Original: Unexpected News
Title: Unexpected News
Author: Erin (erinm_4600)
Characters, Pairing: Nora and Mike (mention of Nora's mother and everyone else)
Rating: PG
Summary: This isn't a conversation to be had over the phone.
Warning: same 'verse as The Waitress *Written for Present Tense at writerverse.
Disclaimer: Everything about this one is MINE, ALL MINE. Mwahaha!!
( Nora is staring at him, knowing that what Mike just said is anything but a joke. )
Author: Erin (erinm_4600)
Characters, Pairing: Nora and Mike (mention of Nora's mother and everyone else)
Rating: PG
Summary: This isn't a conversation to be had over the phone.
Warning: same 'verse as The Waitress *Written for Present Tense at writerverse.
Disclaimer: Everything about this one is MINE, ALL MINE. Mwahaha!!
( Nora is staring at him, knowing that what Mike just said is anything but a joke. )
Comments 2
I read it like a stand-alone story and I liked how you gave such a big picture you in so few words.
The first three paragraphs have us really intrigued about the news Mike has heard; the details of the phone call even more so. It had me wondering if he took a call for his father in error and heard something he wasn’t supposed to. I wondered if his shock came from a discovery that his father had committed some misdemeanour. That kind of start is a great invitation to a reader.
You neatly establish that Mike and Nora are brother and sister without explicitly saying so or being distracting.
‘You don't want her to know, she won't get it from me.’ builds the mystery still further.
From ‘Nora sucks in a deep breath and closes her eyes, thankful for Mike's presence’ the point of view flips to Nora, which was a bit confusing. Perhaps put an extra space before it or something to indicate the change ( ... )
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This 'verse has been in my head for the better part of the year, plotting six ways from Sunday. The problem is, not much of it is actually written, so finding the balance of what -I- know versus how to share it is tricky. :) linear writing is a concept I haven't yet mastered <3 And, at that, noticing where sentences don't flow correctly definitely happens. I will look at it, this weekend, to see if I can adjust it for better flow :)
The bit that you said they were siblings made me smile. They aren't actually related, but I'm glad that the relationship came across! \O/ As for her mother, it wasn't anything so exciting. She had run off with a high school boyfriend and ended up pregnant and abandoned, so she came home. Two days after having the baby, she took off again, for good, leaving Nora to be raised by her grandfather.
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