just a stupid, silly girl.
when his fingers accidentally (because it will always be accidental, never on purpose) brush against her skin, it fills her with a sense of something she couldn’t comprehend; it is of something beautiful and magical and surreal, like little snowflakes dancing in the air and coming to a rest on her waiting palms in winter.
“sunyoung,” nods jonghyun, a casual downward flick of his head, a friendly curve of his lips, sending her spiraling over the edge. sunyoung's heart beats just a little bit faster as she gives him what she hopes is a real smile and not one of those teeth-baring fangirl-like grimaces that gets thrown at him all the time. “jonghyun-oppa.”
“how’re you doing?”
it’s a simple, somewhat superficial question, but it makes her think that he cares.
“i'm fine,” she replies, mentally cringing at how her voice has gone a little bit higher, rivaling that of a parrot. she hopes he doesn’t notice the nearly fluorescent pink glow of her cheeks, or the stuttering rise and fall of her heart underneath the material of her shirt.
jonghyun smiles again, the corners of his eyes creasing into little lines she would love to iron out for him. “that’s good to know. well, I’ll see you later, sunyoung-ah!” he raises his hand to wave at her (she couldn’t help but stare at his unbelievably muscular arms and thinks that he must’ve noticed her eyeing him this time).
“of course.”
it is an unspoken routine between them that even they (he) don’t notice. they would meet in the hallways, or in waiting rooms; he would ask how she is doing and she would duck her head slightly and reply that she’s fine. we would nod and smile, silently driving her nearer to having a cardiac arrest.
sunyoung wonders where this is all (this entire charade of him treating her like a lost freshman at a high school where he is the almighty senior and her being hopelessly and unintentionally in love with him) going to go.
she wants her question to be answered in words from him or in actions by him, not in actions between him and another girl.
not between him and jessica.
jonghyun treats jessica like a man in a boat of unlimited affection (sunyoung refuses to think that maybe it’s love) and jessica reciprocates his feelings with each finger she places on his arm and every word she whispers into his ear.
they huddle together during concerts, giggles colliding (hands groping and lips touching backstage where no one else could see) and water spilling onto them both. it’s like a scene from a movie where their smiles are too bright and the water is too wet and their hearts are too overwhelmed to contain in their chests any longer.
it’s not too blatant, but it’s blatant enough, and that’s enough to break (sunyoung's) heart.
as they finish the concert, sunyoung trips and almost falls flat on her face before a pair of arms catches her. “you should really be careful, sunyoung,” jonghyun admonishes teasingly, “you silly girl.” he helps her to stand upright and leaves before she could thank him.
she could never be to him what jessica is - the love of his life, the queen of his heart, the bane of his existence.
because to him, she is just a silly girl.