(002.) burnt letter
burnt letter
groups: after school
pairing: bekah/jay
rating: PG
words: 1,384
type: one-shot
summary: jay wakes up to an empty bed and a letter.
It was 10 AM when the sunlight finally woke him up. His first instinct was to roll over and wrap his arms around the girl he loved, but all he felt was air. Confused, he cracked open an eye only to greet a bed void of another body.
The letter, folded neatly and tucked away in a pink envelope was the first thing that caught his eye. Her hand writing was so distinct; the purple pen, the loopy letters, the L always in cursive. It was unlike any other girl’s hand writing, just like how she was so unlike other girls.
Jay Park opened the letter slowly and carefully, making sure he didn’t accidentally rip the envelope in his excitement. He was almost 100% sure she had written him a thank you letter.
I’m sorry.
Those were the first words he read, and all of a sudden he wished he had never opened the letter. Jay had heard the rumors, he had held her in his arms when she cried, and now he was reading her last words.
We’ve been through a lot haven’t we?
When you left 2PM and went back to Seattle, I thought for sure that was the end of us. You slipped away from my grasp without a word for months. I couldn’t forgive you but I couldn’t forget you. Thoughts of you, thoughts of us, plagued my mind day and night. I couldn’t concentrate on After School. Hell, I couldn’t concentrate on anything.
Those days…those were his dark days. Jay had thought of himself as a disgrace to anyone, even those closest to him. Thoughts of her, of them, had slipped his mind, replaced by thoughts of those who hated him. Forgetting her had been easy during those times, but he knew forgetting her now would be harder.
Then you came back. Did you know I almost cried when you first called? I ignored the call because I had been angry at you for leaving, shocked you were calling me, and disappointed that you had failed me. After the tenth call, I finally picked up. Did you notice that I sounded like I was holding back tears? Because I was. Unnie gave me a weird look so I locked myself in the bathroom and Unnieduel were furious because they couldn’t do their makeup before going out, but I didn’t care. I could only concentrate on you.
That phone call was the most livid memory in his mind, etched in his brain. He remembered every detail of it; where he was, what he had said, how she responded, even every emotion he was feeling at that moment. The first words he said were ‘Baby’. She laughed, but he knew it was forced, and told him she wasn’t his baby . Whatever followed his first words didn’t matter much to him because the last words she said were ‘I miss you’ and that was all he needed, no what he wanted to hear.
Do you remember our first meeting after you came back? Neither of us knew what to say and we ended up sitting in awkward silence for the first half hour. But then I started to cry. I bet you didn’t know what was running through my mind did you? In that half hour, I started to think about the things people said about you. I started to think about how hard I cried when I called you and you didn’t pick up. I started to think of the time I thought things were over between us.
To be honest, and no matter how cheesy he sounded, that moment he found her the most beautiful. In that moment, she had stripped away everything and was left bare and Jay could see who she really was and he remembered why he had fallen in love with her. That day, Jay held her in his arms and wiped away every tear, whispering promises of ‘I’ll never leave you again’ and ‘I love you’ over and over again in her ear.
We had a good run didn’t we? I mean, our relationship. We didn’t fight often, we always made time for each other (which I suppose was easy because I wasn’t gaining much popularity as an idol and you were only starting to get back into things), and we loved each other with every inch of our bodies. Trust was never an issue with us now that I knew you were back with me. Neither of us were jealous people. Our relationship was the best relationship I had been in.
I had been in. Those words struck Jay as if a piano had dropped on him. Suddenly, he found himself unable to breathe, gasping for air. How come he had been unaware that their relationship was ending, had ended? Why didn’t he get a say in it? Those thoughts were pushed to the back of his head as he continued reading, hoping this was all a joke.
Jay...I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry I did this over a letter. I’m sorry our relationship had to end. I’m sorry I had to leave. I’m sorry I can’t be with you. I’m sorry you had to love me and I’m sorry I left you disappointed.
She could’ve said anything but those words. His eyes scanned the lines again, re-reading to make sure he hadn’t read it wrong the first time. It didn’t matter how many times he read the line or how much he hoped the words would change with every time he read them, they stayed the same and it only made his heart ache even more.
I loved you. No…I still love you. But what we had, no matter how happy it made us both, it can’t be. I have to sever my ties with the idol world in order to move on. Do you understand? If I’m still with you, I can never leave behind my life as an idol, I can never forget, I can never not want. I love you and I will for a long time, but I have to do this for me. I have to do this so I can move on.
Selfish. That was the only word he could think of at the moment, but he knew she was right. He knew, sometimes it was okay to be selfish in order to do something good for yourself. Leaving Korea and going back to Seattle without telling her had been selfish of him. She had forgiven him for doing that, and he was going to forgive her for leaving, as long as that would make her happier.
I hope one day we’ll get a chance to meet again. We can sit and have coffee (or a drink because I’ll probably want one when I see you again) and talk about how our lives are doing. We’ll reminisce about our relationship and laugh at our memories. I’ll say sorry one more time, and possibly the last time and then the rest is up to you. I’m not asking to be forgiven Jay, I know it’ll be impossible for a long time and maybe even forever. I am asking that you move on and you be happy okay?
I’m wishing for your success. I’m wishing for the best for you. I’m wishing one day you’ll achieve all that you want.
No matter how hurt or upset he was, he couldn’t find it in his heart to not forgive her.
Love,
Rebekah Kim
He didn’t know when it started or how long it had been happening, but by the time he was done with the letter, his pillowcase was soaked. His mind felt numb, his heart was aching, and he had this bad headache from crying so much. Everything she had felt when he had left her without a word, he felt now and he couldn’t help but think that karma was a real bitch.
Even though he had forgiven her, he couldn’t forget her. Even when the letter was burning in his trashcan, smoke filling the room, he couldn’t forget her.
She was gone and the only thing she left him was the letter.
She was gone and the only thing he had left of her was the memories that would take him years to suppress.
groups: after school
pairing: bekah/jay
rating: PG
words: 1,384
type: one-shot
summary: jay wakes up to an empty bed and a letter.
It was 10 AM when the sunlight finally woke him up. His first instinct was to roll over and wrap his arms around the girl he loved, but all he felt was air. Confused, he cracked open an eye only to greet a bed void of another body.
The letter, folded neatly and tucked away in a pink envelope was the first thing that caught his eye. Her hand writing was so distinct; the purple pen, the loopy letters, the L always in cursive. It was unlike any other girl’s hand writing, just like how she was so unlike other girls.
Jay Park opened the letter slowly and carefully, making sure he didn’t accidentally rip the envelope in his excitement. He was almost 100% sure she had written him a thank you letter.
I’m sorry.
Those were the first words he read, and all of a sudden he wished he had never opened the letter. Jay had heard the rumors, he had held her in his arms when she cried, and now he was reading her last words.
We’ve been through a lot haven’t we?
When you left 2PM and went back to Seattle, I thought for sure that was the end of us. You slipped away from my grasp without a word for months. I couldn’t forgive you but I couldn’t forget you. Thoughts of you, thoughts of us, plagued my mind day and night. I couldn’t concentrate on After School. Hell, I couldn’t concentrate on anything.
Those days…those were his dark days. Jay had thought of himself as a disgrace to anyone, even those closest to him. Thoughts of her, of them, had slipped his mind, replaced by thoughts of those who hated him. Forgetting her had been easy during those times, but he knew forgetting her now would be harder.
Then you came back. Did you know I almost cried when you first called? I ignored the call because I had been angry at you for leaving, shocked you were calling me, and disappointed that you had failed me. After the tenth call, I finally picked up. Did you notice that I sounded like I was holding back tears? Because I was. Unnie gave me a weird look so I locked myself in the bathroom and Unnieduel were furious because they couldn’t do their makeup before going out, but I didn’t care. I could only concentrate on you.
That phone call was the most livid memory in his mind, etched in his brain. He remembered every detail of it; where he was, what he had said, how she responded, even every emotion he was feeling at that moment. The first words he said were ‘Baby’. She laughed, but he knew it was forced, and told him she wasn’t his baby . Whatever followed his first words didn’t matter much to him because the last words she said were ‘I miss you’ and that was all he needed, no what he wanted to hear.
Do you remember our first meeting after you came back? Neither of us knew what to say and we ended up sitting in awkward silence for the first half hour. But then I started to cry. I bet you didn’t know what was running through my mind did you? In that half hour, I started to think about the things people said about you. I started to think about how hard I cried when I called you and you didn’t pick up. I started to think of the time I thought things were over between us.
To be honest, and no matter how cheesy he sounded, that moment he found her the most beautiful. In that moment, she had stripped away everything and was left bare and Jay could see who she really was and he remembered why he had fallen in love with her. That day, Jay held her in his arms and wiped away every tear, whispering promises of ‘I’ll never leave you again’ and ‘I love you’ over and over again in her ear.
We had a good run didn’t we? I mean, our relationship. We didn’t fight often, we always made time for each other (which I suppose was easy because I wasn’t gaining much popularity as an idol and you were only starting to get back into things), and we loved each other with every inch of our bodies. Trust was never an issue with us now that I knew you were back with me. Neither of us were jealous people. Our relationship was the best relationship I had been in.
I had been in. Those words struck Jay as if a piano had dropped on him. Suddenly, he found himself unable to breathe, gasping for air. How come he had been unaware that their relationship was ending, had ended? Why didn’t he get a say in it? Those thoughts were pushed to the back of his head as he continued reading, hoping this was all a joke.
Jay...I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry I did this over a letter. I’m sorry our relationship had to end. I’m sorry I had to leave. I’m sorry I can’t be with you. I’m sorry you had to love me and I’m sorry I left you disappointed.
She could’ve said anything but those words. His eyes scanned the lines again, re-reading to make sure he hadn’t read it wrong the first time. It didn’t matter how many times he read the line or how much he hoped the words would change with every time he read them, they stayed the same and it only made his heart ache even more.
I loved you. No…I still love you. But what we had, no matter how happy it made us both, it can’t be. I have to sever my ties with the idol world in order to move on. Do you understand? If I’m still with you, I can never leave behind my life as an idol, I can never forget, I can never not want. I love you and I will for a long time, but I have to do this for me. I have to do this so I can move on.
Selfish. That was the only word he could think of at the moment, but he knew she was right. He knew, sometimes it was okay to be selfish in order to do something good for yourself. Leaving Korea and going back to Seattle without telling her had been selfish of him. She had forgiven him for doing that, and he was going to forgive her for leaving, as long as that would make her happier.
I hope one day we’ll get a chance to meet again. We can sit and have coffee (or a drink because I’ll probably want one when I see you again) and talk about how our lives are doing. We’ll reminisce about our relationship and laugh at our memories. I’ll say sorry one more time, and possibly the last time and then the rest is up to you. I’m not asking to be forgiven Jay, I know it’ll be impossible for a long time and maybe even forever. I am asking that you move on and you be happy okay?
I’m wishing for your success. I’m wishing for the best for you. I’m wishing one day you’ll achieve all that you want.
No matter how hurt or upset he was, he couldn’t find it in his heart to not forgive her.
Love,
Rebekah Kim
He didn’t know when it started or how long it had been happening, but by the time he was done with the letter, his pillowcase was soaked. His mind felt numb, his heart was aching, and he had this bad headache from crying so much. Everything she had felt when he had left her without a word, he felt now and he couldn’t help but think that karma was a real bitch.
Even though he had forgiven her, he couldn’t forget her. Even when the letter was burning in his trashcan, smoke filling the room, he couldn’t forget her.
She was gone and the only thing she left him was the letter.
She was gone and the only thing he had left of her was the memories that would take him years to suppress.