Fic: Miles from where you are (Brian/Justin, Post 513) 2/4
Title: Miles From Where You Are
Genre: Brian/Justin
Series: Part Two of Four (plus Epilogue)
Timeline: post 513
Rating: NC-17
A/N: Written for the "World's Apart challenge" on neverenough_bj. Lyrics from "You Should Be Happy" by Snow Patrol.
Beta: No beta available. All mistakes mine. Forgive me.
Part One
Miles From Where You Are
I want to lie with you forever, my passion knows no bounds. I want to shield you from all evil, protect this love we've found. -- Brandon Lee in The Crow
You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go.
And all the things that I wish I had not said,
Are played in loops till it's madness in my head.
Lifetimes pass while one stands still.
Another vague quote that assaulted Justin’s mind as he stared, frozen in shock, at hazel eyes and tan skin. It appeared his English teacher had managed to squirm these meaningful phrases inside Justin’s subconscious after all.
Brian stood motionless, tired and slightly haggard, staring back at him.
He was as beautiful as Justin remembered.
Memories flooded out into the empty space between them. Of a life he no longer let himself believe existed. It was a figment of his mind. It had to be. Brian would never show up at his apartment. In New York. At one in the morning. Justin wondered when exactly he’d lost lucidity. But then, the hallucination spoke again and he knew it was real.
“You’re spilling paint on the floor.”
Justin glanced down at the puddle of blue that had formed at his side.
“Fuck.”
He looked up, Brian’s face adorned with a smile, tiny but there, and Justin remembered why he had always tried so hard to make him do that. It was breathtaking. He shook his head, stepping back from the door. This was too much. He couldn’t be there. Justin forced his gaze elsewhere. He didn’t want to see him. But no matter how hard he fought it Justin’s eyes returned to Brian time and time again. He wanted to demand answers but his brain had apparently ceased to function. Something that hadn’t happened to him for quite some time.
Brian raised an eyebrow, another memory, and motioned into the apartment. “Can I come in or do I have to camp out on your doorstep?”
Justin shook his head, still unable to find his voice, aside from the curse words in his head. He waved Brian in, turning and taking long strides toward the canvas he’d been working on. He flung a sheet over it before looking over his shoulder at -
Brian.
Jesus fucking Christ.
This couldn’t be happening. How long had it been since they had been alone together in one room? He’d lost track after a while and it spoke volumes that he couldn’t remember. Or didn’t want to. Scrubbing a hand over his face, he opened his mouth to finally speak. “Brian…”
There were a thousand thoughts vying to be said, rushing through his mind, but none seemed to connect with the pathways that brought them to his mouth as powerfully as the one he ended up with, that given the situation was more than appropriate.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
Brian had been circling his apartment, glancing at some of the paintings that adorned the walls. Some were his, of course. The personal ones that he could never bring himself to sell even when he had been a starving, young artist.
Ages ago now…and Justin suddenly felt very old.
In many of those, Brian was featured prominently and Justin wished he could make him stop looking. He didn’t want Brian to have access to those places he kept for himself.
Others were given to Justin by former lovers or artists he’d showcased when he’d opened the gallery. Brian stood in front of one of Justin’s favorites, a large canvas done in blue. Seemingly enthralled by it, he took a moment before turning to look Justin directly in the eye. Something there in his stare that touched Justin even from across the room, and when he answered point blank, Justin wasn‘t sure he‘d heard right.
“I’m sorry--what?”
“I came to see you.”
It wasn’t the answer Justin had anticipated. Not that it wasn’t the truth. Justin knew it was. But he’d never known Brian to admit to that. Even in the days when their lives had entwined, he’d rarely made such a stark statement. Whenever he had visited, which was a rare occurrence those first years, he’d made sure to emphasis that he was in town for a meeting or on his way to see his son or checking out the real estate for possible expansion…if the day ever came. Which…it didn’t.
Justin had known the real reason but he expected hell to freeze over before Brian would admit such a thing.
Brian didn’t do…that.
Justin scowled, slightly put off by this unorthodox Kinney behavior. Brian seemed amused at that and tilted his head, waiting for a response.
“Why?”
Brian shrugged and looked back to the painting as he answered. “Because I wanted to.”
“I see.” Justin stared at his clock pointedly, not that Brian could see that with his back turned of course, but he needed to do it. “And you flew in at one in the morning because…?”
“I didn’t fly in. I drove.”
That stopped Justin in his tracks. “You drove?”
Brian nodded.
“From Pittsburg?”
Brian nodded once more, moving along in his study of Justin’s home. “Where the fuck else would I drive in from, Sunshine?” He glanced toward Justin as he pointed at one of the paintings. “That’s yours, isn’t it? From that series you did a couple of years ago?” He studied it, his hands finding their way into his pant pockets.
This wasn’t right at all.
“I’m confused.”
Brian looked at him. “About what?”
“Why you’re here.” Justin pointed a finger to the floor for emphasis. He tempered his emotions, refusing to give in the heat…the anger that was balling up in his throat. “In my home. At one in the morning.”
“I already told you.” Brian caught sight of the wallet still in Justin’s hand. “Where you planning to bribe me to leave?”
Justin realized what he was holding and set it down on a nearby table. “I thought you were the pizza delivery guy.”
Brian laughed. “That’s a new one.” He glanced back at the painting. “I love this series.”
Justin pushed away the rush of pride and…other emotions that came with those words.
“I still don’t understand. What made you want to see me?”
“Nothing like distance and absence to make the heart grow fonder. And make the cock grow harder.”
Relief surfaced slowly because that was the Brian that Justin knew and tried his best to be ambivalent about.
“Brian…”
“I always want to see you, Justin. Every morning when I wake up, all fucking day long and even more when I go to sleep.”
The comfort he’d begun to feel left as quickly as it had come. Justin had a problem he’d never thought he’d have again in this lifetime. Brian Kinney was being…sincere.
“Brian. What happened?”
He didn’t turn to look at him. “Nothing.”
“Then why the middle of the fucking night surprise visit, huh? We haven’t seen each other in I don’t even remember how-”
“Just over a year, give or take a few weeks. And before that it was nine months. And before--”
“I got it.” Justin ignored the fluttering in his chest because -- goddamn it -- he knew how fucking long it had been since he’d seen Brian. He knew he could count on one hand the number of times he’d seen him in the last five fucking years. But his face remained motionless except for the tick in his jaw. He spoke through clenched teeth, nothing more than a sigh. “Why are you here, Brian?”
“I told you I -”
“Wanted to see me, yeah.” Justin shook his head. “You‘re an asshole, Brian. You are aware of that, right?” He ignored the look Brian sent him and asked. “So how long will you be gracing me with your presence?”
“What happened with Matt, Justin?”
Fucking loudmouthed…he was going to kill Emmett. He ignored Brian because that line of questioning would lead them nowhere. “How long, Brian?”
“Long as it takes.”
It was Justin’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “Exactly what does that mean?”
“Are you happy?”
Justin flinched. “Okay, Brian. What the fuck?” He threw his hands up in the air, exasperated. “What kind of question is that?”
Brian smirked. “A fairly simple one.”
“Simple?” Justin shook his head because -- no. That was the last thing any of this was. There were tremors running over his skin…thoughts and wants that he never let surface, that he avoided at every possible turn, were struggling to come loose. He didn’t want this. Any of it. It was too much. It was too late.
Their lifetime had passed by.
“Don’t think so much, Justin.” Brian closed the distance between them and Justin felt that old shift inside him. That jelly feeling in his legs and the bloom of something he wouldn’t name underneath his skin. Desire burned - hurt - him. He held up a hand, stepping back.
“Stop.”
Brian did.
“You’re scared.”
Justin glared at him. “Don’t confuse anger with fear, Brian. I wanted you to stay there because if you took one more step, I don’t think I could stop myself from kicking the shit out of you.”
“Now, that I’d like to see.” Brian snorted at Justin’s ferocious look. “That the best you got, Taylor? Cause if it is, I don’t know how you’ve survived so long out here.”
“I’ve survived beautifully.” Justin motioned around him. He’d accomplished more than he’d ever dreamed. Maybe it wasn’t everything but it was his. That was all that mattered to him. “Why are you trying to ruin that? Why now?”
Brian’s face softened and he made to touch him, but lowered his hand when Justin took another step back. “I told you. You’re not happy.”
“What does that fucking matter?” Justin yelled at him, temper getting the better of him, penetrating through his cold mask. “It’s been years! Fucking years! Where was all this caring about me being happy back when it meant something, huh?”
Brian swallowed, voice softer than Justin had heard in a long while. “It was there. I just didn’t want to…we’ve wasted a lot of time.” Brian waved his hand at Justin and then back at himself. “This? I didn’t do it alone.”
Justin shoved a hand through his hair. “This is so fucked.”
“No shit.”
They stared at one another for what seemed too long and when Brian spoke again, it was the last words Justin expected. “I miss you.”
“You need to go, Brian.”
“I’m not leaving.”
“This isn’t you!! Brian Kinney doesn’t do…declarations. He doesn’t drive hours to his ex-whatever-the-hell-I-was-to-you to say things he never said when they were together.” Justin laughed harshly, his wrist throbbing now thanks to the spastic clenching and unclenching of his fists since Brian had started on this bit of conversation. He couldn’t handle this.
“How do you know this isn’t me? That’s what you said when you left…”, Brian waved a hand at him.
“I can’t do this.”
“I’m not going anywhere. At least not for the moment. I drove seven fucking hours to get here. I need sleep.” Brian glanced around, seemingly in an attempt to find Justin’s spare room.
“You’re staying here?”
Brian stared at him. “Where the fuck else? You’re the only one I know in New York, Sunshine.” He found his way to the guest quarters, not looking at Justin standing at the door. “Besides, I told you. I came to see you.”
Justin wanted to cry. He could feel it…that grief he’d bottled for so long beginning a slow trickle out. He couldn’t be here. It would hurt too much. And when he left -- it might just kill Justin. “Brian, you can’t stay.”
Brian sighed. “Three days.” He glanced up at him, throwing his bag on the bed. “That’s all I want. Three days.”
“Three days?” Justin repeated, his heart calming at the thought. He could handle that. Brian could get whatever the hell this was out of his system and then he’d go home. “Fine. But you leave after that.”
Brian smiled. “You got it.”
Justin narrowed his eyes in Brian’s direction. He’d just been set up, hadn’t he? “I mean it, Brian. I don’t know what the fuck this is but in three days, your Armani clad ass is back on its way to the Pitts.”
“Well, I never said I’d be going back there, “ he held a hand up when Justin began to argue, “but I promise I’ll be on my way.” Brian paused and leaned in suddenly, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling Justin against him. Brian’s mouth fell on Justin’s…the kiss angry, deep and full of words that Justin didn’t want to hear or feel or think about. There was a mixture of groans emanating from them and Justin clenched his fists again to keep his arms from wrapping themselves around Brian.
When Brian pulled back, their lips only an inch apart, he whispered . “And you’ll be coming with me.”
######
Is it too late to remind you how we were?
But not our last days of silent screaming blur.
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should've stopped you from walking out the door.
“Michael?”
Justin’s plan had been to leave a message on Michael’s voicemail asking him to call him. He was more than a little surprised when Michael actually answered his cell phone on the first ring.
“Justin? Is he with you?”
“Yes. He’s here.”
“Thank god. Hold on.” Justin listened as Michael spoke to someone in the room. He heard a response and then another. There was shuffling and some more mumbled conversation but then Michael was back on the phone. “Is he okay?”
Justin started to reassure him but Brian’s uncharacteristic behavior was anything but normal. “I don’t think so, Michael. He’s acting -- I don’t even know how he’s acting because I’ve never seen him like this before.” Justin tapped a nervous beat on his thigh, leaning against his headboard. His eyes strayed to the door, half expecting Brian to walk through it. He needed to make sure to lock it.
“I know. He’s -- it was a bad month, Justin.” Michael’s voice caught and Justin remembered just what month it was.
“Oh, god. Mikey. I’m sorry. I just --”
“Hey. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s better that way. I don’t -- want to think about it for too long.”
“Right.” Justin dropped his head back, making a distinctive thud as it hit the board.
Ben had died a year ago that month.
Justin fought against the deep loss that came when thinking of his friend. Ben would be a regret he’d have the rest of his life. Not being there his last days. Not being able to help Michael, JR, Hunter, or Ricky through that. By the time his mother had reached him in Glasgow, Ben had passed away.
And Justin had never gotten to say goodbye.
“How are the kids?”
“They’re doing really great.” Justin smiled when Michael’s voice seemed to lift at the mention of his kids. “JR is as beautiful as ever. Hunter has a new boyfriend and Ricky just started the first grade.” There was a pause and then Michael sighed. “Did he tell you what happened?”
Justin tensed at the change in Michael’s tone. “No. He just came up here, out of nowhere, telling me he needed to see me and missed me. And declaring he’s going to take me away with him.” Justin could hear the disgust in his voice but it was just too ridiculous. “What the fuck happened, Michael?”
The question was met with silence.
Justin knew it was bad if Michael had no response for him.
“Michael…”
“It’s…I think it’s better if he tells you.”
“But I need some idea, Michael. I need to know what I’m dealing with. The only other time that came close to this oddness was his declarations and warped ideas after the-” Justin blinked as the words he was saying caught up with him. “Shit. What happened?”
“Everyone’s fine. Don’t freak out, please.”
“Then tell me something, Michael, because that’s exactly what I’m doing.”
Michael cursed under his breath. Justin waited patiently for Michael to speak. He understood his loyalty to Brian but he needed this information. He needed to know how to deal with Brian so that he could send him back home before he fractured any part of the life Justin lived. He could already feel the first cracks appearing, making him want and need. “What happened?”
“There was…fuck. There was a bashing…and Brian saw it happen.”
Part Three
Genre: Brian/Justin
Series: Part Two of Four (plus Epilogue)
Timeline: post 513
Rating: NC-17
A/N: Written for the "World's Apart challenge" on neverenough_bj. Lyrics from "You Should Be Happy" by Snow Patrol.
Beta: No beta available. All mistakes mine. Forgive me.
Part One
Miles From Where You Are
I want to lie with you forever, my passion knows no bounds. I want to shield you from all evil, protect this love we've found. -- Brandon Lee in The Crow
You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go.
And all the things that I wish I had not said,
Are played in loops till it's madness in my head.
Lifetimes pass while one stands still.
Another vague quote that assaulted Justin’s mind as he stared, frozen in shock, at hazel eyes and tan skin. It appeared his English teacher had managed to squirm these meaningful phrases inside Justin’s subconscious after all.
Brian stood motionless, tired and slightly haggard, staring back at him.
He was as beautiful as Justin remembered.
Memories flooded out into the empty space between them. Of a life he no longer let himself believe existed. It was a figment of his mind. It had to be. Brian would never show up at his apartment. In New York. At one in the morning. Justin wondered when exactly he’d lost lucidity. But then, the hallucination spoke again and he knew it was real.
“You’re spilling paint on the floor.”
Justin glanced down at the puddle of blue that had formed at his side.
“Fuck.”
He looked up, Brian’s face adorned with a smile, tiny but there, and Justin remembered why he had always tried so hard to make him do that. It was breathtaking. He shook his head, stepping back from the door. This was too much. He couldn’t be there. Justin forced his gaze elsewhere. He didn’t want to see him. But no matter how hard he fought it Justin’s eyes returned to Brian time and time again. He wanted to demand answers but his brain had apparently ceased to function. Something that hadn’t happened to him for quite some time.
Brian raised an eyebrow, another memory, and motioned into the apartment. “Can I come in or do I have to camp out on your doorstep?”
Justin shook his head, still unable to find his voice, aside from the curse words in his head. He waved Brian in, turning and taking long strides toward the canvas he’d been working on. He flung a sheet over it before looking over his shoulder at -
Brian.
Jesus fucking Christ.
This couldn’t be happening. How long had it been since they had been alone together in one room? He’d lost track after a while and it spoke volumes that he couldn’t remember. Or didn’t want to. Scrubbing a hand over his face, he opened his mouth to finally speak. “Brian…”
There were a thousand thoughts vying to be said, rushing through his mind, but none seemed to connect with the pathways that brought them to his mouth as powerfully as the one he ended up with, that given the situation was more than appropriate.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
Brian had been circling his apartment, glancing at some of the paintings that adorned the walls. Some were his, of course. The personal ones that he could never bring himself to sell even when he had been a starving, young artist.
Ages ago now…and Justin suddenly felt very old.
In many of those, Brian was featured prominently and Justin wished he could make him stop looking. He didn’t want Brian to have access to those places he kept for himself.
Others were given to Justin by former lovers or artists he’d showcased when he’d opened the gallery. Brian stood in front of one of Justin’s favorites, a large canvas done in blue. Seemingly enthralled by it, he took a moment before turning to look Justin directly in the eye. Something there in his stare that touched Justin even from across the room, and when he answered point blank, Justin wasn‘t sure he‘d heard right.
“I’m sorry--what?”
“I came to see you.”
It wasn’t the answer Justin had anticipated. Not that it wasn’t the truth. Justin knew it was. But he’d never known Brian to admit to that. Even in the days when their lives had entwined, he’d rarely made such a stark statement. Whenever he had visited, which was a rare occurrence those first years, he’d made sure to emphasis that he was in town for a meeting or on his way to see his son or checking out the real estate for possible expansion…if the day ever came. Which…it didn’t.
Justin had known the real reason but he expected hell to freeze over before Brian would admit such a thing.
Brian didn’t do…that.
Justin scowled, slightly put off by this unorthodox Kinney behavior. Brian seemed amused at that and tilted his head, waiting for a response.
“Why?”
Brian shrugged and looked back to the painting as he answered. “Because I wanted to.”
“I see.” Justin stared at his clock pointedly, not that Brian could see that with his back turned of course, but he needed to do it. “And you flew in at one in the morning because…?”
“I didn’t fly in. I drove.”
That stopped Justin in his tracks. “You drove?”
Brian nodded.
“From Pittsburg?”
Brian nodded once more, moving along in his study of Justin’s home. “Where the fuck else would I drive in from, Sunshine?” He glanced toward Justin as he pointed at one of the paintings. “That’s yours, isn’t it? From that series you did a couple of years ago?” He studied it, his hands finding their way into his pant pockets.
This wasn’t right at all.
“I’m confused.”
Brian looked at him. “About what?”
“Why you’re here.” Justin pointed a finger to the floor for emphasis. He tempered his emotions, refusing to give in the heat…the anger that was balling up in his throat. “In my home. At one in the morning.”
“I already told you.” Brian caught sight of the wallet still in Justin’s hand. “Where you planning to bribe me to leave?”
Justin realized what he was holding and set it down on a nearby table. “I thought you were the pizza delivery guy.”
Brian laughed. “That’s a new one.” He glanced back at the painting. “I love this series.”
Justin pushed away the rush of pride and…other emotions that came with those words.
“I still don’t understand. What made you want to see me?”
“Nothing like distance and absence to make the heart grow fonder. And make the cock grow harder.”
Relief surfaced slowly because that was the Brian that Justin knew and tried his best to be ambivalent about.
“Brian…”
“I always want to see you, Justin. Every morning when I wake up, all fucking day long and even more when I go to sleep.”
The comfort he’d begun to feel left as quickly as it had come. Justin had a problem he’d never thought he’d have again in this lifetime. Brian Kinney was being…sincere.
“Brian. What happened?”
He didn’t turn to look at him. “Nothing.”
“Then why the middle of the fucking night surprise visit, huh? We haven’t seen each other in I don’t even remember how-”
“Just over a year, give or take a few weeks. And before that it was nine months. And before--”
“I got it.” Justin ignored the fluttering in his chest because -- goddamn it -- he knew how fucking long it had been since he’d seen Brian. He knew he could count on one hand the number of times he’d seen him in the last five fucking years. But his face remained motionless except for the tick in his jaw. He spoke through clenched teeth, nothing more than a sigh. “Why are you here, Brian?”
“I told you I -”
“Wanted to see me, yeah.” Justin shook his head. “You‘re an asshole, Brian. You are aware of that, right?” He ignored the look Brian sent him and asked. “So how long will you be gracing me with your presence?”
“What happened with Matt, Justin?”
Fucking loudmouthed…he was going to kill Emmett. He ignored Brian because that line of questioning would lead them nowhere. “How long, Brian?”
“Long as it takes.”
It was Justin’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “Exactly what does that mean?”
“Are you happy?”
Justin flinched. “Okay, Brian. What the fuck?” He threw his hands up in the air, exasperated. “What kind of question is that?”
Brian smirked. “A fairly simple one.”
“Simple?” Justin shook his head because -- no. That was the last thing any of this was. There were tremors running over his skin…thoughts and wants that he never let surface, that he avoided at every possible turn, were struggling to come loose. He didn’t want this. Any of it. It was too much. It was too late.
Their lifetime had passed by.
“Don’t think so much, Justin.” Brian closed the distance between them and Justin felt that old shift inside him. That jelly feeling in his legs and the bloom of something he wouldn’t name underneath his skin. Desire burned - hurt - him. He held up a hand, stepping back.
“Stop.”
Brian did.
“You’re scared.”
Justin glared at him. “Don’t confuse anger with fear, Brian. I wanted you to stay there because if you took one more step, I don’t think I could stop myself from kicking the shit out of you.”
“Now, that I’d like to see.” Brian snorted at Justin’s ferocious look. “That the best you got, Taylor? Cause if it is, I don’t know how you’ve survived so long out here.”
“I’ve survived beautifully.” Justin motioned around him. He’d accomplished more than he’d ever dreamed. Maybe it wasn’t everything but it was his. That was all that mattered to him. “Why are you trying to ruin that? Why now?”
Brian’s face softened and he made to touch him, but lowered his hand when Justin took another step back. “I told you. You’re not happy.”
“What does that fucking matter?” Justin yelled at him, temper getting the better of him, penetrating through his cold mask. “It’s been years! Fucking years! Where was all this caring about me being happy back when it meant something, huh?”
Brian swallowed, voice softer than Justin had heard in a long while. “It was there. I just didn’t want to…we’ve wasted a lot of time.” Brian waved his hand at Justin and then back at himself. “This? I didn’t do it alone.”
Justin shoved a hand through his hair. “This is so fucked.”
“No shit.”
They stared at one another for what seemed too long and when Brian spoke again, it was the last words Justin expected. “I miss you.”
“You need to go, Brian.”
“I’m not leaving.”
“This isn’t you!! Brian Kinney doesn’t do…declarations. He doesn’t drive hours to his ex-whatever-the-hell-I-was-to-you to say things he never said when they were together.” Justin laughed harshly, his wrist throbbing now thanks to the spastic clenching and unclenching of his fists since Brian had started on this bit of conversation. He couldn’t handle this.
“How do you know this isn’t me? That’s what you said when you left…”, Brian waved a hand at him.
“I can’t do this.”
“I’m not going anywhere. At least not for the moment. I drove seven fucking hours to get here. I need sleep.” Brian glanced around, seemingly in an attempt to find Justin’s spare room.
“You’re staying here?”
Brian stared at him. “Where the fuck else? You’re the only one I know in New York, Sunshine.” He found his way to the guest quarters, not looking at Justin standing at the door. “Besides, I told you. I came to see you.”
Justin wanted to cry. He could feel it…that grief he’d bottled for so long beginning a slow trickle out. He couldn’t be here. It would hurt too much. And when he left -- it might just kill Justin. “Brian, you can’t stay.”
Brian sighed. “Three days.” He glanced up at him, throwing his bag on the bed. “That’s all I want. Three days.”
“Three days?” Justin repeated, his heart calming at the thought. He could handle that. Brian could get whatever the hell this was out of his system and then he’d go home. “Fine. But you leave after that.”
Brian smiled. “You got it.”
Justin narrowed his eyes in Brian’s direction. He’d just been set up, hadn’t he? “I mean it, Brian. I don’t know what the fuck this is but in three days, your Armani clad ass is back on its way to the Pitts.”
“Well, I never said I’d be going back there, “ he held a hand up when Justin began to argue, “but I promise I’ll be on my way.” Brian paused and leaned in suddenly, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling Justin against him. Brian’s mouth fell on Justin’s…the kiss angry, deep and full of words that Justin didn’t want to hear or feel or think about. There was a mixture of groans emanating from them and Justin clenched his fists again to keep his arms from wrapping themselves around Brian.
When Brian pulled back, their lips only an inch apart, he whispered . “And you’ll be coming with me.”
######
Is it too late to remind you how we were?
But not our last days of silent screaming blur.
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should've stopped you from walking out the door.
“Michael?”
Justin’s plan had been to leave a message on Michael’s voicemail asking him to call him. He was more than a little surprised when Michael actually answered his cell phone on the first ring.
“Justin? Is he with you?”
“Yes. He’s here.”
“Thank god. Hold on.” Justin listened as Michael spoke to someone in the room. He heard a response and then another. There was shuffling and some more mumbled conversation but then Michael was back on the phone. “Is he okay?”
Justin started to reassure him but Brian’s uncharacteristic behavior was anything but normal. “I don’t think so, Michael. He’s acting -- I don’t even know how he’s acting because I’ve never seen him like this before.” Justin tapped a nervous beat on his thigh, leaning against his headboard. His eyes strayed to the door, half expecting Brian to walk through it. He needed to make sure to lock it.
“I know. He’s -- it was a bad month, Justin.” Michael’s voice caught and Justin remembered just what month it was.
“Oh, god. Mikey. I’m sorry. I just --”
“Hey. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s better that way. I don’t -- want to think about it for too long.”
“Right.” Justin dropped his head back, making a distinctive thud as it hit the board.
Ben had died a year ago that month.
Justin fought against the deep loss that came when thinking of his friend. Ben would be a regret he’d have the rest of his life. Not being there his last days. Not being able to help Michael, JR, Hunter, or Ricky through that. By the time his mother had reached him in Glasgow, Ben had passed away.
And Justin had never gotten to say goodbye.
“How are the kids?”
“They’re doing really great.” Justin smiled when Michael’s voice seemed to lift at the mention of his kids. “JR is as beautiful as ever. Hunter has a new boyfriend and Ricky just started the first grade.” There was a pause and then Michael sighed. “Did he tell you what happened?”
Justin tensed at the change in Michael’s tone. “No. He just came up here, out of nowhere, telling me he needed to see me and missed me. And declaring he’s going to take me away with him.” Justin could hear the disgust in his voice but it was just too ridiculous. “What the fuck happened, Michael?”
The question was met with silence.
Justin knew it was bad if Michael had no response for him.
“Michael…”
“It’s…I think it’s better if he tells you.”
“But I need some idea, Michael. I need to know what I’m dealing with. The only other time that came close to this oddness was his declarations and warped ideas after the-” Justin blinked as the words he was saying caught up with him. “Shit. What happened?”
“Everyone’s fine. Don’t freak out, please.”
“Then tell me something, Michael, because that’s exactly what I’m doing.”
Michael cursed under his breath. Justin waited patiently for Michael to speak. He understood his loyalty to Brian but he needed this information. He needed to know how to deal with Brian so that he could send him back home before he fractured any part of the life Justin lived. He could already feel the first cracks appearing, making him want and need. “What happened?”
“There was…fuck. There was a bashing…and Brian saw it happen.”
Part Three