What is Polyamory to Me?

[nachtrabe]

Society has a long list of social taboos that we follow without even tending to notice in our daily lives. Some pages that talk about taboos give examples from cultures where spiritual cleansing is important, but seem to imply that it is something that "those other people do." In truth, the most important taboos are the ones imbedded in our own

Comments

[acturi]

I've always kind of felt the same way. When my last major relationship broke down, the full story mostly confused people. In short, the girl broke the rules of that relationship. We agreed to change the rules, and then she broke them, too

[firebeexlt]

I may have to write an essay or something on this point later on, but I am a big foe of the sort of rules, whether externally or internally imposed, where you end up standing on a teeny tiny rock in the middle of a sea of extremely nasty lava which is rising. An example of this would indeed be the sort of rule like "You will never find someone else attractive" or "You will never fall in love with anyone else". Then, when reality intervenes, your target is pretty much screwed (and not in a fun way). Aside from all the usual statements of the potential for danger and nastiness and broken crockery -- why do this to a person that one supposedly cares about?

I suspect the answer to that question is the usual one in human relationships: because people are weird and irrational, life is hard, and certain concepts can only be learned through the creation of upside-down smoking wreckage. Ah, for the life of an amoeba...

[acturi]

Perhaps what we need is more specific, clearly defined rules. Clearly, rules like "Don't look at other women" just doesn't work, unless you're dating a blind guy (in which case, if he's "looking" you've got other problems, like sexual harrassment suits).

But if we could all agree on rules like "Don't play the ukelele in your underpants in Khazakstan while anally violating a pigmy goat," our relationships could all be that much happier.

And maybe "Get 200 dollars and an orgasm every time you pass go."

[firebeexlt]

See, now I'm imagining a tome of relationship rules similar to the NEC...

Pygmy goat, anal violation thereof: Pygmy goats shall only be violated subject to the provisions below:
(1) Simultaneous ukelele-playing is prohibited.
(2) Underpants shall not be worn.
(3) In locations other than Khazakstan.

Note: violation may also be permitted under the provisions of 110.1 "Use of video cameras".

Pygmy goat, violation other than anal...

[firebeexlt]

I think it's interesting that you say "I can be"; I was recently in a conversation (actually, one about how open I care to be to various people about these very issues) where I described myself as "poly-compatible". Reason being: I have no reason to commit myself to one particular relationship model, but at the moment when I answer tons of questions regarding what I want and don't want in a relationship, the result is that I get a match list full of poly people. I figure this is what one might call a "hint