Fic: Dolphins Are Just Gay Sharks
Title: Dolphins Are Just Gay Sharks
Author: nicnac918
Fandom: Smallville, Glee
Pairing: Clex, Brittana
Rating: G
Spoilers: None
Word count: 747
Summary: Brittany can't figure out why Lex Luthor doesn't have gills.
Warnings: Crack
Disclaimer: Not mine, not for profit
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Brittany rolled her head from side to side, bored. Those men could have at least tied her up somewhere interesting, or with a TV or something.
There was a groan from the other side of the room and Brittany looked over to see the shark man was waking up. “Good morning!’ she said brightly.
The shark man looked at her, confused. “Who are you?”
“I’m Brittany,” she told him. “And you’re the shark man.”
“Lex Luthor, the shark man. I like it.” He grinned at her and it looked just like a shark, like Santana told her he was. But…
“Where are your gills?” Brittany had watched all of Shark Week last month and she knew that sharks were supposed to have big gills on their necks, but his neck was completely smooth. How was he supposed to breathe underwater if he didn’t have gills?
“I’m not actually part shark…” he told her slowly, giving her that funny look that strangers sometimes gave her.
“Okay,” Brittany agreed. Not because she didn’t think he was a shark, Santana had said he was, and Santana was never wrong, but because she didn’t think it was a good idea to argue with a shark. “Do you know where we are?” she asked instead. “Santana is going to be really mad if I got lost again.”
The shark man gave her that look again. “We’ve been kidnapped. I don’t have a clue where we are. In fact, why are you even here?”
Brittany tried to shrug, but the ropes around her arms made it really hard. “I saw some men hit your head and then they grabbed me and made me come with you,” she explained.
“Great. So I’m dragging innocent civilians into my problems again,” he muttered.
Brittany frowned. “But you didn’t do anything. You were asleep.”
“Unfortunately that’s not how certain people will see it,” he said smiling at her in a way that didn’t look happy at all. There was a crash sound from the next room and the shark man closed his eyes. “Speak of the devil.”
The door flung open and Superman walked in. This was seriously cool. Almost as cool as the time New Directions had gotten to meet Blaine’s brother, Cooper.
“Luthor are you alright?” Superman asked going to untie the shark man. He sounded really mad and a little worried, sort of like Santana did when Brittany messed up really bad and got herself hurt, only opposite.
“I’m just fine,” the shark man snapped, pulling away as soon as Superman got him untied. “Though maybe if you had done your job better, I wouldn’t be in this position in the first place.”
Superman glared and said something angry back, while he came over to untie Brittany. The shark man was being really mean all the sudden, and it made Brittany think of someone else, but she couldn’t remember who. The two of them kept arguing and Brittany thought really hard about who the shark man was being like, even crinkling up her nose a little bit because that helped her think better.
It was when Superman clenched his jaw the same way Kurt did sometimes that she realized it. The shark man was acting just like Karofsky used to before he came out of the closet and admitted he like Kurt! “That’s why you don’t have gills!” she exclaimed. Everyone knew that dolphins wore blowholes on their backs instead because they were more fashionable.
Both men looked at her, startled. They had been so distracted by their argument that they had forgotten she was there. That’s okay; sometimes she and Santana got caught up and forgot about other people too.
“Miss, would you like me to take you home?” Superman asked her.
Brittany shook her head. “That’s really far away. But can you take me to back to Santana? She’s probably worried by now.”
“Okay,” Superman said. Then he turned back to the shark man and said, really mad, “We’ll talk about how you’re dragging innocent civilians into your problems later, Luthor.”
“Joy,” said the shark man, but he still didn’t sound very happy. Brittany wondered if he did that all the time.
“Let’s go find your friend now Miss. If you let me pick you up, we can fly and get there faster,” Superman said, offering out his arms.
“Alright,” agreed Brittany, grabbing around his neck and smiled.
She couldn’t wait to tell Santana that Lex Luthor was secretly gay for Superman.