Dating checklists, product requirements documents, and avoiding unreasonable self-limitation

[nasu_dengaku]

I was recently informed that in the strange world of mainstream dating, people (especially women) tend to have dating checklists that they consciously or unconsciously go through like an interview on the first date. These checklists may include things like height, race, political views, physical appearance, job, mannerisms etc. Some are

Comments

[djdigit]

That's a really neat perspective (particularly in how after hearing it, I wonder how it's not just glaringly obvious and thought about by everyone).

[merovingian]

That's interesting stuff.

Hey, how do I know who's similar to me in dating?

[nasu_dengaku]

Look for people of similar personality and current life goals in general? You're quite unusual though. :-)

[merovingian]

Gosh, thanks!

(Actually, it's not really a question for me, since I'm thoroughly happy with my current dating situation. I'm just kind of pondering how I might use that method in general.)

[rhiannonstone]

I had an epiphany awhile back about my own dating checklists: the rules are just there to protect me from the people not worth breaking them for. :) Whether it's as silly as thinking I could never date someone who doesn't read for fun (Paul breaks that rule, and we've been together 9+ years) or as significant as not getting emotionally involved with secondary partners, it's actually all about finding the right people. When you find the right people, the rules don't matter, and if you haven't found the right people, the rules aren't necessary.

[aaangyl]

See also: Imago, love maps, projection. There's a lot to suggest we have an imprint based on our early caregivers, both the good and bad aspects. "Checklists" might be ways people rationally justify their Blink responses, but don't give it too much credit. Also check out Helen Fisher and chemistry.com's methods, which she consulted on.

[aaangyl]

ALSO, WRT: the dev team analogy, not only look at similar things but have the courage to identify the PROBLEMS that you want to solve, leaving out the leaps to how to solve them. Or work with a good consultant (/psychologist) who is skilled in working back to identify the problems. Once you have the problems scoped well, the good devs and UI eng's will be able to use their skills to address these problems in the best available ways. Or the psychologist can help you identify your love maps and imago projections and find your strengths and weaknesses and help you get past "checklists" into actual mindfulness.

[geheimnisnacht]

Keep in mind that the desires can also be relatively fluid. A year of experiences might push someone to completely flip on a specific desire. Food, music, people, what we seek in these appears to be susceptible to vast change.