Mini Bang Fic: A Tale of Two Sisters, part 4
Title: A tale of two sisters
Author: pamymex3girl
Rating: PG
Pairings/characters: Susan, Lucy, mentions of Peter, Edmund and Aslan
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters nor the setting of the story.
Possible Spoilers/Warnings: first movie, briefly mentions the Last Battle
Summary: A long time ago, in Narnia, Susan fell ill. It was Lucy then, who took care of her. Now many years later it was Susan’s turn to care for Lucy, despite all that had happened since they lost Narnia. But none of it mattered because in the end they were sisters and they would love each other no matter what happened in their lives…
Part 4
‘An older sister is a friend and defender - a listener, conspirator, a counselor and a sharer of delights. And sorrows too.’
Pam Brown
****
Before Lucy was born Susan had not wanted another sibling.
She’d loved being the sole girl and having one younger sibling was more than enough; she did not need another especially not one that would take her place. One that would be the little princess, she wanted to remain the only girl; she knows Lucy will probably never believe her, but she was jealous. She has always been envious of Lucy, of her energy and her happiness; of the fact that Lucy would constantly be happy, just as long as she had her memories. Susan had never been like that, she was always calmer and less inclined to complete happiness.
That, for some reason, was all Susan could think of while Lucy was ill.
After the night passed it seemed like Lucy was getting better, but she wasn’t waking up; the doctor told them it was normal but for Susan, it was the worst few hours of her life. (For a moment, as she thought it, the distant memory of a dead lion and cracked table came to mind, but she forgot it as soon as it came up.) But that was what she was thinking, before Lucy was born, she had not wanted her; the feeling hadn’t lasted long, once Lucy had been there Susan had loved her fiercely.
When Lucy was two years old, she fell ill as well and Susan, just like this time stayed with her the entire time.
***
‘ ‘I’m going to see if I can find someone, you stay here. I’ll be right back.’
‘She was scared; she'll never deny it.
‘Somehow, no matter what happened, Susan was constantly the protector; constantly the one she could lean on, even when she was scared, even when in pain, Susan was always there. And now she wasn’t, for the first-time Susan wasn’t actually there; there was no one to turn back too, no one to help. Now she was the one who needed help, needed someone to lean on; and Lucy was determined to be there, because she was her sister, and she needed her. So despite her fears she ran, not sure which way to turn she just chose at random (hoping to be going in the right direction) and ran through the trees, hoping against hope.
‘She fell over a tree branch and landed on her knees.
‘And she stayed on her knees; her head bowed; the tears which she had been fighting for hours finally coming out. And she just sat there sobbing, letting absolutely everything out; shaking, from the cold of the rain last night as much as the pain. She could not stay there so she got up eventually so she did, slowly getting herself up leaning against the tree. Taking a few deep breaths she started to run again, she would find it, she would safe Susan, because without her. She could not exist; she needed Susan as much as she needed air, her protection, her love and the even the fighting.
‘ ‘Aslan! Where are you?! Help me! Please.’
‘The horn was suddenly there, as if Aslan had answered her calls and send it to her.
***
She was so tired, and she wished she could be like Peter - or even Edmund - and just sleep.
But she couldn’t, not until Lucy awoke; not until she said or did something, and Susan knew she would be alright. Until then, she could not sleep; she could not even close her eye - she had slept, she knew this, but she had not noticed she had fallen asleep and perhaps that was the only way. So she talked still bringing up memories, probably repeating herself over and over again.
Once, when Lucy had to go to school, she had hidden in the closet.
She did not want to go to school; she said she was afraid of not making friends; now it’s funny because Lucy without friends is just completely impossible. Susan had crawled into the closet, finding her almost immediately, and just sat there and waited; until she was ready to go and after a while sitting there she actually had been. And they had walked to school together and Susan had stayed until she had met someone, which being Lucy had happened almost immediately.
Susan was the protector, always there in the background.
Lucy was always in the spotlight, the listener, the one who could say anything and make every listen.
****
‘Instead of blowing on the horn immediately she first ran back.
‘It was not because she didn’t want help, or because she was frightened it wouldn’t work; she was more fearful that it would actually work. That they would find her, but they couldn’t find Susan, so she wanted to go back first and be with Susan when she blew the horn. She hoped she could find the cave again, that in some way Aslan would help her again, and perhaps he did. She found the cave faster than she had found the horn, and she was sure that somehow he was helping them.
‘Susan was awake waiting for her, smiling at her motherly when she came in.
‘ ‘You…okay?’ ‘I’m fine, don’t worry. Look I found the horn. You stay here I’ll go outside and blow it, and then we’ll wait okay?’ ‘Yea…...'
‘She could hear the sound of the horn all around her; it was in that moment that she realized that there were no other sounds around. No bird's singing, no wind blowing, just nothing; she thought of it for a moment, but she could not think of it. She went back inside and sat beside Susan folding into her open arms; it felt just as protective as it always did (as it always would) despite her obvious weakness.
‘ ‘Keep telling me stories.’
‘ ‘Do you remember that time….’
****
Lucy didn’t dream of the cave, Narnia or Aslan that night.
She dreamed of England strangely enough, in a world without Narnia (or with Narnia, she couldn’t quite tell, at least it wasn’t important), and they lived somewhere in London. Peter was working in the garden; she could see him through the window, and Edmund was reading a book.
It wasn’t important really where they were.
She and Susan were in a room, easily identified as their room. They were sitting in front of a huge mirror; dresses and other clothes were all around the room. Susan was sitting behind her and was just combing her hair and singing that same song. And suddenly she remembered where she had heard it before; it was a Narnian song, which meant that somehow Susan still remembered.
Lucy closed her eyes and did not open them until she could no longer feel the brush through her hair.
When she opened her eyes Susan was gone.
****
She left the room at some point.
Susan could no longer stand it, the waiting; the constantly watching her without knowing what came next. Edmund was lying on her bed, fast asleep; she hoped he was dreaming of happier times, of better places. She hated it when Lucy was sick because she was the heart of everything. Without her, it just seemed like the world couldn’t turn right; her parents, which had come home at some point though she could never tell you when, were asleep in their own room. Her eyes found the clock, and she realized that it was late afternoon already.
Peter was in the hallway, leaning against a wall; he at least was awake.
She walked past him without saying a word and locked herself in the bathroom instead; the person that looked back didn’t even seem like her. Her hair was a mess; her make up (the little she had put on) had completely run out; her dress was definitely ruined. However, it didn’t matter, strangely enough she felt different as well; as if none of it really matter and never would, all that mattered was that Lucy was there, Lucy had to be there.
She sank down on the ground leaning against the bathtub.
She put her knees against her chest and lied down her head and just cried.
****
‘ ‘Susan, do you remember that time, we had that huge fight?’
‘ ‘Which one?’
‘ ‘The one right here in Narnia, we were fighting about… God, I don’t even remember what we were fighting about, but it was important in that moment. And everyone else just stood there looking at us; no one wanted to intervene. They were almost afraid of intervening, especially the boys. And then I got angry and threw your stuff out of the window do you remember that?’
‘ ‘Yes, you threw out all my favorite stuff; I wanted to strangle you.’
‘ ‘Do you know what I remember the most about that day?’
‘The stuff flying out of the window?’
‘ ‘No the fact that when you realized I had thrown some of my own stuff out there you actually climbed in the tree it had fallen into and washed my clothes and cleaned my room. That’s what I loved the most about you in that moment, that no matter what you were always there.’
****
‘They waited for hours, so long that Lucy was sure no one was coming.
‘Susan had long since fallen asleep, not waking up even when Lucy shook her; and now all she could do was sit there waiting. She held her sister close to her and prayed; she prayed to God, she prayed to Aslan; she screamed and cried, but no one seemed to come. She began singing suddenly, a song that she remembered from somewhere but couldn’t quite place; hoping that Susan could hear her and would fight, hoping that someone outside could hear her and would come.
‘Lucy could remember when they had first come here.
‘And for the first time coming to Narnia seemed like the worst thing that ever happened, for the first time she thought it was actually possible to lose a sibling. For the first time, she had to imagine a world without Susan, and it just seemed wrong. She spent her time imagining that world and growing more and more scared by the moment, and as she started to fall asleep the only thing, she could think of what Susan saying, a long time ago, that they should have never come here, that they should go back home.
‘And she could hear herself saying they had to stay; they had to help.
‘Now it seemed like the worst idea ever.
****
‘ ‘Susan, do you remember that time, we went to London and got of the wrong train?’
‘ ‘Yes, I was so scared; you may not think that I was Luce, but I was terrified. It terrified that we would never find our home again. That we will be stuck there forever.’
‘ ‘But you didn’t seem scared; you seemed so strong, like you knew what to do and where to go.’
‘ ‘I didn't; I was so young, and I felt guilty for having stepped of the wrong train. But I didn’t want you to get scared so I played the strong one.’
‘ ‘I remember how strong you were, like it seemed nothing could go wrong although we didn’t know where we were.’
‘ ‘Do you know what I remember? That despite having gotten us lost you still trusted me, and you held my hand and we just walked. And it seemed like we could conquered anything.’
***
‘Susan dreamed of a house somewhere in Narnia.
‘In a world without England, or perhaps with England, it didn’t really matter. Peter was outside, running through the garden; doing something that seemed important, but probably wasn’t. It was raining and for a second it made her wonder why Peter was outside in the rain, but that didn’t matter to her. Edmund was sitting inside reading a book; she thinks it might have been a law book, but it wasn’t important.
‘She was in a room with Lucy.
‘They were sitting there in front of a huge mirror in a room easily identified as their own. Lucy was sitting in front of her and she, Susan, was combing her hair. It seemed important that she was doing this, though she couldn’t say why. Lucy looked at her, like she wasn’t sure why they were there; so Susan began to sing a song. An old Narnian song that Mr. Tumnus taught her a long time ago.
‘She closed her eyes at some point and stopped brushing.
‘When she opened her eyes Lucy was gone, so was the house, for that matter.
****
‘Susan never asked, she never even remembers she taught it in that moment.
‘In those moments in that cave, when she was so sure, she would die, she thought it.
‘She thought ‘If you die, whether it’s in Narnia or in England, where do you go? Aslan’s country?
‘Heaven? Are they the same? Does it matter? More importantly if one dies before the others. How do you know you’ll end up in the same place? Will you meet again?’
***
‘ ‘Between sisters, often, the child’s cry never dies down. “Never leave me,” it says; “do not abandon me.”’
Louise Bernikow
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5
Author: pamymex3girl
Rating: PG
Pairings/characters: Susan, Lucy, mentions of Peter, Edmund and Aslan
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters nor the setting of the story.
Possible Spoilers/Warnings: first movie, briefly mentions the Last Battle
Summary: A long time ago, in Narnia, Susan fell ill. It was Lucy then, who took care of her. Now many years later it was Susan’s turn to care for Lucy, despite all that had happened since they lost Narnia. But none of it mattered because in the end they were sisters and they would love each other no matter what happened in their lives…
Part 4
‘An older sister is a friend and defender - a listener, conspirator, a counselor and a sharer of delights. And sorrows too.’
Pam Brown
****
Before Lucy was born Susan had not wanted another sibling.
She’d loved being the sole girl and having one younger sibling was more than enough; she did not need another especially not one that would take her place. One that would be the little princess, she wanted to remain the only girl; she knows Lucy will probably never believe her, but she was jealous. She has always been envious of Lucy, of her energy and her happiness; of the fact that Lucy would constantly be happy, just as long as she had her memories. Susan had never been like that, she was always calmer and less inclined to complete happiness.
That, for some reason, was all Susan could think of while Lucy was ill.
After the night passed it seemed like Lucy was getting better, but she wasn’t waking up; the doctor told them it was normal but for Susan, it was the worst few hours of her life. (For a moment, as she thought it, the distant memory of a dead lion and cracked table came to mind, but she forgot it as soon as it came up.) But that was what she was thinking, before Lucy was born, she had not wanted her; the feeling hadn’t lasted long, once Lucy had been there Susan had loved her fiercely.
When Lucy was two years old, she fell ill as well and Susan, just like this time stayed with her the entire time.
***
‘ ‘I’m going to see if I can find someone, you stay here. I’ll be right back.’
‘She was scared; she'll never deny it.
‘Somehow, no matter what happened, Susan was constantly the protector; constantly the one she could lean on, even when she was scared, even when in pain, Susan was always there. And now she wasn’t, for the first-time Susan wasn’t actually there; there was no one to turn back too, no one to help. Now she was the one who needed help, needed someone to lean on; and Lucy was determined to be there, because she was her sister, and she needed her. So despite her fears she ran, not sure which way to turn she just chose at random (hoping to be going in the right direction) and ran through the trees, hoping against hope.
‘She fell over a tree branch and landed on her knees.
‘And she stayed on her knees; her head bowed; the tears which she had been fighting for hours finally coming out. And she just sat there sobbing, letting absolutely everything out; shaking, from the cold of the rain last night as much as the pain. She could not stay there so she got up eventually so she did, slowly getting herself up leaning against the tree. Taking a few deep breaths she started to run again, she would find it, she would safe Susan, because without her. She could not exist; she needed Susan as much as she needed air, her protection, her love and the even the fighting.
‘ ‘Aslan! Where are you?! Help me! Please.’
‘The horn was suddenly there, as if Aslan had answered her calls and send it to her.
***
She was so tired, and she wished she could be like Peter - or even Edmund - and just sleep.
But she couldn’t, not until Lucy awoke; not until she said or did something, and Susan knew she would be alright. Until then, she could not sleep; she could not even close her eye - she had slept, she knew this, but she had not noticed she had fallen asleep and perhaps that was the only way. So she talked still bringing up memories, probably repeating herself over and over again.
Once, when Lucy had to go to school, she had hidden in the closet.
She did not want to go to school; she said she was afraid of not making friends; now it’s funny because Lucy without friends is just completely impossible. Susan had crawled into the closet, finding her almost immediately, and just sat there and waited; until she was ready to go and after a while sitting there she actually had been. And they had walked to school together and Susan had stayed until she had met someone, which being Lucy had happened almost immediately.
Susan was the protector, always there in the background.
Lucy was always in the spotlight, the listener, the one who could say anything and make every listen.
****
‘Instead of blowing on the horn immediately she first ran back.
‘It was not because she didn’t want help, or because she was frightened it wouldn’t work; she was more fearful that it would actually work. That they would find her, but they couldn’t find Susan, so she wanted to go back first and be with Susan when she blew the horn. She hoped she could find the cave again, that in some way Aslan would help her again, and perhaps he did. She found the cave faster than she had found the horn, and she was sure that somehow he was helping them.
‘Susan was awake waiting for her, smiling at her motherly when she came in.
‘ ‘You…okay?’ ‘I’m fine, don’t worry. Look I found the horn. You stay here I’ll go outside and blow it, and then we’ll wait okay?’ ‘Yea…...'
‘She could hear the sound of the horn all around her; it was in that moment that she realized that there were no other sounds around. No bird's singing, no wind blowing, just nothing; she thought of it for a moment, but she could not think of it. She went back inside and sat beside Susan folding into her open arms; it felt just as protective as it always did (as it always would) despite her obvious weakness.
‘ ‘Keep telling me stories.’
‘ ‘Do you remember that time….’
****
Lucy didn’t dream of the cave, Narnia or Aslan that night.
She dreamed of England strangely enough, in a world without Narnia (or with Narnia, she couldn’t quite tell, at least it wasn’t important), and they lived somewhere in London. Peter was working in the garden; she could see him through the window, and Edmund was reading a book.
It wasn’t important really where they were.
She and Susan were in a room, easily identified as their room. They were sitting in front of a huge mirror; dresses and other clothes were all around the room. Susan was sitting behind her and was just combing her hair and singing that same song. And suddenly she remembered where she had heard it before; it was a Narnian song, which meant that somehow Susan still remembered.
Lucy closed her eyes and did not open them until she could no longer feel the brush through her hair.
When she opened her eyes Susan was gone.
****
She left the room at some point.
Susan could no longer stand it, the waiting; the constantly watching her without knowing what came next. Edmund was lying on her bed, fast asleep; she hoped he was dreaming of happier times, of better places. She hated it when Lucy was sick because she was the heart of everything. Without her, it just seemed like the world couldn’t turn right; her parents, which had come home at some point though she could never tell you when, were asleep in their own room. Her eyes found the clock, and she realized that it was late afternoon already.
Peter was in the hallway, leaning against a wall; he at least was awake.
She walked past him without saying a word and locked herself in the bathroom instead; the person that looked back didn’t even seem like her. Her hair was a mess; her make up (the little she had put on) had completely run out; her dress was definitely ruined. However, it didn’t matter, strangely enough she felt different as well; as if none of it really matter and never would, all that mattered was that Lucy was there, Lucy had to be there.
She sank down on the ground leaning against the bathtub.
She put her knees against her chest and lied down her head and just cried.
****
‘ ‘Susan, do you remember that time, we had that huge fight?’
‘ ‘Which one?’
‘ ‘The one right here in Narnia, we were fighting about… God, I don’t even remember what we were fighting about, but it was important in that moment. And everyone else just stood there looking at us; no one wanted to intervene. They were almost afraid of intervening, especially the boys. And then I got angry and threw your stuff out of the window do you remember that?’
‘ ‘Yes, you threw out all my favorite stuff; I wanted to strangle you.’
‘ ‘Do you know what I remember the most about that day?’
‘The stuff flying out of the window?’
‘ ‘No the fact that when you realized I had thrown some of my own stuff out there you actually climbed in the tree it had fallen into and washed my clothes and cleaned my room. That’s what I loved the most about you in that moment, that no matter what you were always there.’
****
‘They waited for hours, so long that Lucy was sure no one was coming.
‘Susan had long since fallen asleep, not waking up even when Lucy shook her; and now all she could do was sit there waiting. She held her sister close to her and prayed; she prayed to God, she prayed to Aslan; she screamed and cried, but no one seemed to come. She began singing suddenly, a song that she remembered from somewhere but couldn’t quite place; hoping that Susan could hear her and would fight, hoping that someone outside could hear her and would come.
‘Lucy could remember when they had first come here.
‘And for the first time coming to Narnia seemed like the worst thing that ever happened, for the first time she thought it was actually possible to lose a sibling. For the first time, she had to imagine a world without Susan, and it just seemed wrong. She spent her time imagining that world and growing more and more scared by the moment, and as she started to fall asleep the only thing, she could think of what Susan saying, a long time ago, that they should have never come here, that they should go back home.
‘And she could hear herself saying they had to stay; they had to help.
‘Now it seemed like the worst idea ever.
****
‘ ‘Susan, do you remember that time, we went to London and got of the wrong train?’
‘ ‘Yes, I was so scared; you may not think that I was Luce, but I was terrified. It terrified that we would never find our home again. That we will be stuck there forever.’
‘ ‘But you didn’t seem scared; you seemed so strong, like you knew what to do and where to go.’
‘ ‘I didn't; I was so young, and I felt guilty for having stepped of the wrong train. But I didn’t want you to get scared so I played the strong one.’
‘ ‘I remember how strong you were, like it seemed nothing could go wrong although we didn’t know where we were.’
‘ ‘Do you know what I remember? That despite having gotten us lost you still trusted me, and you held my hand and we just walked. And it seemed like we could conquered anything.’
***
‘Susan dreamed of a house somewhere in Narnia.
‘In a world without England, or perhaps with England, it didn’t really matter. Peter was outside, running through the garden; doing something that seemed important, but probably wasn’t. It was raining and for a second it made her wonder why Peter was outside in the rain, but that didn’t matter to her. Edmund was sitting inside reading a book; she thinks it might have been a law book, but it wasn’t important.
‘She was in a room with Lucy.
‘They were sitting there in front of a huge mirror in a room easily identified as their own. Lucy was sitting in front of her and she, Susan, was combing her hair. It seemed important that she was doing this, though she couldn’t say why. Lucy looked at her, like she wasn’t sure why they were there; so Susan began to sing a song. An old Narnian song that Mr. Tumnus taught her a long time ago.
‘She closed her eyes at some point and stopped brushing.
‘When she opened her eyes Lucy was gone, so was the house, for that matter.
****
‘Susan never asked, she never even remembers she taught it in that moment.
‘In those moments in that cave, when she was so sure, she would die, she thought it.
‘She thought ‘If you die, whether it’s in Narnia or in England, where do you go? Aslan’s country?
‘Heaven? Are they the same? Does it matter? More importantly if one dies before the others. How do you know you’ll end up in the same place? Will you meet again?’
***
‘ ‘Between sisters, often, the child’s cry never dies down. “Never leave me,” it says; “do not abandon me.”’
Louise Bernikow
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5