Thirtieth Rebirth [video]
[The camera flickers on and finds Yuca, once again, sitting peacefully in his garden, an arm wrapped around his knees. He's got cuts and bruises here and there from his fight with Merlin, but for the most part, he still looks pretty okay. The flowers are just starting to bloom, and his fingers barely brush against one, as if he isn't sure of the
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A quiet inhale of breath before he speaks.]
Yuca.
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Nothing makes it better.
[It's said rather dully, because what point was there in lying? Zuko understands, freakishly well, how painful that pounding ache is.]
But I bet it can be made bearable.
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He's- you don't understand what he is. [Yuca doesn't know how to explain it either.] He's trying for nothing. He's wasting his time and his precious little life. I'm not- I'm not some conflicted villain that can switch my entire way of thinking with one eloquent speech.
[He doesn't know what to do or what to say.]
...do you think I'm a monster? [Somewhere, deep down- the same place that spawned his idea about the angels- he hopes that Zuko can say yes.]
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No. I don't.
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[His voice trembles.]
I tried to be optimistic, once. I tried- to love, to value people, I tried-
I just... [He swallows hard.] -you know how it turned out. How much feeling helped me.
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[His voice is quiet.]
You're trying to make yourself be one because it's easier, but you're not.
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I don't know what I'm doing anymore, Zuko. I'm tired of having to do anything.
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My uncle... used to tell me that living is the hardest thing you can do, but sometimes, the only thing you can do is keep your head down and press forward.
I never followed his advice. [Tch.]
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[He words this carefully.]
But he hasn't lived forever. Sometimes, the constant pressing forward and keeping your head down is enough to make you wish you were dead all the same.
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[A bit shortly. He hesitates before continuing.]
You need someone, Yuca.
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[The way he says it, you can hear pieces of his broken heart. No living creature has any right to sound so destroyed.]
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[A bit flatly and sharply.]
You have people here, now, who care about you just as much as Rain did and you're throwing it away because of a selfish need to have Rain back.
Get over it.
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[Oh no you did not.]
So you want me to take Alphonse and lay him out in an operating table, inject him with angel blood, chisel his ribs and remove a lobe in his lung to give him a second heart and an implant that regulates everything? [He almost hisses it.] You want me to find another friend and care for them and love them enough to curse them with- with this?
I'm throwing nothing away- you all are going to die, and I'm not going to be there to mourn you when it happens.
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....'msorry.
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You won't do that to Alphonse because you care about him.
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[Defensively.]
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