Vanderbilt University application; personal essay

[newagelink]

Personal Essay

Comments

[capnstamey]

I think some of your points are very good and what Vandy might want to hear. But overall, the essay seems scattered, as if you threw in some random things all of a sudden (particularly the last few bits about MTSU's and Vandy's average ACT scores).

Also, there are some technical grammatical things amiss ((says the English nerd)).

You got a 29 on the ACT? I did, too. Neat.
I still wish I had gotten a 30...
but oh well.

[ropemaker]

I agree here. It is a little scattered, but there are good points. I think you could elaborate on some of the points too.

[newagelink]

> Also, there are some technical grammatical things amiss ((says the English nerd)).

"If no students ask any questions, the teacher is forced to lecture without interruption about a topic that half the class might not be genuinely interested in."

That's the best it will flow, I think. It's very awkward trying to eliminate that preposition at the end: "If no students ask any questions, the teacher is forced to lecture without interruption about a topic in which half the class might not be genuinely interested."

I have to stop and ask myself, "Wait -- what did that just say?" I can rip it apart and replace "If no students ask any questions," with "Otherwise," -- maybe I should do that, actually...? -- but it still ... I don't know... I'm tired and going to bed. It's due today (Jan 3rd.)

[capnstamey]

That's not the thing with which I had issue. :P

When you use parentheses, the period goes outside unless the entire sentence is in parentheses.

Plus, there are some random commas that shouldn't be where they are.

Okay then.