Comments | nhpw: The Book of John, Chapter 2

nhpw

The Book of John, Chapter 2

Jan 04, 2011 07:50

3,000 words, rated PG. John Sheridan, the reckless and rebellious child. Partly a result of this discussion. Also, "the first lesson my father ever taught me" in context.

( The First Fall of John Sheridan, and something intospective about who is there to catch him. )

fanfic, sheridan

Comments 9

enigmaticblues January 4 2011, 15:13:10 UTC

I like the reflection of the grownup!John's qualities in the boy he was. I have a feeling that John could easily have been a bit of a bully, and probably more than a handful, and I love the echo of his father's words.

nhpw January 4 2011, 22:33:01 UTC

Thank you!

I have always pictured young John as a bully and a spoiled rotten brat. I don't know if I read that somewhere or if I made it up... but I feel like it was his Dahli Lama visit at 21 that started to set him on the right track, and then he joined the military, and... etc. But before that? Spoiled rotten brat. I'm glad I'm not the only one who can easily picture him in that light.

kungfuwaynewho January 6 2011, 15:26:19 UTC

Yep, yep. That is exactly how I picture him, too.

singer_shaper January 4 2011, 19:05:08 UTC

Love the callback to Z'hadum and the never-start-a-fight vignette. Thank you!

nhpw January 4 2011, 22:30:53 UTC

No - thank YOU! :)

OK, so what I was trying to do there? With the fall? Was to draw a parallel that goes a little beyond Z'ha'dum. Here he falls, and his father catches him; in The Fall of Night he falls, and Kosh catches him; and then he goes to Z'ha'dum, and he falls and no one is there to catch him. But then I was counting on everyone else to connect the two series-canon dots in the series the way I already had, and my brain works overtime on this kind of stuff so... yeah.

And the "never start a fight thing" was something I really wanted to get in there. I always thought it was kind of an odd "first lesson" to teach a little boy, so it was fun to put it in some context. I'm glad you liked it!

kungfuwaynewho January 6 2011, 15:30:08 UTC

Yay I finally had the chance to sit down and read! (I could have read before, but I wouldn't have been able to take my time and savor it, which is how I like to read good fic.)

He imagined that he was a king, and everything below him - the ravine, the animals, the plants, the ground, everything - was his kingdom. He ruled the world from the branches of these trees.

Perfection.

“Because I like oranges ( ... )

nhpw January 6 2011, 16:01:17 UTC

Yeah... reading back over that, I think I need to change something, because it's not very clear. I wanted him in the 11 - 12 range, old enough and big enough to be a formidable bully (I sort of picture him as a very scrawny little kid at 5 and 6, not really putting on muscle until he's old enough to play contact sports or something), but the action sequence is pretty muddy. I am mature enough to admit that!

Presumably John would be on the ground when he started, which means he shouldn't have to fall at all. He should just be able to let go. So either he has to stop swinging out over the ravine, or I have to rework his starting point and/or his plan. It's been a long time since I climbed a tree, man! The physics of it are sort of foggy in my mind.

The more I think about it, the more I wonder if I should ditch the rope idea and have it be more of an act of invincibility - where he climbs up to that branch and has it in mind to jump. Or something like that? Because you're totally right, there's not enough danger happening here

kungfuwaynewho January 6 2011, 16:27:05 UTC

Hmm. I like the rope part - it's not enough that he just climbs up high, he has a plan! he ties knots! - but that makes it tough to work out how his dad catches him, which is the essential part here.

Maybe he's trying to swing clear over the ravine and jump off to land on the other side? So the branch, and rope, are actually hanging over the ravine? He could use a smaller branch to hook the rope back over to him, and then do a Tarzan - and then he could chicken out, and his dad would have to actually scoot down into the ravine to get him.

IDK, just an idea. (Not at all influenced by the zipline we tried to install over the creek behind our house, which was an utter and abject failure.)

nhpw January 7 2011, 19:24:04 UTC

Maybe he's trying to swing clear over the ravine and jump off to land on the other side? So the branch, and rope, are actually hanging over the ravine?

I think this was what I was going for, and it just didn't come through clear enough. But I'm revising now and will post to ff.net later today/this weekend. Thanks for the helps!