Last Chance Idol #2, Crossing All The T's

[muchtooarrogant]

I spotted the purple backpack the instant I walked through the front door. It was lying across the foyer from me, half on and half off the first step of the staircase leading upwards, as though it had been shrugged off by someone who didn't much care where it fell.

Comments

[beeker121]

Siblings are always going to needle each other, I'm glad Jeff backed off a bit once he realized it wasn't only Hayden he was scaring. Their dialog is very believable.

[muchtooarrogant]

Yeppers, as someone with two brothers and one sister, I can testify that those sibling needles are the worst. :) For some reason, these two are a lot of fun to write though. Whatever that says about me probably isn't good. *grin*

Thanks so much for reading.

Dan

[medleymisty]

Jeff is not very nice.

[muchtooarrogant]

Oh, both brothers definitely have issues, there's no denying that. Still, I was trying to portray Jeff as a basically decent guy, with a really, really, really big blind spot when it comes to his brother. In Jeff's defense, Hayden's certainly an annoying piece of work, but that blind spot definitely leads Jeff into some questionable decisions.

Thanks for reading!

Dan

[kajel]

lol I could see doing this to one of my sisters when we were younger. The garage door was brilliant. I also agree that I really liked that Jeff realized Hayden wasn't the only one he was scaring and backed off. Great job.

[muchtooarrogant]

Thank you! I'm glad that you could relate to Jeff's joke on a personal level, as that's what I was aiming for when I wrote it. My goal was to have it be funny, while at the same time giving Jeff a bit of a slap in the face.

I appreciate you reading and commenting. :)

Dan

[crisp_sobriety]

If I had siblings who pulled stuff like this, they would fear for their lives. Seriously.

I feel so much rage on behalf of the girl. It's good he realized what a dick he was being, though.

I know what you mean, I would've spelled it Cardamum. LOL

[muchtooarrogant]

Yeah, Jeff is definitely going to have to watch his back for a while. :) I'm a little surprised that you identified so strongly with Hayden though. By his actions, he did everything except post a sign on the front door saying, "I'm having sex with my girlfriend in my bedroom." Also, he's refusing to answer his cell phone. What would you have Jeff do, go upstairs, politely knock (several times to be heard over the music), and suggest that his brother get dressed? Remember, Hayden's no more than a sophomore in high school, we're not talking about two consenting adults here. Jeff was hoping to scare the shit out of him, and perhaps encourage him to think a bit more clearly about what he was doing in the future. Did he enjoy the prospect of scaring some sense into his younger brother? Damned straight. Does that make him a dick? *shrug* Personally, I think that's a little harsh, although I wouldn't argue that he completely forgot about the second person in the room with Hayden

Re: I know what you mean, I would've spelled it Cardamum. LOL

[crisp_sobriety]

I identify less with Hayden and more with the girl. It's her he was being a dick to

Re: I know what you mean, I would've spelled it Cardamum. LOL

[muchtooarrogant]

Hmmm, as far as the girl's concerned, she made the choice to be there, along with Hayden, and judging from her casually discarded backpack and clothes, was at least a willing participant in their rather high-risk behavior. You may not like Jeff's methods, but the alternative to him discovering them would've been their parents, and I can pretty much guarantee that would've been MUCH more scarring. More to the point though, Jeff's intent was to scare Hayden, but he's also very envious of his success with girls. My aim was to allude to his jealousy, show his plan collapsing, and then hint at possible growth in his character. LOL I know, I have delusions of grandeur for imagining I was able to get all that in, but such was my attempt.

Thanks for the writing complement. I typically have just a few hours to seriously think about an idea and throw something together nowadays, so the wonder is that it's even readable. *grin*

Dan

[itsjustc]

It's the first time I've read about Jeff and Hayden, I enjoyed it.

They seem like many real life brothers who suffer from sibling rivalry.

[muchtooarrogant]

Thank you, I'm glad the two of them felt real to you. That's often the hardest part, creating characters that your reader can believe in. Thanks again for stopping by and commenting.

Dan