[Wild Roses] revision of last, up to 821 words (from 370)

[named_by_rhyme]

Comments

[taennyn]

>.> It's not that bad, but yeah. (Line being delivered by a woman who's been hanging around Iarlaith since she was sixteen or so makes it lightly ironic, though.)

Rockin'.

[taennyn]

There's a rough stab here, that may need expanding.

[taennyn]

Thank you. She insisted on French, and a Basque name. =P

Okay, will poke it.

[taennyn]

I left the feet in the initial section, and expanded the boots mention somewhat.

[klgaffney]

since i'm doing this backwards--first impression, i like, muchly. i like the outsider's view, and i like the nature of the insider: "wouldn't bet on her not knowing, but she's never spoken to me as the other title. Alaia shrugged elaborately. "Until she does, we have our relationship."

and i would've echoed cpz's question, because i vaguely remember that post, but not the details of it, but now i don't have to. =D

y'know what i really like? i like that she knows what to argue about, and what not to. she's not being stubborn just for stubborn's sake--there's things she won't bend, but she's obviously looking for solutions/compromises to get around those lines, too.

[billradish]

Flows better, ta. I'll bet on more revisions and some expansion, as the scene doesn't seem to begin or end here, necessarily.

[coastal_physics]

I definitely like the longer version. it fills more in than the first draft.