Calzona - The (Not a )Fairytale 4/?
Title: Calzona - The (Not a )Fairytale.
Author: Neolithicdream
Pairing/Character: Callie, Arizona.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Arizona lost. And it's a few weeks later. And in a few days Callie will be moving to NewYork with Sofia for their new life. And Arizona will find a way to keep breathing. At least that's the plan.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual
"Can you go up to the OR and find out what's happening? Please,Penny."
"I'm not leaving you all alone."
This, or a variant of it, had been their conversation for the last few minutes. Callie looked almost pale underneath her natural skin tone.
"I need to know how she is , if she's ...." Callie shook her head as if the very thought could be just shaken away, "...I need to know before I talk to the police."
"Callie, no! You can't talk to them without an attorney present. " Penny Blake didn't know much about the legal process but she'd watched enough episodes of Law and Order to know that her girlfriend needed an attorney. And she knew enough about her girlfriend to know that, if she didn't find a way to stop her, her natural impetuosity combined with the guilt that was dominating everything now would lead Callie to do something, say something, that could not later be undone.
"I don't need to 'lawyer up', Penny. God! I have to take responsibility for it." Arizona's words from earlier were running on a loop in her brain, "I know what I did. I know everything I did. Do you know what you did? I know who is to blame, Callie. Do you?"
"Callie, listen...you have to think about this..."
"Penny..." Callie's voice was steady and sure but low, "..I know what I did, this time, I know what I did. I know what I have to do."
Penny Blake considered herself to be a good person. She was raised to obey the law, respect the Police. Believed in Crime and Punishment. When she was a little girl she believed in the Good Guys who battled against the Bad Guys. When she was a little girl the world was Black and White, Good v Evil, Goodies v Baddies. And the good Guys always won in the end. And the end was always happy.
Like all little girls Penny Blake grew up and discovered that her Black and White world had transformed into a world with infinite shades of grey. The good guys sometimes behaved badly, the bad guys could sometimes surprise you. And sometimes there were no bad guys.
And she knew what Callie had done, god all she had to do was close her eyes and she could see it replay; the shove, the stumble, the sickening thud as human skull made contact with the stair tread.
She knew.
But she also knew Callie.
Loved Callie.
Knew her to be a good guy.
But then so was Arizona.
"Honey, look, if Dr. Robbins..."
"Arizona, her name is Arizona. She's a Mom, a daughter , a w-, a good person, she doesn't deserve, she didn't do anything..." Callie was agitated again, tears streaming down her face, "...I did. And I have to pay for..."
The series of loud knocks on the Attending's Lounge door startled them both, the two women looked at each other, Callie shivered with fear. Accepting one's fate was one thing, doing so fearlessly was quite another.
"It's probably just the Chief," Penny stood, squeezing Callie's hands as she did, "I'll check."
******
Miranda Bailey was quickly realizing this was one of those days. Up there with the day her son almost died. Up there with the day when she lied to a madman to save her life, even as she saw her colleagues get shot and die. Up there with that evening 4 years ago when news filtered through that her six colleagues and friends were missing, presumed dead, in a plane crash. Up there with that dreadful storm that came so close to taking the life of one of her closest friends and did take the life of a wonderful young Doctor.
There had been far too many of these days.
One of her closest friends was fighting for her life in surgery, again. This time, even if she survived, who knew what damage might have been done. And another of her closest friends might be responsible.
She sighed. She didn't want this to be true, any of it. She needed to find Torres and then she'd know. Picking up her pager she quickly punched in the numbers as she made her way downstairs.
Police were already arriving as she made her way across the mezzanine floor to where it had happened. People milling about, patients whom she could just smile at; staff whom she snarled a " have you nothing better to do?" at. Police already rolling out crime scene tape. Her pager bleeped back. It was Blake.
She recognized a familiar face and smiled. She suspected it came out as a frown.
"Detective Murphy."
"Chief."
She directed him to a quiet spot where they wouldn't be disturbed.
"We received not one, but five emergency calls, ranging from a potential homicide to..."
"No-one's dead."
Wilbur Murphy released a deep, deep sigh of relief. "Well that's something anyway."
Grey Sloan Memorial was the main trauma hospital in his police district so he'd become very familiar with its halls and staff over the years. He'd been here anxiously awaiting news of an injured comrade too many times, been here to interview suspects more times than he could count. He was here too once before when it was the Crime scene, when multiple bodies lay strewn before him.
And he lived only a few blocks away. His four children, their partners and his grandchildren all called Grey Sloan their hospital. His wife had undergone a Cholecystectomy here a few years ago, Dr Bailey had been the surgeon. His two eldest grandsons were High school Football players and both had been here more than once too.
This was his hospital, these were his Doctors and Nurses. He hated the thought that one of them was hurt, even more that another of them might be responsible.
"What happened?"
"Isn't it your job to find out that?"
Baileys response was curt and undeserved. Wilbur Murphy was a good man, a good cop who'd done nothing to deserve her attitude. She remembered their first meeting when she was a second year resident. Her patient was a young man, he looked like a child but was in fact 19, gunshots to the face and abdomen and one of the main suspects to a shooting of a cop. The cop was seriously injured but survived. At that time it had looked unlikely but Richard Webber and Preston Burke had worked their magic.
Wilbur Murphy had 21 years on the force and his colleague was fighting for his life.He wanted to interview the young punk and now. He hadn't bargained for the human force that was Miranda Bailey.
"He's my patient."
" Save your scalpel for someone who deserves it, he's a piece of scum with a rap sheet as long as.."
"He isn't fit for interrogation"
"By the time I'm finished with him I don't want him fit for.."
"No."
"Look, Miranda..." He'd seen her first name on her badge, " I get it...I'm a cop and this is a young kid and ...I get it...But Donald Johnson is one of us..." He'd gestured between them, expecting solidarity from someone who shared his skin tone. "..and a damn fine cop with a wife and...and this punk is an illegal, a Mexican, or something, He's not even an American, damn it. And..."
"He is my patient and this is my hospital. And I don't care if he's from Mexico, Montana or the Dark side of the Moon. I don't care if he is the Son of God or a drug dealer from Bogota. If I say he isn't fit for interrogation then he isn't fit for interrogation. Do you understand me?"
Over the years they'd met too many times, become friends in a way, friends who completely respected the other.
"Miranda..."
She sighed loudly, "I wasn't here...I didn't see...I can give you names and some details but I think....I hope...I think it was an accident."
A little later and it had been agreed that Wilbur and his team could interview anyone agreeing to be interviewed in her office. It made sense for patients and for those staff members who were clearly no more than spectators it was convenient too.
"...and CCTV footage?"
"Get a warrant, Wilbur."
"I hope Dr. Robbins will be ok. From what I've heard she's a lovely lady..."
"She is."
"My daughter in law had a problematic pregnancy, twins, last year...Dr. Robbins had to operate on her before they were born. I was against the surgery cause...well... they were too small...but Angela swore by this blonde woman, Arizona, right?"
Bailey nodded.
"Boys. Wilbur Jr is crawling now, Timothy is still figuring that part out but he"ll get there."
*******
She was just about to knock again when Blake emerged, tentatively poking her head out first before coming out and quickly closing the door behind her. She stood directly in front of the door effectively blocking it.
"Blake." Dr. Miranda Bailey had not earned the nickname 'the Nazi' for nothing.
Penny swallowed nervously, "Chief..." but stood her ground anyway. "How is she, is she...is Doctor Robbins dead?"
Miranda silently shook her head then added "..Dr.Shepherd is doing a craniotomy,she has other injuries but those aren't life threatening."
"Oh, thank God." Blake exhaled loudly. Relief showing in her face. "Callie, she's in a bad way...she didn't mean for this to happen, you know her....she's your friend, you know she would never intentionally hurt anyone..."
"Blake. Shut up. Do not say one more word." Until Blake had spoken Miranda had clung to the belief that the rumour mill at Grey Sloan had just outdid itself this time but now she knew and knowing changed everything. "The police are here, they will be interviewing all witnesses, I understand you were in the vicinity? They'll need to speak to Torres as soon as possible."
"Arizona isn't out of the woods yet..." Bailey spoke quietly but firmly, seeing Blake's face fall again, "...Shepherd's great but...if she survives, and everyone is praying she will...well then we won't know until she wakes up...TBI's are notoriously difficult to predict. Now can I see Torres?"
Blake nodded but didn't move leading Bailey to use her patented Nazi stare.
"She's not in a fit state to be questioned right now. I have to protect her, you're her friend and her Chief, you need to protect her, she needs..."
"I'm everyone's Chief." Bailey replied not hiding her rising anger which then subsided as she saw Penny almost crumble before her. She added softly "that includes Callie, and Arizona..." She reached out and tapped Blake's elbow "...and you."
Tears were streaming down Blake's face now "This is all my fault. I should have never applied for the Preminger or accepted it or let Callie come with me or..."
"This is not your fault. None of this mess is yours. And when you talk to the police you don't have to protect anyone. You have to tell them what you saw, what you heard. Nothing more, nothing less."
"But..."
"But nothing. Whatever happened out there was down to Robbins and Torres. No-one else."
"But I love her. I've never..."
"I know. But Robbins and Torres were, are..."
"The golden couple?" there was a hint of bitterness. " I know, I've heard..."
Bailey smiled then frowned. It wasn't the young Doctors fault that she'd found herself in the firing line between her two surgeons. All she'd done was fall in love and it was crystal clear that she loved Calliope Torres.
"They're complicated, Robbins and Torres. They always were in a way but they experienced more drama and heartache in a few years than any couple ever should. Their golden age..." Bailey shook her head, ".. if it ever existed, was a long time ago."
"What good will it do if Callie goes to prison? If Dr. Robbins doesn't make it or, or if she's..." Penny wondered which outcome would be worse for the Fetal surgeon, death or irreparable damage, " ..what will happen to Sofia then? Thats not what Dr. Robbins would want, Sofia losing both her Moms."
Bailey didn't have the answer but she knew that sometimes you had to trust the process and hope for the best. "Trust the process, Blake. Introduce yourself to Detective Murphy, tell him I sent you. Be honest."
Blake nodded and walked away, head bowed. Miranda could see she was wiping away tears as she went. She sighed, took a deep breath, and pushed open the door to where Torres was sitting, crouched in the corner of a couch, knees pulled up to her chest. She raised her head and when she saw it was her oldest friend in Seattle broke down completely. Miranda Bailey was the Chief, but she was also a friend. Sometimes those two things conflicted. She suspected that conflict would become more pronounced in the next few hours and days but right now there was no question, she was her friend. She rushed over to the stricken woman and pulled her into her, "Oh Callie."
That was all it took. The floodgates opened as Callie clung to her and began to cry. Anguished sobs interspersed with questions that she couldn't even finish, "Is she... have I... Is Arizona..."
"She's in surgery."
""Will she....is she going to...what's the..."
"Trust in the surgeons, honey. Meredith and April and Amelia. Your friends, Arizona's friends."
"What if she..."
"No, no, no what ifs, we have to just wait and see, wait and pray."
Eventually Callie pulled away, the initial burst of emotion having passed, the next slowly building.
"I don't know how this happened, I don't know how I could have done this, I just...I don't know how..."
"Sssh, don't say anything that I may have to repeat if questioned because..."
"Bailey...." Callie shook her head, "...I pushed Arizona down the stairs."
"Torres..." Miranda shook her head.
"I know what I've done. My, my..." She shook her head, squeezing her eyes closed, "... I pushed a woman down the stairs and she might die. Or have brain damage. A woman that I loved so much. So, so much. I've hurt her so much so many times and now I might actually have killed her."
"She's alive, she's ..."
Callie just shook her head and this time when the tears streamed down her face she was silent. She kept Bailey at arm length this time. As if she didn't deserve the comfort.
"She said I never loved her. She kept saying it. I got so angry. Do you think she believes that? Can she really think that I never...?"
Bailey stayed silent. Of all the things that might have triggered the incident, the anger, she would have never imagined it would be that.
"I'll hand myself in. The police don't need to interview anyone else ... I'll tell them what happened but... I just need to see her first, to..."
"Arizona?"
As Callie nodded Bailey just shook her head in incredulity.
"Bailey, I have too..." Callie's face contorted as a thought came to her," ..oh... Are you worried that I'll try to hurt her? I won't but you can be there or...."
"No! Callie that's not it...she's in surgery and then she'll be in recovery for....well you these types of injury are very unpredictable, it could be days or..."
"But I have to tell her Bailey, I have to. She has to know!" Callie was getting frantic so Bailey grabbed her hands and squeezed them gently
"Hey, hey, sshhh... What do you need to tell her. I'll tell her,ok?"
"Will you? Promise?" Callie stifled a sob as Bailey nodded. "That she's wrong. I did. So so much. More than anyone ever. She was supposed to be it. I thought we'd be together till one of just slipped away gently when we were really old. I used to pray it would be me because it would hurt so much if...but then I'd think she'd hurt if it were me and I never wanted her to feel that kind of pain again."
Bailey sighed loudly. She wanted to protect her friend from what was about to come but knew she could not. All she could do was pray that Robbins would survive and be okay. If that happened then there would be a chance that Torres too might survive, whatever might happen once the legal process got underway. But if Arizona died or was left severely disabled then the legal process would be immaterial. Torres would sink beneath her guilt.
"I don't think you should be interviewed by the Police right now."
"Bailey! Why is everyone... I might have murdered Arizona. Why doesn't anyone seem to get that? "
Bailey just shook her hear but Callie wasn't done.
"It doesn't matter that she's not..." Callie stopped in mid sentence, "...she couldn't bear to think that her beautiful ex-wife might right this minute be lying dead on an OR table., her blood staining the floor, the scrubs of the surgeons " ...I did this. I got angry and I pushed her and..."
"Did you mean to?"
"Push her?"
Callie nodded. She'd been in denial about too many things for too long. That ended now.
"To hurt her?"
Callie wasn't sure, she'd been so angry, an anger she'd never felt before and God knows Arizona had made her angry many times. This was different. She'd said that Callie had never loved her. kept saying it. All she'd wanted was for Arizona to take it back, to stop saying it and when she wouldn't...
"Yes." The shame was almost more audible than the single word.
It wasn't the answer Bailey wanted to hear but it was an answer she believed.
"So you wanted her to fall down the stairs? You wanted her to be badly hurt or ...?" Bailey knew she shouldn't be asking these questions but somehow she had to know. It still seemed unfathomable.
Callie's head shot up, "No! I didn't want her to get hurt or be hurt or...or fall down the stairs! I'm not a monster...." She shook her head, "...maybe I am."
"But you said you wanted to hurt her?"
" I wanted her to hurt. I didn't want her to be hurt."
Bailey looked on, not understanding.
"What she was saying, that I never... That I didn't understand love, that I'd hurt Penny too...it hurt, all of it, and I wanted her to hurt too...but I never wanted to... we were nowhere near the stairs, I don't even understand... I just wanted her to feel the hurt I was feeling...God all we ever did was hurt each other and now..." And a fresh deluge of tears fell again.
"Callie, You will have to talk to the Police and soon. I just think right now you owe it to yourself to get an attorney who can make this part easier for you. Things will start happening and once they do... Well I don't really know much about that side of things but..."
"Bailey, I pushed Arizona down the stairs." She just shook her head slowly.
" You owe it to yourself..."
"No, I owe it to Arizona to take my punishment and..."
"What about Sofia?"
Callie hadn't once thought about her daughter in this. Too consumed by guilt to imagine her little girl. Her little girl who right now was oblivious to all of this. Oblivious to the fact that everything she ever knew might be about to change. Her Mama dead, her mommy in prison. She'd just turned her daughter's life into a gruesome episode of Jerry Springer.
"I've been trying to take her away from her Mama and now maybe, maybe I've just taken her Mama away from her. Oh, God, Miranda, what have I done?"
**********
"...amen."
"Are you, are you....oh my God, you are! seriously Kepner? praying in my OR?"
They'd been in surgery for almost four hours. Apart from one hairy moment earlier when Arizona's b.p had suddenly plummeted it had gone as well as could be expected. They'd stabilized her and Amelia was now working on putting the skull flap back in place.
"So?"
"In my OR I am God, so if you're going to pray to anyone it should be me."
" Amelia, you're not God and if April wants to pray then let her..." Meredith interjected, still it was a bit weird to have a fellow surgeon openly praying in the OR. this was weird even for Kepner
April sighed loudly, she could have left the OR ten minutes ago when her work was done but she couldn't leave Arizona. It was stupid, she trusted the two women implicitly in the OR. But she couldn't leave her, not the way things were between them.
"She's my best friend."
Amelia softened, "And she's going to be okay. We've done it, we've got this."
"She told Jackson I was pregnant."
The two women chorused "We know." Arizona had pretty much asked all of them their opinion afterwards.
"I told her I hated her."
"April, she understood, we all say things we don't mean when we're upset."
"And besides you two have kissed and made up, right?" Amelia grinned.
"I told her to go to hell. And I meant it."
"April..." Meredith whispered.
"I know you think that's just an expression, but for me it's not...I believe in Heaven and Hell and..."
"You guys made up. And..."
"I know, its just...she's my best friend. And Im having a baby and I don't know what that's going to be like....and I need my best friend around me and what if..."
"She's going to be fine. Because she had the three best surgeons in the room with her and she's a survivor and a fighter and..." Amelia paused " ...and maybe we had a little bit of help from Jesus too."
April smiled in gratitude.
"Now lets get her closed up and back into the ICU."
Author: Neolithicdream
Pairing/Character: Callie, Arizona.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Arizona lost. And it's a few weeks later. And in a few days Callie will be moving to NewYork with Sofia for their new life. And Arizona will find a way to keep breathing. At least that's the plan.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual
"Can you go up to the OR and find out what's happening? Please,Penny."
"I'm not leaving you all alone."
This, or a variant of it, had been their conversation for the last few minutes. Callie looked almost pale underneath her natural skin tone.
"I need to know how she is , if she's ...." Callie shook her head as if the very thought could be just shaken away, "...I need to know before I talk to the police."
"Callie, no! You can't talk to them without an attorney present. " Penny Blake didn't know much about the legal process but she'd watched enough episodes of Law and Order to know that her girlfriend needed an attorney. And she knew enough about her girlfriend to know that, if she didn't find a way to stop her, her natural impetuosity combined with the guilt that was dominating everything now would lead Callie to do something, say something, that could not later be undone.
"I don't need to 'lawyer up', Penny. God! I have to take responsibility for it." Arizona's words from earlier were running on a loop in her brain, "I know what I did. I know everything I did. Do you know what you did? I know who is to blame, Callie. Do you?"
"Callie, listen...you have to think about this..."
"Penny..." Callie's voice was steady and sure but low, "..I know what I did, this time, I know what I did. I know what I have to do."
Penny Blake considered herself to be a good person. She was raised to obey the law, respect the Police. Believed in Crime and Punishment. When she was a little girl she believed in the Good Guys who battled against the Bad Guys. When she was a little girl the world was Black and White, Good v Evil, Goodies v Baddies. And the good Guys always won in the end. And the end was always happy.
Like all little girls Penny Blake grew up and discovered that her Black and White world had transformed into a world with infinite shades of grey. The good guys sometimes behaved badly, the bad guys could sometimes surprise you. And sometimes there were no bad guys.
And she knew what Callie had done, god all she had to do was close her eyes and she could see it replay; the shove, the stumble, the sickening thud as human skull made contact with the stair tread.
She knew.
But she also knew Callie.
Loved Callie.
Knew her to be a good guy.
But then so was Arizona.
"Honey, look, if Dr. Robbins..."
"Arizona, her name is Arizona. She's a Mom, a daughter , a w-, a good person, she doesn't deserve, she didn't do anything..." Callie was agitated again, tears streaming down her face, "...I did. And I have to pay for..."
The series of loud knocks on the Attending's Lounge door startled them both, the two women looked at each other, Callie shivered with fear. Accepting one's fate was one thing, doing so fearlessly was quite another.
"It's probably just the Chief," Penny stood, squeezing Callie's hands as she did, "I'll check."
******
Miranda Bailey was quickly realizing this was one of those days. Up there with the day her son almost died. Up there with the day when she lied to a madman to save her life, even as she saw her colleagues get shot and die. Up there with that evening 4 years ago when news filtered through that her six colleagues and friends were missing, presumed dead, in a plane crash. Up there with that dreadful storm that came so close to taking the life of one of her closest friends and did take the life of a wonderful young Doctor.
There had been far too many of these days.
One of her closest friends was fighting for her life in surgery, again. This time, even if she survived, who knew what damage might have been done. And another of her closest friends might be responsible.
She sighed. She didn't want this to be true, any of it. She needed to find Torres and then she'd know. Picking up her pager she quickly punched in the numbers as she made her way downstairs.
Police were already arriving as she made her way across the mezzanine floor to where it had happened. People milling about, patients whom she could just smile at; staff whom she snarled a " have you nothing better to do?" at. Police already rolling out crime scene tape. Her pager bleeped back. It was Blake.
She recognized a familiar face and smiled. She suspected it came out as a frown.
"Detective Murphy."
"Chief."
She directed him to a quiet spot where they wouldn't be disturbed.
"We received not one, but five emergency calls, ranging from a potential homicide to..."
"No-one's dead."
Wilbur Murphy released a deep, deep sigh of relief. "Well that's something anyway."
Grey Sloan Memorial was the main trauma hospital in his police district so he'd become very familiar with its halls and staff over the years. He'd been here anxiously awaiting news of an injured comrade too many times, been here to interview suspects more times than he could count. He was here too once before when it was the Crime scene, when multiple bodies lay strewn before him.
And he lived only a few blocks away. His four children, their partners and his grandchildren all called Grey Sloan their hospital. His wife had undergone a Cholecystectomy here a few years ago, Dr Bailey had been the surgeon. His two eldest grandsons were High school Football players and both had been here more than once too.
This was his hospital, these were his Doctors and Nurses. He hated the thought that one of them was hurt, even more that another of them might be responsible.
"What happened?"
"Isn't it your job to find out that?"
Baileys response was curt and undeserved. Wilbur Murphy was a good man, a good cop who'd done nothing to deserve her attitude. She remembered their first meeting when she was a second year resident. Her patient was a young man, he looked like a child but was in fact 19, gunshots to the face and abdomen and one of the main suspects to a shooting of a cop. The cop was seriously injured but survived. At that time it had looked unlikely but Richard Webber and Preston Burke had worked their magic.
Wilbur Murphy had 21 years on the force and his colleague was fighting for his life.He wanted to interview the young punk and now. He hadn't bargained for the human force that was Miranda Bailey.
"He's my patient."
" Save your scalpel for someone who deserves it, he's a piece of scum with a rap sheet as long as.."
"He isn't fit for interrogation"
"By the time I'm finished with him I don't want him fit for.."
"No."
"Look, Miranda..." He'd seen her first name on her badge, " I get it...I'm a cop and this is a young kid and ...I get it...But Donald Johnson is one of us..." He'd gestured between them, expecting solidarity from someone who shared his skin tone. "..and a damn fine cop with a wife and...and this punk is an illegal, a Mexican, or something, He's not even an American, damn it. And..."
"He is my patient and this is my hospital. And I don't care if he's from Mexico, Montana or the Dark side of the Moon. I don't care if he is the Son of God or a drug dealer from Bogota. If I say he isn't fit for interrogation then he isn't fit for interrogation. Do you understand me?"
Over the years they'd met too many times, become friends in a way, friends who completely respected the other.
"Miranda..."
She sighed loudly, "I wasn't here...I didn't see...I can give you names and some details but I think....I hope...I think it was an accident."
A little later and it had been agreed that Wilbur and his team could interview anyone agreeing to be interviewed in her office. It made sense for patients and for those staff members who were clearly no more than spectators it was convenient too.
"...and CCTV footage?"
"Get a warrant, Wilbur."
"I hope Dr. Robbins will be ok. From what I've heard she's a lovely lady..."
"She is."
"My daughter in law had a problematic pregnancy, twins, last year...Dr. Robbins had to operate on her before they were born. I was against the surgery cause...well... they were too small...but Angela swore by this blonde woman, Arizona, right?"
Bailey nodded.
"Boys. Wilbur Jr is crawling now, Timothy is still figuring that part out but he"ll get there."
*******
She was just about to knock again when Blake emerged, tentatively poking her head out first before coming out and quickly closing the door behind her. She stood directly in front of the door effectively blocking it.
"Blake." Dr. Miranda Bailey had not earned the nickname 'the Nazi' for nothing.
Penny swallowed nervously, "Chief..." but stood her ground anyway. "How is she, is she...is Doctor Robbins dead?"
Miranda silently shook her head then added "..Dr.Shepherd is doing a craniotomy,she has other injuries but those aren't life threatening."
"Oh, thank God." Blake exhaled loudly. Relief showing in her face. "Callie, she's in a bad way...she didn't mean for this to happen, you know her....she's your friend, you know she would never intentionally hurt anyone..."
"Blake. Shut up. Do not say one more word." Until Blake had spoken Miranda had clung to the belief that the rumour mill at Grey Sloan had just outdid itself this time but now she knew and knowing changed everything. "The police are here, they will be interviewing all witnesses, I understand you were in the vicinity? They'll need to speak to Torres as soon as possible."
"Arizona isn't out of the woods yet..." Bailey spoke quietly but firmly, seeing Blake's face fall again, "...Shepherd's great but...if she survives, and everyone is praying she will...well then we won't know until she wakes up...TBI's are notoriously difficult to predict. Now can I see Torres?"
Blake nodded but didn't move leading Bailey to use her patented Nazi stare.
"She's not in a fit state to be questioned right now. I have to protect her, you're her friend and her Chief, you need to protect her, she needs..."
"I'm everyone's Chief." Bailey replied not hiding her rising anger which then subsided as she saw Penny almost crumble before her. She added softly "that includes Callie, and Arizona..." She reached out and tapped Blake's elbow "...and you."
Tears were streaming down Blake's face now "This is all my fault. I should have never applied for the Preminger or accepted it or let Callie come with me or..."
"This is not your fault. None of this mess is yours. And when you talk to the police you don't have to protect anyone. You have to tell them what you saw, what you heard. Nothing more, nothing less."
"But..."
"But nothing. Whatever happened out there was down to Robbins and Torres. No-one else."
"But I love her. I've never..."
"I know. But Robbins and Torres were, are..."
"The golden couple?" there was a hint of bitterness. " I know, I've heard..."
Bailey smiled then frowned. It wasn't the young Doctors fault that she'd found herself in the firing line between her two surgeons. All she'd done was fall in love and it was crystal clear that she loved Calliope Torres.
"They're complicated, Robbins and Torres. They always were in a way but they experienced more drama and heartache in a few years than any couple ever should. Their golden age..." Bailey shook her head, ".. if it ever existed, was a long time ago."
"What good will it do if Callie goes to prison? If Dr. Robbins doesn't make it or, or if she's..." Penny wondered which outcome would be worse for the Fetal surgeon, death or irreparable damage, " ..what will happen to Sofia then? Thats not what Dr. Robbins would want, Sofia losing both her Moms."
Bailey didn't have the answer but she knew that sometimes you had to trust the process and hope for the best. "Trust the process, Blake. Introduce yourself to Detective Murphy, tell him I sent you. Be honest."
Blake nodded and walked away, head bowed. Miranda could see she was wiping away tears as she went. She sighed, took a deep breath, and pushed open the door to where Torres was sitting, crouched in the corner of a couch, knees pulled up to her chest. She raised her head and when she saw it was her oldest friend in Seattle broke down completely. Miranda Bailey was the Chief, but she was also a friend. Sometimes those two things conflicted. She suspected that conflict would become more pronounced in the next few hours and days but right now there was no question, she was her friend. She rushed over to the stricken woman and pulled her into her, "Oh Callie."
That was all it took. The floodgates opened as Callie clung to her and began to cry. Anguished sobs interspersed with questions that she couldn't even finish, "Is she... have I... Is Arizona..."
"She's in surgery."
""Will she....is she going to...what's the..."
"Trust in the surgeons, honey. Meredith and April and Amelia. Your friends, Arizona's friends."
"What if she..."
"No, no, no what ifs, we have to just wait and see, wait and pray."
Eventually Callie pulled away, the initial burst of emotion having passed, the next slowly building.
"I don't know how this happened, I don't know how I could have done this, I just...I don't know how..."
"Sssh, don't say anything that I may have to repeat if questioned because..."
"Bailey...." Callie shook her head, "...I pushed Arizona down the stairs."
"Torres..." Miranda shook her head.
"I know what I've done. My, my..." She shook her head, squeezing her eyes closed, "... I pushed a woman down the stairs and she might die. Or have brain damage. A woman that I loved so much. So, so much. I've hurt her so much so many times and now I might actually have killed her."
"She's alive, she's ..."
Callie just shook her head and this time when the tears streamed down her face she was silent. She kept Bailey at arm length this time. As if she didn't deserve the comfort.
"She said I never loved her. She kept saying it. I got so angry. Do you think she believes that? Can she really think that I never...?"
Bailey stayed silent. Of all the things that might have triggered the incident, the anger, she would have never imagined it would be that.
"I'll hand myself in. The police don't need to interview anyone else ... I'll tell them what happened but... I just need to see her first, to..."
"Arizona?"
As Callie nodded Bailey just shook her head in incredulity.
"Bailey, I have too..." Callie's face contorted as a thought came to her," ..oh... Are you worried that I'll try to hurt her? I won't but you can be there or...."
"No! Callie that's not it...she's in surgery and then she'll be in recovery for....well you these types of injury are very unpredictable, it could be days or..."
"But I have to tell her Bailey, I have to. She has to know!" Callie was getting frantic so Bailey grabbed her hands and squeezed them gently
"Hey, hey, sshhh... What do you need to tell her. I'll tell her,ok?"
"Will you? Promise?" Callie stifled a sob as Bailey nodded. "That she's wrong. I did. So so much. More than anyone ever. She was supposed to be it. I thought we'd be together till one of just slipped away gently when we were really old. I used to pray it would be me because it would hurt so much if...but then I'd think she'd hurt if it were me and I never wanted her to feel that kind of pain again."
Bailey sighed loudly. She wanted to protect her friend from what was about to come but knew she could not. All she could do was pray that Robbins would survive and be okay. If that happened then there would be a chance that Torres too might survive, whatever might happen once the legal process got underway. But if Arizona died or was left severely disabled then the legal process would be immaterial. Torres would sink beneath her guilt.
"I don't think you should be interviewed by the Police right now."
"Bailey! Why is everyone... I might have murdered Arizona. Why doesn't anyone seem to get that? "
Bailey just shook her hear but Callie wasn't done.
"It doesn't matter that she's not..." Callie stopped in mid sentence, "...she couldn't bear to think that her beautiful ex-wife might right this minute be lying dead on an OR table., her blood staining the floor, the scrubs of the surgeons " ...I did this. I got angry and I pushed her and..."
"Did you mean to?"
"Push her?"
Callie nodded. She'd been in denial about too many things for too long. That ended now.
"To hurt her?"
Callie wasn't sure, she'd been so angry, an anger she'd never felt before and God knows Arizona had made her angry many times. This was different. She'd said that Callie had never loved her. kept saying it. All she'd wanted was for Arizona to take it back, to stop saying it and when she wouldn't...
"Yes." The shame was almost more audible than the single word.
It wasn't the answer Bailey wanted to hear but it was an answer she believed.
"So you wanted her to fall down the stairs? You wanted her to be badly hurt or ...?" Bailey knew she shouldn't be asking these questions but somehow she had to know. It still seemed unfathomable.
Callie's head shot up, "No! I didn't want her to get hurt or be hurt or...or fall down the stairs! I'm not a monster...." She shook her head, "...maybe I am."
"But you said you wanted to hurt her?"
" I wanted her to hurt. I didn't want her to be hurt."
Bailey looked on, not understanding.
"What she was saying, that I never... That I didn't understand love, that I'd hurt Penny too...it hurt, all of it, and I wanted her to hurt too...but I never wanted to... we were nowhere near the stairs, I don't even understand... I just wanted her to feel the hurt I was feeling...God all we ever did was hurt each other and now..." And a fresh deluge of tears fell again.
"Callie, You will have to talk to the Police and soon. I just think right now you owe it to yourself to get an attorney who can make this part easier for you. Things will start happening and once they do... Well I don't really know much about that side of things but..."
"Bailey, I pushed Arizona down the stairs." She just shook her head slowly.
" You owe it to yourself..."
"No, I owe it to Arizona to take my punishment and..."
"What about Sofia?"
Callie hadn't once thought about her daughter in this. Too consumed by guilt to imagine her little girl. Her little girl who right now was oblivious to all of this. Oblivious to the fact that everything she ever knew might be about to change. Her Mama dead, her mommy in prison. She'd just turned her daughter's life into a gruesome episode of Jerry Springer.
"I've been trying to take her away from her Mama and now maybe, maybe I've just taken her Mama away from her. Oh, God, Miranda, what have I done?"
**********
"...amen."
"Are you, are you....oh my God, you are! seriously Kepner? praying in my OR?"
They'd been in surgery for almost four hours. Apart from one hairy moment earlier when Arizona's b.p had suddenly plummeted it had gone as well as could be expected. They'd stabilized her and Amelia was now working on putting the skull flap back in place.
"So?"
"In my OR I am God, so if you're going to pray to anyone it should be me."
" Amelia, you're not God and if April wants to pray then let her..." Meredith interjected, still it was a bit weird to have a fellow surgeon openly praying in the OR. this was weird even for Kepner
April sighed loudly, she could have left the OR ten minutes ago when her work was done but she couldn't leave Arizona. It was stupid, she trusted the two women implicitly in the OR. But she couldn't leave her, not the way things were between them.
"She's my best friend."
Amelia softened, "And she's going to be okay. We've done it, we've got this."
"She told Jackson I was pregnant."
The two women chorused "We know." Arizona had pretty much asked all of them their opinion afterwards.
"I told her I hated her."
"April, she understood, we all say things we don't mean when we're upset."
"And besides you two have kissed and made up, right?" Amelia grinned.
"I told her to go to hell. And I meant it."
"April..." Meredith whispered.
"I know you think that's just an expression, but for me it's not...I believe in Heaven and Hell and..."
"You guys made up. And..."
"I know, its just...she's my best friend. And Im having a baby and I don't know what that's going to be like....and I need my best friend around me and what if..."
"She's going to be fine. Because she had the three best surgeons in the room with her and she's a survivor and a fighter and..." Amelia paused " ...and maybe we had a little bit of help from Jesus too."
April smiled in gratitude.
"Now lets get her closed up and back into the ICU."