Calzona: The ( Not a ) Fairytale 5/?
Title: Calzona - The (Not a )Fairytale.
Author: Neolithicdream
Pairing/Character: Callie, Arizona.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Arizona lost. And it's a few weeks later. And in a few days Callie will be moving to NewYork with Sofia for their new life. And Arizona will find a way to keep breathing. At least that's the plan.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual
"Stuck in a moment that you can't get out of"
She watched from thirty feet away as Sofia, hoisted high in Penny's arms pointed out yet another plane taking off or landing. Penny had infinite patience with her daughter and Callie just knew, that one day, she would make a terrific Mom.
She sighed quietly as she watched and listened, listened as Sofia told Penny exactly how the plane landed.
"...and then, see Penny, the wheels come down.....if there were no wheels, the plane would go bump, bump, bump and all the people inside could get hurted."
"And how do you know so much about planes, little Miss?" Penny was laughing but Callie heard something else in her tone too.
"My Mama. She teaches me about all sorts of things. My Mama says if you know how something works or why it does what it does then you won't be afraid of it. So she tells me all 'bout stuff like how planes stay up in the air and how bears are almost as scared of people as peoples are afraid of bears."
"Well your Mama is very wise and brave, I think." Penny spoke quietly enough, her mind very much on Sofia's mama as it had been for the last 48 hours.
Sofia was still very much in the dark about the 'incident' and as she hadn't expected to see Arizona until she came to see her off at the Airport this morning hadn't asked any questions. Her blissful ignorance would last not very much longer as Callie intended to sit her down shortly and explain her Mama's absence.
"Sometimes Mama gets scared of things...but she says it's ok to be scared of stuff. Mama says that what matters is what you do when you're scared." Sofia nodded twice, two little bobs of her head that even Penny Blake recognized as one of Arizona's mannerisms.
Callie turned away, not wanting her daughter to see her tears, choosing instead to look out the large windows of the viewing deck at Sea-Tac. She decided that she really hated Airports.
Especially Departure Areas.
Especially this Departure Area.
She had loved Airports when she was Sofia's age. Loved the whole excitement and glamour of it. The glamorous Air Stewardesses. She vaguely remembered telling her mother that's what she was going to be when she grew up. Remembered her and Aria dressing up as Pan - Am stewardesses, wearing their mothers heels, scarves and lots of her red lipstick.
There was no glamour left in Air Travel these days, it was all full body scanners and people removing their sweaty sneakers to stand in line. But she knew most of all why she hated Airports now and it had nothing to do with zealous security or foot odour.
Squeezing her eyes tight to prevent a rogue tear escaping, it fell anyway as yet another flash of Arizona falling materialized behind closed eyes.
48 hours ago her biggest worry had been how she was going to pack all of Sofia's clothes and toys. As she'd packed Sofia's small suitcase this morning that earlier worry seemed to belong to someone else, someone with a different life.
48 hours ago she was planning a new life,in a new city, with a new love. She was leaving the past ( and everything and everyone in it) behind and she wasn't going to glance back. Now, 48 hours later, that old life looked wondrous certainly compared to the future.
She felt in her handbag for the corners of her passport and wondered if she was doing the right thing. For herself. For Penny. Most of all for Sofia. She didn't know. It felt right. It had felt right 2 days ago. Sofia's words to Penny repeated in her head, well Arizona's words really, "Sometimes Mama gets scared of things...but she says it's ok to be scared of stuff. Mama says that what matters is what you do when you're scared." And, God, but she was scared.
"United Flight 362 to Newark, Boarding at Gate 7" It was the first call, they still had time, a little time.
"Penny.....I ..."
"It's okay, I think ...I think we both said everything that needed to be said last night." Penny was determined not to cry.
"I love you." Callie knew that was true , she did love Penny. She'd tried not to fall in love this time but it snuck up on her all the same. It felt like a betrayal of sorts which was ridiculous. She'd been the one betrayed all those years ago yet falling in love again , with someone new, still seemed like a breaking of those vows. Those vows spoken in true love on a beautiful summers day more than 5 years ago. And yes this love felt very different and maybe that made it okay.
Penny nodded, "...and I am so in love with you, Calliope." Despite her best efforts her voice wavered.
"Penny..."
"It's okay."
"I'm sorry....maybe when all this is over...after ..."
"Like you said last night, Callie, it might be best to..." Penny inhaled deeply, exhaling slowly...Good Luck, Callie."
"Are you going in the plane now, Penny? Sofia had grown tired of her plane watching and had joined them again.
Penny nodded, glad for the distraction.
"I hope you make new friends in New York."
"I'll miss you so much, little Miss."
"Thats cause I'm awesome - that's what my Mama said - but she's not going to have to miss me now at all, cause I'm staying here at home with my Mama and My Mommy." Sofia's happiness was unconcealed. "Oh!" She gasped, "Does my Mama know I'm staying? Does she Mommy? She's going to be soo excited, can we go tell her now, Mommy? C'mon, let's go." Tugging on Callie's hand as she spoke rapidly.
"Sofia! You are being rude to Penny, we are here to say goodbye and..."
Penny shook her head, speaking softly, sadness evident "Sssh... It's okay...I'm not her Mama...maybe somehow this is all for the best. Bye, Sofia, bye Callie.Take care." And she turned and walked away towards the Departure gates.
There was no goodbye kiss, no breaking up embrace. They'd done and said it all the night before. In a jumble of tears and arguments and sex, both frantic and slow. They were over. They'd been over since the moment Arizona fell.
She watched as Penny walked away pulling her suitcase behind her.
Same Airport.
Same scene.
Deja vu.
Last time she'd felt anger, pain, disbelief. This time she just felt numb.
All the way to the car park and then in the car Sofia chatted animatedly. The little girl who'd been uncharacteristically taciturn for the last few days now her normal chatterbox self. She'd only been told this morning that she was staying, that the big adventure was not now going to happen. Partly because arrangements needed to be made and partly because Callie knew that when she knew she'd want to talk to Arizona and Callie hadn't figured out quite how to tell Sofia about her Mama.
Why Sofia couldn't tell her.
Speak to her.
See her.
Her happiness about not going to New York was breaking Callie's heart afresh. How she'd ever thought that taking Sofia away from Arizona would be okay, how she could ever have justified it.
Sofia, by her standards, had been almost mute since her holiday with Arizona. But now with the threat of New York banished she did what Callie had expected three nights earlier.
Talk.
Incessantly.
About their holiday.
What Mama did.
What she did.
About all the ice cream they ate.
The rides they went on.
The fun they had.
"... So Mama made me stand on my tippy toes and she smiled really big and said
" see, Thomas..." that was the boys name in charge of the 'coaster ride, Mommy." Sofia took a much needed breath "..Sofia is tall enough" and the boys face went really funny and kinda red and he let me and Mama on."
Callie smiled despite it all. She could just imagine a spotty teenage boy being no match for Arizona's flirty charms.
"... The swimming pool was really big....and me and Mama were splashing and...."
Callie missed it. Missed watching Sofia and Arizona interact. The two of them always seemed to be laughing or plotting. She recalled DeLuca's words from the hearing about how the house was always filled with laughter when Sofia was there. She missed being part of that family even though she knew Arizona was equally not part of the family she herself had with Sofia, or the one she had wanted to build with Sofia and Penny.
"...Mama! Are you listening?"
Yes, Sofia."
"...okay, so then the Man said Mama's eyes were as blue as the sky and that her bikini was the same color as her lips. And Mama laughed and said he was barking up the wrong tree. I thought that was funny cause there were no trees in the pool."
And on, and on, until soon they were pulling up outside Meredith's house.
"Mommy, why are we at Zola's? I don't want to stay here, I want to go to see Mama and..."
Callie pulled in, removed her seatbelt and got out of the car only to scoot in beside Sofia in the back. Releasing Sofia from her seat and seatbelt she took a deep breath and began to tell her.
"Sofia...we can't go to see Mama because..." Her voice trembled but she tried to conceal it. She needed to be strong. For Sofia. She needed to do this.
"...Mama had, had...an..accident two days ago and..."
"What kind of accident?" Sofia might only be six but she recognized something was up, something not good. She was a very empathetic little girl. Arizona always said she got that from Callie.
Callie shook her head, she wasn't ready for those details. God knows Sofia would hear them eventually. "...and she got hurt, and now she's sleeping and..."
"Sleeping? like Willie?" Sofia's panic was clear in her voice and on her face.
"What? Who's Willie?"
"Mommy, Willie was our glass goldfish, 'member? Me and you took care of him one week?"
"Uh, right?"
"Then one day we got into class and Willie was lying on the top of the water and
Miss MaryAnn said Willie was just sleeping and later she said he was gone to goldfish heaven and he never came back...."
Sofia's face crumbled. She was only six but she knew stuff. Like that her Daddy had an accident and went to heaven. And that Uncle Derek had an accident and went to heaven. And that she and her Mommy had an accident when she was born and they almost went to heaven. And now her Mama had an accident and she was sleeping, like Willie the goldfish. But she didn't want her Mama to go to heaven.
"...I don't want Mama to go to heaven." Big tears fell down chubby cheeks
"Oh, honey, she won't..." she hugged Sofia in tight to her, "...she won't...I promise Mama will be..." she stopped , she couldn't promise that Arizona would be okay. She wasn't going to die, that much was clear. And she'd been waking up on and off for the last 24 hours but was heavily sedated. It was too early to tell if Arizona was going to fully recover or if she would be damaged or altered in some way. Too early to promise Sofia that her Mama would fully come back to her.
"Mama's not going to die, honey....she's just sleeping because she fell down and hurt her head really badly and Auntie Amelia and Auntie Meredith and Auntie April had to operate on her. And..."
"Is she like Jack?" Sofia was a little calmer and wiped at her eyes and nose with her sleeve.
"Jack? Who is..."
"Jack, Mommy!" Geez sometimes her Mommy didn't know a lot of stuff. "like Jack and Jill when he went up the hill and then he fell down and broke his crown. Did Mama break her crown too?"
Callie just nodded, and held her daughter tight. Holding Sofia made her feel like she could do this. All of this. Telling Sofia it would be okay made her feel like maybe it would. Comforting Sofia gave her comfort. They sat there for some time. Sofia didn't want to let her Mommy go, if she couldn't have Arizona then she wanted Callie. So they sat there, and Sofia held her tight and cried and asked over and over, "so she's really just sleeping. And she'll really wake up soon. And I'll be able to see her soon and everything will go back to normal." And Callie soothed her and herself.
There would be time to tell her the rest, a little time. That's what Detective Murphy had told her, what he had promised her when he explained the process.
She thought back to their meeting two days ago -
..................................
She'd persuaded Bailey she was fine. Persuaded her that yes, she wouldn't do anything rash, that she would contact an attorney. That she would take the small white pill Bailey prescribed for her shock and would try try to get some rest.
Bailey for her part promised to update her on Arizona as soon as there was any news. Miranda, reassured by her, left. She had to try to put her Hospital back together, liaise with Detective Murphy,contact Arizona's parents, deal with any media interest and a million other things. In truth all she wanted to do was stand in that OR and demand of her surgeons that they save a life, Arizona's.
It sometimes seemed that they, each of them, were all destined to have disaster befall them. That each of them were taking part in a cursed relay race where the baton was passed from one to another. So many had died, so many others had watched helplessly as loved ones fought for survival. But the baton was supposed to pass and not come back round over and over. For Arizona the baton seemed more like a boomerang. Bailey shook her head. Robbins was tough, a survivor. But Bailey knew that survival came at a cost. And Robbins had lost enough, too much, already. She wasn't sure how much more loss Arizona could take, how much more survival was left in her.
Once Bailey left she had taken stock. The little white pill binned as a clear head was needed. The life she'd been leaving behind, the life she'd been going towards, both were over now. There was no going back to the past she'd shared with Arizona now. She'd thought that was well and truly over a long time ago but realized that only now was that life rendered impossibly inaccessible.
There was no going forward to that other life either. Her actions today rendered that just as inaccessible now.
So here she was. Stuck in the present. Stuck in the moment.
All she knew now was that she had to do the right thing.
No matter what the cost.
But what if the highest cost was not paid by her but by others.
What was the right thing to do then?
Arizona's words came to the fore.
They'd not been together for so long and they'd only been together for five years in total yet it was Arizona's words.
Not Penny's. Not her Father's years of wisdom.
Arizona's words.
"I protect the things I love"
"I'm a good man in a storm."
If Arizona survived, if Arizona recovered then nothing else really mattered. Sofia would be fine. She'd have her beloved Mama and she'd be fine. It wouldn't be easy for the little girl at first but she'd be fine. But if Arizona didn't survive, what then of Sofia? What then of their perfect little girl?
If Arizona survived, if Arizona recovered then it would just be a one day wonder in the media, another dozen a time story of ex lovers. But if she didn't then Penny would be dragged in to the middle of a sordid crime of passion saga; the truth would not be allowed to get in the way. Penny would be cast as "the other woman", the "evil stepmother". Penny, sweet kind Penny. She didn't deserve that, any of that.
If Arizona survived, if Arizona recovered then she would take her punishment, whatever that was. The loss of liberty, the loss of her career, the loss of her role as a Mother? But if Arizona did not survive? If she was responsible for that? Callie shook her head, as close as that possibility was right now, she could not countenance that. Not yet.
She lay back on the hard couch of the Attending's lounge. Trying to regulate her breathing, she needed to be calm now. For what she had to do next.
If Arizona survived she would save them all. Sofia, Penny, even herself.
Things were clearer now, in a peculiar sort of way. Everything was clearer. The past few years were suddenly seen with the benefit of hindsight. The future as uncertain as it was, the path there was suddenly clear.
She knew what she had to do.
Whether Arizona survived or not she knew.
She would be brave. She would be that "good man".
Whether Arizona survived or not.
She would accept the consequences of her actions.
She knocked twice on the door of Bailey's office then entered.
Detective Wilbur Murphy sat incongruously behind Miranda Baileys desk. Officer Joanie Wilkinson sat to one side. Penny Blake sat at the front, dabbing her eyes with a crumpled tissue.
All three heads looked up at the intrusion. Penny sighed but stayed silent.
"Detective Murphy?" Callie asked, her voice low but steady. When he nodded she continued, "My name is Callie Torres, Doctor Torres. I believe I'm the person that you want to talk to, the person you need to talk to, no one else is needed here."
Blake left, a comforting grip to Callie's left shoulder as Callie took her seat.
Callie took a deep breath and began again,
"My name is Dr. Callie Torres, I'm the head of Orthopaedic Surgery here at Grey Sloan Memorial. Until just over two years ago I was married to Dr. Arizona Robbins. We have a daughter, Sofia. She's six and she's... she means the world to both of us. We are the proudest two Moms on the planet. Today, this morning, I...we... were arguing and... I caused Arizona to fall down the stairs."
Callie stopped took a deep breath and waited. When Wilbur Murphy said nothing. She added, "Arizona was badly injured, she's in surgery. Because of me."
Wilbur Murphy just nodded.
"I did this."
Wilbur Murphy was not a man without compassion. He'd been on the job long enough to read people pretty well. He believed truly evil people existed, believed he'd interviewed men and women too that were beyond redemption. He believed in crime and punishment. In long prison sentences in tough prisons. In the death penalty too on occasion. But he'd seen good people too. Good people who did bad things. People who had just got stuck in a moment. He'd seen satisfaction in the eyes of wrongdoers when they'd avenged some earlier wrong. He'd seen apathy and emptiness. But he'd also seen remorse.
This Doctor Torres seemed like a good person, the remorse seemed nothing but real.
But he was the Detective and that was all. His job was not to judge but to solve. His job was not to absolve but to assemble. And he would do this one by the book.
"Wilkinson... Read Dr. Torres her rights and we can begin."
They were pretty much done when Miranda Bailey burst unannounced into her office some time later, noticing only the occupant behind her desk,
"Murphy, Dr. Robbins is out of surgery, she's in recovery, it will be sometime before she is awake, we will be keeping her heavily sedated for now due to the nature of her injuries but for now her surgeons are very pleased and hopeful. And I'm hopeful, very hopeful."
Only when she was finished did she notice the other occupants.
"Callie?" Bailey shook her head, "You shouldn't be..." She looked at Murphy, "...she shouldn't be here without a lawyer, she has a right to an Attorney, she has..."
Murphy shook his head, "Dr. Torres has waived her rights."
She looked at Callie again who just shrugged her shoulders then smiling said, "Arizona is out of surgery? She's okay? Can I see her, can I see my...Arizona?"
Wilbur Murphy spoke in reply. "I'll be seeking a Court Order preventing Dr. Torres approaching Dr. Robbins until such time as I can interview her. I'd like to interview her as soon as possible so hat this can be wrapped up. Oh and Miranda, thanks for the CCTV footage."
............................................
She finally managed to leave Sofia behind in the capable hands of Maggie Pierce and her best friend Zola. Sofia was clingier than usual and to be honest so was she. So much so Sofia had to tell her to she was hugging her too tight.
Pierce had looked at her sadly, with those brown eyes of hers and told her it would be okay. It would all be okay.
"So you're going to hand in your Passport?"
"Yeah, it proves I'm not a flight risk."
"But you haven't been formally charged yet? With anything?"
"Maggie,I know what I did. Everyone knows what I did."
"Yeah but... When Arizona wakes up maybe she'll..."
"Arizona doesn't own me anything. After everything I've done I suspect when she wakes up she'll hate my guts." Callie replied, adding sadly, " I would." She shook her head, "...that's if she wakes up."
"Of course she will and Meredith said they're reducing the sedation today and she's woken up once or twice yesterday so..."
"I know... I just wish I could be there and talk to her just once and I hate the idea of her coming round and being all confused and alone and..."
"Well that's not going to happen..." Maggie shook her head " ...not with the 'Robbins Rota' April organized, right?"
"The Robbins Rota?"
"that's what the Nurses are calling it."
....................................
Two days ago once Arizona had been moved to a private room April had swung into action. She was determined her friend wasn't going to wake up alone, and that she would be greeted by a friend when she did wake up. She'd mentioned it to the Head Nurse in both Peds and Fetal Maternal Medicine and a few Doctors who were friendly with Arizona including de Luca, Karev and of course Webber. She'd hoped they'd be enough of them to have a 24/7 vigil for the first couple of days. If everyone did a few hours before or after their shifts it could be done.
April had this big speech prepared about how Arizona deserved no less than this from them. How she'd been a good friend or boss or mentor to all of them. How she'd been handed a raw deal of late. How she shouldn't feel alone even if technically she was alone. How her parents lived several states away and anyway they couldn't be expected to do 24/7 at their age. April had a full arsenal of arguments to use. She was prepared to strong arm,cajole,bully and if necessary bribe to get what Arizona needed.
Turned out she didn't need any if it. People just said "yes". "Absolutely". "Sign me up." Turned out that Arizona had a village of her own. Right here at the Hospital. Nurses, porters, secretaries. Doctors,Prostheticians, Physios. There were too many even for the midnight shifts. Some had to be turned away, placated only by having their name taken as a stand in if someone was a no show. Turned out Arizona was not alone. April made a mental note to tell her when she woke up. To tell her just how many people cared. Some were surprising.
"What do you mean there's no room on the Rota for me?"
"The rota is full, Dr. Grey."
"Amelia just got a slot."
"Well she and Arizona go way back, they knew each other at Hopkins."
" We go way back too, we survived a plane crash together! Plane crash trumps residency."
"But Torres trumped Robbins, right...when it came down to it you testified..."
"oh come on April, that's not fair. Arizona is my friend too."
April just stared at her.
"Don't I deserve a chance to make it up to her too?"
April wavered, "fine, but you get the graveyard shift, 2-4 am."
"Thanks April."
..............................................
Bailey looked at the monitors again. She suspected Arizona would wake up shortly. She'd be in pain but mostly anesthetized against it by her pain meds. She'd be confused, disorientated. That was all to be expected.
Bailey prayed that's all there would be.
It had been over 48 hours since the surgery had ended. More than 52 hours since the fall. The police tape had been removed, the blood scrubbed from the stairs. The headline on page 4 of yesterday's Seattle Sentinel had been replaced by a small paragraph on page 6 today. Yesterday's news already. She supposed it would be different if Arizona had died. Then they'd have it turned into a sensation. Doctor kills colleague. Lesbian Doctors in fatal love triangle. The right wing press would have a field day. Instead it was just another assault case. One of dozens in the city that day alone. And if you classed it as Domestic Violence then it was probably just one of tens of dozens that day.
How the Police was going to treat it remained unclear. Wilbur Murphy was remaining tight lipped. But Torres already was walking around like a Dead Woman Walking. She was not allowed to see Arizona. She clearly wanted to but was obeying the rules.
She sighed again. She'd still not been able to make contact with Arizona's parents. Messages had been left at their home in Maryland, on cell phones. Contact had been made with friends. It turned out that the Colonel and his wife had gone to Vietnam and Laos for 4 weeks. And at some point were visiting parts of Vietnam where the Colonel had spent time in the '70s and some of these places were still very inaccessible and had little if any cellphone coverage. The only person who knew how to contact them was Arizona and even her cellphone had been totalled in the fall.
At least now when they did make contact she would be able to tell them their daughter was alive. And hopefully awake.
Two days ago she'd been relieved to find that Arizona had made arrangements for an alternate Medical Attorney if her parents were unable to act.
...............................................
"Thompson, get me Dr. Robbins personnel file and I'll be in the Board Room as the Police are in my office. Oh and can you get a copy of the CCTV footage from Security. The police will need that too."
Arizona's next of kin, apart from Sofia who as a minor was too young, were her parents. And they were listed as her Medical Attorneys in the event of any accident or illness. April Kepner was listed as an alternate. Bailey gasped as she saw the last date amendments had been made. It was the second day of the custody hearing, the day after Callie's attorney had questioned Arizona's very status as a mother. Until then, despite everything, Callie had been listed as her primary Medical Attorney with her parents listed as alternates. She'd made other changes to her personnel record since the Divorce but had never removed Callie until the battle over Sofia.
Bailey knew the significance of that. The significance of trusting Callie with her life, with life altering decisions. Of still trusting the person who made the decision to amputate to make other decisions too. Of trusting still long after they'd divorced. Of the date when the trust finally seemed to have extinguished.
When she'd returned to the Boardroom after telling Murphy, and as it turned out Torres, that Arizona was out of surgery, she'd made another call too. As much as Robbins would need her parents now, so would Torres.
......................................................
"Mmmmmrrggh...."
"Arizona... It's okay..."
Mmmmmrrggh ....aaaah....."
"It's okay....Robbins... Just breathe Arizona... You're okay.... You're okay."
Arizona tried to open her eyes, tried make out her surroundings. Everything hurt. Everything was blurry. Nothing quite in focus. She closed her eyes again but tried something different. Relief flooded her body as she tried and succeeded to wiggle the toes on her right foot. Ironic relief again flooded her body when she tried and failed to repeat the experience with her left foot. So far, so normal. Relief and Pain so clearly something was not quite right with her stump. Repeating the process with both hands with success she then again tried to open her eyes again.
A very blurred face came into sight, a face that matched a voice, "Miranda?"
Author: Neolithicdream
Pairing/Character: Callie, Arizona.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Arizona lost. And it's a few weeks later. And in a few days Callie will be moving to NewYork with Sofia for their new life. And Arizona will find a way to keep breathing. At least that's the plan.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual
"Stuck in a moment that you can't get out of"
She watched from thirty feet away as Sofia, hoisted high in Penny's arms pointed out yet another plane taking off or landing. Penny had infinite patience with her daughter and Callie just knew, that one day, she would make a terrific Mom.
She sighed quietly as she watched and listened, listened as Sofia told Penny exactly how the plane landed.
"...and then, see Penny, the wheels come down.....if there were no wheels, the plane would go bump, bump, bump and all the people inside could get hurted."
"And how do you know so much about planes, little Miss?" Penny was laughing but Callie heard something else in her tone too.
"My Mama. She teaches me about all sorts of things. My Mama says if you know how something works or why it does what it does then you won't be afraid of it. So she tells me all 'bout stuff like how planes stay up in the air and how bears are almost as scared of people as peoples are afraid of bears."
"Well your Mama is very wise and brave, I think." Penny spoke quietly enough, her mind very much on Sofia's mama as it had been for the last 48 hours.
Sofia was still very much in the dark about the 'incident' and as she hadn't expected to see Arizona until she came to see her off at the Airport this morning hadn't asked any questions. Her blissful ignorance would last not very much longer as Callie intended to sit her down shortly and explain her Mama's absence.
"Sometimes Mama gets scared of things...but she says it's ok to be scared of stuff. Mama says that what matters is what you do when you're scared." Sofia nodded twice, two little bobs of her head that even Penny Blake recognized as one of Arizona's mannerisms.
Callie turned away, not wanting her daughter to see her tears, choosing instead to look out the large windows of the viewing deck at Sea-Tac. She decided that she really hated Airports.
Especially Departure Areas.
Especially this Departure Area.
She had loved Airports when she was Sofia's age. Loved the whole excitement and glamour of it. The glamorous Air Stewardesses. She vaguely remembered telling her mother that's what she was going to be when she grew up. Remembered her and Aria dressing up as Pan - Am stewardesses, wearing their mothers heels, scarves and lots of her red lipstick.
There was no glamour left in Air Travel these days, it was all full body scanners and people removing their sweaty sneakers to stand in line. But she knew most of all why she hated Airports now and it had nothing to do with zealous security or foot odour.
Squeezing her eyes tight to prevent a rogue tear escaping, it fell anyway as yet another flash of Arizona falling materialized behind closed eyes.
48 hours ago her biggest worry had been how she was going to pack all of Sofia's clothes and toys. As she'd packed Sofia's small suitcase this morning that earlier worry seemed to belong to someone else, someone with a different life.
48 hours ago she was planning a new life,in a new city, with a new love. She was leaving the past ( and everything and everyone in it) behind and she wasn't going to glance back. Now, 48 hours later, that old life looked wondrous certainly compared to the future.
She felt in her handbag for the corners of her passport and wondered if she was doing the right thing. For herself. For Penny. Most of all for Sofia. She didn't know. It felt right. It had felt right 2 days ago. Sofia's words to Penny repeated in her head, well Arizona's words really, "Sometimes Mama gets scared of things...but she says it's ok to be scared of stuff. Mama says that what matters is what you do when you're scared." And, God, but she was scared.
"United Flight 362 to Newark, Boarding at Gate 7" It was the first call, they still had time, a little time.
"Penny.....I ..."
"It's okay, I think ...I think we both said everything that needed to be said last night." Penny was determined not to cry.
"I love you." Callie knew that was true , she did love Penny. She'd tried not to fall in love this time but it snuck up on her all the same. It felt like a betrayal of sorts which was ridiculous. She'd been the one betrayed all those years ago yet falling in love again , with someone new, still seemed like a breaking of those vows. Those vows spoken in true love on a beautiful summers day more than 5 years ago. And yes this love felt very different and maybe that made it okay.
Penny nodded, "...and I am so in love with you, Calliope." Despite her best efforts her voice wavered.
"Penny..."
"It's okay."
"I'm sorry....maybe when all this is over...after ..."
"Like you said last night, Callie, it might be best to..." Penny inhaled deeply, exhaling slowly...Good Luck, Callie."
"Are you going in the plane now, Penny? Sofia had grown tired of her plane watching and had joined them again.
Penny nodded, glad for the distraction.
"I hope you make new friends in New York."
"I'll miss you so much, little Miss."
"Thats cause I'm awesome - that's what my Mama said - but she's not going to have to miss me now at all, cause I'm staying here at home with my Mama and My Mommy." Sofia's happiness was unconcealed. "Oh!" She gasped, "Does my Mama know I'm staying? Does she Mommy? She's going to be soo excited, can we go tell her now, Mommy? C'mon, let's go." Tugging on Callie's hand as she spoke rapidly.
"Sofia! You are being rude to Penny, we are here to say goodbye and..."
Penny shook her head, speaking softly, sadness evident "Sssh... It's okay...I'm not her Mama...maybe somehow this is all for the best. Bye, Sofia, bye Callie.Take care." And she turned and walked away towards the Departure gates.
There was no goodbye kiss, no breaking up embrace. They'd done and said it all the night before. In a jumble of tears and arguments and sex, both frantic and slow. They were over. They'd been over since the moment Arizona fell.
She watched as Penny walked away pulling her suitcase behind her.
Same Airport.
Same scene.
Deja vu.
Last time she'd felt anger, pain, disbelief. This time she just felt numb.
All the way to the car park and then in the car Sofia chatted animatedly. The little girl who'd been uncharacteristically taciturn for the last few days now her normal chatterbox self. She'd only been told this morning that she was staying, that the big adventure was not now going to happen. Partly because arrangements needed to be made and partly because Callie knew that when she knew she'd want to talk to Arizona and Callie hadn't figured out quite how to tell Sofia about her Mama.
Why Sofia couldn't tell her.
Speak to her.
See her.
Her happiness about not going to New York was breaking Callie's heart afresh. How she'd ever thought that taking Sofia away from Arizona would be okay, how she could ever have justified it.
Sofia, by her standards, had been almost mute since her holiday with Arizona. But now with the threat of New York banished she did what Callie had expected three nights earlier.
Talk.
Incessantly.
About their holiday.
What Mama did.
What she did.
About all the ice cream they ate.
The rides they went on.
The fun they had.
"... So Mama made me stand on my tippy toes and she smiled really big and said
" see, Thomas..." that was the boys name in charge of the 'coaster ride, Mommy." Sofia took a much needed breath "..Sofia is tall enough" and the boys face went really funny and kinda red and he let me and Mama on."
Callie smiled despite it all. She could just imagine a spotty teenage boy being no match for Arizona's flirty charms.
"... The swimming pool was really big....and me and Mama were splashing and...."
Callie missed it. Missed watching Sofia and Arizona interact. The two of them always seemed to be laughing or plotting. She recalled DeLuca's words from the hearing about how the house was always filled with laughter when Sofia was there. She missed being part of that family even though she knew Arizona was equally not part of the family she herself had with Sofia, or the one she had wanted to build with Sofia and Penny.
"...Mama! Are you listening?"
Yes, Sofia."
"...okay, so then the Man said Mama's eyes were as blue as the sky and that her bikini was the same color as her lips. And Mama laughed and said he was barking up the wrong tree. I thought that was funny cause there were no trees in the pool."
And on, and on, until soon they were pulling up outside Meredith's house.
"Mommy, why are we at Zola's? I don't want to stay here, I want to go to see Mama and..."
Callie pulled in, removed her seatbelt and got out of the car only to scoot in beside Sofia in the back. Releasing Sofia from her seat and seatbelt she took a deep breath and began to tell her.
"Sofia...we can't go to see Mama because..." Her voice trembled but she tried to conceal it. She needed to be strong. For Sofia. She needed to do this.
"...Mama had, had...an..accident two days ago and..."
"What kind of accident?" Sofia might only be six but she recognized something was up, something not good. She was a very empathetic little girl. Arizona always said she got that from Callie.
Callie shook her head, she wasn't ready for those details. God knows Sofia would hear them eventually. "...and she got hurt, and now she's sleeping and..."
"Sleeping? like Willie?" Sofia's panic was clear in her voice and on her face.
"What? Who's Willie?"
"Mommy, Willie was our glass goldfish, 'member? Me and you took care of him one week?"
"Uh, right?"
"Then one day we got into class and Willie was lying on the top of the water and
Miss MaryAnn said Willie was just sleeping and later she said he was gone to goldfish heaven and he never came back...."
Sofia's face crumbled. She was only six but she knew stuff. Like that her Daddy had an accident and went to heaven. And that Uncle Derek had an accident and went to heaven. And that she and her Mommy had an accident when she was born and they almost went to heaven. And now her Mama had an accident and she was sleeping, like Willie the goldfish. But she didn't want her Mama to go to heaven.
"...I don't want Mama to go to heaven." Big tears fell down chubby cheeks
"Oh, honey, she won't..." she hugged Sofia in tight to her, "...she won't...I promise Mama will be..." she stopped , she couldn't promise that Arizona would be okay. She wasn't going to die, that much was clear. And she'd been waking up on and off for the last 24 hours but was heavily sedated. It was too early to tell if Arizona was going to fully recover or if she would be damaged or altered in some way. Too early to promise Sofia that her Mama would fully come back to her.
"Mama's not going to die, honey....she's just sleeping because she fell down and hurt her head really badly and Auntie Amelia and Auntie Meredith and Auntie April had to operate on her. And..."
"Is she like Jack?" Sofia was a little calmer and wiped at her eyes and nose with her sleeve.
"Jack? Who is..."
"Jack, Mommy!" Geez sometimes her Mommy didn't know a lot of stuff. "like Jack and Jill when he went up the hill and then he fell down and broke his crown. Did Mama break her crown too?"
Callie just nodded, and held her daughter tight. Holding Sofia made her feel like she could do this. All of this. Telling Sofia it would be okay made her feel like maybe it would. Comforting Sofia gave her comfort. They sat there for some time. Sofia didn't want to let her Mommy go, if she couldn't have Arizona then she wanted Callie. So they sat there, and Sofia held her tight and cried and asked over and over, "so she's really just sleeping. And she'll really wake up soon. And I'll be able to see her soon and everything will go back to normal." And Callie soothed her and herself.
There would be time to tell her the rest, a little time. That's what Detective Murphy had told her, what he had promised her when he explained the process.
She thought back to their meeting two days ago -
..................................
She'd persuaded Bailey she was fine. Persuaded her that yes, she wouldn't do anything rash, that she would contact an attorney. That she would take the small white pill Bailey prescribed for her shock and would try try to get some rest.
Bailey for her part promised to update her on Arizona as soon as there was any news. Miranda, reassured by her, left. She had to try to put her Hospital back together, liaise with Detective Murphy,contact Arizona's parents, deal with any media interest and a million other things. In truth all she wanted to do was stand in that OR and demand of her surgeons that they save a life, Arizona's.
It sometimes seemed that they, each of them, were all destined to have disaster befall them. That each of them were taking part in a cursed relay race where the baton was passed from one to another. So many had died, so many others had watched helplessly as loved ones fought for survival. But the baton was supposed to pass and not come back round over and over. For Arizona the baton seemed more like a boomerang. Bailey shook her head. Robbins was tough, a survivor. But Bailey knew that survival came at a cost. And Robbins had lost enough, too much, already. She wasn't sure how much more loss Arizona could take, how much more survival was left in her.
Once Bailey left she had taken stock. The little white pill binned as a clear head was needed. The life she'd been leaving behind, the life she'd been going towards, both were over now. There was no going back to the past she'd shared with Arizona now. She'd thought that was well and truly over a long time ago but realized that only now was that life rendered impossibly inaccessible.
There was no going forward to that other life either. Her actions today rendered that just as inaccessible now.
So here she was. Stuck in the present. Stuck in the moment.
All she knew now was that she had to do the right thing.
No matter what the cost.
But what if the highest cost was not paid by her but by others.
What was the right thing to do then?
Arizona's words came to the fore.
They'd not been together for so long and they'd only been together for five years in total yet it was Arizona's words.
Not Penny's. Not her Father's years of wisdom.
Arizona's words.
"I protect the things I love"
"I'm a good man in a storm."
If Arizona survived, if Arizona recovered then nothing else really mattered. Sofia would be fine. She'd have her beloved Mama and she'd be fine. It wouldn't be easy for the little girl at first but she'd be fine. But if Arizona didn't survive, what then of Sofia? What then of their perfect little girl?
If Arizona survived, if Arizona recovered then it would just be a one day wonder in the media, another dozen a time story of ex lovers. But if she didn't then Penny would be dragged in to the middle of a sordid crime of passion saga; the truth would not be allowed to get in the way. Penny would be cast as "the other woman", the "evil stepmother". Penny, sweet kind Penny. She didn't deserve that, any of that.
If Arizona survived, if Arizona recovered then she would take her punishment, whatever that was. The loss of liberty, the loss of her career, the loss of her role as a Mother? But if Arizona did not survive? If she was responsible for that? Callie shook her head, as close as that possibility was right now, she could not countenance that. Not yet.
She lay back on the hard couch of the Attending's lounge. Trying to regulate her breathing, she needed to be calm now. For what she had to do next.
If Arizona survived she would save them all. Sofia, Penny, even herself.
Things were clearer now, in a peculiar sort of way. Everything was clearer. The past few years were suddenly seen with the benefit of hindsight. The future as uncertain as it was, the path there was suddenly clear.
She knew what she had to do.
Whether Arizona survived or not she knew.
She would be brave. She would be that "good man".
Whether Arizona survived or not.
She would accept the consequences of her actions.
She knocked twice on the door of Bailey's office then entered.
Detective Wilbur Murphy sat incongruously behind Miranda Baileys desk. Officer Joanie Wilkinson sat to one side. Penny Blake sat at the front, dabbing her eyes with a crumpled tissue.
All three heads looked up at the intrusion. Penny sighed but stayed silent.
"Detective Murphy?" Callie asked, her voice low but steady. When he nodded she continued, "My name is Callie Torres, Doctor Torres. I believe I'm the person that you want to talk to, the person you need to talk to, no one else is needed here."
Blake left, a comforting grip to Callie's left shoulder as Callie took her seat.
Callie took a deep breath and began again,
"My name is Dr. Callie Torres, I'm the head of Orthopaedic Surgery here at Grey Sloan Memorial. Until just over two years ago I was married to Dr. Arizona Robbins. We have a daughter, Sofia. She's six and she's... she means the world to both of us. We are the proudest two Moms on the planet. Today, this morning, I...we... were arguing and... I caused Arizona to fall down the stairs."
Callie stopped took a deep breath and waited. When Wilbur Murphy said nothing. She added, "Arizona was badly injured, she's in surgery. Because of me."
Wilbur Murphy just nodded.
"I did this."
Wilbur Murphy was not a man without compassion. He'd been on the job long enough to read people pretty well. He believed truly evil people existed, believed he'd interviewed men and women too that were beyond redemption. He believed in crime and punishment. In long prison sentences in tough prisons. In the death penalty too on occasion. But he'd seen good people too. Good people who did bad things. People who had just got stuck in a moment. He'd seen satisfaction in the eyes of wrongdoers when they'd avenged some earlier wrong. He'd seen apathy and emptiness. But he'd also seen remorse.
This Doctor Torres seemed like a good person, the remorse seemed nothing but real.
But he was the Detective and that was all. His job was not to judge but to solve. His job was not to absolve but to assemble. And he would do this one by the book.
"Wilkinson... Read Dr. Torres her rights and we can begin."
They were pretty much done when Miranda Bailey burst unannounced into her office some time later, noticing only the occupant behind her desk,
"Murphy, Dr. Robbins is out of surgery, she's in recovery, it will be sometime before she is awake, we will be keeping her heavily sedated for now due to the nature of her injuries but for now her surgeons are very pleased and hopeful. And I'm hopeful, very hopeful."
Only when she was finished did she notice the other occupants.
"Callie?" Bailey shook her head, "You shouldn't be..." She looked at Murphy, "...she shouldn't be here without a lawyer, she has a right to an Attorney, she has..."
Murphy shook his head, "Dr. Torres has waived her rights."
She looked at Callie again who just shrugged her shoulders then smiling said, "Arizona is out of surgery? She's okay? Can I see her, can I see my...Arizona?"
Wilbur Murphy spoke in reply. "I'll be seeking a Court Order preventing Dr. Torres approaching Dr. Robbins until such time as I can interview her. I'd like to interview her as soon as possible so hat this can be wrapped up. Oh and Miranda, thanks for the CCTV footage."
............................................
She finally managed to leave Sofia behind in the capable hands of Maggie Pierce and her best friend Zola. Sofia was clingier than usual and to be honest so was she. So much so Sofia had to tell her to she was hugging her too tight.
Pierce had looked at her sadly, with those brown eyes of hers and told her it would be okay. It would all be okay.
"So you're going to hand in your Passport?"
"Yeah, it proves I'm not a flight risk."
"But you haven't been formally charged yet? With anything?"
"Maggie,I know what I did. Everyone knows what I did."
"Yeah but... When Arizona wakes up maybe she'll..."
"Arizona doesn't own me anything. After everything I've done I suspect when she wakes up she'll hate my guts." Callie replied, adding sadly, " I would." She shook her head, "...that's if she wakes up."
"Of course she will and Meredith said they're reducing the sedation today and she's woken up once or twice yesterday so..."
"I know... I just wish I could be there and talk to her just once and I hate the idea of her coming round and being all confused and alone and..."
"Well that's not going to happen..." Maggie shook her head " ...not with the 'Robbins Rota' April organized, right?"
"The Robbins Rota?"
"that's what the Nurses are calling it."
....................................
Two days ago once Arizona had been moved to a private room April had swung into action. She was determined her friend wasn't going to wake up alone, and that she would be greeted by a friend when she did wake up. She'd mentioned it to the Head Nurse in both Peds and Fetal Maternal Medicine and a few Doctors who were friendly with Arizona including de Luca, Karev and of course Webber. She'd hoped they'd be enough of them to have a 24/7 vigil for the first couple of days. If everyone did a few hours before or after their shifts it could be done.
April had this big speech prepared about how Arizona deserved no less than this from them. How she'd been a good friend or boss or mentor to all of them. How she'd been handed a raw deal of late. How she shouldn't feel alone even if technically she was alone. How her parents lived several states away and anyway they couldn't be expected to do 24/7 at their age. April had a full arsenal of arguments to use. She was prepared to strong arm,cajole,bully and if necessary bribe to get what Arizona needed.
Turned out she didn't need any if it. People just said "yes". "Absolutely". "Sign me up." Turned out that Arizona had a village of her own. Right here at the Hospital. Nurses, porters, secretaries. Doctors,Prostheticians, Physios. There were too many even for the midnight shifts. Some had to be turned away, placated only by having their name taken as a stand in if someone was a no show. Turned out Arizona was not alone. April made a mental note to tell her when she woke up. To tell her just how many people cared. Some were surprising.
"What do you mean there's no room on the Rota for me?"
"The rota is full, Dr. Grey."
"Amelia just got a slot."
"Well she and Arizona go way back, they knew each other at Hopkins."
" We go way back too, we survived a plane crash together! Plane crash trumps residency."
"But Torres trumped Robbins, right...when it came down to it you testified..."
"oh come on April, that's not fair. Arizona is my friend too."
April just stared at her.
"Don't I deserve a chance to make it up to her too?"
April wavered, "fine, but you get the graveyard shift, 2-4 am."
"Thanks April."
..............................................
Bailey looked at the monitors again. She suspected Arizona would wake up shortly. She'd be in pain but mostly anesthetized against it by her pain meds. She'd be confused, disorientated. That was all to be expected.
Bailey prayed that's all there would be.
It had been over 48 hours since the surgery had ended. More than 52 hours since the fall. The police tape had been removed, the blood scrubbed from the stairs. The headline on page 4 of yesterday's Seattle Sentinel had been replaced by a small paragraph on page 6 today. Yesterday's news already. She supposed it would be different if Arizona had died. Then they'd have it turned into a sensation. Doctor kills colleague. Lesbian Doctors in fatal love triangle. The right wing press would have a field day. Instead it was just another assault case. One of dozens in the city that day alone. And if you classed it as Domestic Violence then it was probably just one of tens of dozens that day.
How the Police was going to treat it remained unclear. Wilbur Murphy was remaining tight lipped. But Torres already was walking around like a Dead Woman Walking. She was not allowed to see Arizona. She clearly wanted to but was obeying the rules.
She sighed again. She'd still not been able to make contact with Arizona's parents. Messages had been left at their home in Maryland, on cell phones. Contact had been made with friends. It turned out that the Colonel and his wife had gone to Vietnam and Laos for 4 weeks. And at some point were visiting parts of Vietnam where the Colonel had spent time in the '70s and some of these places were still very inaccessible and had little if any cellphone coverage. The only person who knew how to contact them was Arizona and even her cellphone had been totalled in the fall.
At least now when they did make contact she would be able to tell them their daughter was alive. And hopefully awake.
Two days ago she'd been relieved to find that Arizona had made arrangements for an alternate Medical Attorney if her parents were unable to act.
...............................................
"Thompson, get me Dr. Robbins personnel file and I'll be in the Board Room as the Police are in my office. Oh and can you get a copy of the CCTV footage from Security. The police will need that too."
Arizona's next of kin, apart from Sofia who as a minor was too young, were her parents. And they were listed as her Medical Attorneys in the event of any accident or illness. April Kepner was listed as an alternate. Bailey gasped as she saw the last date amendments had been made. It was the second day of the custody hearing, the day after Callie's attorney had questioned Arizona's very status as a mother. Until then, despite everything, Callie had been listed as her primary Medical Attorney with her parents listed as alternates. She'd made other changes to her personnel record since the Divorce but had never removed Callie until the battle over Sofia.
Bailey knew the significance of that. The significance of trusting Callie with her life, with life altering decisions. Of still trusting the person who made the decision to amputate to make other decisions too. Of trusting still long after they'd divorced. Of the date when the trust finally seemed to have extinguished.
When she'd returned to the Boardroom after telling Murphy, and as it turned out Torres, that Arizona was out of surgery, she'd made another call too. As much as Robbins would need her parents now, so would Torres.
......................................................
"Mmmmmrrggh...."
"Arizona... It's okay..."
Mmmmmrrggh ....aaaah....."
"It's okay....Robbins... Just breathe Arizona... You're okay.... You're okay."
Arizona tried to open her eyes, tried make out her surroundings. Everything hurt. Everything was blurry. Nothing quite in focus. She closed her eyes again but tried something different. Relief flooded her body as she tried and succeeded to wiggle the toes on her right foot. Ironic relief again flooded her body when she tried and failed to repeat the experience with her left foot. So far, so normal. Relief and Pain so clearly something was not quite right with her stump. Repeating the process with both hands with success she then again tried to open her eyes again.
A very blurred face came into sight, a face that matched a voice, "Miranda?"