There Is So Much To Say and My Heart is Full
First of all, I wanted to post the total: $4,600 as of 10 pm Saturday, May 30, 2010. .
Yes that number is correct and I will revisit that number in a moment. Please bear with me, as there is a lot to say and I am committed to total transparency here.
I made the "ask" post on Thursday, May 27th at 10 pm. I wasn't sure what to expect. I saw the desperation in that single mother's face and the desolation at the prospect of losing her home AND her child and I knew I had to try to do something. I didn't have the money to give her myself but I thought that I might be able to get people to donate if I simply told her story. karnythia encouraged me to try and just see what happened. So I did and I tried to sleep.
I tossed and turned all night and threw up a few times. I wondered if I was doing the right thing and what would I do if I failed. I remembered being a young child with a divorced single mom who was evicted multiple times with my siblings. I remembered having a very sick mom who continued to work multiple jobs until she couldn't work anymore and ended up in the hospital with double pneumonia. I vividly remember being the oldest child looking at our things in trash bags on the street and wondering what would happen to us. I clearly remembered being scared, the feelings of insecurity, wondering where we would live and who was going to take care of us because my mom was too sick to work anymore.
I wondered often then if I would ever really feel secure again or truly trust people and why didn't anyone try to help us. I remember living in a house with roaches and rats because that was all my mom could afford. I didn't want my neighbor's child to grow up with the personal scars those experience leaves behind and have to add to that the trauma of losing her mom. I waited for daylight and finally went to sleep around 6 am.
When I woke up the next morning at 9 am and looked in my email there were $200 worth of emails from PayPal. I emailed those people immediately and signed those emails with my real name. I thought that if perfect strangers were going to trust me with their money then I needed to go the extra mile and trust them with my real name. I wanted everyone to know that this was a real person with a real situation that they were helping, so I committed to stay at my computer all day and answer emails. Everyone who posted a comment on my post promised to boost the signal on their livejournals and on Twitter and Facebook. By 12 pm I'd raised $500. I kept answering emails and crossing my fingers and hoping against hope that this would actually work. As per a suggestion from bottledgoose I posted in the
Blackfolk community and asked them to boost the signal as well.
Between 12 pm and 1:30 pm there was a lull. I cried because I wasn't sure if I would actually make my goal of $1200. I hadn't told my neighbor or anyone else in real life about the kamikaze thing I was doing and I wondered if it was all going to blow up in my face.
Around 2pm it was as if the Internet exploded. I was getting waves and waves of emails from people, via PayPal and my personal email account. People shared stories, gave encouragement, and kept me going. I read personal accounts that made me cry and had offers to help find a family law attorney who would work pro bono in Lynchburg and offers to look at her resume to help her find a better job. I took a chance around 2:30 and checked my PayPal account and there was $2,00O in it. I started to cry hysterically and hugged my dog RJ repeatedly.
I kept refreshing PayPal and kept looking at the number to make sure that I wasn't hallucinating. It was the same. I posted in my livejournal and in the
Blackfolk to tell everyone to stop donating because the initial need had been met. I walked RJ up the street to my bank. I told them what I was doing and asked them what they suggested the withdrawal amounts should be to avoid any confusion. I also asked them to make sure that fraud alert was not placed on my account because of the large amount money I was about to put in it. I requested that PayPal deposit the $2,800 by that point in several smaller amounts into my bank account to prevent there being a hold placed on my account.
I sent a text message to my friend at work and told her that I raised the money to keep her from being homeless. She sent me back a text message asking if I'd robbed a bank. I told her no, that I got on my livejournal and told her story, with as few identifiers as possible, and that people trusted me with their money to help her. I told her the amount, which was $3,000 at that point, She went to the bathroom and started crying. She got herself back together, came back and said she'd see me when she got home.
I got back on the phone and called the courthouse. I asked them what exactly I had to do to pay an eviction judgment. They said that I had to get the landlord to file a writ of satisfaction that the judgment had been paid and that he was willing to let my friend stay in her apartment. I called the landlord and left a message stating that the money for my friend's judgment had been raised and that it would be ready by Wednesday. I told him that I would meet him at the courthouse with a cashier's check for the judgment plus June's rent on that date and would he please call me back with a time that would be convenient for him. I am waiting for him to call back. I will call him back on Tuesday.
My friend came home after picking up her child and hugged me then grilled me on how I'd actually raised the money. She wanted to be assured that it came by completely legal means. I showed her my live journal post and my PayPal account and she cried. She read the messages of support and started crying all over again and hugging her child, who wanted to know why we were both crying. We told the child that we were just happy and that it was okay for happy people to cry. She is beyond thankful and she thanks you all. She is writing a thank you message that I will post in a day or so thanking everyone.
I wanted everyone to know that this money came in every single amount imaginable and every single donation was tearfully accepted. I made it a point to email everyone who sent money via Paypal or other methods as soon as possible after I received the confirmation email. I sent those emails via the email address they used to make the PayPal donation. I have gotten four emails that bounced and I would really like to thank those people and let them know that their trust in a complete stranger was not misplaced. It was and is important to me that everyone who donated or boosted the signal about this situation knew that this is a real single mother in a real situation that I was trying to help. I didn't want anyone to think that my cry for help was some form of sophisticated Nigerian bank scam.
I also plan to send everyone who donated an email as to the amount raised and the plans for that money as some people came from Twittter, Livejournal, Facebook, Shakesville, Faustivus, and other online sources to donate. They deserve to know how their money is being spent. After the $1700 has been given to the landlord (for the judgment and June's rent), $2000 of the funds raised will be put on both Walmart and a secondary grocery gift card of Food Lion. About half the people who emailed me said that they would prefer to not support Walmart, so I made the secondary choice of grocery stores. The rest will be put into a fund for emergencies. I made these decisions on my own and I hope that they are okay with everyone.
I cannot honestly thank everyone enough for what you've done. It was a staggeringly generous and trusting thing that all of you did. I have never had so many people who believed in me enough to help a total stranger by proxy and for that I thank you. It is my personal PROMISE to keep everyone updated as to what happens as it happens via livejournal and email. I am overwhelmed, emotional and frankly amazed by all of you. Your emails were filled with words of encouragement, personal stories, offers of help, and most of all the personal belief that things could and would get better. I truly feel like I asked for help at the right time and for the right reasons.
I don't trust people easily and I am very careful about who sees me do things that I feel make me vulnerable, like crying or showing deeper emotions. While this process began as a desperate means to help my friend, all of you have greatly restored my faith in the inherent goodness, kindness and decency of people and for that I am eternally grateful.
Quite a few of you said that I was an extraordinary person to be doing this. While that is enormously flattering, I don't think that is true. I went thought a hellish two years starting in August 2008. Due to circumstances beyond my control, and the enormous stress caused by them, I thought I was going to die. I almost went into kidney failure several times and at one point I was misdiagnosed with stomach, kidney and cervical cancer because of the unexplained symptoms I was having. I was in severe pain and on multiple medications. I was too sick to work. I was too proud to ask anyone for help and was determined to do it all on my own. My friends brought me food, took my dog for walks and bought him food and his monthly medicines, drove me to doctors appointments and held my hand while I had several exploratory surgeries. They made sure that I knew that I was loved and cared for even when I couldn't get out of bed. I didn't ask but they answered and cared for me the best that they knew how.
My health has improved somewhat but it is still precarious but they are still my friends. By doing this I am simply paying it forward.
Yes that number is correct and I will revisit that number in a moment. Please bear with me, as there is a lot to say and I am committed to total transparency here.
I made the "ask" post on Thursday, May 27th at 10 pm. I wasn't sure what to expect. I saw the desperation in that single mother's face and the desolation at the prospect of losing her home AND her child and I knew I had to try to do something. I didn't have the money to give her myself but I thought that I might be able to get people to donate if I simply told her story. karnythia encouraged me to try and just see what happened. So I did and I tried to sleep.
I tossed and turned all night and threw up a few times. I wondered if I was doing the right thing and what would I do if I failed. I remembered being a young child with a divorced single mom who was evicted multiple times with my siblings. I remembered having a very sick mom who continued to work multiple jobs until she couldn't work anymore and ended up in the hospital with double pneumonia. I vividly remember being the oldest child looking at our things in trash bags on the street and wondering what would happen to us. I clearly remembered being scared, the feelings of insecurity, wondering where we would live and who was going to take care of us because my mom was too sick to work anymore.
I wondered often then if I would ever really feel secure again or truly trust people and why didn't anyone try to help us. I remember living in a house with roaches and rats because that was all my mom could afford. I didn't want my neighbor's child to grow up with the personal scars those experience leaves behind and have to add to that the trauma of losing her mom. I waited for daylight and finally went to sleep around 6 am.
When I woke up the next morning at 9 am and looked in my email there were $200 worth of emails from PayPal. I emailed those people immediately and signed those emails with my real name. I thought that if perfect strangers were going to trust me with their money then I needed to go the extra mile and trust them with my real name. I wanted everyone to know that this was a real person with a real situation that they were helping, so I committed to stay at my computer all day and answer emails. Everyone who posted a comment on my post promised to boost the signal on their livejournals and on Twitter and Facebook. By 12 pm I'd raised $500. I kept answering emails and crossing my fingers and hoping against hope that this would actually work. As per a suggestion from bottledgoose I posted in the
Blackfolk community and asked them to boost the signal as well.
Between 12 pm and 1:30 pm there was a lull. I cried because I wasn't sure if I would actually make my goal of $1200. I hadn't told my neighbor or anyone else in real life about the kamikaze thing I was doing and I wondered if it was all going to blow up in my face.
Around 2pm it was as if the Internet exploded. I was getting waves and waves of emails from people, via PayPal and my personal email account. People shared stories, gave encouragement, and kept me going. I read personal accounts that made me cry and had offers to help find a family law attorney who would work pro bono in Lynchburg and offers to look at her resume to help her find a better job. I took a chance around 2:30 and checked my PayPal account and there was $2,00O in it. I started to cry hysterically and hugged my dog RJ repeatedly.
I kept refreshing PayPal and kept looking at the number to make sure that I wasn't hallucinating. It was the same. I posted in my livejournal and in the
Blackfolk to tell everyone to stop donating because the initial need had been met. I walked RJ up the street to my bank. I told them what I was doing and asked them what they suggested the withdrawal amounts should be to avoid any confusion. I also asked them to make sure that fraud alert was not placed on my account because of the large amount money I was about to put in it. I requested that PayPal deposit the $2,800 by that point in several smaller amounts into my bank account to prevent there being a hold placed on my account.
I sent a text message to my friend at work and told her that I raised the money to keep her from being homeless. She sent me back a text message asking if I'd robbed a bank. I told her no, that I got on my livejournal and told her story, with as few identifiers as possible, and that people trusted me with their money to help her. I told her the amount, which was $3,000 at that point, She went to the bathroom and started crying. She got herself back together, came back and said she'd see me when she got home.
I got back on the phone and called the courthouse. I asked them what exactly I had to do to pay an eviction judgment. They said that I had to get the landlord to file a writ of satisfaction that the judgment had been paid and that he was willing to let my friend stay in her apartment. I called the landlord and left a message stating that the money for my friend's judgment had been raised and that it would be ready by Wednesday. I told him that I would meet him at the courthouse with a cashier's check for the judgment plus June's rent on that date and would he please call me back with a time that would be convenient for him. I am waiting for him to call back. I will call him back on Tuesday.
My friend came home after picking up her child and hugged me then grilled me on how I'd actually raised the money. She wanted to be assured that it came by completely legal means. I showed her my live journal post and my PayPal account and she cried. She read the messages of support and started crying all over again and hugging her child, who wanted to know why we were both crying. We told the child that we were just happy and that it was okay for happy people to cry. She is beyond thankful and she thanks you all. She is writing a thank you message that I will post in a day or so thanking everyone.
I wanted everyone to know that this money came in every single amount imaginable and every single donation was tearfully accepted. I made it a point to email everyone who sent money via Paypal or other methods as soon as possible after I received the confirmation email. I sent those emails via the email address they used to make the PayPal donation. I have gotten four emails that bounced and I would really like to thank those people and let them know that their trust in a complete stranger was not misplaced. It was and is important to me that everyone who donated or boosted the signal about this situation knew that this is a real single mother in a real situation that I was trying to help. I didn't want anyone to think that my cry for help was some form of sophisticated Nigerian bank scam.
I also plan to send everyone who donated an email as to the amount raised and the plans for that money as some people came from Twittter, Livejournal, Facebook, Shakesville, Faustivus, and other online sources to donate. They deserve to know how their money is being spent. After the $1700 has been given to the landlord (for the judgment and June's rent), $2000 of the funds raised will be put on both Walmart and a secondary grocery gift card of Food Lion. About half the people who emailed me said that they would prefer to not support Walmart, so I made the secondary choice of grocery stores. The rest will be put into a fund for emergencies. I made these decisions on my own and I hope that they are okay with everyone.
I cannot honestly thank everyone enough for what you've done. It was a staggeringly generous and trusting thing that all of you did. I have never had so many people who believed in me enough to help a total stranger by proxy and for that I thank you. It is my personal PROMISE to keep everyone updated as to what happens as it happens via livejournal and email. I am overwhelmed, emotional and frankly amazed by all of you. Your emails were filled with words of encouragement, personal stories, offers of help, and most of all the personal belief that things could and would get better. I truly feel like I asked for help at the right time and for the right reasons.
I don't trust people easily and I am very careful about who sees me do things that I feel make me vulnerable, like crying or showing deeper emotions. While this process began as a desperate means to help my friend, all of you have greatly restored my faith in the inherent goodness, kindness and decency of people and for that I am eternally grateful.
Quite a few of you said that I was an extraordinary person to be doing this. While that is enormously flattering, I don't think that is true. I went thought a hellish two years starting in August 2008. Due to circumstances beyond my control, and the enormous stress caused by them, I thought I was going to die. I almost went into kidney failure several times and at one point I was misdiagnosed with stomach, kidney and cervical cancer because of the unexplained symptoms I was having. I was in severe pain and on multiple medications. I was too sick to work. I was too proud to ask anyone for help and was determined to do it all on my own. My friends brought me food, took my dog for walks and bought him food and his monthly medicines, drove me to doctors appointments and held my hand while I had several exploratory surgeries. They made sure that I knew that I was loved and cared for even when I couldn't get out of bed. I didn't ask but they answered and cared for me the best that they knew how.
My health has improved somewhat but it is still precarious but they are still my friends. By doing this I am simply paying it forward.