Fruit Punch Moments.
I can't work. Not this week. Two things I'm in the middle of are roadblocked, and I'm just . . . tired. Not physically, I'm actually restless and bored, just . . . emotionally, creatively. Yeah, there's this wellspring and yadda yadda yadda, and someday it'll all come gushing back, and there will be wine and roses and kittens romping in the
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I think here you've summed up why my brain would choose this trigger to obsess over, because you can't answer any of the questions, you don't know, and you can't face it until the event occurs. I feel a little twitchy writing this, but mainly I feel sad, and wish I could make you tea or something.
Oh, my heart's light enough to sail in - but that's some mighty deep water down below. And, well, we all know how I feel about things that live in the water.
I meant to comment the last time you mentioned your issue with water. I love to swim, it's my Zen, but even before I could swim I've dreamt about water. Every now and then, very rarely, I'll dream that the streets of England are flooded. More specifically, the street of my main childhood home is flooded. Everyone gets about on little boats, like the kind you see in Italy, or the tiny fishing boats used in Africa and other such places. But I swim everywhere and it's so easy. I glide ( ... )
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Death is my panic trigger, too -- if I'm having a panic attack, chances are that's what sent me off. Not dying. Shit. I could do that. But the fear of not existing. That just eats me up cold. Can't handle it. Dumb, yeah, because if the worst is true then I wouldn't know it, but that won't stop the lizard in my brain from thrashing.
Nice, in an odd way, to know I'm not alone.
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You're definitely not alone on this one. For sure. :)
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I felt that one.
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Thanks for sharing that because I wondered if other people felt that.
:)
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That one sentence there describes me well! I've been trying to put the feeling in words; you put it so well.
I went through similar feelings/dreams when my grandparents passed. Although they didn't raise me, I was closer to them than my parents. However, I've never gone through all that you have before or after. Of 8 family members, I was the last to get anything belonging to them. (However, when my grandmother passed, my grandfather gave her engagement and wedding ring to me; he didn't my mother--an only child--to have them. I've promised them to my daughter(s) but I can't let go of them yet and I won't wear them). My family has never been close by any means.
Thanks for writing that. It really gave me some insight...
:)
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I think dreaming would become just another form of television. Perhaps relaxing and fulfilling (at least on a superficial level). But you would get less (if any) of this: a way for That Which Is to communicate with you.
On forgetting:
We are exposed to so much stimulis, physical and psychic, on a daily basis that for us not to forget - try as we might to hold on to certain memories - would be an impossibility. In other words, you will forget some of this eventually...in your conscious mind.
And yet, one can easily argue that we never really forget anything. Our brains are of such capacity, and we only actively use such a small fraction of that capacity, that one can easily surmise that the rest of it is one great holding tank.
As someone who writes so eloquently about scent, you should know full well that scent is one of the most powerful memory triggers. Don't wash those clothes. When you want/need to remember, stick your nose in the bags and take a deep
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I think everything that happens to us is in our brains forever, we just lose the shortcuts to it. But people who have things like Alzheimer's, sometimes they're remembering crap from when they were, like, five years old, and it's just as clear as day. It's not that they can't remember the present, it's just that their short and long term memories are all stirred up and they've lost their abilitiy to distinguish which memories are memories, and which are present. Which leads me to believe that it all gets written down somewhere.
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Actually, since you are rather scent-oriented, you might well experiment with intentional scent-memory: that is, think about the memory you wish to retain while smelling a certain scent. Later, bring out the scent and see if the memory returns.
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