fic: The Pillars of Heaven (Supernatural; Dean and Sam)
The Pillars of Heaven
Supernatural; Dean and Sam; g; spoilers through AHBL2; 800 words
Together, they'll keep their world spinning on its axis.
Thanks to luzdeestrellas for giving it a quick once over. Written for minim_calibre's birthday.
~*~
The Pillars of Heaven
i. Atlas
Sam tries to lurch away, tries to reach Jess on the ceiling, and maybe he's tall enough now to reach her
--"I'm gonna be tall enough to touch the sky, Dean." "Yeah, Sammy, you are."--
but Dean can't take that chance, wraps his arms around him, wide shoulders, broad chest, but still not too big to be cradled by his big brother
--"Take your brother outside as fast as you can! Don't look back! Now Dean, go!" and the heavy weight of a crying baby in his arms, the smell of baby powder, sleep, Mommy overpowered by the smell of burning, the taste of smoke in his throat--
and pulled from the fire. Same smell of burning, taste of smoke, calling up memories that always linger far too close to the surface for comfort. Dean spares a glance for what's left of Jess on the ceiling, but he can't think about that (Don't look back!), can only do what he's been trained to do since he was four years old, and drag a crying, struggling Sam outside to safety, the whole world resting in his arms, on his shoulders.
Sam's not a baby anymore, though, and he pulls away, stands on his own two feet once they're outside, and Dean feels the separation like a wound, an empty space where Sam should be, nestled safe beneath his heart.
His fingers itch to grab hold of Sam again, but he stuffs his hands into his pockets instead, awkward and unsure, knowing Sam's beyond the reach of any comfort he can offer.
*
ii. Prometheus
Dad's gone, and the weight of his secret nearly brings Dean, who's carried the world since he was four, to his knees. It's like something out of an old Twilight Zone episode--Surprise! Everything you thought you knew was wrong!--and Dean spends weeks of sleepless nights trying to wrap his head around it--"If you can't save Sam, you might have to kill him" echoing the way, "I'm proud of you" should but never will.
It wears at Dean the way gears wear at a timing belt, and he knows sooner or later, he's going to snap, and there's no replacement waiting at the next gas station or garage, nobody who can slide into the car beside Sam and keep him safe.
Sam offers to take half the weight, to help him carry it, and he means it, Dean knows he does, but it's not his place, never was, never can be. And he just gets heavier and heavier, adding to the load
--"Dean, you're the only one who can do it. Promise. You have to promise me."--
vows Dean can't break and can't keep, words like chains binding him to the rocks, ready to rip out his guts over and over because he can never walk away.
*
iii. Achilles
Anger's always been hot for Dean, rage burning free and clean and never lasting longer than the curve of Sam's next smile, but he's never been so desperate before, so scared. So alone.
He holds Sam in his arms again, the safest place for him to be
--I've gotcha Sammy. It's gonna be okay.--
and feels him go limp and cold, light in his eyes dimming as he dies, not even aware now that Dean is with him, that Dean's going to make it all right.
It's his fault--he let himself get distracted and then he distracted Sam, and he knows there's only one way to fix his mistakes, one way to square the circle.
He's dealing from a position of weakness, but he's used to that, has always been the one who can't walk away, and any qualms or scruples he may have had once are gone with the light in Sam's eyes, the brightness of his smile replaced by the ashy pallor of death.
He makes the deal, and when he sees Sam up and alive, when he hugs him close and feels the heat of his breath, the beat of his heart, he knows it's worth the cost. He'll die young, but Sam will get a second chance at life.
*
iv. Odysseus
With the demon dead and the knowledge that it will all be over in a year, Dean feels lighter and freer than he has in ages, shoulders squared and used to the burden of saving people, hunting things, of watching out for Sammy, making sure he's safe, without any dangerous riders attached.
This time, Sam makes a promise to him
--"You're my big brother, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for you."--
swears he'll find a way to save Dean, the way Dean's always saved him. For the moment, Dean is willing to believe--Dean is convinced Sam can outwit the devil himself--and willing to let him share the weight.
Together, they'll keep their world spinning on its axis.
end
*
6/20/07
~*~
Feedback is adored.
~*~
Supernatural; Dean and Sam; g; spoilers through AHBL2; 800 words
Together, they'll keep their world spinning on its axis.
Thanks to luzdeestrellas for giving it a quick once over. Written for minim_calibre's birthday.
~*~
The Pillars of Heaven
i. Atlas
Sam tries to lurch away, tries to reach Jess on the ceiling, and maybe he's tall enough now to reach her
--"I'm gonna be tall enough to touch the sky, Dean." "Yeah, Sammy, you are."--
but Dean can't take that chance, wraps his arms around him, wide shoulders, broad chest, but still not too big to be cradled by his big brother
--"Take your brother outside as fast as you can! Don't look back! Now Dean, go!" and the heavy weight of a crying baby in his arms, the smell of baby powder, sleep, Mommy overpowered by the smell of burning, the taste of smoke in his throat--
and pulled from the fire. Same smell of burning, taste of smoke, calling up memories that always linger far too close to the surface for comfort. Dean spares a glance for what's left of Jess on the ceiling, but he can't think about that (Don't look back!), can only do what he's been trained to do since he was four years old, and drag a crying, struggling Sam outside to safety, the whole world resting in his arms, on his shoulders.
Sam's not a baby anymore, though, and he pulls away, stands on his own two feet once they're outside, and Dean feels the separation like a wound, an empty space where Sam should be, nestled safe beneath his heart.
His fingers itch to grab hold of Sam again, but he stuffs his hands into his pockets instead, awkward and unsure, knowing Sam's beyond the reach of any comfort he can offer.
*
ii. Prometheus
Dad's gone, and the weight of his secret nearly brings Dean, who's carried the world since he was four, to his knees. It's like something out of an old Twilight Zone episode--Surprise! Everything you thought you knew was wrong!--and Dean spends weeks of sleepless nights trying to wrap his head around it--"If you can't save Sam, you might have to kill him" echoing the way, "I'm proud of you" should but never will.
It wears at Dean the way gears wear at a timing belt, and he knows sooner or later, he's going to snap, and there's no replacement waiting at the next gas station or garage, nobody who can slide into the car beside Sam and keep him safe.
Sam offers to take half the weight, to help him carry it, and he means it, Dean knows he does, but it's not his place, never was, never can be. And he just gets heavier and heavier, adding to the load
--"Dean, you're the only one who can do it. Promise. You have to promise me."--
vows Dean can't break and can't keep, words like chains binding him to the rocks, ready to rip out his guts over and over because he can never walk away.
*
iii. Achilles
Anger's always been hot for Dean, rage burning free and clean and never lasting longer than the curve of Sam's next smile, but he's never been so desperate before, so scared. So alone.
He holds Sam in his arms again, the safest place for him to be
--I've gotcha Sammy. It's gonna be okay.--
and feels him go limp and cold, light in his eyes dimming as he dies, not even aware now that Dean is with him, that Dean's going to make it all right.
It's his fault--he let himself get distracted and then he distracted Sam, and he knows there's only one way to fix his mistakes, one way to square the circle.
He's dealing from a position of weakness, but he's used to that, has always been the one who can't walk away, and any qualms or scruples he may have had once are gone with the light in Sam's eyes, the brightness of his smile replaced by the ashy pallor of death.
He makes the deal, and when he sees Sam up and alive, when he hugs him close and feels the heat of his breath, the beat of his heart, he knows it's worth the cost. He'll die young, but Sam will get a second chance at life.
*
iv. Odysseus
With the demon dead and the knowledge that it will all be over in a year, Dean feels lighter and freer than he has in ages, shoulders squared and used to the burden of saving people, hunting things, of watching out for Sammy, making sure he's safe, without any dangerous riders attached.
This time, Sam makes a promise to him
--"You're my big brother, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for you."--
swears he'll find a way to save Dean, the way Dean's always saved him. For the moment, Dean is willing to believe--Dean is convinced Sam can outwit the devil himself--and willing to let him share the weight.
Together, they'll keep their world spinning on its axis.
end
*
6/20/07
~*~
Feedback is adored.
~*~