Shadow Side of Me Ch. 1
Title: Shadow Side of Me Ch. 1
Characters: Yesung, Siwon, Ryeowook, Kyuhyun, Park Jooryo (OC), the rest of Super Junior members.
Pairing: Yewon, close friendship of KRY
Genre: Angst, Drama, Romance
Rating: NC-17
Summary: He won’t let his selfishness ruined his beloved dongsaengs' dream. But the so-called sacrifice hurt him the most.
Disclaimer: I only own the story, plot, and the original characters. The fiction don't resemble the real life of the characters.
Warning: Rape.
"Do you know what the word 'sacrifice' means?" Jooryo smirked lightly, feet rushed to approach another man in the room. "I'm sure such stupid meatbag will never understand." Jooryo pushed the small man to the wall harshly, ignoring the hopeless, soft plea.
"Hyu… hyung don't…"
Jooryo grabbed both of the man's upper arms tightly, sandwiched him between his body and the wall. Jooryo knew just how much this man could hold on, he really knew him well.
"Just fucking obey me, you useless man. Don't let your selfishness hold your dongsaengs' dream restrained."
With those words, he forced a kiss to the other man's small, red lips.
Yesung pressed his lips tightly and tilted his head brutally from left to right to avoid Jooryo's attack. His both hands were being hold so tight it hurts, so he maximized his leg's power, centered them to his right knee as he planted a harsh kick to Jooryo's crotch.
"Fuck!!" Jooryo cursed as his aching body forced him to crawl into the pain. He really didn't expect this.
Yesung ran for his life, tried to get his way out from the studio.
"Get back here Yesung!! You have no idea what you've just done!!"
Yesung found the way out, the only door connected the studio with the rest of the building. But there’s one thing he didn't expect at all.
"What do you think? Of course I'm not as stupid nor clueless as you are, moron." Jooryo had already recovered from the pain in his crotch, and now stormed out of the recording room where they had been a few seconds ago. He waved a bundle of keys in his palm to Yesung's terrified face.
Yesung turned his back, facing the studio's door as he panickly grabbed the handle of the door, helplessly tried to scream as loud as he can for help. He knew it was such a waste since there'll never be anyone left in the studio past midnight like he and Jooryo usually did.
"Please… if there’s anyone outside… open the door for me! It's me Yesung, I'm locked!!"
Out of panic, he completely unaware of how Jooryo had already stood behind him and grabbed his waist. Blocked his mouth using his large palm, Jooryo dragged him back to the recording room. His muffled voice was left for no one to care.
That was one of the longest midnight Yesung had ever had. It's one of the most painful too, physically and mentally, as Jooryo with his subtle body entered him raw.
Yesung couldn't help his pathetic cries as Jooryo finished. He left him with his naked, dirty and sore body in the recording room all alone.
***
Two days had passed, Yesung could only thank God his schedules got him away from Jooryo, his vocal trainer. He still couldn’t believe it, that his hyung, who had been in his acquaitances for years had the gut to do such disgusting thing to him.
He restrained himself from crying though, as it’d make his eyes swollen and sparked some unwanted attention from the people around him. He just tried to forget it, buried the awful memory far away in the back of his head. As long as his path didn’t cross with Jooryo these days, Yesung was sure he'll be pretty fine.
But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't just stop the nasty thoughts…
"Hyung, in two weeks we will record the title song right?" Ryeowook asked him happily as they both sat down in front of the television in the living room.
"Of course. We won't practice again until next week. Restrain your voice, like usual, ok Wookie? Don't forget to tell Kyu he musn't sleep late again tonight…"
As the leader of the singer sub-group KRY, Yesung was used to this. Leading his vocalist dongsaengs to practice, decided their parts, set their voice arrangements, and keep them to maintain the stability of their voices for the recording and live performances. He did everything all happily since it was his dream, to be a real singer. Not only member of a boyband who knowns only for dancing and being funny on the television programs.
"But Hyung, you yourself also must not forgetting your meds. The last time I checked you missed almost three days of the prescription," Ryeowook talked him back, face so apprehensive.
Yesung just smiled bitterly. He couldn't remember the last time he took his medicines since his mind were too occupied by… things. Things he wouldn't be happy of the thinking.
"Hyung, when is the last time you took your meds?" Ryeowook demanded.
Yesung smiled sheepishly this time as he looked guiltily to his dongsaeng, "I can’t remember…"
Ryeowook's face reminded Yesung exactly to his own furious mother.
"God's sake Hyung! You have your larynx problem! You are a singer and you hurt your throat too much! You refused to get the surgery and now you won't take your meds??? I don't understand you!" Ryeowook exploded.
"Sorry, Wookie…"
Ryeowook shaked his head in frustration. Good thing that there were only both of them in the dorm, or Ryeowook's scream could just snap everyone out of their right mind.
"I think I need to tell Eeteuk Hyung," the dongsaeng sighed deeply. He couldn't believe his hyung is actually on his right mind that he was so careless of his own health! "He will 'do' you hard because he's your hyung."
Ryeowook didn't see the pained look on Yesung's face hearing his words.
"Don't, Wookie. He already has too many things to handle!"
Ryeowook sighed, his eyes softened as he turn his face to look at Yesung fully. "Hyung, I'm sorry I was too loud at you… but I only concerned of your health," the smaller man said, looked guilty when he saw Yesung's sad face. "Please, please, take your meds regularly… you shall be better for yourself, for KRY, and for Suju."
"It's ok," Yesung answered slowly, then suddenly got up from his seat. "I promise I'll take the meds regularly Wookie. I'm off to home! Bye for now." He left the confused Ryeowook stared at him suspiciously.
Inside his car on the dorm's parking lot, Yesung couldn't help his tears, fell down shamelessly as he recalled everything in his mind. He broke his own promise to himself not to broke and be a crying mess.
His stupid throat chose to be really troubled when the time for KRY album was decided and planned. His voice actually had once changed and he had to force himself to use his falsetto to perform. He never thought his larynx's condition was that bad until the SM's doctor really adviced him to do surgery. This was the one thing delayed the launching of the KRY album, his voice wasn't good enough to do some recordings although he could still force himself to perform properly
One thing led to another that then Jooryo came up to him with the idea.
"You don't wanna be a burden to Ryeowook and Kyuhyun, do you? The KRY album wasn't only your dream, it's also theirs."
"What do you mean by saying I'm a burden Hyung?" Yesung asked with confused face.
Jooryo's face turned into a mockery smile. "Your voice condition. Do you think the company will allow their main vocalist to record a fucking album with such raspy voice?"
This slapped Yesung mentally. Jooryo, his trainer, was knocking the truth inside his mind as realization hit him, hard.
"I… I… don't…"
"Yes, you did, you're so full of yourself thinking that you're our best singer," Jooryo laughed cynically. "And you… are the factor of the postponed dream of your so called beloved dongsaengs. Also, with your enlistment, and the 6th album, who knows when will KRY 'the real singers' album comes out?"
Being provocative is quite the one qualification you need most to work as in SM's artist management.
"Hyung… what to do? I… what do I have to do now? I don't want… Wookie and Kyunnie's dream…" Yesung babbled continously, much to Jooryo's liking.
"It's been two months of delay, now, Yesung don't you realize?"
Yesung just shaked his head absentmindedly.
"But I can still help you…"
"Really Hyung? How? The docs said my throat will only get better in a few more months, even so little time for the 6th album!" Yesung frustratedly said.
"I can persuade the management, you know. I have the legitimation here." Jooryo's voice got to be more and more sly but the frustrated dongsaeng didn’t realize it.
"So please persuade them for me, Hyung… please I beg you! I can't crash Wookie and Kyunnie's dream Hyung!"
"But what will you give me in returning the favour?"
"Anything! I'll do anything for you Hyung!" Yesung answered without even thinking.
Suddenly, unexpectedly, Jooryo got up from his chair, grabbed Yesung who sat in front of him by the collar. His husky voice freezed Yesung's ears as then he whispered.
"I want your body."
Yesung shaked his head violently as the blur images of that cursed midnight played inside his mind. He remembered what Ryeowook said a moment ago "He will 'do' you hard because he's your hyung," and shivered, his breath hitched and he started sobbing hard, really hard.
"Hmm… so fucking tight, such a delicious virgin." Jooryo's voice inside his memory got him screamed his lungs out, for no one else to hear.
***
For once in several days, he smiled. Genuinely smiled.
It was only when Siwon called him from China.
He was sitting down with his back on the head of his bed at home, staring at his phone screen for a long time before realizing that he was supposed to pick the call up before the caller shut the call off.
"Siwon-ah?"
"Hyung!" Siwon's excited voice called him happily. "Yesung-hyung, I miss you so much. How have you been?"
Yesung paused for some seconds, not sure about what to answer his dongsaeng.
"Uuh, I'm good, I-I guess?" Damn, Yesung hated it when he's stuttering like a fool.
"Guess?" Siwon chuckled. "Why, are you not even sure about it? Aah Hyung you missed me so much don't you? So that you don't feel well while I'm away?" he teased.
Yesung felt some kind of hot feeling creeping in his both cheeks. "Yah, Siwon! You think so high of yourself! Who in the world would ever miss you huh?" Yesung heard the younger man's chuckles from the opposite side and couldn't help his flushed smile once again. "Fine, I miss you, dongsaeng-ah. How were the things going in the filming?"
"So sweet of you Hyung… Yesung hyung finally admitted his feelings for me, ahh…"
"Yah! Siwon you behave!" Yesung laughed, freely as he felt the warm feelings in his heart. "Talk to me like that once again and you'll regret for being born!"
Yesung and Siwon talked for more than two hours, both giggled happily over the phone talking and catching up about each other's days. Siwon about his upcoming drama's filming in Shenzhen, while Yesung just talked about Kkoming, Jongjin, Handel & Gretel, and the business within his new eyewear shop WhyStyle.
Time surely flew really fast whenever he was with Siwon. An hour after Siwon ended the call, Yesung still couldn’t sleep. It was past midnight but he still wide awake. It's just different from the past days that he couldn't sleep because of the disgusting image flew through his mind. That night he felt warm, save, and loved for the first time.
Wait, loved? He frowned. He thought the word was too strong.
He felt a new blush formed on his chubby cheeks as he remembered every single one of Siwon's warm words and laugh. He could no longer resist that he liked them. He meant Siwon's warm words and laugh. He liked them was that wrong?
It's not that he liked Siwon… he just liked how Siwon punctuated his words, how Siwon laughed, how Siwon treated him so affectionately, always…
The most important thing is that with Siwon he forgot all of his problems. He felt less dirty… he felt like Jooryo never did anything to him that night.
It’s not that Siwon was not worth his love.. Or like. His feelings for him was a love a hyung should normally feel for a dongsaeng, right?
"I better go to sleep before he makes me crazy already." Yesung mumbled.
For the first time in a week, Yesung fell asleep with a smile plestered on his face.
***
It was the day Yesung had been waiting for so long. The day they will departure to China for the Shanghai concert.
It had nothing to do with finally seeing Siwon, he unnecessarily assured his heart, as another blush again formed in his pale face. He packed his belongings inside his luggage with a happy face and good mood. He pushed another things inside his mind to the back, and kept thinking about Shanghai, with a slight smile plastered in his pink face.
"Yesung," he heard Leeteuk's firm voice called out to him from inside the van. "Sit beside me," the leader said and Yesung only nodded. They went to the airport with Ryeowook and Kyuhyun inside one car.
"Yesung, have you regularly take the meds for your throat?" Leeteuk asked, in front of the guilty looking Kyuhyun and Ryeowook.
"Um… yes?"
Yesung didn't lie, but he only told his leader half of the truth.
He only took it regularly whenever Ryeowook or Kyuhyun reminded him to. Otherwise… he just couldn't care less. His family knew nothing about his need to take such meds since they were always busy with their business in the shops and they only meet every late at night.
"Good. Keep on going, Yesung, we really love you, you know that? The member's health is one of my priority at the moment since we are going to be really busy and busier," Leeteuk said, face warmingly stared at his dongsaeng.
"Don't forget that we need to record some other new KRY songs after we came back from Shanghai Hyung," Kyuhyun reminded him. "We need your voice to recover as soon as possible."
Yesung gulped, as all of sudden Jooryo's face showing up in front of his eyes.
Suddenly he felt sick.
Recordings meant Jooryo. That man is responsible for KRY's recording since he's SM's main vocal trainer. Yesung felt he wanna throw up just by seeing him again in his mind, what about doing some recordings and practices in several days to go, with him?
***
A/N This is my second attempt to do series guys! I really need to know your opinion, should i continue this, or just never post it again? I'm not confident because I can't relate event by event that happened in the fic.. I'm still practicing so please please bare with this fic's awkwardness.
A/N 2: For those who always requesting sequel of my fics, I write this fic for you guys! I feel guilty for my last angst again ecause I can't make them as sequel/chaptered so.. here, i write a chaptered angst. I PROMISE this is chaptered and I won't kill anyone or do something you would hate :3
Please comment and tell me what do you think!