Beautifully Broken WIP (11 of ?)
Title: Beautifully Broken
Author: my_specialhell
Rating: NC17, H, A, RPS, nonAU (in the sense that J2 are the ones of Supernatural)
Fandom: Supernatural (RPS)
Pairing: Jensen/Jared , Jensen/Danneell and Jared/Genevieve
Disclaimer: It never happened. It's fiction. Don't sue.
Summary: Years after the end of the show life has changed for both Jensen and Jared.Tragedy and self deception kept them apart, will they find their way back to each other? Spoilers: Vague and general for the show.
Warnings: Character Death. Angst. Oh, and I can't write smut to save my life.
Previous Parts: I - II - III - IV - V - VI - VIII - IX- Xa - Xb
“You are an idiot, you know that?” Megan Padalecki exclaimed, as Jared was moving a couch toward another wall because his sister had decided to go feng shui on his ass, while she helped him decorate his new home.
Jared sighed. “Am not...and wait....why would I be an idiot again?”
Megan crossed her arms over her chest, and cocked an eyebrow at him, and Jared couldn't help doing the same.
“Shall I give you the complete list, the greatest hits or just the newest brilliant stunt you're about to pull?” Megan said.
Jared tilted his head down, averting his gaze. Three days...in three days he would be on the set of Jensen's show, he would meet him again. “I didn't have another choice” he said in a low voice.
“Huh...the phone?” Megain said, and the disbelief in her voice would have been almost comical in other circumstances.
“I couldn't just pick up the phone...” Jared said
Megan rolled her eyes, “Sure you couldn't. I mean...flying from Budapest to New York during the shooting of a movie, on your only free week end, unbeknownst to your then wife, to watch him doing some obscure piece that was totally okay ...and don't forget logical!”
“It was Arthur Miller...” Jared said.
Megan tilted her hands up, “Oh, then it's completely reasonable! Whereas picking up the phone and at least telling him you'd guest star on his own show? Nah...that's nuts!”
She shook her head and Jared said, “Look, I know it looks...scratch that, I know it's over the top...”
“That's the point, Jared!” Megan exclaimed getting close to him, she took him by his shoulders and said, “That's all you guys have ever done! Couldn't you have just picked up the phone and acted like a normal person?”
“He wouldn't have answered.” Jared said.
“He answered to your text.” Megan reasoned, “and he sent you one when he's been informed you were going to guest star...”
“Oh, yes, 'Really, dude?'” Jared said and he was getting annoyed at his sister, “Very warm and ….”
“Oh, shut up, I was there when you got it, you couldn't stop shaking!” Megan sighed, “and what did you expect? You're going to barge into his territory with the whole...baggage you guys carry...fuck, Jared I'd be pissed off!”
“Watch your mouth, Meg!” Jared said reflexively.
Megan cocked an eyebrow at him but didn't reply at first, she shook her head and went back to some cushions she was placing around the room, after a few minutes she asked, “Can I at least know what do you think you're going to do this time?”
Jared shrugged his shoulders, “I just want him, Megan...just ...”
Megan sighed, sitting next to him on the couch, “You always have, what's changed since you actually had him?”
“I have...” Jared said, and his sister's words were cutting him, deep. He had had Jensen...they had had each other, they had had it all.
Megan looked at him, “Yeah....” she nodded her head, “I guess you really have changed....”
“I'm in love with him...” Jared said in a low voice, without even looking at his sister.
Her sister chuckle made him start, she nudged him and said, “Gotta tell you, bro, you did a lousy job at pretending you weren't...so go and get him, for real...this time, or help me God..”
“No need to threaten...” Jared said smiling, “Do you think...Jensen...” he felt suddenly unsure, Megan seemed to read right through him, she covered his mouth with her hand and said, “Jensen? The same Jensen Ackles we both know? Yeah...I think he still does. But there's only one way to find out, don't you think?”
Jared nodded, Megan smiled at him and said, “And now, can we go back to make this place presentable?”
“Slavedriver” Jared snorted.
“And don't you forget it...” Megan smirked. Jared turned his back at her, and couldn't help a little smile when he heard his sister saying under her breath, “besides I doubt it will be a bachelor pad for long...”
* * *
He didn't usually talk when he went there. He was precise, every other week end he would take his flight to Lousiana, make sure he would not meet his inlaws, and would spend some time there, in the cemetery, alone.
His friends had asked him why he kept doing that, at least at the beginning, now they mostly left him alone, none of them understood, none of them could...and Jensen had never felt like explaining himself about that.
Besides it was quite obvious, wasn't it?
He had placed the flowers on Danneel's grave, next to the fresh ones her parents must have put there, and another bouquet, this one smaller for Amy, his baby girl.
He turned his head toward Danneel's grave, and took a step closer, kneeling in front of it “He's coming back, Danni...” he said in a low voice, almost a whisper, “three days...”
He looked around, noticing no one was around thankfully, “and...I'm scared” he smiled little, “yeah, big news there, I know....” He touched her grave and continued, “I'm sorry...I'm so sorry!”
It was the first time he said those words aloud, they had been inside of him for years, since the very first moment, becoming bigger and heavier with each passing year; he felt breathless as he had finally said those words, and his mind, now that the dam had been opened, apparently couldn't shut up
“I'm sorry I wasn't there...sorry I wasn't in love with you, I'm so sorry I didn't even try.
“I'm sorry I couldn't” he said in a nasal voice. He closed his eyes and started when he felt the first drops of rain hitting his face, followed by a loud thunder.
He tilted his head up under the pouring rain, glad it was so heavy, that no one, not even him, would have been able to tell the difference between the rain and the tears he could feel trailing down his cheeks.
“He's coming back and I don't know what to do...” He said. He waited for an answer, a sign, but when he looked down at his wife's grave and that of their daughter he saw nothing...just the past...just his mistakes.
Oh, well, at least we're done being in three in this relationship. You guys finally woke up and smelled the coffee
“So we're getting married 'cause Jared is marrying Gen? How romantic, J...I'm moved”
“We love each other”
“Yeah, just not like that...oh, what the hell...okay, let's get married, but I want it on record, Ackles: it's a lousy idea...”
“Yeah, just gotta do some shopping and then I'm going back home, speaking of which...are you going to show yourself before Amy is borne or...?”
“I'll be home tomorrow, I promise”
“You and your promises, Ackles...”
“Drive safely...”
“As always...oh by the way, Ackles, I kinda love you sometimes...”
Just his past, his mistakes...but for the first time, since the night of the accident, his heart didn't feel as heavy...there was grief....for Danni, for their baby girl...but he felt his heart lighter...like saying those words had indeed lifted a weight from it.
Just three days...
Part III
“It was my last scene for the season” Ackles explains, “JC is always doing this kind of stuff! He actually made sure that Jared and I didn't meet beforehand” [he laughs]. We hadn't worked together for a long time, but it didn't feel like that. We know each other very well and we just...I don't know, man, Jared set the tone for the scene and I just followed him...it turned out ok, don't you think?
[…]
“I think it's great. Jared is a very good actor and we've been happy to have him on the show: the more the merrier!”
Jensen knew of course that Jared had been on set, everyone did, he knew he had shot his scenes with the other guest star of the seasons finale, while he was stuck doing his coverage and close ups for about a million of scenes, and of course there had been some interviews to be done about the season finale, about the fact that Eliza and he were absolutely, definitely not dating. He had been asked about Jared about a million times and it had been weird and surreal talking about him...without having seen him.
The son of a bitch hadn't even been at the reading for the script, stuck with promotion for one of his movies, he had been unable to attend. He had texted him, though, apologizing.
Jensen had felt like in an episode of the Twilight Zone...texting with Jared about work, like nothing had happened...and still he hadn't seen him. Jared had shot his two scenes with Eliza that morning, one which took place in one of the set of their apartments - aka according to Eliza and he: houses that normal FBI agents could never ever afford unless being secret hookers or something - and the other on location - in what Eliza and he had nicknamed 'filthy alley where creepy and bloody shit happens #6' -
He had a vague suspicion that JC had made sure Jared and he wouldn't meet right until they had to shoot their scene together - which would happen in about a hour and no, he was not sweating bullets, he was a professional. Kind of.
And about JC? After almost a year working with JC? He knew he could be a devious son of a bitch.
He had had an interesting conversation with Eliza while on location for one of their scenes, a few hours before. It had been random...one moment Eliza had been staring at his hands and a second later she had asked, “Is this your wedding ring?”
“What?” Jensen had asked, almost chocking on his coffee.
Gabriel still wore his wedding ring and at the time they had shot the pilot episode, Jensen who had been still wearing his, had decided not to use the prop ring he had been given and the thing had stuck...and so far no one had known or noticed.
And the levels of self torture he had put himself through sometimes kind of surprised Jensen.
“Sorry...” Jensen said to Eliza, he looked at his co-star and asked, “Yes, but where does this...”
“Jared” Eliza said, she shrugged, “he told me...we were, you know, chatting....”
“About my wedding ring...” Jensen said. And it didn't come out as a question...he was walking the thin line between being amused, embarrassed and pissed off.
Yep, Jared was definitely back in his life.
Eliza nodded, smiling a little, “Oh, you know this and that...mostly about rumors, about stuff...”
Jensen shook his head, “I'm afraid I'm not following”
Eliza laughed, “Oh, honey...” she gave him a pat on the shoulder, “You worked with guy for about a century and you're lost?” she looked around for a moment and then in a low voice added, “Well, let's just say that if you were a tree and he were a dog, he'd be marking you right now. I mean...” she continued making air quotes with her fingers, “he wasn't very 'subtle'”
Jensen couldn't help it, he facepalmed. He didn't even remember the last time he had done so. That was so typycally Jared! And he didn't know whether to feel happy, pissed off or embarassed by what Eliza was implying, and the feeling went up a notch or two - or half a dozen - when Eliza continued, “So he's the lucky one?”
Jensen couldn't help looking at Eliza...and he realized in that moment that maybe gossipers ahd one thing right...maybe Eliza did indeed had a crush on him.
“It's complicated” Jensen said.
Eliza didn't talk as the make up girls retouched her make up and sprayed some fake blood on the side of her face and neck and then did the same to his forehead and hands.
She moved, reaching her mark, she only had to adjust her microphone, when she said, “Understatement of the year, honey...”
Make it of the decade He thought with a sigh..
“But I still don't get the ring thing” Jensen said, reaching his mark and checking his own microphone.
“Your boyfriend is a geek...” Eliza simply said.
Jensen couldn't help it, he burst out laughing but he didn't correct Eliza on her words.
Eliza tilted her head on a side, “So that's your real laughter?” her voice had been low and almost sad; it lasted just for one moment, though, then Eliza let Sarah and the scene they were about to shoot, a complicated scene between the two characters, one where they would fight because of the Sender, after having lost a vital witness shot in front of them, a fight where the budding trust and relationship between the two characters would be put into question because of someone neither of them had really seen or met, yet.
“It's good to finally hear it....” Eliza said, her voice already Sarah's, but the twinkle in her eyes was that of his costar and friend.
Author: my_specialhell
Rating: NC17, H, A, RPS, nonAU (in the sense that J2 are the ones of Supernatural)
Fandom: Supernatural (RPS)
Pairing: Jensen/Jared , Jensen/Danneell and Jared/Genevieve
Disclaimer: It never happened. It's fiction. Don't sue.
Summary: Years after the end of the show life has changed for both Jensen and Jared.Tragedy and self deception kept them apart, will they find their way back to each other? Spoilers: Vague and general for the show.
Warnings: Character Death. Angst. Oh, and I can't write smut to save my life.
Previous Parts: I - II - III - IV - V - VI - VIII - IX- Xa - Xb
“You are an idiot, you know that?” Megan Padalecki exclaimed, as Jared was moving a couch toward another wall because his sister had decided to go feng shui on his ass, while she helped him decorate his new home.
Jared sighed. “Am not...and wait....why would I be an idiot again?”
Megan crossed her arms over her chest, and cocked an eyebrow at him, and Jared couldn't help doing the same.
“Shall I give you the complete list, the greatest hits or just the newest brilliant stunt you're about to pull?” Megan said.
Jared tilted his head down, averting his gaze. Three days...in three days he would be on the set of Jensen's show, he would meet him again. “I didn't have another choice” he said in a low voice.
“Huh...the phone?” Megain said, and the disbelief in her voice would have been almost comical in other circumstances.
“I couldn't just pick up the phone...” Jared said
Megan rolled her eyes, “Sure you couldn't. I mean...flying from Budapest to New York during the shooting of a movie, on your only free week end, unbeknownst to your then wife, to watch him doing some obscure piece that was totally okay ...and don't forget logical!”
“It was Arthur Miller...” Jared said.
Megan tilted her hands up, “Oh, then it's completely reasonable! Whereas picking up the phone and at least telling him you'd guest star on his own show? Nah...that's nuts!”
She shook her head and Jared said, “Look, I know it looks...scratch that, I know it's over the top...”
“That's the point, Jared!” Megan exclaimed getting close to him, she took him by his shoulders and said, “That's all you guys have ever done! Couldn't you have just picked up the phone and acted like a normal person?”
“He wouldn't have answered.” Jared said.
“He answered to your text.” Megan reasoned, “and he sent you one when he's been informed you were going to guest star...”
“Oh, yes, 'Really, dude?'” Jared said and he was getting annoyed at his sister, “Very warm and ….”
“Oh, shut up, I was there when you got it, you couldn't stop shaking!” Megan sighed, “and what did you expect? You're going to barge into his territory with the whole...baggage you guys carry...fuck, Jared I'd be pissed off!”
“Watch your mouth, Meg!” Jared said reflexively.
Megan cocked an eyebrow at him but didn't reply at first, she shook her head and went back to some cushions she was placing around the room, after a few minutes she asked, “Can I at least know what do you think you're going to do this time?”
Jared shrugged his shoulders, “I just want him, Megan...just ...”
Megan sighed, sitting next to him on the couch, “You always have, what's changed since you actually had him?”
“I have...” Jared said, and his sister's words were cutting him, deep. He had had Jensen...they had had each other, they had had it all.
Megan looked at him, “Yeah....” she nodded her head, “I guess you really have changed....”
“I'm in love with him...” Jared said in a low voice, without even looking at his sister.
Her sister chuckle made him start, she nudged him and said, “Gotta tell you, bro, you did a lousy job at pretending you weren't...so go and get him, for real...this time, or help me God..”
“No need to threaten...” Jared said smiling, “Do you think...Jensen...” he felt suddenly unsure, Megan seemed to read right through him, she covered his mouth with her hand and said, “Jensen? The same Jensen Ackles we both know? Yeah...I think he still does. But there's only one way to find out, don't you think?”
Jared nodded, Megan smiled at him and said, “And now, can we go back to make this place presentable?”
“Slavedriver” Jared snorted.
“And don't you forget it...” Megan smirked. Jared turned his back at her, and couldn't help a little smile when he heard his sister saying under her breath, “besides I doubt it will be a bachelor pad for long...”
* * *
He didn't usually talk when he went there. He was precise, every other week end he would take his flight to Lousiana, make sure he would not meet his inlaws, and would spend some time there, in the cemetery, alone.
His friends had asked him why he kept doing that, at least at the beginning, now they mostly left him alone, none of them understood, none of them could...and Jensen had never felt like explaining himself about that.
Besides it was quite obvious, wasn't it?
He had placed the flowers on Danneel's grave, next to the fresh ones her parents must have put there, and another bouquet, this one smaller for Amy, his baby girl.
He turned his head toward Danneel's grave, and took a step closer, kneeling in front of it “He's coming back, Danni...” he said in a low voice, almost a whisper, “three days...”
He looked around, noticing no one was around thankfully, “and...I'm scared” he smiled little, “yeah, big news there, I know....” He touched her grave and continued, “I'm sorry...I'm so sorry!”
It was the first time he said those words aloud, they had been inside of him for years, since the very first moment, becoming bigger and heavier with each passing year; he felt breathless as he had finally said those words, and his mind, now that the dam had been opened, apparently couldn't shut up
“I'm sorry I wasn't there...sorry I wasn't in love with you, I'm so sorry I didn't even try.
“I'm sorry I couldn't” he said in a nasal voice. He closed his eyes and started when he felt the first drops of rain hitting his face, followed by a loud thunder.
He tilted his head up under the pouring rain, glad it was so heavy, that no one, not even him, would have been able to tell the difference between the rain and the tears he could feel trailing down his cheeks.
“He's coming back and I don't know what to do...” He said. He waited for an answer, a sign, but when he looked down at his wife's grave and that of their daughter he saw nothing...just the past...just his mistakes.
Oh, well, at least we're done being in three in this relationship. You guys finally woke up and smelled the coffee
“So we're getting married 'cause Jared is marrying Gen? How romantic, J...I'm moved”
“We love each other”
“Yeah, just not like that...oh, what the hell...okay, let's get married, but I want it on record, Ackles: it's a lousy idea...”
“Yeah, just gotta do some shopping and then I'm going back home, speaking of which...are you going to show yourself before Amy is borne or...?”
“I'll be home tomorrow, I promise”
“You and your promises, Ackles...”
“Drive safely...”
“As always...oh by the way, Ackles, I kinda love you sometimes...”
Just his past, his mistakes...but for the first time, since the night of the accident, his heart didn't feel as heavy...there was grief....for Danni, for their baby girl...but he felt his heart lighter...like saying those words had indeed lifted a weight from it.
Just three days...
Part III
“It was my last scene for the season” Ackles explains, “JC is always doing this kind of stuff! He actually made sure that Jared and I didn't meet beforehand” [he laughs]. We hadn't worked together for a long time, but it didn't feel like that. We know each other very well and we just...I don't know, man, Jared set the tone for the scene and I just followed him...it turned out ok, don't you think?
[…]
“I think it's great. Jared is a very good actor and we've been happy to have him on the show: the more the merrier!”
Except from an interview to Jensen Ackles from Entertainment Weekly
It turned out that Jared had just had three days on set - he would dub his part of the coverage for the phone calls for episode 21 and for the season finale- during which their paths hadn't crossed...not even once.
Jensen knew of course that Jared had been on set, everyone did, he knew he had shot his scenes with the other guest star of the seasons finale, while he was stuck doing his coverage and close ups for about a million of scenes, and of course there had been some interviews to be done about the season finale, about the fact that Eliza and he were absolutely, definitely not dating. He had been asked about Jared about a million times and it had been weird and surreal talking about him...without having seen him.
The son of a bitch hadn't even been at the reading for the script, stuck with promotion for one of his movies, he had been unable to attend. He had texted him, though, apologizing.
Jensen had felt like in an episode of the Twilight Zone...texting with Jared about work, like nothing had happened...and still he hadn't seen him. Jared had shot his two scenes with Eliza that morning, one which took place in one of the set of their apartments - aka according to Eliza and he: houses that normal FBI agents could never ever afford unless being secret hookers or something - and the other on location - in what Eliza and he had nicknamed 'filthy alley where creepy and bloody shit happens #6' -
He had a vague suspicion that JC had made sure Jared and he wouldn't meet right until they had to shoot their scene together - which would happen in about a hour and no, he was not sweating bullets, he was a professional. Kind of.
And about JC? After almost a year working with JC? He knew he could be a devious son of a bitch.
He had had an interesting conversation with Eliza while on location for one of their scenes, a few hours before. It had been random...one moment Eliza had been staring at his hands and a second later she had asked, “Is this your wedding ring?”
“What?” Jensen had asked, almost chocking on his coffee.
Gabriel still wore his wedding ring and at the time they had shot the pilot episode, Jensen who had been still wearing his, had decided not to use the prop ring he had been given and the thing had stuck...and so far no one had known or noticed.
And the levels of self torture he had put himself through sometimes kind of surprised Jensen.
“Sorry...” Jensen said to Eliza, he looked at his co-star and asked, “Yes, but where does this...”
“Jared” Eliza said, she shrugged, “he told me...we were, you know, chatting....”
“About my wedding ring...” Jensen said. And it didn't come out as a question...he was walking the thin line between being amused, embarrassed and pissed off.
Yep, Jared was definitely back in his life.
Eliza nodded, smiling a little, “Oh, you know this and that...mostly about rumors, about stuff...”
Jensen shook his head, “I'm afraid I'm not following”
Eliza laughed, “Oh, honey...” she gave him a pat on the shoulder, “You worked with guy for about a century and you're lost?” she looked around for a moment and then in a low voice added, “Well, let's just say that if you were a tree and he were a dog, he'd be marking you right now. I mean...” she continued making air quotes with her fingers, “he wasn't very 'subtle'”
Jensen couldn't help it, he facepalmed. He didn't even remember the last time he had done so. That was so typycally Jared! And he didn't know whether to feel happy, pissed off or embarassed by what Eliza was implying, and the feeling went up a notch or two - or half a dozen - when Eliza continued, “So he's the lucky one?”
Jensen couldn't help looking at Eliza...and he realized in that moment that maybe gossipers ahd one thing right...maybe Eliza did indeed had a crush on him.
“It's complicated” Jensen said.
Eliza didn't talk as the make up girls retouched her make up and sprayed some fake blood on the side of her face and neck and then did the same to his forehead and hands.
She moved, reaching her mark, she only had to adjust her microphone, when she said, “Understatement of the year, honey...”
Make it of the decade He thought with a sigh..
“But I still don't get the ring thing” Jensen said, reaching his mark and checking his own microphone.
“Your boyfriend is a geek...” Eliza simply said.
Jensen couldn't help it, he burst out laughing but he didn't correct Eliza on her words.
Eliza tilted her head on a side, “So that's your real laughter?” her voice had been low and almost sad; it lasted just for one moment, though, then Eliza let Sarah and the scene they were about to shoot, a complicated scene between the two characters, one where they would fight because of the Sender, after having lost a vital witness shot in front of them, a fight where the budding trust and relationship between the two characters would be put into question because of someone neither of them had really seen or met, yet.
“It's good to finally hear it....” Eliza said, her voice already Sarah's, but the twinkle in her eyes was that of his costar and friend.