sharing a budget

[neugotik]

ok = I guess this will be dull to many (most?) but I'm curious based on what I know of my own history, kinda well, what the standard is out there - so I'm polling. I'm going to set this up anonymous answer so people can feel free to be honest. Thanks for the feedback

Comments

[ktig]

D once quipped, "your salary is higher so you should pay more!"
To which, I wondered how emasculated that makes him feel. :)

[neugotik]

Lol. Heh. Takes a big man to admit he should pay less due to less pay, eh? *grin*

I've seen couples who do split their bills this way. In fact I know what married couple who's quite happy (it seems to me) w/their arrangement & they split everything as a percentage of bills: and the percent was based on the total they make - so if one makes 60G a year, and the other makes 40G a year, the first pays 60% & 40% is what the latter pays - er, so they seem to like that. But then.. I think maybe you already pay more then the % more you make? But then also, what does one do w/a slacker partner who doesn't make, maybe anything? It seems that comes up a lot.

[iamrobertsworry]

I don't get this, since It would seem that they are enjoying the apartment or tv just as much as I do, why would they pay less. Maybe if they didn't watch tv, then it would come out of my spending money.

[neugotik]

I don't watch tv - to take your proposed item - except 1 show, which I catch every 3 weeks and hopefully backwatch the episodes I missed, but honestly usually I don't : Ijust go w/the flow on the ones I see. ok? I had a 9" tv when I met my husband, whom I'm going through divorce with,right, but he still lives w/me & the kids, plus a roommate. er... yeah. So, anyhows: he's bought a bunch of big tvs. Now we have 3 giant 32" +++ tvs (2 are big flatscreens, one's a kinda normal 32" CTR his mom bought the kids) er... so, if he watches 4 or 5 shows a week & gets all these tvs, that's not balanced, but it kinda is, 'cause we don't get cable tv: just cable internet...but that's spendy & I pay for it, but we both use it. He pays the cell bill. ok - but then I pay electric & natural gas & rent .. er, and it adds up, and I pay all kid-care . . . so that's a ton. Kidcare is a lot - 1300/month in school year, and 1800/month or so in summer - and I pay util & rent : it's tiring. But maybe it's normal, i don't know.

[buttonlass]

Due to the part where we're married with child we aren't a good example. Our money handling is entirely not normal nor average. I make several digits less than my husband but I made a baby so everything skewed.:)

Needless to say I didn't answer the poll so I wouldn't screw it up for you.:)

[neugotik]

it's cool - if that were me answering I suppose I would then say "worked out something we feel is fair/even split of the bills" on most of the answers. =)

I think I'm trying to figure out kinda how people er, share bills. It's tricky! =) Even with roommates, really.

[hereticchick]

i'd like to point out that i bought most/all of the cleaning products because it was important to me that they were vegan products. also, in my last couple relationships i had let the guy be on my checking account so their checks were going exactly where mine were.

however, things changed once trevor and i broke up but were still living together (after we had split up the shared checking account). i would pay for the bills (or they wouldn't get paid on time) and buy shared cleaning products, then i'd tell him how much was owed to me and he would pay me back in cash.

[neugotik]

yeah - it seems when both people are happier, then they tend to want to pitch in more - I donno, but Ive seen that trend w/some people : at least those who both people have jobs. Then when they're less happy, er: I've seen some people I know use it as a tactic to try and force a breakup : not contributing : kinda like, er, financial affair - not having an affair to breakup, having no financial contribution, er..to force the issue, I'm prob. rambling here.

[iamrobertsworry]

yeah, I'd have to say everything went in one account and it was just paid... by me.

We each had a set amount we could spend unless there was something special going on.

[neugotik]

honestly: I pay the bills - heavy use bills : i.e. obvious things like food (eating out esp) and communications (cell phones particularly) are kinda split.

Isnt it a little frustrating to pay all the bills? I think relationships that last (& this is just a theory) have worked out something that's considered "fair trade= equal contribution" by both people - sometimes it's raising kids or cleaning or cooking etc in exchange for rent/utilities or whatnot: but it's something the couple has worked out as a "fair exchange" when this is lacking there's resentment, isn't there?

[iamrobertsworry]

Well again, we had a joint account so all the cash went into the account I paid the bills from and the spending money was $150 a week for each of us (for gas and all). If we went out together it was paid from the bill account and not our own spending money. I made slightly more than her at the time, but I wasn't going to fight over a few hundred bucks a month. Though in retrospect she took the bus and I prolly could have given her less spending cash.

[neugotik]

yeah, when I'm in relationships the money doesn't really matter: I guess in some ways that has helped ruin my relationships. I have, with all my ex's, just paid all the bills. Eventually it seems to lead to a degredation in respect (for me) and either feelings of guilt or anger, or something, then it comes back at me. It seems the only way to really have mutual respect is to (in whatever way is deemed fair) both pitch in 50% - otherwise there's something uneven, and people think "wow, she's a doormat, why am I stuck w/her" or "he doesn't pay anything, I resent being used, but I don't know what to do" -- or "she buys such stupid stuff" and "he buys such expensive toys and clothes" or whatever.

I mean, I'm almost to the point where I'd say everyone manage their own income & purchases & just pay 50% of each bill that's shared - like when first dating: it seems everyone's pretty happy with that, so why change it out. It just causes problems for most couples.