Wilds of My Heart - Chapter 5
Title: Wilds of My Heart
Pairings: Akame, Ryopi, others
Rating: NC-17 (for violence, abuse, language, etc.)
Summary: 10 years ago, he'd wanted to save him. But now, after having been thrust into a new life, who'll be saving who?
Prologue// Chapter 1// Chapter 2// Chapter 3// Chapter 4
Chapter 5:
He stared at the younger boy, stunned. But before he could reply, the other gave a small smile and got up, told him “don’t say anything, I just wanted to get that out. I’ll be downstairs…” and left.
Everything he’d been thinking of previously disappeared from his mind and he was left sitting there, empty minded.
“You’re the person I fell in love with ten years ago.”
His mind was going wild.
How can anyone fall in love with me? Me? Out of all people, why me? Why now? Is this a joke? There’s no way…not even if it’s Kame. Especially not Kame…what’s with this love thing anyways? He can’t love me…but he does-shut up! I can’t love him back!
Why?
Because…
Then realization hit him hard,
I don’t know how to love.
-------------------------
He’d lost track of the time when there was a knock on the door. It was Pi. The mattress shifted a little as the third took a seat next to him, “Hey…feeling better?”
Not shifting his gaze from the floor, he asked, “Did Kame go home yet?”
“No, he’s still downstairs, I think he’s helping Koyama out in the kitchen and getting to know the others,” the younger boy explained softly.
There was something in the younger boy’s voice that sounded uneasy about that fact, “And you don’t trust him.”
The third nodded in agreement, “I don’t. But since you two have a history, I won’t do anything…until something happens.”
He dipped his head, he respected the other’s judgment whether he agreed with it or not, “that sounds fine to me.”
“Good, I just wanted to let you know beforehand.”
Ryo and Pi were the ones that slowly took over the space that Kame had left that night he ran away. They’d been by his side since he was found, and he owed them everything he had. But right now with…he changed the subject, “Hey Pi, I have a question.”
The other raised a brow and looked at him curiously, “What is it?”
Jin pursed his lips, “How do you love someone?”
“Huh?” Yamapi gave a surprised chuckle, “you’re definitely asking the wrong person.”
He looked over at his friend, “Why?”
“Because I don’t know how to love someone either, actually, I don’t even know what love is, do you? Why’d you bring it up?”
The leader scowled softly, “don’t turn this around, I hate hard questions. How am I supposed to know what love is? I was asking you for a reason, I just thought it was supposed to be natural or something.”
Pi gave a cheerless smile and shook his head, “I don’t think it’s natural, at least not for us…maybe…maybe we can’t love at all. Or maybe we’re just scared or something, I don’t know what it is, but something’s there.” A mirthless laugh, “do you think people who’ve never known love can love, Jin? I wish they taught us more important things like this at school. Great, now this is going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the day…”
He stared at his feet and muttered softly, almost hopefully, “…maybe we can…maybe…”
But in the end, they were all just maybes.
Maybe…
-------------------------
There was a pause between them.
Then he decided to change the subject yet again, though this topic wasn’t any more uplifting than the last one had been, “How’s Ryo-chan today?”
A topic they spoke of often but that never helped ease the discomfort.
“Ryo-chan, he…he’s fine today.” The other pursed his lips tightly for a moment, debating with himself as to whether or not he should bring up the next subject, “Jin, did you hear-”
Jin frowned, “yea I did. I can’t believe it might happen again. I…”
I wish Ryo-chan was still here.
As though reading his mind, Pi frowned and going back to the previous issue that’d been brought up, argued defensively for the second, “He’s going to come back. Ryo-chan’s going to come back to us.”
“Pi…” he muttered softly, trying to ease his tone, “it’s been over a year-”
The other immediately let out a heated scowl, “Shut up! He’s fine! As long as he doesn’t remember, he’ll be fine!”
“Just because we don’t make him remember doesn’t mean he won’t remember himself! The doctor-”
There was hope burning fiercely in the other’s eyes, “Maybe he’s wrong! Ryo-chan’s just fine right now!”
He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, “at this rate he won’t be fine much longer! At this rate he’s going to-”
A fist connected with his face as the other stood up angrily, “don’t say anything! Just shut up, Jin! Ryo-chan’s fine! He still recognizes all of us! That’s enough, isn’t it!? So long as he doesn’t remember, he won’t break!”
Snarling, he got up and attacked his best friend, “then what, Pi!? How long will this be able to last!? As long as he doesn’t remember, he’s never going to get better either! You have to take the risk! He’s going to remember by himself eventually anyways!”
The two rolled a bit, struggling to gain the upper hand, Yamapi landed another punch, “I’m not risking Ryo-chan for anything!”
Knocking the third off, he managed to grab a hold of the other’s hair and threw the both of them onto the ground, “Stop being so selfish!”
“I’m not the only one being selfish here! I’m not the only one who’s holding onto someone!” The pair continued struggling, rolling on top of the broken pieces of glass, paying little attention to the cuts they were receiving from the shards and each other. “I’m not the only one that needs him! You need him! We all need Ryo-chan!”
Finally, the two broke away from each other, sprawled out, panting on the floor. Propping up onto his elbows, he frowned, “you know that so long as it’s like this, it’s going to be hard on us. What do you plan on doing, Pi? Tell me. I won’t always be around, you won’t always be around. How do you plan on protecting him when something bad happens?”
Yamapi got up and wiped the blood off his cheek with the back of his hand. Watching the elder coldly, he scoffed as he headed for the door, “that’s funny, Jin. I could ask you the same thing.”
-------------------------
Awhile later, with a frown, he forced himself up and walked out of his room to wash off the blood. Talking about Ryo was never a good idea, especially around Pi. But then again, when others talked to him about the second in command, he wasn’t any better.
“We all need Ryo-chan!”
When he finished washing up, he headed downstairs where the rest of the group were scattered about, eating. Kusano caught sight of him and looked over excitedly, admiration obvious in his voice, “Akanishi-kun, the new guy’s from the good part of town!”
Jin nodded wordlessly and looked at Kame who must’ve seen the bruises on Pi too because he shot him a worried look in return. Letting out a huff, he walked over to Koyama, “what’s for dinner?”
He had no time to deal with personal affairs at the moment, there were bigger problems at hand.
The other gave him a strange smile, “Guess.”
There was no need to guess, he just sighed and took his bowl of ramen to the room of couches, without so much as a warning, he kicked the sleeping Taguchi off, and plopped onto the worn out couch, “it’s dinner time, go eat.”
Taguchi merely smiled, nodded, and walked off obediently.
-------------------------
He avoided Kame for the rest of the day, still unwilling to face the problem of love and whatnot; he didn’t go near the other until he sent Kusano off to walk the other back. Once the other was out of the house, he headed back up to his room to try to go to sleep.
On his way he knocked on one of the other doors softly and walked in, in the moonlit room, dark eyes looked up almost immediately, “hm?”
For a moment his heart fluttered, thinking that Ryo was back with all his sardonic remarks and insults, but upon closer inspection, he could see that it was merely an illusion. The gleam in those eyes was merely a reflection of the moonlight, “Ryo-chan?”
“…Jin?”
He thought almost angrily at himself, that’s not how Ryo-chan would’ve responded. He would’ve gotten angry at me for disturbing him; he would’ve thrown something at me.
This isn’t Ryo-chan.
“Yea it’s me,” he walked over and sat by the other, “how are you?”
The other shook his head almost mournfully, “I can’t sleep…I can’t remember either…I’m trying, but I can’t remember. When I sleep, I see things but I forget them…and the voices won’t stop, I can barely hear anything. Jin, why can’t I remember?”
He found himself at a lost of word when the other’s gaze fell on him, “Ryo-chan…I don’t know…” he let out a sigh, lightly taking the bullet shell that was dangling off the other’s neck. Jin twirled the necklace around in his fingers wistfully, “things would be so much easier if you came back to us, you know. Me and Pi can’t do everything by ourselves…I need you to come back, we all do.”
Pi was right…
Ryo looked away and muttered blankly, “I can’t…I don’t know how.” There was a pause, the other was clearly struggling with himself, “I don’t know how to make them stop. Jin, am I going to-”
“You’re fine Ryo-chan, you’ve got me and Pi, and that’s all you need. You’re fine.” He looked over at the door to see the third standing them, “Don’t worry about it too much, Ryo-chan, you’ll remember when you do…I shouldn’t have pushed you.” He glanced at the doorway again, “I have to go, I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.”
The other didn’t answer.
-------------------------
Outside the room, he sighed, “you were right.”
Pi gave a soft nod and motioned towards the other rooms, giving a gesture of silence. He got the hint and the two moved to his bedroom.
Carelessly kicking the shards of glass away to make a path to the mattress, he sat down and ran a hand through his hair, it was greasy again, he’d have to wash it tomorrow. “You were right about us needing him…if he breaks we’re probably going to go down after him. But still, it’s been over a year Pi and the doctor said-”
“I know…but it can’t be helped, I’d rather he not do anything, but this is Ryo-chan’s problem. He’s got to do this on his own, and if it’s still too painful then there’s nothing we can do about it. The only thing we can do is get ready to beat the crap out of him when he does remember, those random breakouts are bad enough.”
“No kidding, he nearly broke my ribs that last time.”
“But he came back to us, if only for awhile…”
“You know, once he’s better and he remembers what happened, he’s either going to break or go back to normal.”
The other looked up at the ceiling, “I wasn’t kidding about not risking Ryo-chan for anything, but when it happens, it’s going to happen no matter what, we can’t avoid it. But at least right now…”
He looked away and muttered, “Right now, I can’t tell if he’s getting better or worse. He’s a lot better than when it actually happened but right now…it’s almost as though he’s digressing. Especially at a time like this too, what if that guy decides to do something?”
The third in command leaned against the wall and crossed his arms, out of the moonlight’s reach, “calm down Jin. You know we can take him on.”
Jin’s frown didn’t disappear, “I know we can take him on…but it’s not always that simple. We need to be more careful around him, I mean look at what happened to the second grou…” his voice died off when he caught sight of the other silently pleading him to stop. He shook his head, “we’ll just have to be more careful if it happens again. We can’t have the same thing happening twice. If anything happens to you or Ryo-chan, I’d probably…”
Pi got up, “don’t worry so much, Jin. We’ll be fine, the three of us…no, all of us will be fine. Anyways, it’s not certain yet, but even if it does happen, we’ve dealt with him once before, we can do it again.”
“But it’s not worth it, not for the price we paid.”
The other hesitated, “it won’t happen this time. Nothing like that will happen again. We can’t afford to risk that, not me, not you, not anybody,” then he headed for the door, “I’m going to go say goodnight to Ryo-chan and go to sleep. I’ve got class tomorrow. I’ll see you later.”
When his door closed, he laid on the mattress and stared at the moonlight decorated ceiling, listening to the sound of cars and other urban noises from outside.
It won’t happen again. It can’t. We almost lost Ryo-chan last time…how many are we going to lose if it happens again? No…don’t think, just don’t think, it won’t happen, just sleep…everything will go away in the morning…
-------------------------
“Nii-chan? Where are you going?”
“Away from here, Reio.”
“You’re leaving me here? But you’ll come back, right?”
“…”
“Please don’t leave me here by myself, nii-chan.” The younger boy began crying now, “Nii-chan…”
“Shut up Reio!”
He could still hear his brother calling to him as he ran out of the house.
And now he was dead.
-------------------------
He woke up screaming.
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A/N: Hope this wasn't too confusing. Wow, I can't think of anything to say. So I'll just leave you guys alone XD Enjoy!
Pairings: Akame, Ryopi, others
Rating: NC-17 (for violence, abuse, language, etc.)
Summary: 10 years ago, he'd wanted to save him. But now, after having been thrust into a new life, who'll be saving who?
Prologue// Chapter 1// Chapter 2// Chapter 3// Chapter 4
Chapter 5:
He stared at the younger boy, stunned. But before he could reply, the other gave a small smile and got up, told him “don’t say anything, I just wanted to get that out. I’ll be downstairs…” and left.
Everything he’d been thinking of previously disappeared from his mind and he was left sitting there, empty minded.
“You’re the person I fell in love with ten years ago.”
His mind was going wild.
How can anyone fall in love with me? Me? Out of all people, why me? Why now? Is this a joke? There’s no way…not even if it’s Kame. Especially not Kame…what’s with this love thing anyways? He can’t love me…but he does-shut up! I can’t love him back!
Why?
Because…
Then realization hit him hard,
I don’t know how to love.
-------------------------
He’d lost track of the time when there was a knock on the door. It was Pi. The mattress shifted a little as the third took a seat next to him, “Hey…feeling better?”
Not shifting his gaze from the floor, he asked, “Did Kame go home yet?”
“No, he’s still downstairs, I think he’s helping Koyama out in the kitchen and getting to know the others,” the younger boy explained softly.
There was something in the younger boy’s voice that sounded uneasy about that fact, “And you don’t trust him.”
The third nodded in agreement, “I don’t. But since you two have a history, I won’t do anything…until something happens.”
He dipped his head, he respected the other’s judgment whether he agreed with it or not, “that sounds fine to me.”
“Good, I just wanted to let you know beforehand.”
Ryo and Pi were the ones that slowly took over the space that Kame had left that night he ran away. They’d been by his side since he was found, and he owed them everything he had. But right now with…he changed the subject, “Hey Pi, I have a question.”
The other raised a brow and looked at him curiously, “What is it?”
Jin pursed his lips, “How do you love someone?”
“Huh?” Yamapi gave a surprised chuckle, “you’re definitely asking the wrong person.”
He looked over at his friend, “Why?”
“Because I don’t know how to love someone either, actually, I don’t even know what love is, do you? Why’d you bring it up?”
The leader scowled softly, “don’t turn this around, I hate hard questions. How am I supposed to know what love is? I was asking you for a reason, I just thought it was supposed to be natural or something.”
Pi gave a cheerless smile and shook his head, “I don’t think it’s natural, at least not for us…maybe…maybe we can’t love at all. Or maybe we’re just scared or something, I don’t know what it is, but something’s there.” A mirthless laugh, “do you think people who’ve never known love can love, Jin? I wish they taught us more important things like this at school. Great, now this is going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the day…”
He stared at his feet and muttered softly, almost hopefully, “…maybe we can…maybe…”
But in the end, they were all just maybes.
Maybe…
-------------------------
There was a pause between them.
Then he decided to change the subject yet again, though this topic wasn’t any more uplifting than the last one had been, “How’s Ryo-chan today?”
A topic they spoke of often but that never helped ease the discomfort.
“Ryo-chan, he…he’s fine today.” The other pursed his lips tightly for a moment, debating with himself as to whether or not he should bring up the next subject, “Jin, did you hear-”
Jin frowned, “yea I did. I can’t believe it might happen again. I…”
I wish Ryo-chan was still here.
As though reading his mind, Pi frowned and going back to the previous issue that’d been brought up, argued defensively for the second, “He’s going to come back. Ryo-chan’s going to come back to us.”
“Pi…” he muttered softly, trying to ease his tone, “it’s been over a year-”
The other immediately let out a heated scowl, “Shut up! He’s fine! As long as he doesn’t remember, he’ll be fine!”
“Just because we don’t make him remember doesn’t mean he won’t remember himself! The doctor-”
There was hope burning fiercely in the other’s eyes, “Maybe he’s wrong! Ryo-chan’s just fine right now!”
He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, “at this rate he won’t be fine much longer! At this rate he’s going to-”
A fist connected with his face as the other stood up angrily, “don’t say anything! Just shut up, Jin! Ryo-chan’s fine! He still recognizes all of us! That’s enough, isn’t it!? So long as he doesn’t remember, he won’t break!”
Snarling, he got up and attacked his best friend, “then what, Pi!? How long will this be able to last!? As long as he doesn’t remember, he’s never going to get better either! You have to take the risk! He’s going to remember by himself eventually anyways!”
The two rolled a bit, struggling to gain the upper hand, Yamapi landed another punch, “I’m not risking Ryo-chan for anything!”
Knocking the third off, he managed to grab a hold of the other’s hair and threw the both of them onto the ground, “Stop being so selfish!”
“I’m not the only one being selfish here! I’m not the only one who’s holding onto someone!” The pair continued struggling, rolling on top of the broken pieces of glass, paying little attention to the cuts they were receiving from the shards and each other. “I’m not the only one that needs him! You need him! We all need Ryo-chan!”
Finally, the two broke away from each other, sprawled out, panting on the floor. Propping up onto his elbows, he frowned, “you know that so long as it’s like this, it’s going to be hard on us. What do you plan on doing, Pi? Tell me. I won’t always be around, you won’t always be around. How do you plan on protecting him when something bad happens?”
Yamapi got up and wiped the blood off his cheek with the back of his hand. Watching the elder coldly, he scoffed as he headed for the door, “that’s funny, Jin. I could ask you the same thing.”
-------------------------
Awhile later, with a frown, he forced himself up and walked out of his room to wash off the blood. Talking about Ryo was never a good idea, especially around Pi. But then again, when others talked to him about the second in command, he wasn’t any better.
“We all need Ryo-chan!”
When he finished washing up, he headed downstairs where the rest of the group were scattered about, eating. Kusano caught sight of him and looked over excitedly, admiration obvious in his voice, “Akanishi-kun, the new guy’s from the good part of town!”
Jin nodded wordlessly and looked at Kame who must’ve seen the bruises on Pi too because he shot him a worried look in return. Letting out a huff, he walked over to Koyama, “what’s for dinner?”
He had no time to deal with personal affairs at the moment, there were bigger problems at hand.
The other gave him a strange smile, “Guess.”
There was no need to guess, he just sighed and took his bowl of ramen to the room of couches, without so much as a warning, he kicked the sleeping Taguchi off, and plopped onto the worn out couch, “it’s dinner time, go eat.”
Taguchi merely smiled, nodded, and walked off obediently.
-------------------------
He avoided Kame for the rest of the day, still unwilling to face the problem of love and whatnot; he didn’t go near the other until he sent Kusano off to walk the other back. Once the other was out of the house, he headed back up to his room to try to go to sleep.
On his way he knocked on one of the other doors softly and walked in, in the moonlit room, dark eyes looked up almost immediately, “hm?”
For a moment his heart fluttered, thinking that Ryo was back with all his sardonic remarks and insults, but upon closer inspection, he could see that it was merely an illusion. The gleam in those eyes was merely a reflection of the moonlight, “Ryo-chan?”
“…Jin?”
He thought almost angrily at himself, that’s not how Ryo-chan would’ve responded. He would’ve gotten angry at me for disturbing him; he would’ve thrown something at me.
This isn’t Ryo-chan.
“Yea it’s me,” he walked over and sat by the other, “how are you?”
The other shook his head almost mournfully, “I can’t sleep…I can’t remember either…I’m trying, but I can’t remember. When I sleep, I see things but I forget them…and the voices won’t stop, I can barely hear anything. Jin, why can’t I remember?”
He found himself at a lost of word when the other’s gaze fell on him, “Ryo-chan…I don’t know…” he let out a sigh, lightly taking the bullet shell that was dangling off the other’s neck. Jin twirled the necklace around in his fingers wistfully, “things would be so much easier if you came back to us, you know. Me and Pi can’t do everything by ourselves…I need you to come back, we all do.”
Pi was right…
Ryo looked away and muttered blankly, “I can’t…I don’t know how.” There was a pause, the other was clearly struggling with himself, “I don’t know how to make them stop. Jin, am I going to-”
“You’re fine Ryo-chan, you’ve got me and Pi, and that’s all you need. You’re fine.” He looked over at the door to see the third standing them, “Don’t worry about it too much, Ryo-chan, you’ll remember when you do…I shouldn’t have pushed you.” He glanced at the doorway again, “I have to go, I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.”
The other didn’t answer.
-------------------------
Outside the room, he sighed, “you were right.”
Pi gave a soft nod and motioned towards the other rooms, giving a gesture of silence. He got the hint and the two moved to his bedroom.
Carelessly kicking the shards of glass away to make a path to the mattress, he sat down and ran a hand through his hair, it was greasy again, he’d have to wash it tomorrow. “You were right about us needing him…if he breaks we’re probably going to go down after him. But still, it’s been over a year Pi and the doctor said-”
“I know…but it can’t be helped, I’d rather he not do anything, but this is Ryo-chan’s problem. He’s got to do this on his own, and if it’s still too painful then there’s nothing we can do about it. The only thing we can do is get ready to beat the crap out of him when he does remember, those random breakouts are bad enough.”
“No kidding, he nearly broke my ribs that last time.”
“But he came back to us, if only for awhile…”
“You know, once he’s better and he remembers what happened, he’s either going to break or go back to normal.”
The other looked up at the ceiling, “I wasn’t kidding about not risking Ryo-chan for anything, but when it happens, it’s going to happen no matter what, we can’t avoid it. But at least right now…”
He looked away and muttered, “Right now, I can’t tell if he’s getting better or worse. He’s a lot better than when it actually happened but right now…it’s almost as though he’s digressing. Especially at a time like this too, what if that guy decides to do something?”
The third in command leaned against the wall and crossed his arms, out of the moonlight’s reach, “calm down Jin. You know we can take him on.”
Jin’s frown didn’t disappear, “I know we can take him on…but it’s not always that simple. We need to be more careful around him, I mean look at what happened to the second grou…” his voice died off when he caught sight of the other silently pleading him to stop. He shook his head, “we’ll just have to be more careful if it happens again. We can’t have the same thing happening twice. If anything happens to you or Ryo-chan, I’d probably…”
Pi got up, “don’t worry so much, Jin. We’ll be fine, the three of us…no, all of us will be fine. Anyways, it’s not certain yet, but even if it does happen, we’ve dealt with him once before, we can do it again.”
“But it’s not worth it, not for the price we paid.”
The other hesitated, “it won’t happen this time. Nothing like that will happen again. We can’t afford to risk that, not me, not you, not anybody,” then he headed for the door, “I’m going to go say goodnight to Ryo-chan and go to sleep. I’ve got class tomorrow. I’ll see you later.”
When his door closed, he laid on the mattress and stared at the moonlight decorated ceiling, listening to the sound of cars and other urban noises from outside.
It won’t happen again. It can’t. We almost lost Ryo-chan last time…how many are we going to lose if it happens again? No…don’t think, just don’t think, it won’t happen, just sleep…everything will go away in the morning…
-------------------------
“Nii-chan? Where are you going?”
“Away from here, Reio.”
“You’re leaving me here? But you’ll come back, right?”
“…”
“Please don’t leave me here by myself, nii-chan.” The younger boy began crying now, “Nii-chan…”
“Shut up Reio!”
He could still hear his brother calling to him as he ran out of the house.
And now he was dead.
-------------------------
He woke up screaming.
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A/N: Hope this wasn't too confusing. Wow, I can't think of anything to say. So I'll just leave you guys alone XD Enjoy!