Thomas/Much/Carter randomness
‘You do look strikingly like him.’ Carter was leant against a tree, with Much standing a few feet away.
‘It has been said.’ Carter raised his head, and looked Much in the eyes.
‘You knew him?’
‘Well…I suppose you could say we were…’ Much was looking about, flustered.
‘Did you love him?,’ Carter said, interrupting Much, Much stilled, and nodded.
‘He was a great man.’ His voice was sad and sombre; his eyes did not seem to see what was before him. Carter moved forwards, and put a surprisingly gentle hand on Much’s forearm.
‘You were close?’
‘Of a sort.’
‘Stop avoiding the question.’
‘Yes, we were close. Very close.’
‘This close?’ Carter moved forward, and put a hand to Much’s cheek. He brushed his lips over Much’s, then kissed him. Much sighed into the kiss, and then drew back.
‘I think I should go and start supper.’
‘So suddenly? Much, please!’ Much had turned to walk away, but turned back angrily at Carter’s words.’
‘Yes! Fine! We were close! Stupid and close. Stupidly close. You’re not making it any easier!’ a sob broke from his lips, and he leant against a tree. Carter stared at him for a moment, then strode over to him and put a hand on his back.
‘I am sorry.’ Much took a long, runny sniff, and wiped his eyes and nose.
‘It’s alright. Hard, that’s all. It’s hard thinking about him again.’
‘I’m really sorry. Did you really love him?’
‘Yes, he was…he was something else.’ Carter pulled Much into a hug. Much held him tightly.
‘But you must feel worse, I’m being selfish, he was your brother.’
‘Don’t think of it like that. Your loss was as great as mine.’
‘I have Robin. You have no other brother.’ Before Carter could say anything, Djaq called them through the trees. Before they could part she reached them. She looked surprised, then kindly at them.
‘Robin is looking for you both.’ The two men parted, Carter’s hand lingering on Much’s waist for a moment, before Much turned to face Djaq.
‘Rightyho.’ He avoided Djaq’s enquiring gaze, and walked away. Djaq stood looking at Carter for a moment, their eyes meting, then a knowing smile spread across her face, and she turned to follow Much. Carter sighed, and looked to the floor, running his hands through his hair.
Djaq saw Much ahead of her, and ran to catch up with him. When she had she took his elbow gently. He turned to look at her, his face sad and angry and tired all at once.
‘Are you alright Much?’ Much swallowed, and nodded his head. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ He shook his head.
‘No, that just makes it worse. Thank you.’
‘Well, if you ever need to, I’m here.’
‘Thanks.’ He offered her his arm, his hands in his pockets. She smiled, and linked her arm through his. He gave her a quick peck on the forehead, and they strode back towards camp.
‘Where’s Carter?,’ Robin asked as Djaq and Much reached camp. Will gave them a slightly worried look, especially when Djaq turned and hugged Much, before going to her own little corner of camp. Robin gave Much a doubly questioning look, as Much smiled after her. He then turned back to Robin.
‘He’s just coming.’ Much deliberately didn’t answer Robin’s looks, but went over to start cooking supper instead. A moment later Carter reappeared.
‘You wanted me Robin?’
‘Er, no, I was just wondering where you’d got to.’ Carter smiled, almost sadly. ‘Didn’t want you abducting Much!,’ Robin added with an awkward chuckle which Carter returned. Much gave Robin a troubled glance, then returned to his work.
‘No, I think you’d have heard. Wouldn’t be like him to go quietly, would it?’ Robin laughed again, and things settled back into the usual evening routine.
It was dark and they had gone to their beds before Carter risked talking to Much again. Much was apparently asleep in his bed, and Carter put a hand on his shoulder. Much turned over surprised.
‘What do you want?,’ he whispered.
‘Talk?,’ Carter signed out of the camp, and Much sat up. He pulled on his shirt and boots, then followed Carter out of the camp. They sat facing each other above the camp.
‘How did he die?,’ Carter asked as soon as they had sat.
‘You know. He went into the village, his soldiers were overwhelmed, he died.’
‘Were you there?’
‘Yes.’
‘Robin said he, he held Thomas, while he died.’ Tears welled in Much’s eyes.
‘Why do we have to talk about this?’
‘I want to know Much! I need to know!’
‘You know, well, isn’t it enough to know how he died? I don’t have anything to add.’ Carter put his hands on Much’s upper arms, leaning forwards.
‘Don’t you WANT to talk about him?’ Tears trickled down Much’s face as he spoke.
‘No, I don’t! Why can’t you understand that? There’s not point, I’m never going to feel at peace with him. I had the chance to say goodbye, to fix things, and I missed it. That’s all there is to it!’ Much pushed Carter away, and leant back against the tree, crying.
‘Why won’t you help me?’ Carter’s tone was one of cold disappointment.
‘Nothing I could say would help you. It’d just make it worse, for both of us.’
‘Fine.’ Carter stood abruptly, and stormed off.
Djaq had heard the whisperings of the conversation, but not the details. When Carter had settled in bed, and Much had still not returned, she climbed out of bed in her pyjama shorts, and went to find Much. She climbed the hill, and saw Much, still against the tree, his head in his hands.
‘Much?’ She sat next to him, and put a hand on his shoulder, which shook.
‘You’ll get cold Djaq.’
‘I don’t mind.’ Much wiped his eyes, and rested his head on his hands.
‘It’s just too much Djaq.’ She rested her head on his shoulder, and he hugged her to him. ‘Having to think about Tom and all that mess, and Carter as well. And the Holy Land in general.’
‘What were you to Tom?’ Much hesitated, as if searching for words.
‘Friend. A close friend. Sweetheart would fit better. I mean, we loved each other, and out there everything was, well, more intense somehow.’
‘Were you lovers?’
‘Well, not really. Too exhausted for all that malarkey!,’ Much said with a feeble laugh. They were silent for a moment as Much thought.
‘What of Robin?’
‘Robin liked him. He liked him very much. But not in the same way. They were just friends.’
‘And how did he die?’
‘As Robin said. He charged the village, there were too many, he was.. .’ Much trailed off.
‘Was it simple pride?’ Much took a moment to appreciate the way Djaq was skilfully wheedling the truth out of him, realising he didn’t mind telling her.
‘No. We’d had an argument. The three of us. Robin had seen us the day before. He didn’t want us doing it, so when Tom next came to see me, I said we couldn’t. He got angry, he and Robin shouted, nearly had a punch up. And I stood up for Robin. So Tom was angry with me. Later we were attacked in camp, fought them off, then he took his men after him into the village.’ Much was shedding tears again at the memories, vividly flashing through his mind, and Djaq’s eyes were welling. ‘He got ambushed; none of them survived their injuries. We went in and rescued them, and Robin held him as he died. They made up. He saw me. I’d betrayed him, and he didn’t want to talk to me. I thought that as he was dying it might be different. Robin didn’t mention anything about me. So he died, and all I had to remember him by was that look. The angry grimace, and the sense of betrayal.’ He broke down in sobs, and he clung onto Djaq tighter.
‘If he wasn’t angry, he might not have followed them. And I couldn’t say goodbye. So I’m angry at Robin, jealous of him, I’m angry with myself for not standing up for myself and Thomas. But mostly sad. So sad.’ He paused, the continued. ‘And now Carter seems to want to take over from Tom or something, and I can’t tell him that’s it’s probably my, or at least our fault, that Tom’s dead.’ Djaq drew back, and put her hand on his cheek, turning him so their eyes could met.
‘Much, it’s not your fault. I know there’s not really anything I can do or say to help you, but you must know that I truly believe you have no fault in this.’
‘You’re here Djaq, that’s enough.’ They hugged for a few minutes in silence, her head resting on his chest.
‘Come on, you’re shivering. He stood, and pulled her up. ‘Mi’lady!,’ he said, turning and offering her his back. She laughed, and jumped into the piggy back.
‘Yar!,’ she joked, and let out a girlish scream as Much ran off down the hill.
Much and Carter did not speak privately again before he made his moves to leave. Much couldn’t help but feel his life repeating itself. Carter rushing back to the Holy Land in anger. They stood saying farewell, and Carter did not speak to Much. Djaq watched them both carefully. He kicked his horse into action, and he rode off into the forest. Carter felt a lump in his throat as he thought of Much and Thomas. He pulled his horse to a halt, and turned. He put an arm up in a motionless wave. His eyes were fixed on Much, who he felt was returning the look. There was a moment when he thought Much wouldn’t wave, but then his arm came up. A sad, hitched sigh of relief left him, and then he turned. Tears were still in his eyes, and he was still mystified by Much, but he felt forgiven, and that, if nothing else, made him happy.
‘It has been said.’ Carter raised his head, and looked Much in the eyes.
‘You knew him?’
‘Well…I suppose you could say we were…’ Much was looking about, flustered.
‘Did you love him?,’ Carter said, interrupting Much, Much stilled, and nodded.
‘He was a great man.’ His voice was sad and sombre; his eyes did not seem to see what was before him. Carter moved forwards, and put a surprisingly gentle hand on Much’s forearm.
‘You were close?’
‘Of a sort.’
‘Stop avoiding the question.’
‘Yes, we were close. Very close.’
‘This close?’ Carter moved forward, and put a hand to Much’s cheek. He brushed his lips over Much’s, then kissed him. Much sighed into the kiss, and then drew back.
‘I think I should go and start supper.’
‘So suddenly? Much, please!’ Much had turned to walk away, but turned back angrily at Carter’s words.’
‘Yes! Fine! We were close! Stupid and close. Stupidly close. You’re not making it any easier!’ a sob broke from his lips, and he leant against a tree. Carter stared at him for a moment, then strode over to him and put a hand on his back.
‘I am sorry.’ Much took a long, runny sniff, and wiped his eyes and nose.
‘It’s alright. Hard, that’s all. It’s hard thinking about him again.’
‘I’m really sorry. Did you really love him?’
‘Yes, he was…he was something else.’ Carter pulled Much into a hug. Much held him tightly.
‘But you must feel worse, I’m being selfish, he was your brother.’
‘Don’t think of it like that. Your loss was as great as mine.’
‘I have Robin. You have no other brother.’ Before Carter could say anything, Djaq called them through the trees. Before they could part she reached them. She looked surprised, then kindly at them.
‘Robin is looking for you both.’ The two men parted, Carter’s hand lingering on Much’s waist for a moment, before Much turned to face Djaq.
‘Rightyho.’ He avoided Djaq’s enquiring gaze, and walked away. Djaq stood looking at Carter for a moment, their eyes meting, then a knowing smile spread across her face, and she turned to follow Much. Carter sighed, and looked to the floor, running his hands through his hair.
Djaq saw Much ahead of her, and ran to catch up with him. When she had she took his elbow gently. He turned to look at her, his face sad and angry and tired all at once.
‘Are you alright Much?’ Much swallowed, and nodded his head. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ He shook his head.
‘No, that just makes it worse. Thank you.’
‘Well, if you ever need to, I’m here.’
‘Thanks.’ He offered her his arm, his hands in his pockets. She smiled, and linked her arm through his. He gave her a quick peck on the forehead, and they strode back towards camp.
‘Where’s Carter?,’ Robin asked as Djaq and Much reached camp. Will gave them a slightly worried look, especially when Djaq turned and hugged Much, before going to her own little corner of camp. Robin gave Much a doubly questioning look, as Much smiled after her. He then turned back to Robin.
‘He’s just coming.’ Much deliberately didn’t answer Robin’s looks, but went over to start cooking supper instead. A moment later Carter reappeared.
‘You wanted me Robin?’
‘Er, no, I was just wondering where you’d got to.’ Carter smiled, almost sadly. ‘Didn’t want you abducting Much!,’ Robin added with an awkward chuckle which Carter returned. Much gave Robin a troubled glance, then returned to his work.
‘No, I think you’d have heard. Wouldn’t be like him to go quietly, would it?’ Robin laughed again, and things settled back into the usual evening routine.
It was dark and they had gone to their beds before Carter risked talking to Much again. Much was apparently asleep in his bed, and Carter put a hand on his shoulder. Much turned over surprised.
‘What do you want?,’ he whispered.
‘Talk?,’ Carter signed out of the camp, and Much sat up. He pulled on his shirt and boots, then followed Carter out of the camp. They sat facing each other above the camp.
‘How did he die?,’ Carter asked as soon as they had sat.
‘You know. He went into the village, his soldiers were overwhelmed, he died.’
‘Were you there?’
‘Yes.’
‘Robin said he, he held Thomas, while he died.’ Tears welled in Much’s eyes.
‘Why do we have to talk about this?’
‘I want to know Much! I need to know!’
‘You know, well, isn’t it enough to know how he died? I don’t have anything to add.’ Carter put his hands on Much’s upper arms, leaning forwards.
‘Don’t you WANT to talk about him?’ Tears trickled down Much’s face as he spoke.
‘No, I don’t! Why can’t you understand that? There’s not point, I’m never going to feel at peace with him. I had the chance to say goodbye, to fix things, and I missed it. That’s all there is to it!’ Much pushed Carter away, and leant back against the tree, crying.
‘Why won’t you help me?’ Carter’s tone was one of cold disappointment.
‘Nothing I could say would help you. It’d just make it worse, for both of us.’
‘Fine.’ Carter stood abruptly, and stormed off.
Djaq had heard the whisperings of the conversation, but not the details. When Carter had settled in bed, and Much had still not returned, she climbed out of bed in her pyjama shorts, and went to find Much. She climbed the hill, and saw Much, still against the tree, his head in his hands.
‘Much?’ She sat next to him, and put a hand on his shoulder, which shook.
‘You’ll get cold Djaq.’
‘I don’t mind.’ Much wiped his eyes, and rested his head on his hands.
‘It’s just too much Djaq.’ She rested her head on his shoulder, and he hugged her to him. ‘Having to think about Tom and all that mess, and Carter as well. And the Holy Land in general.’
‘What were you to Tom?’ Much hesitated, as if searching for words.
‘Friend. A close friend. Sweetheart would fit better. I mean, we loved each other, and out there everything was, well, more intense somehow.’
‘Were you lovers?’
‘Well, not really. Too exhausted for all that malarkey!,’ Much said with a feeble laugh. They were silent for a moment as Much thought.
‘What of Robin?’
‘Robin liked him. He liked him very much. But not in the same way. They were just friends.’
‘And how did he die?’
‘As Robin said. He charged the village, there were too many, he was.. .’ Much trailed off.
‘Was it simple pride?’ Much took a moment to appreciate the way Djaq was skilfully wheedling the truth out of him, realising he didn’t mind telling her.
‘No. We’d had an argument. The three of us. Robin had seen us the day before. He didn’t want us doing it, so when Tom next came to see me, I said we couldn’t. He got angry, he and Robin shouted, nearly had a punch up. And I stood up for Robin. So Tom was angry with me. Later we were attacked in camp, fought them off, then he took his men after him into the village.’ Much was shedding tears again at the memories, vividly flashing through his mind, and Djaq’s eyes were welling. ‘He got ambushed; none of them survived their injuries. We went in and rescued them, and Robin held him as he died. They made up. He saw me. I’d betrayed him, and he didn’t want to talk to me. I thought that as he was dying it might be different. Robin didn’t mention anything about me. So he died, and all I had to remember him by was that look. The angry grimace, and the sense of betrayal.’ He broke down in sobs, and he clung onto Djaq tighter.
‘If he wasn’t angry, he might not have followed them. And I couldn’t say goodbye. So I’m angry at Robin, jealous of him, I’m angry with myself for not standing up for myself and Thomas. But mostly sad. So sad.’ He paused, the continued. ‘And now Carter seems to want to take over from Tom or something, and I can’t tell him that’s it’s probably my, or at least our fault, that Tom’s dead.’ Djaq drew back, and put her hand on his cheek, turning him so their eyes could met.
‘Much, it’s not your fault. I know there’s not really anything I can do or say to help you, but you must know that I truly believe you have no fault in this.’
‘You’re here Djaq, that’s enough.’ They hugged for a few minutes in silence, her head resting on his chest.
‘Come on, you’re shivering. He stood, and pulled her up. ‘Mi’lady!,’ he said, turning and offering her his back. She laughed, and jumped into the piggy back.
‘Yar!,’ she joked, and let out a girlish scream as Much ran off down the hill.
Much and Carter did not speak privately again before he made his moves to leave. Much couldn’t help but feel his life repeating itself. Carter rushing back to the Holy Land in anger. They stood saying farewell, and Carter did not speak to Much. Djaq watched them both carefully. He kicked his horse into action, and he rode off into the forest. Carter felt a lump in his throat as he thought of Much and Thomas. He pulled his horse to a halt, and turned. He put an arm up in a motionless wave. His eyes were fixed on Much, who he felt was returning the look. There was a moment when he thought Much wouldn’t wave, but then his arm came up. A sad, hitched sigh of relief left him, and then he turned. Tears were still in his eyes, and he was still mystified by Much, but he felt forgiven, and that, if nothing else, made him happy.