stacy, miriam, and jordan surprise visited me today and i've since lurched into this fit of sadness.... i felt so secure in my loneliness, and i don't know how to handle that being taken away, even if they're my best friends trying to do something nice for me.  my escape is my life--sleep all day, keep odd hours, hole up in my room, and read poetry ( Read more... )

The best weekend of 2k9 thus far came and went.  Bonnaroo was the time of my life.

Now I'm entering another bout of depression.  As I was walking out to my car today from the doctor's office, tears began welling up in my eyes.  I lost it on my drive home.  Bawled.  Bawled, bawled, bawled... to the point where I could barely see the road.

I don't ( Read more... )

• when anything that's anything becomes nothing that's everything, and nothing is the only thing you ever seem to have
• but only time will tell if i'll allow the scenery around to eat me alive

• i don't like the way i look in clothes lately
• yet i keep browsing ubran outfitters
• i think my new gimmick is going to be acting as the female version of jackson pollis circa 2007 because i look so much like him why not 

• my fault, my failure, is not in the passions i have, but in my lack of control of them
• well if that "ain't" the damn truth...

• you know, i wore mistakes so i'd feel alive
• unlearn perfection a number of times
• i'm in disoriented glee
• the more i move the less i'm free

• i have gotten horrifically fat
• what in the hell
• initiate "crash diet", stat

• money
• effort
• self-esteem

• i just turned in what is decidedly the worst essay of my life
• holy chit

• stay still
• extinction is inevitable
• stay you
• existence is incredible