Respecting Pain

[naamah_darling]

My second post, "Respecting Pain" is up on The Rotund.

Because, for various reasons, I think we all need to be reminded:

Pain is pain.For very obvious reasons, we shouldn’t belittle someone else’s experience because they are in a place that we would envy, or because we have had worse, or because they had an experience that we simply wouldn’t

Comments

[arinye]

You. Are. Awesome. No more needs to be said.

[danceswthcobras]

I think your mom must have snuck out and moonlighted as my mom when nobody was looking.

[naamah_darling]

She walked out on us in fits of pique often enough that I'd believe it.

I loved the woman, but damn, when I was a kid, I thought a "guilt trip" was honest to god when your parent left the house to make you feel guilty for . . . well . . . for being a kid.

She was like the opposite of Dr. Pangloss in Candide. We lived in the worst of all possible worlds, all was for the worst, and she had the worst of it all.

[talkjive]

I think many mothers like to serve up that particular meal. In our house it was a steaming main course of "Having Children Ruined My Dreams meatloaf" with a side helping of "You're Not as Good as Your Brother beans" all drizzled over with "My Childhood was Worse than Yours, So Shut Up All Ready reduction", with an interminable dessert course entitled "the You Were Both Accidents Souffle".

Sometimes I wished she'd just hit us, you know?

[naamah_darling]

*rofl*

YUM.

I used to wish my parents would just hit me, too; the pain would be easier to deal with, and I could have gotten help for that, easily. As it was, nobody really took emotional abuse seriously. :/

[nimbrethil]

Sweet Gods, thank you for writing this.

One of the things I struggle with is avoiding the trap of telling myself that I'm either stupid for hurting because whatever's hurting me isn't a big deal, or that I've got no right to be upset over being in pain because I either brought it on myself or I deserve to hurt. And I'm always afraid to seek comfort from others because I'm either telling myself that they have more pressing concerns, are in worse pain than me, or whatever. And it only takes one person telling me that I need to just suck it up and stop feeling sorry for myself for me to feel vindicated in hating myself for being weak.

Yeah. Thanks. You always put into words what I feel but cannot express.

[naamah_darling]

Come back and read this often, if you need to.

Hell, I'm going to be doing exactly that on those days when I forget my own damn advice.

[nimbrethil]

when I forget my own damn advice.

Human beings are damned good at that.

[weedblossom]

If you don't mind, I'm adding this to my memories.

I've been going to a therapist for the last two months and have just recently found out that my brain fuckupedness is attributed to Adjustment Disorder with Anxiety and Depressed Mood - which basically means, in paraphrase, that I get depressed for weeks or months on end over *seemingly* little, stupid shit that normal, everyday people can cope with very easily. And for most of my adolescent and adult life, I have blamed myself for feeling the ways that I do and have chalked it up to being a huge failure of humanity. While this disorder is not heredity but a biproduct of abuse, past trauma, and/or emotional neglect (in my case, all three) it IS easily treatable through talk therapy... and the up side is that I now know I'm not a failure of humanity. I don't even need to be fixed. I just need a little more help than some people.

So thank you thank you thank you for posting this. I love you even more for it.

[naamah_darling]

Gah. Yes. I know what you mean, with the blaming yourself for feeling how you do, and thinking you're a failure because you can't control it. Wrestling with feelings is . . . well . . . you can't really win that one. All you can do is acknowledge how you feel and think or talk it through.

Or, in my case, acknowledge it, talk about it, and remember to take your happy pills.

[weedblossom]

That was my problem: I was diagnosed with depression and took happy pills, but then when the depression went away (because with adjustment disorder the depression is situation-specific and comes and goes in cycles) the pills would leave me feeling like a zombie. I'd have to take myself off them. But then I'm screwed when the depression comes back because anxiety pills put me to sleep!

I could REALLY kick my own ass and say, "Jesus, I can't even do depression right!" ;)

(BTW, I bought A Knight's Tale today... I bawled.)

[naamah_darling]

Yeah, not looking forward to watching it again; bawling and *lol*ing at the same time.

Heh. I know what you mean, "Can't even do depression right." I've had that feeling myself.

[guruwench]

What nimbrethil said. I downplay my own pain constantly, and I suck at asking for help. I also forget my own damn advice all too often...

Thank you, thank you for writing this.