirk in return, grin like a wolf. “I aim to please…”
And as she watches you, you catch something else shift in that dark brown, something sharp and calculating, and then it’s gone. She leans back in her chair, stretches, languid like a cat. Starts twirling a strand of long hair between her fingers, occasionally brushes the smooth end of it across her cheek.
She pretends to ignore you…
Which is fine by you, it makes you smile to yourself, and you resume your polishing.
Time passes, and then she speaks again, her voice is light. Casual…
“Jayne - you’re a man, right?”
You roll your eyes, voice dry like dust. “Last time I looked…”
A long pause follows, with more hair twirling, the odd stroke of hair on her cheek, and then:
“Jayne?”
You wish she’d leave you alone - you study the grain of the leather, invest extra time oiling a dry spot - only half listening to her. “Mmmm….?”
“What is sex like?”
It stops you in your tracks - hand raised in mid polish, mouth open, you stare at her.
“Huh?!” Shake your head to clear it - try again. “What?!”
She’s studying the hair between her fingers, mesmerised in the flick, flick, flick as it twirls around - voice dreamy, distracted…
“Sex. You know: the physical act of sexual intercourse, when a man and a woman…”
You cut her off. “I know what it is! Why ya gotta start talking like…like that!?”
She looks at you, confused. “Like what? Are you meaning the sex…?”
You’re casting about wildly to ensure Mal…or Zoe…or anyone that would likely kick your ass for having this conversation, doesn’t enter the room. You wave your hand at her try to bring this discussion to a rapid end.
“Yes, the sex talk!! Why you gotta go asking me about this stuff!? Mal’ll have my hide if he hears this - go ask that gorram doctor brother of yours!!”
She sighs, glances back at the twirling hair.
“Have tried…his face goes funny, and he starts quoting anatomical reference books. The academic she understands. She seeks new information...real case studies…”
Your mind flounders as you desperately grasp about for alternatives.
“Well…ask Kaylee! That girl ain’t new to the saddle, she’d be able to tell you some stories…or what about Nara?! She earns her living on her back…she’s bound to be able to give you some pointers!”
She shakes her head and grimaces. “Can’t ask Kaylee…she dreams as she talks, and some dreams a sister doesn’t want to see…besides, male case studies are what is needed.”
“Well…you’ll have to ask Mal…”
Another shake in the negative, and she pouts.
“Why not Jayne? You’re always talking about it…”
“I ain’t! You make me sound like some crass hillbilly, who don’t have basic manners!”
She gives you a blank stare, arches one eyebrow…and the meaning is clear in that look.
“Hey now!”
Wide innocent eyes watch you with a puzzled frown. “But…don’t you like the sex?”
“No!! I mean yes…I mean - that ain’t the issue!”
“Well…if you like the sex…”
“Shhhh…will you just…stop saying that!”
And you realise you’re not going to win this debate, so you start sweeping your guns together, packing up the oils and cloth, the leather items…
“Awww, gorram it! I’m leaving…!”
She watches this flurry of activity in amazement. “Wait?! Why are you leaving? She didn’t mean to upset you…”
You gather your stuff against your chest, kick your chair back and head for the door.
“Yeah, well…I ain’t talking about this stuff with the likes of you!”
She makes as if to follow you, reaches the end of the table and stops. “Wait - wait!! She is sorry…she apologies to Jayne…”
You stop, one foot on the bottom step, slowly turn back towards her. “Well…so you should! Talking that way…Mal’d be fixing to kick my pi gu if he walked in on that!”
She scoots up to sit on the edge of the table, holds up a hand, bare palm open in apology. “She’s sorry…really she is”
And she really does look sorry. Glum face, bare feet swinging listlessly…
“Well…just don’t let it happen again. And don’t go mentioning this to Mal or anyone else, ok?”
She nods her head in agreement, takes out a small plastic bag from somewhere in that skirt of hers, opens it, puts something brown in her mouth, starts to chew. Tries to speak over the mouthful…
“Mmm’okay…”
And this makes you curious, because it’s been a few weeks since you’ve seen anything but processed soy-tein on the ship. This little package draws your eye…
“What’s that?”
She glances up at you, blinks. “M’huh?”
You nod at the packet in her hands. “That?! Whatcha got there?”
Still chewing, she lifts up the bag - puzzled. “This?”
“Yeah…what is that? You got some kind of food over there?”
She swallows…sighs. “It’s beef jerky…”
Your mouth goes dry…
“Real beef jerky?”
“Uh huh. It’s really good…” She sniffs, starts to roll up the bag, goes to slide off the table.
You make a noise that’s half whimper, half moan…and stride back across to the table, put your stuff down. Grab her arm…
“Well, hang on now! There’s no need to go so quick…”
She stops, looks up at you…eyes all soft and apologetic. “She’d share it with you, but there’s not much left. She had to trade for this little pack…”
And you can’t take your eyes off the packet that she now swings in front of your face, it moves back and forth, back and forth.
You hear your stomach growl…
And the words are out of your mouth before you’ve had a chance to think it through - all impulse and stomach acid. “I’ll trade you for it!”
She shakes her head in the negative. “You don’t want this. It’s nearly gone…”
“Doesn’t matter…”
She squints up at you, unsure. “Nooo…it’s not really a fair trade.”
“C’mon now…let’s talk about this. If I’m the buyer, and I say it’s fair…well then, it’s fair…right?!”
She still looks dubious. “Well, would he even have something she’d want? She has no need for weapons…”
And again the words are spoken without any forethought. “Pick anything!”
There’s a pause, those brown eyes lock with yours, and something shimmers in their depths. “Anything?”
And this makes you uneasy. A small bell starts to ring in the far recesses of your mind, and you choose to ignore it.
What could go wrong…?
“Yep, anything…excepting Vera, of course. You just name it…”
A smile skims across her lips, is gone. “She can pick anything, and then you get this?”
The bag is jiggled before your eyes…
You do your best salesman smile. “Right…that’s the magic of trading. Everybody wins…”
And this is too easy…you can almost taste the savoury tang of the jerky.
She frowns. “Yes…to trade: an exchange of items in a mutually beneficial arrangement. A contract both parties are honour bound to keep…”
“Yeah, yeah - great. So…?”
You smile encouragingly at her, and her face breaks open in a matching grin. She smiles back…
And it’s like looking into a mirror; if your reflection was replaced by a slightly crazy girl, who doesn’t seem to understand what you’re talking about.
In the end you have to prompt her. “So, you gonna pick something already?”
She nods in excitement, like it’s a big surprise - and not something you’ve just been discussing.
“Yes…now?! Okay!” Seconds pass, she squints her eyes, scrunches up her face...makes a good show of thinking. “Let’s see…what would Jayne have that she would want?”
More time passes, and you’re past impatient. You sigh…loudly.
Give into the urge, and hiss at her. ”C’mon!”
“Okay…wait, she’s thinking! Hmmmm? No…” and there’s still much eye rolling, nose scrunching, many small shakes of her head, “…perhaps? No…”
You stare at her, try to make her decide through sheer will power alone. Suddenly a wave of delight crosses her features, she straightens up, leans towards you, legs swinging free under the table, voice breathless with excitement…
“She would like…”
You’re waiting on every word, nodding and smiling with encouragement. “Yes…?”
“…a real kiss.”
“Yea…what!?” You blink…and there is this moment of absolute horror. “What did you say?!”
“A kiss. A proper kiss…like in the vidflicks….”
“Forget it!”
She frowns. “But you said she could pick anything!!”
“Not that!!”
“Why not?!”
You glare at her - growl out the words. “Pick again!”
She glares back…
“No! That’s what she wants…the girl has bargaining power! One real kiss in exchange for delicious real beef jerky!”
You cross your arms, voice cold and unyielding. “Well… I ain’t doing that. So I guess the trade is off!”
And you stomp over to the door, too shitty to go back for your stuff - you figure you can collect it in the morning.
You hear her sigh behind you...her voice now soft and sympathetic. “She understands. He is frightened…”
You pause, one hand holding onto the door frame…your voice grates out. “I ain’t frightened!”
“Scared of Mal…”
And you turn back towards her. “Well, he can be a scary man! See how you like being put outta air locks!?”
“Scared of her brother…”
And you stride back towards her. “Now wait one damn minute!!”
“She understands…”
You stand over her, all bluster and heat. “You understand nothin’! Scared of Simon!??! Chu fei wo si le…”
“He has no need to be frightened - if it’s a secret trade…”
This makes you stop.
You study her heart shaped face...
“A secret trade?”
Large dark eyes lock with yours, and she makes a slow nod. “Uh huh…an exchange of beef jerky, and one real kiss, conducted without the knowledge of others.”
You take a few moments to think about it, and it’s worth considering. It seems possible…
You just gotta kiss the girl, and then you get what you want. It’ll be over in a few seconds, and it ain’t such a bad deal…you’ve had worse jobs, and been paid less. You look back at her, weigh the risks...
“So…no telling your brother?”
She shakes her head in the negative.
“Or Mal…?”
Another slow shake…
You point your finger at her as you think of something. “…or Kaylee?! That girl runs off at the mouth!”
Her nods become more vigorous. “Yes, yes…she agrees. No Kaylee…no Mal…no brother! No telling anyone - ever…”
You squint at her, and then smile. Spit into your hand, hold it out for her to shake - she grimaces at it in disgust, leans as far away as she can.
“Why did you spit on your hand?”
You roll your eyes at her. “To seal the deal, dummy! Well, you gonna shake or not!?”
You see this realisation dawn across her face, as she processes your meaning, and then she spits into her palm, grasps your hand with hers. Grins back at you…
You want to be sure. “Deal?”
She nods in agreement. “Deal…”
So you release her small hand from yours and reach across for the plastic bag in her lap - she snatches it away and holds it behind her back, shakes her head.
“Kiss first…”
You scowl at her…and then lean in and peck her on the cheek.
She frowns in disgust. “What was that?!”
“A kiss…”
The look she gives you could strip paint off a wall. “You kiss like her brother...”
“Hey…take that back!”
“No…the trade was for a real kiss!”
“Now hang on a minute…you wanted a kiss, so I gave you a kiss!”
But she’s getting a head of steam going, her voice is getting louder, more insistent. “A real kiss…like a real girl!” she points at you, “There is spit on our hands…and everything!”
You have to dodge her other hand, which is now jabbing a pointed finger at your chest. It hurts…
“All right, all right…hey! Quit being a brat about this!” You grab the hand, hold it still…hold her at bay.
She fixes dark angry eyes on you. “He means to cheat her!”
“Hey!? No cause for that, I ain’t no cheat…”
“Well…where’s her real kiss? No kiss - no delicious…”
You cut her off, because this is getting repetitive - you keep your voice low, trying to shush her quiet. “Shhh…quit your hollering else you’ll wake everyone up! And how you gonna explain to Mal what we’re fighting over!?”
She goes quiet, but there’s no mistaking the hard glint in her eyes, the determined set of her jaw.
And you realise that there’s no escaping this - it must be done.
A deal is a deal…
“Ok! You’ll get your kiss, but only because that’s the deal. Ain’t no deeper meaning to it than that, dong ma?!? So no going all moon-eyed on me afterwards!”
She snorts derisively, rolls her eyes. “She promises…no moon eyes.”
“Right, long as we’re clear about this?”
A solemn nod from her, and that’s it…there’s nothing left to discuss.
It’s all settled…one small kiss in exchange for food.
You release her hand from yours, reposition yourself so that you’re standing directly in front of her. She takes her cue from your movements, straightens her posture, leans forward slightly, towards you.
Waits…
And now that it’s come to this, you feel uncomfortable…
You don’t know where to put your hands, they suddenly feel too big, too large against her small frame, and it don’t seem right to touch her in this way. She solves the problem by raising her hands up, rests them lightly on your shoulders, so that you have to settle with placing your hands on her hips.
She grows still, and now it’s just you standing there, in front of her. She watches you, wide-eyed with anticipation…
And this is uncomfortable…it’s too quiet.
Makes you want to fill the empty space with sound...
“Um…I don’t do this much, I’m not one for kissing on the mouth. It can be a dangerous business - you seen what happened with Mal and that Saffron…”
She smiles in encouragement. “It’s okay…there are no sedative gels on her lips.”
“Well…that’s a good thing.” And you glance at her mouth, notice the dark arch, the long curve of pink.
You’re mouth goes dry...it makes your voice gruff. “So, any way you want me to do this?”
A small shake of her head - all large eyes and soft voice. “No, but it must be a real kiss…like she’s a real girl.”
And this jars for some reason…it makes you frown.
“Stop saying that - you look real enough to me…” And as you say it, you can’t help thinking that she feels real enough - this round curve of her hips under your fingers.
She stills before you…large eyes fix on yours, her fingers press into your shoulders.
Time seems to hang for moment, it grows quiet around you both…
Too quiet…you clear your throat. “Anyway, why are you all hung up on kissing all of a sudden?”
She looks away, and then those dark eyes dart back up to yours. She hesitates, licks her lips and then:
“Because she might not ever have one…”
You shake your head in disbelief. “Fei hua…course you will!”
She blinks. “She may not…”
“Well, why not?! You ain’t ugly…got no extra limbs or nothin’. Just a bit addle-brained…”
Her voice is bone dry. “Thank you…”
“…and even that’s not so bad as before. Just gotta stop your feng le way of talking - all that ‘…this girl’ and ‘she says’ and such. Then you’d catch yourself plenty of kisses!”
She dips her head, but not before you see a slight pink stain her cheeks…
She looks back up at you and smiles, her voice soft with amusement. “But how will she know if they’re good or not…these kisses?”
And you let a wide smile spread across your face, bare your teeth - grin like a wolf. “Well now, that’s for practicing…”
“This is practice. Jayne is good with woman, yes? He likes the…” she searches about for the right term. “…trim?”
You’re eyes narrow at her using this word. “Hey!?”
“And they like him…she’s seen them swarm at the bars. Like busy little bees - colourful butterflies…”
Your smile goes slick, like oil on water. “I do all right…better than some.”
“He should be able to show her one good, real kiss, and then she will know. So that she can judge all future kisses…”
And it sounds logical when she says it like that…it has a certain sense to it.
“Okay, why not? I’ll give it a shot at least…” You take a deep breath, square your shoulders, tighten your grip on her hips, and glance down. “Open your knees…”
Her eyes go wide with shock…
You catch the look that flashes across her face. “Hey - It ain’t like that!! I gotta stand somewhere…”
Her mouth forms an ‘oh’ shape, and she does as you asked, pushes her skirt down between her now open legs, displaying a long line of pale thigh in the process. And it’s nice to look at, this skin - you have to remind your eyes to return to her face…
You step in close, and her face is just below yours, so close that you notice a scattering of freckles across her skin. These various hues of light brown peppering the cream, like nutmeg on hot milk…
Wide brown eyes watch yours up close, and it’s disturbing…you can’t concentrate.
“Close your eyes.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s how it works!”
“Oh…okay.” And she does, dutifully closing her eyes, dark lashes fanning out.
And somehow this is worse…
You stare at the curve of her mouth wait through several breaths…dip your head towards it, stop…lift back…try again from a new angle. You stop again…frustrated.
In the end you lift one hand up, cup her chin with your thumb, your fingers splaying out across the roundness of her cheek. And it’s soft this skin - soft and smooth under your rough…
She starts at your hand, her eyes flick open. “What are you doing?!”
“Trying to kiss you! Keep still…and shut your damn eyes!”
“Sorry! No need to yell at her…” She takes a deep breath, exhales - and you feel her shiver beneath your fingers. “…you’re making her nervous!”
“Well it ain’t easy for me either!”
Another deep inhalation and she breathes out slow, leans into your hand cradling her cheek, tilts her head at an angle. “Is this better?”
And it is…
“Yeah…thanks, that’s good.”
She smiles, open and sweet, lets her eyes fall shut, and now it’s just up to you.
And this is strange…you feel nervous.
You try to focus, make yourself count down and then you take a deep breath, dip your head…
Brush your lips against hers…
And they’re soft, so soft and it’s the barest touch, you’d almost believe it hadn’t happened at all, except for this heat on your mouth. This tingle on your lips...
You feel her stiffen against your hand, this expectant waiting against your fingertips, and your head dips again - you press your lips against hers.
And it’s like warm morning sun on bare skin…
It’s a sweet kiss, and you hold your lips against hers for several heart beats, and as you release, as your head moves back - she follows you with her own, her lips search for yours.
And time stumbles…there’s the warmth of her skin against your face…a sensation like a flock of birds flapping free, soft feathers brushing against your skin.
A skipping stutter in your chest…
She opens her mouth, exhales a sigh, and now you can taste the warmth of her breath in your mouth, across your tongue, and she tastes sweet.
She tastes good…
Something warm crawls up your spine…
You slide your hand into her hair, hold the back of her head, and this time you lean in and kiss her…really kiss her. Flick your tongue between her lips and it’s all wet, soft heat. And she’s kissing you back, her tongue runs over yours, each touch languid, measured.
It’s a slow burn release…
You make deep kisses. Slow deep kisses that get longer and longer, this ebb and fall of soft lips, hot slick mouth…like a rising tide. Kisses that now outlast each breath, so that you both gasp quick pants of air in between.
Her hands slide off your shoulders, they run down onto your arms, press into your skin through your shirt. And there’s the tingling warmth of hot skin…
Deeper kisses, a silken delving, this velvet heat…and you can hardly draw enough breath to fill your lungs.
She melts against you, boneless…and you dig your fingers into her hip. Enjoy the swelling curve of her under your grip, the give of her skin under your hand.
You breathe in…inhale her…and she smells good. She smells sweet, like fresh rainfall on thick leaves, like musk. Feminine…
She tastes good against your tongue…feels good in your hands….
And something clicks in your brain, something warm tips out low in your belly, spreads across and down. You move forward, forward, slowly leaning in towards her, as your mouth slides faster - harder against hers…
Squeeze this pleasing fullness under your fingers, rub your thumb against the flat of her belly, work your way further between her thighs. And she’s tilting backwards, like a slow falling sapling - her long legs slowly sliding up around your hips, wrapping around you.
You’re consuming her with your mouth - panting breath, hot wet tongue, insistent lips. Hands that squeeze and press, fingers that slide over the long lean curve of her, the sweet arc of her hip, the swelling edge of her breast…
And she’s arching under your fingers, voice thick and low - all need and heat. “Jayne…”
Your eyes open, hazy with kisses, and you tumble into all this liquid warm brown. It’s then that you realise that you can smell it on her, you can see it in her eyes - it makes you stop…
And it’s an effort because your heart is a drum, your blood thick and hot like syrup. You make yourself look away from her face, force yourself not to look at these swollen lips, the hot eyes. Try taking slower breaths…
You release her…
Push yourself upright, edge back from the table, away from her. Exhale…
She rises up on her elbows, surveys you in confusion. “Jayne…?”
There’s no chance of standing up straight, but you do your best. You try to sound casual, normal…
“Well, that’s it. All done…”
She frowns at you, studies your odd posture. “Are you ok?”
“Yep, just got…a cramp. Old fightin’ injury…” You motion at your back, make a half hearted attempt to rub it.
Dark eyes study yours. “Why did you stop? Was the kissing…flawed?”
“Ah…no, it was…” and words fail you, you try to ignore the sensations still playing havoc with your body. “…fine. It’s just the deal was for one real kiss, and well…that was kissin’. A whole lot of kissin’….”
Your voice trails off into nothing…
She smiles at you, stretches back on the wood, arches and her body flows. You try not to stare at the undulating hips, legs, breasts…
Her voice is like warm honey…a cat’s purr. “Yes, it was…she thinks that she likes kissing…very much.”
She sits up and starts to swing those long bare legs, back and forth, back and forth, and you have to look away. You have to think about unpleasant things - painful, ugly things…
She sees you do this, and she smiles, and you can’t help but notice that there’s nothing shy about these eyes now.
They gleam with amusement…
She pushes off the table, swing / sways over to you, takes your hand and places something small and plastic in it. “This is for you…”
And the packet of beef jerky rests in the palm of your hand.
You stare at it…suddenly realise that you have no appetite anymore.
You couldn’t eat a bite…
And you have a distinct feeling that you have been short changed…
She walks past you, stops just outside the door - leans back in.
“And Jayne…?”
And you’re still standing, dazed, near the table. You look up from your hand, to stare at her face.
“Uh…yeah?”
Her eyes are wide, the brown dances before you. “If you need me…I’ll be in my bunk.”
And she grins, bares her teeth like a wolf…and disappears out the door.
Leaving you alone in the room…
Staring at the beef jerky, wondering how this all came about. Trying to figure out how your night went so wrong…
********************************************
Translation:
Dong ma = understand
Pi gu = backside
Chu fei wo si le = over my dead body
Fei hua = nonsense