Fic: Miles from where you are (Brian/Justin, Post 513) -- Epilogue
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Title: Miles From Where You Are
Genre: Brian/Justin
Series: Epilogue
Timeline: post 513
Rating: NC-17
A/N: Written for the "World's Apart challenge" on neverenough_bj.
Beta: wouldbedorothy. You‘re a godsend!
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Miles from where you are
Epilogue
The ending wasn’t clear.
Justin pulled back, brush dripping paint on the stained cloth at his feet, eyes focused on what he wasn’t sure was there. He was fucking pissed off. His hand brushed furiously over the canvas, angry and quick strokes that had more to do with his own frustration than what was needed to finish.
“It’s not like you two don’t fight all the time, J.”
“We don’t.” Justin replied, keeping his eyes on the mess that he’d created. He’d have to start all over again.
There was a snort, followed by a “Right.”
Justin turned to stare at Gus, coffee mug in hand, spitting image of his father, and he couldn’t help but grin at him despite his anger. This boy represented all the good that Brian could never see in himself, even now. “We don’t, at least not about this, kiddo.”
Gus rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “You two are fucking stupid sometimes.”
Justin glared at him. “Hey. Watch it.”
Gus smirked, shrugging. “I’m just saying that when it comes to some things, you and Dad can be dumb dealing with it.” He studied the canvas, walking to Justin as he did, and placing a hand on his shoulder, Gus gave a quick squeeze. “I like it better like that. It’s honest.” Then a second later he was gone.
Justin shook his head, pausing to take another look at what he’d done, and sighing in defeat.
Little fucker.
It began when they’d gotten back. Even after how good and right it had felt those weeks with Brian, as soon as they stepped off the plane in NY, those doubts -- the voice that always told him it would never work -- came back full blast. Now, they would have to deal with real life.
Justin was pretty sure he was going to have a panic attack.
Walking down the airport, heading toward the luggage ramps, he’d done something he never had before with Brian. He told Brian exactly what he was thinking. In the exact moment he was thinking it.
Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn’t Brian half-smiling at him and firmly stating, “We won’t fucking know unless we try, Justin.”
Somehow, that had actually scared the hell out of him. Brian… the mature one? It wasn’t what he was used to. But then Brian was pinning him against a wall, his lips hovering over Justin’s, and somehow that had washed away the rest.
It was unreal to Justin. A life he hadn’t let himself believe could actually exist. They weren’t perfect. Far from it, really. This was him and Brian. If they didn’t fuck something up every once in a while, it wouldn’t seem right. He knew all that intellectually.
But his heart… it still had fear.
Everything was going so well.
Three years and they’d managed not to kill each other. Actually forming a semi-healthy (for them) life together. Gus visited with them the whole summer… mostly, Justin knew, because he was trying to get away from his estranged mothers and their huge battle. But it was good to have him with them for more than two weeks at a time.
He was happy.
And then Brian had dropped the “M” word and Justin couldn’t breathe. He’d stuttered around for a response, only earning Gus laughing at him. Brian had left in a huff that morning, mumbling under his breath and rolling his eyes on his way out the door.
Justin watched him now from across the room. He hadn’t mentioned it once since he’d arrived and Justin thought maybe it had been a fluke.
“I meant it, Justin.” Brian said, not glancing up from the brief he was studying.
Justin heard Gus snort and darted a quick look at his… at Gus. He was met with a grin and a shake of the head.
“You two are pathetic.”
“No. Only one of us is.”
Justin scowled. “Look, just because I didn’t jump up and down at your brilliant idea, doesn’t make me dumb.” He glanced at Gus for emphasis before turning to look back at Brian. “Or pathetic. In fact, it makes me damn smart.”
“Yeah.” Brian snorted this time.
“Brian, we’re fine the way we are… and I swear if you puff, snort, or make any kind of derisive noise, I’m going to squirt this fucking tube of paint on your pretty new Prada shoes,” Justin threatened, holding up the weapon as he spoke.
There was silence from Brian.
“That’s what I thought.” Justin motioned toward Brian as he looked at Gus. “See, nothing to say.”
“It’s not fair when you threatened his shoes,” Gus pointed out. “It’s like threatening… well, me.”
Justin rolled his eyes. “Smartass.”
“I learned from the best.” Gus shrugged, getting up from the couch. Flicking off the TV, he walked toward the door. “I’m going to go get some Tasty Delite. I expect you two to have resolved this issue by the time I get back.” He turned at the entrance to look at Justin. “Did it ever occur to you that he wants to do this because he’s totally in love with you and can’t bear the thought of not being with you every moment of every day?”
Justin let out a laugh at the horrified expression Brian sent Gus. “I don’t think your father agrees with that take.”
Gus grinned. “Of course not. He doesn’t want anyone thinking he’s a -”
“Go get your fucking Tasty shit, Gus!”
The door closed on Gus’ loud giggles and left a thick silence in its wake. Justin closed his eyes for a moment. He was going to get to the bottom of this before he made any kind of decision. He walked slowly toward Brian, fighting the smile he always got when he looked at him. He knew Brian meant well, but he always jumped in with grand gestures when he thought it was what Justin wanted. This had to be something Brian wanted.
Gus was right. They were pathetic.
He kneeled behind Brian, snaking one hand around his neck, while he placed soft kisses on his neck between words. “Okay. Tell me again why you think this is a good idea.” He knew if he could get Brian to spell out his “reasons” that he would realize things were just perfect the way they were.
Brian sighed, putting aside his work and gripping with one hand Justin’s arm. “You practically live here already, Justin.”
“Well… that’s a little bit…”
“It’s not. When was the last time you were even in your own apartment?” Brian asked, meeting Justin’s eyes. “It’s been a couple of months. All your current art is here. You get mail here. Your agent calls here. It’s just logical that the next step is for you to move in.”
There is was again. The dreaded “M’ word. Moving in. Justin cleared his throat before speaking. “And the reason that I get to stay here that long is because we both know that when you get on my nerves or I piss you off, I have somewhere else to go.”
Brian rolled his eyes. “You piss me off everyday, Sunshine.”
Justin tightened his hold on Brian. “I do, do I?”
“Hell yes.”
He leaned his chin down on Brian’s shoulder, looking at him sideways. “I like having my own space, Brian. Sometimes I have to work here, yes. Because you…”
Brian smirked. “I’m your muse.” It dripped with sarcasm, but they both knew it was the truth.
Justin puffed out a breath. “Don’t be so smug about it. Yes, sometimes you are my muse. And other times… you’re what blocks me.” Brian said nothing and Justin continued. “It’s nice to know there’s a place for me to go when that happens.”
Brian shrugged. “Fine, so keep your apartment as a studio. You can afford it.”
Justin had thought of that during the course of the day. The loft was completely paid for; there was nothing that said he couldn’t turn it into a studio. It was within walking distance. But -- there was still that hesitation.
“This is your place, Brian. It’s all you, from top to bottom. Sure, there are bits of me here and there… Don’t give me that look… Okay fine, everywhere. But at the end of the day, you chose it, you picked the furniture… It’s yours. Not ours.”
Brian glanced at him quizzically. “Is that what this is about? You don’t think this place is ours?”
Justin smiled sheepishly, not bothering to pretend it didn’t matter. “It’s not really. No.” He felt one of Brian’s hands on his cheek and let it guide his face to look at his partner. Justin’s insides did that bubbly thing that always happened when he was this close to Brian. “Don’t try to distract me.” He leaned in to kiss the grin that appeared on Brian’s face. “It’s not fair.”
Justin pulled away, his mind whirring with thoughts he couldn’t say out loud. It was too soon. It took so much work to get to where they were. He didn’t want to risk it by hoping for more. Ignoring the voice that reminded him this had actually been Brian’s idea, he started toward his painting. Maybe he could finish it now.
Brian’s next words brought him to a halt.
“Okay. Let’s get a place together.”
Justin turned, mouth hanging open. He was serious about this moving in business. “What?”
“Did I stutter? I said, let’s get a place together.” Brian’s brow furrowed, and Justin watched him reach for his briefcase. “Wait a minute… I think… yep. Look at that. Listings for places. Wonder how those got in there.”
“You’re for real?”
“Nah. This is just some fucking joke to me.” He pointed at the papers in his hand, showing Justin the emblem at the top. “These are from your mother, who so graciously accepted to help when she found out I was willing to make an honest living-in-sin man out of you.” Brian’s face took on a mock serious expression. “I, for one, would never fuck with Mother Taylor’s emotions.”
Justin stared at him for a long moment before quietly stating, “You shit. How long have you been thinking about this?”
Brian quirked an eyebrow at him. “Three years… Okay, maybe more like two.” He nodded his head. “I have been very patient.”
Justin crossed his arms. “And what about tricks?”
“You silly wabbit…”
“Brian!”
“What about them?”
Justin shook his head. “I don’t want to share our bed with others, you know that. I never did. It was why this worked so well. We didn’t have… just one bed.” Okay, that was a ridiculous thing to say, and Justin knew Brian thought so too from the look on his face.
“Justin, we don’t… it’s… what the fuck.”
Justin gestured at him. “See? I don’t want you to bend into someone else. I know that it’s part of who you are, even if it’s not…”
“As important anymore?”
“That’s what you keep saying.”
“Fine. Then I keep this place.” Justin could tell Brian was holding back on the snark. He knew he was being stubborn. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew Brian rarely if ever tricked anymore. His tastes were too discerning at this point in his life. The last time Justin remembered a trick was the one they’d had together. But this was Brian… He didn’t want to lock him in.
“So, we each have separate places, plus our own?”
“Well, you won’t take my word when I tell you -- and I have told you this -- that I like our life and I’m not looking to get out, so if keeping this place for my insatiable urges will get you to move in with me, I’ll eat the expense.” Brian held his hand out. “Happy? Good. Now come over here and take a look at these places.”
Justin had run out of things to say. There was that happy, hopeful feeling taking over the fear. “You mean it, Brian?” he asked, looking away.
He felt Brian’s eyes on his face. “I never say anything I don’t mean. I never do anything I don’t want to. You know that. So?”
Justin took a deep breath, meeting Brian’s gaze, and let himself believe. “So… they’re all in Manhattan, right?”
“Of course, Princess.”
“I wouldn’t go there, Queen Mother.” He was ignored as Brian glanced down at a stack of listings, thumbing through them while he waited for whatever Justin had to say. Not wanting to waste words, Justin took him by surprise, falling on his lap and sending all the papers scattering.
“What the fuck…?”
Justin shut the protest up with his hands and mouth and tongue. He pulled away and stood up. “I love you, you know that?” He leaned in to give Brian one more kiss before walking back to his painting. He suddenly felt inspired. He knew it was coming.
“I love you, too.”
Justin grinned and counted to five.
“…Twat.”
He was still grinning when the door opened and Gus poked his head in. “Is it resolved or do I have to pretend to go out for something else?”
Brian nodded, his eyes still on Justin. “It’s done.”
“Awesome. Just make sure my room has a view, ‘cause I’ll totally be crashing there weekends during the semester.” Gus patted Justin as he walked past him, winking and grinning. He stopped to help Brian pick up the rest of the papers, and Justin watched them start to argue over the frozen yogurt.
This was it. His life. Their life.
It was their life.
Finally.
-Fin-