Refocusing

[my_solipsism]

Deleted last angsty post.

Focusing on how awesome my life is, and ignoring the little shit that really doesn't matter.

Taking care of my fiance, and the other people that do matter.

Breathing.

Comments

[sistahraven]

::big hugs:: Sending you so much love. I've had you on the mind all week.

Enjoy the water tomorrow. :) I can't be there in body, but you can bet that I'll be there in spirit. I'll be the bear dipping her toes in the water from afar.

[my_solipsism]

Thanks, sweets!

It's very strange, that as things continue to get better they simultaneously feel like they're getting worse. Some of it is that when a person succeeds, it tends to make others around them angry or upset if they're not doing the same. At the same time, I think a lot of it is that I'm finally in a stable enough place for my brain to decide to process a number of things that have been hanging on, or to recognize patterns that aren't okay... it just also means that sometimes lately I feel like no matter what I do it's going to turn out badly, or end up with someone angry with me, or me being hurt. It's odd how often I am hurt by what people say/do, and how rarely they have any idea. Maybe not odd, I do my damnedest not to show it most of the time.

Anyhow, introspection over - river was awesome, just got out of the shower and about to begin with the chilling with a few fine folks - a great Saturday, and only a TINY little sunburn. :)

[sistahraven]

It's odd how often I am hurt by what people say/do, and how rarely they have any idea. Maybe not odd, I do my damnedest not to show it most of the time.

I find that's common amongst we folks who try to be stoic and neutral. People often assume no big outward reaction equals no reaction at all, but a lot of times, we outwardly stoic types feel things quiet intensely.

It's funny the way it works sometimes, how the highlights of life often call attention to the shadows. The most brilliant white shirt is a target for BBQ sauce, and makes us stand out in a crowd. Sometimes, folks think white shirts should only be worn at a certain time of year, and other folks just plain old don't like white. I think I'm channeling a bit of JCoggs with this metaphor, but that's okay. As long as you enjoy that white shirt while you're wearing it, it's okay if it's easily stained or an easy target for jealousy or dislike.

I'm glad the river was awesome. I had all of you on the brain all day today, and I'm glad you had a fun time. :)