Comments | nehmet: These kids today.

nehmet

These kids today.

Jan 08, 2010 15:31

I'll be the first to admit that I just don't get the whole polyamoury thing. It's completely alien to my nature. I honestly think it has to do with my upbringing: I was the only child of a genuine death-do-us-part couple, so I not only had that kind of relationship as a model, but also the me-centric situation in which I never had to share or ( Read more... )

midlife sucks the big one, nehmet is insane, wtf

Comments 7

lupagreenwolf January 9 2010, 00:19:06 UTC

Sounds like the guy was probably leading the women on, and the women hadn't read Taormino's "Opening Up" yet. The only context in which that sort of arrangement is kosher is in certain BDSM relationships, where the dominant requires hir submissives to be monogamous to hir. However, it's not normal poly.

nehmet January 9 2010, 02:20:29 UTC

Thanks for your perspective; it sounded fishy to me, just on basis of her description of the situation.

The book you mention here, would you recommend it for someone interested in deepening their understanding of polyamoury? I have a lot of poly friends, and I'd rather not come across as being utterly ignorant of the subject. :)

lupagreenwolf January 9 2010, 02:24:59 UTC

Absolutely. It's the best book I can recommend. Lots of poly people will recommend "The Ethical Slut", but that's more about sleeping around. Opening Up is a hell of a lot more complete, too.

lowenmensch January 19 2010, 08:29:10 UTC

I'm told (I'm not poly so I don't know the community too well) that there's a difference between swinging and being poly, but that a lot of (especially younger) people confuse the two. (Love the profile pic, btw)

Thread 5

lowenmensch January 9 2010, 02:47:17 UTC

I get how being poly can work in certain situations, but so very many people are Doing It Wrong. I've seen relationships where there's basically a Chief Wife/Husband and a concubine, not that the participants will ever admit that this is the actual arrangement. And when push comes to shove, the concubine often gets the boot. In one case, on a message board I used to be on, there was a girl who was MUCH younger than her male and female partners (who had a small child together) who physically could not work, and was basically a free babysitter for the kid. She also let her male partner carve a dragon into her skin, and thought all of this was fine and dandy, not like living with her Christian parents who wanted her to finish school and stuff. So very many red flags.

Again, I know there are good, functional poly relationships out there, not just people coming up with a new name for what traditional cultures the world over would call a harem. I keep running into the latter, unfortunately.

kefet_vamp January 9 2010, 04:46:22 UTC

Now you understand a little more my world. Girls my age (and with my self-esteem) are willing to latch on to the first guy who says anything somewhat nice about us. Why? Who the hell else will? The only people who say things like "You're beautiful" are anyone who's taken, girl friends, and gay guys. Straight, single guys usually think I'm a freak. :( Tis why I've had my heart broken a many a times.