Comments | muffinandmochi: Unexpected turns

muffinandmochi

Unexpected turns

Sep 28, 2011 16:10

Having trouble living in the moment and holding things lightly. Must try harder not to grasp at things so desperately once I've found them. I'm afraid I will crush what I have. A part of me is terrified that this incredible connection that I've found will be stifled by my insecurities and fears. I am not sure how to get a handle on it, except ( Read more... )

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Comments 6

anonymous September 29 2011, 22:21:46 UTC

I think what Actor Guy means by right now is right now--the present and for as long both of you are in the same page. You probably want to be assured with the word "forever" (given your past trauma); but he can only assure you so much ( ... )

muffinandmochi September 30 2011, 00:58:50 UTC

Thank you for your lovely words of encouragement and hope. I really needed that. It is definitely not healthy to think negatively and to overanalyze things, but those are my strengths, unfortunately!

It helps to be reminded that he can be as scared and freaked out as me about messing things up. We'll see. I wrote him an email after our conversation thanking him for opening a dialogue with me on a complex and personal subject, letting him know it was something I still hadn't figured out yet, and told him in a birthday card how much he meant to me. So hopefully he knows, but god knows that even with all his assurances and affirmations (and he gives me a lot of them), I still get uncertain and insecure too.

Anyway, thanks. Your comment is like the equivalent of taking a deep cleansing yoga breath. Very steadying!

thoughts from Herman - part 1 anonymous October 7 2011, 23:49:33 UTC

i posted this reply on your Aug 21st post. thought it applied here as well ( ... )

thoughts from Herman - part 2 anonymous October 7 2011, 23:50:00 UTC

This all links directly to relationships, commitment, marriage, and children. Being a single actor isn't too bad. If you're broke, only you are uncomfortable. Seriously dating is OK for the actor. If it gets too serious and expensive, you can always just break up. Being married as an actor is challenging but possible. If you're willing to have truthful discussions on values and can come up with a working solution, you can be happy. Also, by just being married (no kids) household expenses are not that high. BUT HERE'S THE KICKER - KIDS. Children changes everything. You are committed deeply financially and spiritually. You are truly responsible in a way that makes divorcing (with no kids) seem not so serious. THAT and the fact that expenses shoot through the roof. My current expenses now, compared to when I was a single actor are about 6 fold. And increasing. And you know my life...it's not Donald Trump. Far from ( ... )

thoughts from Herman - part 3 anonymous October 7 2011, 23:50:31 UTC

But for me it's this - i took a leap of faith. a big one. i was terrified of marriage, mortgage, potential kids, suburbs, loss of career self, etc. Truth be told, my career has suffered significantly. Now whether or not that has anything to do with my getting married and having kids is up for debate. Even if I didn't marry/kids, perhaps my career would have nose-dived anyway due to the changed economics of Hollywood. That being said, if I had to choose between my career or my kids, I'd without hesitation, choose my kids. I feel closest to creation through my kids and through my wife. I feel the closest to the creator/god/God/mother spirit, etc. And in the big picture, that was one of the main reasons for my pursuit of a more creative life in the first place - finding deepest meaning. BTW - if i had no kids and was with capitalistic woman only, i believe my life would have similar deep meaning. just a bit different ( ... )

thoughts from Herman - part 4 anonymous October 8 2011, 00:27:06 UTC

Oh, and one more point...

The fact that AG has been so open about the future with you, being with you, want to grow old with you, etc. is pretty huge. He's facing a lot of fear head on and working through it with you openly. Most actor guys i know would succumb to the fear and unknown and just pull back and run away in fear. Believe me, this is not the norm. He talks about the scary stuff very openly - finances, kids, etc. So big kudos to AG!

And also, you're a pretty big catch dude. He's lucky he gets to hang out with you. don't forget that : )