(Untitled)

[niliwen]

A/N: Prompt: Dawn. 430 words

Someone Has Got to Do It

No matter what way Ellen rehashed it, it sometimes seemed that she and her friends would always be 'the kids that got out of the wrong part of Cordoba City'. "Someday you've got to stop thinking of yourself as just that," she chided herself as she threaded an old, but clean pair of red

Comments

[bluegerl]

OOooh I like that. Glad Macky stayed. And there's a really nice point to this piece... why did Anton care? Because....

I LIKE this lot. MUCHLY! Thank you Nili... mmmmmmm...

[niliwen]

Thanks!

This quartet probably isn't ever going to walk out on each other. It's a strange situation really: Ellen a little in love with both boys, Anton the leader of it all, Macky the exasperated buddy and Cas the quiet observer.

[innana88]

A nice, tight little ficlet, Niliwen! I really enjoyed this!

[niliwen]

Thanks! I worry that it's a bit messy since it's woven in a larger universe, but I'm glad it seems snug.

Editor

[cedarwolfsinger]

Sorry that this is late, Niliwen. Clearly, this is a snapshot of a larger story. There's a past here about which the reader has no clue. That's not a bad thing, it just gives this sketch a feeling of being incomplete. I can find only one thing that I have a suggestion to change. In paragraph 1: "...it was always fun to tease him about each time he threatened to do so." I'd suggest you do one of two things. 1 -- add "it" between "about" and "each" OR 2 -- remove "about

Re: Editor

[niliwen]

Glad I finally got someone intrigued about these characters! Thanks for the edit!

edit!

[silverflight8]

Hullo, I'm one of your editors this week! Sorry for being late :(

threaded an old, but clean pair of red shoelaces through her sneakers
-I know what you mean but it sounds like she's threading the shoelaces through the soles of the shoe or something. Maybe try rephrasing so that it's not the sneakers being threaded.

It seemed that for as long as their roommate insisted on his life as part time law student and part time unofficial journalist that this would always be an issue.
-The middle bit (about the law-student and journalism) are somewhat hard to understand--I think you might need to insert a comma instead of "that".

"Macky, shut up! Please!" -One of my favourite things about your writing is the way you write characters, and stuff like the above is always so great--it sounds like something that someone would say

Re: edit!

[niliwen]

Thanks!

Grammar and stuff noted. Glad the characters seem to work.