keep feeding me bedroom eyes (and your tender lies)

[near_your_enemy]

He'd left.

He'd actually left.

N restrained a choked sob, because he was not going to cry about this--that was just stupid.  But something needed to be done, he needed to be somewhere, somewhere away from people.  He needed to--

--fuck, he didn't even know.  He had no idea what he was doing, everything just seemed to be so confusing, unreal.  He

Comments

[goodwithhands]

[ Gevanni was just reading a book on his bed, wearing, surprisingly, something other than his usual suit - plain gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt. (he was planning on sleeping, later.)

And then someone was knocking on his door, so he got up, wondering who in the world would come looking for him. Maybe they'd gotten the wrong room...

But when he opens the door, he's surprised to see that it's - N! ]

N?

[ oh, he doesn't look so good... ]

Is something wrong?

[goodwithhands]

[ the fact that he smiled is enough; Gevanni smiles back, maybe a little too giddy - N is upset, he shouldn't be happy - but, hey, he's getting a roommate, if only for a little while. ...and it's N. ]

I'll set it up later, then.

Are you hungry, or something? We could get you some animal crackers.

[near_your_enemy]

He nods quietly at the question, twirling a finger in his hair with a small sigh.

"...that sounds good. Maybe--maybe in a bit, alright? I just want to sit for a moment."

[goodwithhands]

Of course.

[ he really wants to know what's wrong, of course, but he restrains himself this time. ]

[near_your_enemy]

He nods, and is quiet for a few minutes after that, in silent introspection.

He can't believe Mihael had done that. Loving Near. He can't believe anyone could.

"Gevanni?" He glances up, biting nervously at his lower lip. "...Could you come here, for a moment?"

[goodwithhands]

[ he's quiet with N, assuming that he doesn't feel like talking at the moment, then looks up when addressed. ]

Oh? Sure.

[ he gets up and moves to sit on the bed next to N, looking at him questioningly. ]

What is it?

[near_your_enemy]

N is still for a moment, carefully calculating and weighing his options. After another minute or so of quiet thought, he simply leans forward and rests his forehead on Gevanni's shoulder.

"...I don't understand people." He murmurs, the sound muffled in Gevanni's shirt. "I think I do--and then, I don't. How come they're so complicated?"

[goodwithhands]

[ he's surprised at the sudden touch, and blinks at N, listening to his murmurings. what could this be, relationship problems? or just a friend who'd betrayed him? either way, it was obvious that N needed comforting. ]

They just... are. There's nothing we can do to change it.

But everything will turn out okay, N.

[near_your_enemy]

N nods slowly and moves in a tiny bit closer - he hates himself for it. He's not used to needing this kind of touch, and Gevanni's all wrong, he's too tall and his arms are too big, but N feels like he's just going to shatter if he doesn't feel someone, now.

"I don't think it can. I--I'm not supposed to...

"--another Near. It's not enough that I love him, he's - it's not even fair." His shoulders are trembling, slightly, and he lets out a quiet sniffle.

[goodwithhands]

[ from the bits and pieces he's getting, it seems that N had a - boyfriend, or something - who left him for another Near.

it's, to put it simply, tragic.

Gevanni pulls N into a hug, like before, trying his best to comfort him. ]

It isn't. Nothing is. But you can get through this, N.

[near_your_enemy]

"Am I so wrong?"

He pulls back, and meets Gevanni's eyes with his own, wide ones. "I mean--I love him, and he says he loves me. Should that be enough, do you think? I'm the one that left--because he loved him too. And he can't be happy with just me. Is that wrong?"

It's only a matter of time, until he gave in like this--and at least it was with someone he trusted (someone he shouldn't trust, really, someone who didn't know the full truth about him, but someone who hadn't hurt him like M--).

[goodwithhands]

[ he feels incredibly helpless right now, keeping his arms on N's shoulders as he gazes back at him. ]

It - you aren't wrong. I get where you're coming from. He... he has to choose one of you - but it's up to you to decide if you want to be with him, after this.

[ wow, it doesn't help that he has no idea who they're talking about. ]

[near_your_enemy]

N shivers and nods, before glancing down.

"But he doesn't want to. He won't. He thinks that--I don't know, like he can have both of us. And the other Near is okay with that--I don't know why I'm not."

He heaves out a sigh, and presses his face into the crook of Gevanni's shoulder.

"...do you think that some versions are better than others?"

[goodwithhands]

You don't want to share - I understand that.

[ Gevanni's hands fall when Near puts his face on his shoulder, but he brings one to lie on the back of Near's head at his next question, which Gevanni finds to be absurd. ]

No, of course not. They're different, yes, but none are better. You're just as good as any other Near.

[near_your_enemy]

"But--I."

He has to stop then, a cold realization hitting him that Gevanni didn't know. And--really, how ironic was it that the one person he could run to was the one person who actually believed the lie? He'd been exposed, bloody, at one of his weakest moments, and Gevanni had been there--but now, when the crucial piece of information was needed to be able to really answer his question, he couldn't give it.

How hard would it be? You don't understand, I'm Kira. And then Gevanni would pull away in horror, probably reach for his gun...

This whole thing was dependant on that lie, and as long as the lie was upheld, Gevanni would never know the whole story.

Which only made everything worse, in the grand scheme of things, because N would never tell--he couldn't, wouldn't, not when Gevanni was the only person not to treat him as something to be pitied, something to be hated, or something to be feared. He was respected, but that was only because he was riding on the back of a name he despised.

Near.

KiraHis hands finally rose up to

[goodwithhands]

[ it seemed that something had snapped inside N at that moment, and Gevanni didn't know why - had he said something wrong? was this all his fault? he even foolishly wonders if N didn't like his touch - and then the white-haired boy's coming closer, and he thinks he's done something right, for once, and - sorry? ]

...You've done nothing wrong, N. It's okay.