i feel raw, vulnerable.
there's so much to do, and i don't want to do any of it. i want to listen to handsome girl and write poetry and maybe cry ( Read more... )

(from october 3.)

It’s 4:25am and there’s an infomercial on and it’s shredding me. They say that it’s not being fat that’s truly harmful-it’s dieting. But what can I do? How can I reconcile letting things be? How can I watch this footage and not feel this hit me, knock the wind out of me, lay me low?

How can I resist. How can I be strong or weak or ( Read more... )

i'm doing a ton of things lately, but currently the most pressing has been trying to figure out how to put a committee together. i think, at this point, i have three decent candidates, and i'm in the process of setting up meetings with them to see if i'm on the right track ( Read more... )

to-do list, take 2010

1. earn straight a's at ou
2. graduate from ou, by spring 2012 at the latest
3. look into grad school
4. possibly take gre
5. possibly go to grad school
6. get a real job
7. move out of my parents' house (for the last time)
8. be more active
9. write a book of fiction
10. write a book of poetry
11. make some/any money from said books
12. ( Read more... )

In no particular order, all the books I read in 2011.

A bunch by Orson Scott Card:
Pathfinder
The Lost Gate
Shadow of the Hegemon (Ender series, book 6)
Shadow Puppets (Ender series, book 7)
Shadow of the Giant (Ender series, book 8)
Maps in a Mirror
(I have an addiction. I'm getting help.)

Graceling, Kristin Cashore
Fire, Kristin Cashore

Omnitopia Dawn, ( Read more... )

she’s reaching out to me across the years,
and i feel her beside me: the her who lived those
thoughts and wrote those words-the her who
might still love me. superimposed on that her
is the her she is now, someone i no longer know,
whose heart is an unruly mystery to me.

time unspools, unspools-ribboning
in her fingers, cat’s-cradling. there’s love,
she thinks, and then there’s love. arcing
through her empty spaces, ricocheting,
his voice echoes, echoes: her corners
yield.

tangled within, little pieces of light
explode-the shrapnel falls to the ground,
confettied.

i don't want to remember, but i can't forget.

it's been a long time - almost ten years - since i last worried about getting in to post-secondary school. i remember how sure i was that i would get in to u-m. and how i wanted to get in to yale, but didn't. and then thought to myself: not good enough. not good enough by a long shot. and now, thinking ( Read more... )

at two different times in the past, i made fifty-item-long to-do lists for my future. i feel like now is as good a time as any to make a new one, since everything has changed so much since i made the others.

to-do list, take 2010

1. earn straight a's at ou
2. graduate from ou, by spring 2012 at the latest
3. look into grad school
4. possibly take gre
5. ( Read more... )

i've pretty much been sick since sunday, which means that i was sick for my birthday on monday. i didn't really love it. i'm kind of fighting off the last vestiges of illness right now, congestion and sneezing and a little wheezy coughing ( Read more... )