Suicide Part 2: Selfishness

[naamah_darling]

Part 1: Personal HistoryToday, part two on suicide. I've put it off for a long time because it's just tremendously difficult to talk about, and I still don't feel like I have my words right, and I still haven't responded to some of the best, most important comments on the last entry, but this needs to go up

Comments

[clayshaper]

It always makes me sad when someone accuses a suicidal person of over-reacting in some way

[superlib]

Its hard because may times a person doesn't know what they need to help them. I usually offer hugs first, help second - and my offers of help aren't usually taken, despite them being genuine. Whether because people want to face their demons on their own, or they just don't really want the help.. I can only think of one or two situations where someone has actually come to me with a real need, and accepted my help. Usually sympathy is all I'm allowed to give

[clayshaper]

I think that's why I don't feel angry at people who choose suicide- everyone has problems, and everyone wants to help- but occasionally, even the best of intentions to help someone isn't really going to FIX anything. (and I don't mean a fast insta-fix! I mean small things too.)

I would draw the parralel to a person with a terminal disease. Lots of people survive what they believed would be terminal! But not everyone is up to the task of fighting it. And tragically, not everyone has access to the medical care they need to even try to fight it.

I could name a single thing that in MY life, would make the difference between now and later- but would it fix all the myriad of problems that caused it to begin with?

Sometimes life is like that. So complex, you run in circles! :P Problems have causes, and fixing the problem doesn't always fix the cause.

[cissa]

Speaking from the POV of someone who's spent an appreciable amount of her life suicidal to some degree- most of the time, sympathy would be more welcome than more concrete things. But that does not (unfortunately) mean one would be able or willing to accept it. Still- sympathy and understanding are probably rarer than concrete solutions, and at least as valuable.

[reneekytokorpi]

Well said.

I wonder though, what you think about how depression may twist your interpretation of your surroundings. Where words meant to be supportive come out mocking and insincere for example. Often, people have reached out to me when I was depressed, but I was unable to process their gestures as a positive, helpful thing. Similar to how a bright day may seem gloomy if you're in a bad mood, bright helpful gestures and words may twist in the mind to become something that supports your suicidal urges.

Just curious if you have any thoughts on this.

[emsporter]

The best thing my mother ever said to me (shortly after I 'fessed up and got professional help) was "I don't understand what you are going through, not at all. Please tell me what I can do to help." I was never suicidal, but I was depressed. And this line:
That is why depression, or the other mental illnesses commonly associated with suicide, are so crippling. They destroy the ability to do the most necessary thing - cope.
That was what made it incredibly hard for me. I grew up with the ideal that "You can cope, you are strong and smart and hard working, whatever life throws at you you CAN get through it." I am intelligent and well educated, fairly widely read (but not travelled). And then I spiralled down into depression and I couldn't cope, and academically I knew life was going pretty well, but I couldn't cope with getting up in the mornings or work or people or uni or swimming or running or anything, really, and what was wrong with me? (It took me a long time to work out the answer that was obvious to everyone else -

[the_xtina]

I'm doing terms because I'm not allowed to parse this deeply, as it's still winter.

It's tempting to regard their suffering as a just punishment for their fast living, drug use, infidelity, etc.

The Just World theory:

"Moreover, when we encounter evidence suggesting that the world is not just, we quickly act to restore justice by helping the victim or we persuade ourselves that no injustice has occurred. We either lend assistance or we decide that the rape victim must have asked for it, the homeless person is simply lazy, the fallen star must be an adulterer."

And for choice A vs. choice B, that's chronic vs. acute pain.  That's what I call it.  It's easier to deal with acute pain, because it's an Event, one that one can Deal With and Get Past.  Acute pain is like a headache every day for a year that's become your baseline normal.

[pixxelpuss]

I'm really touched by your story. I'm in grad school for psych, and I'm getting disillusioned and wondering whether I'll ever really help anyone. Thank you for giving me hope.

[reneekytokorpi]

Oh, don't give up! :) My psychiatrist was the only person who was able to take what my family was trying to say to me when I was suicidal and turn it into words I could understand and take to heart. Depression twists what you hear into negativity, and my psychiatrist could see through that and help me. I owe her everything I have now. A lot of times you'll hit people that won't listen to you because they're not ready and you have to drag them kicking and screaming to a solution, and other times you hit someone like me who is totally ready and desperately needs the help.

I'm hoping you'll do well!

[ealasaidh]

I'm late to this, but I would like to add a "don't give up!" comment here. I've been in therapy with several different psych folks, and they all helped in different ways. Each one of them materially improved my life, though it may not have been obvious to them at the time.

Being a psych worker is a noble profession, and I admire anybody who takes it on with the sincere desire to help others.