That's really interesting. Do your meds affect your libido, or has it always been absent?
Al is the consummate horndog, and always has been. I used to have a raging libido as well. (our second date was a weekend together, and I still am amazed how many times he was able to achieve things. Seriously.) I'm in the perimenopause and my libido escaped somewhere. I don't always "get there" so sex is kind of meh.
He loves porn, he takes care of his own needs much of the time, and we do when I can. Illness takes a lot out of a person. And kudos to you for working out a good solution for you both! *hugs*
Antiseizure meds do tend to affect the libido to a large extent. I can "get there", but it takes me much longer. And the other problem I've always had is that, regardless of my partner's girth/length, intercourse for me feels like a cucumber being forcibly shoved through a hole meant for a pencil. At best, I feel nothing but friction, at worst, it's the sensation I've just described. I'd decided about ten years before I met hubby that the next person I'd have sex with would be my husband, and then only for purposes of procreation. I met hubby just before my hysterectomy, so the whole procreation thing went right out the window, hence my telling him he was free to sow his wild oats elsewhere if he needed to. He swears he'd never do that because "he's not wired that way (to "cheat")". I just shrug and remind him that I meant what I said--he shouldn't have to do without simply because I don't enjoy it
( ... )
While I disagree that it takes a legal document to make it cheating, for me an agreement to monogamy is all that it takes, but good for you for finding something that does work for the two of you.
To a certain extent I do agree with you. If you've looked each other in the eye and promised monogamy, if you find out otherwise then yes, I'd consider that "cheating". But if there's no actual spoken (or written, for that matter, whatever works) promise to be "faithful", for one partner to assume the other won't "cheat" is a little silly, in my view. I will say that during my dating years there was only one instance where I dated two guys at once, and it blew up in my face, so I decided I'd never do that again. But if you're not actually married to one person, and you can successfully juggle multiple dating partners at once, if one of the people you're dating decides it's "cheating", that's their problem, not yours.
I agree that it's all about the relationship agreement between the people in the relationship. Monogamy agreements are the obvious default, but there are many other kinds of agreements. Many poly people have "condom compacts" where they agree to use condoms with any partners outside the primary couple. Breaking that agreement would be cheating too.
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Al is the consummate horndog, and always has been. I used to have a raging libido as well. (our second date was a weekend together, and I still am amazed how many times he was able to achieve things. Seriously.) I'm in the perimenopause and my libido escaped somewhere. I don't always "get there" so sex is kind of meh.
He loves porn, he takes care of his own needs much of the time, and we do when I can. Illness takes a lot out of a person. And kudos to you for working out a good solution for you both! *hugs*
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I agree that it's all about the relationship agreement between the people in the relationship. Monogamy agreements are the obvious default, but there are many other kinds of agreements. Many poly people have "condom compacts" where they agree to use condoms with any partners outside the primary couple. Breaking that agreement would be cheating too.
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*Hugs*
:-)
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