I consider a monogamist relationship to have emotional and physical exclusion. I'm not saying one can't be completely honest with everyone or not offer friendly hugs, but if one is in a relationship then one is most connected to the other part of one's relationship. The significant other should be the first person that one should want to tell anything. If this is not the case, then they should not call themselves to be in that relationship.
One time, a friend of mine told me that her best friend was her SO. I never understood that. I had other friends I told everything to. Then I met Neil. He is my best friend and if I cannot tell him, I cannot tell anyone.
Thanks for posting what I was thinking in a way that makes sense.
I think some of the greatest arguments for monogamy are fiscal and child-related. It's useful to know whose children were begat by whom, if nothing else for medical history.
Also, when you have two people messing with finances, it's bad enough. More than that, and who know what kind of a mess you get?
Finally, there are those of us who are monogamistic by nature. It's not a requirement, it just makes us feel more secure.
Ultimately, I think that break-ups/divorces are bad enough when there are two people involved. I can't even begin to imagine what three or more would be like!
Personally, I'd differentiate between "practically I remain monogamous because polygamy is difficult" and "I believe polygamy to be morally wrong." There's just a huge difference between those two beliefs...
I mean, practically, I am one of the first category. I remain mostly/effectively monogamous because polygamy is difficult, and just doesn't always happen for me. But when other people succeed I cheer, and when they falter I listen and offer hugs. But polyamory is more about moral systems than sex.
(And yes -- I believe I mention in another comment, but multifinances are a major headache, however you create them.)
As far as I'm concerned, polyamory is a thoroughly viable way of life for people so inclined. I've never been of the mindset that it is any of my business what happens in other peoples' bedrooms.
What I'm not sure about (just to throw a wrench in the works) is how it would be viable to handle things like health insurance for polyamorous families from the insurance company side of things.
I am with you completely in my admiration of polyamorous families who succeed!
I think it's important to differentiate here between polygamous and polyamorous. It sounds like you are referring to family units, whereas I'm simply comparing dating lifestyles.
Though, if polygamous families became legally viable, I would think the easiest way for insurance companies to work is to provide coverage limits. (We'll cover you, one of your spouses, and 2 of your children.) Assumably, in a polygamist household, there may well be multiple employed members, and that seems like the most equitable way to handle it.
I think it really comes down to what the person is conversing about. Sometimes people need to have a sounding board to talk with to figure out what they need/want before going and talking with their SO.
It's more relationship-fu than anything else I think. Example: if a monogamous person is spending a significant of time doing things with someone other than their SO (like taking long walks, watching movies, etc.) and their SO doesn't know about it then I would thinkthat would be an issue. But once in a while being able to talk with someone else I would not think would be an issue, even if they are talking about intimate topics.
I guess I have nothing truly useful to contribute, as hopelessly non-monogamous as I am. But in a poly relationship one can certainly still have issues with emotional intimacy, they just come out sounding funnier. (e.g. wyrdone's discomfort with my alone time with a friend: "You're just going to the game store and having dinner and talking, I feel left out and envious and I don't understand why. If you were having sex, that'd be different." Ah the irony, that I should be encouraged to lie about my sexual activities in order to go to the mall without guilt.) Or issues with physical intimacy for that matter. All you have with being poly is more honesty to work with and greater complexity that requires it. (And yes, to reference your earlier poster, two sets of partially combined two-person accounts are about to drive me mad -- I'm now officially doing taxes for The Whole Frelling Mess just because I don't think anyone else could manage them properly
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One time, a friend of mine told me that her best friend was her SO. I never understood that. I had other friends I told everything to. Then I met Neil. He is my best friend and if I cannot tell him, I cannot tell anyone.
Thanks for posting what I was thinking in a way that makes sense.
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Also, when you have two people messing with finances, it's bad enough. More than that, and who know what kind of a mess you get?
Finally, there are those of us who are monogamistic by nature. It's not a requirement, it just makes us feel more secure.
Ultimately, I think that break-ups/divorces are bad enough when there are two people involved. I can't even begin to imagine what three or more would be like!
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I mean, practically, I am one of the first category. I remain mostly/effectively monogamous because polygamy is difficult, and just doesn't always happen for me. But when other people succeed I cheer, and when they falter I listen and offer hugs. But polyamory is more about moral systems than sex.
(And yes -- I believe I mention in another comment, but multifinances are a major headache, however you create them.)
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What I'm not sure about (just to throw a wrench in the works) is how it would be viable to handle things like health insurance for polyamorous families from the insurance company side of things.
I am with you completely in my admiration of polyamorous families who succeed!
Reply
Though, if polygamous families became legally viable, I would think the easiest way for insurance companies to work is to provide coverage limits. (We'll cover you, one of your spouses, and 2 of your children.) Assumably, in a polygamist household, there may well be multiple employed members, and that seems like the most equitable way to handle it.
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It's more relationship-fu than anything else I think. Example: if a monogamous person is spending a significant of time doing things with someone other than their SO (like taking long walks, watching movies, etc.) and their SO doesn't know about it then I would thinkthat would be an issue. But once in a while being able to talk with someone else I would not think would be an issue, even if they are talking about intimate topics.
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